.........got Jesus?

even homeless i still really like the man that i've become. there is a lot of things in my life right now that i don't really care for, but overall i'm content. see i know the exact reason that i'm in this shape. i've tried to blame it on all kinds of things like the economy, my back, no job, etc... all those reasons seem to work, and they line up with my story, but that's not the real truth. i've known the real truth for a long time now, and i didn't really have to go through all this madness. i choose to be right where that i am today, because of my disobedience. i made a choice a while back to go down the wrong path. a dark path with no light on it. a dark path with all different kinds of things to stumble upon, and i did bruise my feet with every stumble that i made.

being homeless gives a man a lot of time to think and dream. most people think that their problem is money, or the lack of it. some think that it's a home, or a job, or some other material thing. well,..........i know what is my overall solution that would cover all these bases, or the essentials of life. the kinda stuff that everybody needs in their life to be happy, or to feel like a complete human being. do you ever feel that something really important is missing in your life? do you ever feel that your not a whole human being?

i told y'all that i was going to write on the city rescue mission, and i am. it's called the new life inn. i really like that name because it represents a chance for a new life to begin. like trinity, the new life inn has a Jesus program itself. the difference in the program at new life, and trinity is daylight and dark. you can actually feel the power of God flowing through out the mission.
tuesday was the first time that i stayed at new life in 12-15 years. i stayed one night in new life, and was completely miserable. i vowed to never stay again, and until this past tuesday i realized that i had been cheated out of a great thing. something has changed inside of new life. God Almighty had taken up residence there!!
tuesday was complete madness as i went to check in. people were yelling, and screaming, and nudging each other to get a great spot in the line. however, something more powerful caught my attention. it was the guys in the program. the had a certain calmness about them. they didn't let the irritable ones still their peace, and i was become jealous. i new that they had a true heart full of Jesus, and i was sitting there feeling left out that i didn't have that same relationship going on. i knew that deep in my heart that i was supposed to have it, and did at one time have it, before i choose to walk down that dark path.
the next thing that happened was i was given the option to shower. of coarse i took it. i never turn down a chance to get myself clean. the showers were very clean, and didn't have a foul oder about them. they had great pressure, and really warm water. the most impressive thing was that there was no time keeper yelling at you to hurry up. you could stay in those showers as long as it took to get yourself clean.
the next thing came was the dinner meal. this was a well thought out nutricious meal. the hot foods were hot, and the cold foods were cold. that night we had turkey breast with gravy, mac and cheese, and green beans. we also had a cucumber salad, and a bowl of fruit. on every table there was a fresh loaf of bread. all this and the desert that you chose, and a glass of kool-aid. this is a typical meal that they serve  nightly at the new life inn.
after dinner that took us upstairs to rest before the chapel service. it was a large dorm area with bunk beds in it. the beds were already made up. i found mine, and layed down on it, and it was so comfortable that i dozed off. everything in that dorm was very clean including the bathroom.
next we went down stairs to attend a chapel service. that's where all the program guys were. that's the first time that i got to see them as a whole. you can tell that the power of God was alive and well in the chapel services, and the men in the program. all the program guy were excited about God. once more i found that i was growing very envious about what they had, and i didn't.  i knew that i was supposed to feel that way, but i had chose another path.
after the service we went back up to the beds to retire for the night. i lay my head down, and i was woken up at 5:30 the next morning. i had rested so well that night, because i had felt that i was in a safe place, and once again under the umbrella of God's protection. at six we had a breakfast of oatmeal, and a boiled egg. every morning they serve something the least being cereal, and a warm pastry.
yes,................you can probably tell that i was very impressed with the new life inn. they made me feel like i was welcome, and very much appreciated just being there. the love of God just wreaks out from everything that they do. the way that the men in the program talks to everyone shows me that God is in that place transforming Himself throughout each man's life.
i know that satan has been trying to keep me away from the new life inn, and had done it for a while. he knew better that to let me get around a place where God is welcome. anywhere that God is welcome i tend to feel right at home in that place. this is the way that i should be feeling, because i'm a child of God.
this is why i'm in the shape that i'm in right now. i had gotten off track, and took the wrong road. i started sinning really big time, and tried to justify it in my mind. my heart knew better all along. i felt the power of conviction, but tried to down play it. i was running from the only One that could give me what i needed in life to feel like i was complete, and that was Jesus.
Jesus loved me so much that He allowed me to waller in all the sin that i wanted. after all He knew that my heart belonged to Him, and i could never be happy without His presence in my life. Jesus knew that he was the only true source for happiness in my life, and when i had suffered all the misery that i could stand that i would come running back into His graces.
just hearing the name of Jesus excites me. it causes good feelings to go through my Spirit. my body has an reaction every time i hear that name. i know that in Jesus i'm safe. i have a peace, and a comfort that exist in Jesus like no other place. Jesus is where i really belong, and if i'm found in any other place i surely have wandered off again.
i'm thinking, and praying about joining that program in the new life inn. i'm really liking what i'm seeing, and feeling with that program. i don't belong out here in these streets. the happiest time in my life was when i'm connected with my Lord, and doing some kind of service work to the betterment of the human race. i have a calling on my life, and i have known that for a while now. i won't never be content with my life until i follow my calling.
   if for some reason i just seem to disappear for a while, it's because i've decided to join the human race once again, and start enjoying life once more. i know what i need to be truly happy, and i'm going for it!!