I really want to
thank my friend Bubba. He went to bat for me, and gave me a place to
stay when I didn't have one. The fact that we were battling our own
set of different demons didn't help matters one bit!! I must admit
that there were some really strange phenomenon going on in both our
lives. I wrote about the events as they were happening. If your not
familiar with what I am saying; I would like to invite you to go back
and read up on it. Then you will see what I am talking about.
Here is the
strange thing: I believed in God...............i believed that He did
exist,.......................i believed that He was the creator of
everything in this world, and beyond,......................and
strangely,...............i some how knew that He was calling me out
to get to know Him.............which I had no idea who He really was.
I had spent my life thinking that I knew who He was, but that was
only who others thought that He was.
My life had become
maddening in the most chaotic form possible. I was truly standing in
a crossroad with every path blocked but one. I had learned that my
life didn't belong to me, so I couldn't take it. I was out of the
options that I desired, and scared,.............really
scared,.............really, really, scared,.........i was scared to
go either direction!!
When Bubba had ask
me to come and stay with him.............i had already made my mind
up to check into the city rescue mission. They have a program where
they teach the men about Father God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. I knew
that I needed to go into this thing with an open mind, because I need
to find out who this God was, and what He was about.
Instead I went the
other direction,................and reaped the hell for doing so!!
It was the month
of October, and I lasted in total madness until May. Life had become
far too miserable for me to tolerate living this way any longer. I
explained to Bubba what my plan was, and gave him an open invitation
to come with me. Neither one of us had any hope left of living a
productive life, as far as I could see. Bubba declined my offer, and
I didn't press the issue.
I was a dead man
on the inside. I had no reason left to live, and I certainty didn't
care to stay in a mission, little lone live there. I was heading into
the unknown................a place that I had never been
before,..................a tear actually rolled down my face, as I
waited on the bus. Somehow,...........i knew that my life would never
be the same,...............................but I wasn't sure how?
….........much love
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