if you remember back a couple months ago i was complaining, because it got cold over night for a few nights. it didn't last long, and things went back to normal for that time of year in Florida. most of the time during what we call fall is warm days, and mild nights. today it is supposed to get 80 degrees, and we will be sweating, as normal.
however, from this point on it supposed to be cooling off everyday. dipping down into the high 60's, and low 70's this week. the night are going to be the new challenge for me. it should go into the 30's-40's this weekend, and then bounce back up into the 50's at night.
now,..........listen to this,..........i know how to sleep outside when it's around the freezing point. sometimes you need to set up in camp in a different location to block the wind off of you. you have to get on the right side of a wall to block the wind, but there is plenty of opportunities to do that.the wind is the most damaging factor if you can't get out of it. you might as well plan to stay awake all night if you can't escape the wind.
a good piece of cardboard is highly recommended to lay on, and you might have to put on every stitch of clothes that you have with you, and then a simple blanket will suffice. most of the cops hope that you freeze to death, and wont be looking to harass on a cold night, because they simply don't want to get out in the weather. they had rather sit in a parking lot, and watch movies on their computer.
i guess this is my real challenge. i can't remember, at least in a long time, trying to survive in a house without heat. although, i do have a fireplace, but the wood is very limited. actually, i'm getting excited about building a fire in the fireplace. the only problem that i can see is the fact that there is not a screen on it to keep the embers from popping out. i'm sure that being the ole' redneck that i am i'll make something to work if i even need it. in all honesty i'm just getting excited over nothing. this house is well insulated, and all i have to do is close the windows. no wind means little cold. i'll probably just sleep in my socks, sweatpants, and a sweatshirt,..........if i have one. i know that i have some kind of long sleve pullover shirt.
speaking of clothes, i've collected quite a few now. they are not my usual style, but i will wear everyone of them. i'm really don't care about making a social impact. i'm more concerned that they are clean, and fit the way that they are meant to fit. yes,...........that's right,.............i still wear my pants in a way that they cover my ass, and if there are any holes in the butt section, they get trashed. this is all that i care about being stylish.
you must remember that I'm from the old school crowd. we were brought up with values. if there were any problems with accepting what was taught in my generation. i have loving parent that wasn't afraid to beat my ass until i got it through my thick head that this is the way that it was going to be!! i thank God everyday that i was raised during this time when it was still encouraged for a parent to discipline their kids. honestly, i don't think that i would have lived this long otherwise. somebody would have already taken me out of the equation.
of coarse i followed the suit that most kids did finding their own identity, and yes, i made some drastic mistakes, but everything has worked out to the point that I'm well satisfied with myself. I'm sitting hear writing this to you while listening to 90's rock music. i think that i like it more now that i did back then. maybe it's the fact that they can't play anything that i don't remember. ........now, ...........ain't that something,...........i can actually remember the 90's, and the 80's, as far as that goes. i think my real trouble started in the 2000's. that's about the time that i realized for sure that i was a junkie and a drunk.
some of my friends from the old days knew what i was before i did. today they are shocked that i write the stories of my life, and openly admit my problems. that is the key though. if you don't admit what you are then you have no chance of ever changing it. most of us have to change our lifestyle, or we go insane or die. there is another route that i'm thankful that i never felt the need to travel down that road. it's called simply, being locked behind bars. i was a prime candidate for this. only the grace of God sparred me!!
hey,..........i really need to say this to you,...............and, i don't understand why this has turned out like this,...........but it has. i spent the last six years free from alcohol, and a couple weeks ago i started drinking again. for some reason i feel better about it. it released some new freedom inside of me. i think that i had been putting so much pressure on me to not drink that it was driving me insane. now,.........I'm not drinking, but I'm not because i don't want to once again. i think that somehow in all those years i lost the freedom of choice. like i said,...........i don't understand what the difference is, but i feel much better about my choices. i don't play the A.A. game. never stayed sober until i incorporated what they had to offer, combined with what works to begin with. plus i couldn't sit around those rooms listening to all that crap for hours of my life. it might, and does work for certain people, but it didn't work for me.
one more thing,............when i tried to committ suicide not long ago thay put me in a psych ward. can you imagine that..............huh!!
well to make a long story shorter, i was telling my story to one of those A.A. old-timers who was there for an attempt with a different version. he just srarred at me for what seemed to be a long time, then he said that maybe i needed A.A. i explained to him that i had been sober for the last six years without going to A.A. he got silent once again, and held his head low. i thought that we were through talking when he looked at me again and said, " maybe if you had continuued to go to A.A. that maybe you wouldn't felt the need to drink, as part of the effort."
For the love of God!! maybe he was right thought. instead of taking a handful of meds, and chasing it with beer, i should have went straight to the shotgun method!!
the only reason that i stayed sober six years is because i managed to not get caught up in this hardcore mentality......................y'all have a good day!!!
.................much love
No comments:
Post a Comment