have you ever just known that you missed the mark? usually,......when you do it's too late to save the day. all the damage has been done, and the best that you can hope for is to throw yourself on the mercy of the court, and pray that they show mercy where you didn't.
why is it that you can simply being going along, and out of nowhere this huge granite stone of reality strikes you on the head? usually,............it's shaped like a tombstone!! well,.........in my case it may just have to be that big to get my attention!! yep,................that's right,............i am stubborn and mule-headed.
i might take on the appearance of a big ole' burly tough guy, but that's just the cover of my book. the inside is the real deal. the inside is this tender hearted little boy, that's really sensitive, just trying to figure out why my life is such a mess. i keep hoping that i will wake up one day, and all this madness is just a dream, but i know that's just the fantasy that i live in. the reality is nothing will ever change until i grow a set, and cause it to happen myself.
it's not like i don't keep trying, and i seen to be doing well for a while. then one thing that I've over looked, or taken for granite slams me straight to the ground, and I'm finding it more difficult to get back up as quickly as i once was able.
i know that i did this to myself...........kinda. i used to be watching t.v. with my girl, and she would be in tears, and i would be laughing my ass off at the same thing. she brought it to my attention that something was wrong with me. she said that i truly was hard hearted, and needed to change. i knew that she was right, so i went to the only one that could change my heart, and i went often before Him. every time i caught myself laughing over some tragic scene.........i was asking for a soft heart. it didn't take long before i would have to leave the room, because my pride would not allow me to show emotion in front of anybody. yep,..........that's right,...........i was in a mess, but i was no longer suffering from a hard heart. He answered my request!!
since then I've been watching sad scenes pretty much alone, and if i was with somebody i would go to the bathroom to avoid showing that i had real human emotions. my manhood was being beat down by my emotions, and that's not really been a bad thing either, but quite confusing at times.
here lately in my blog I've been letting loose of some of the things that really haunt me, and I'm increasingly becoming more open with who i really am. I've kept so much trapped inside of this body, that it's been slowly oozing out, simply because it had nowhere else to go. i hope that you realize that were human trash cans, and the nastiest of the nasty clogs up the whole system unless you empty it out on a regular basis. sometimes you simply have to empty it to allow some goodness a chance to come in.
people have become my passion. most of my life i didn't allow but a few to enter close inside my life. today,........i view folks in a different way. I'm especially concerned about the down trodden. the poor, the homeless, and the mental ones walking the streets, and the ones with addiction problems. funny how i've fit in everyone of these categories in times past, and still presently for some.
what can i do to help them? i don't have money to pass out to them, but money is really not the solution that they need, but it's still good to have some. i could volunteer to serve them in a mission, because i have plenty of time. then reality set in, and i realized that i couldn't make an effect to the extreme that would make a difference. then it came to me that i have a voice. a voice that travels all crossed the world..........hum..........
if i can point fingers in my local town, and somebody read it half crossed the world. then maybe if they are as passionate about people like i am. they could start pointing finger at the guilty in their area. before long people all crossed this world would be exposing corruption, and we could make a difference. if we could get a few politicians on our side then it would make so much difference.
i believe that the human race is well worth saving. they are God's greatest creation, and most prized possession. I've met good people on the streets, and each one has a different story to tell. they are just the same as us. they have a heart-beat, blood running through their veins, and breathe the same air as we do.
the problem in America is that we lost value in our greatest asset..............the human lives that make up this great nation. if we would take care of the people, then they would turn around, and take care of this country!!! they say that we don't have the money to take care of them, but then they have billions of dollars to bail out the failing financial institutions in this free inter-prize economy. then what did they do once they recovered themselves? as far as i can tell........not a damn thing!! the still took away the homes of hard working Americans that have been paying faithfully for many years!! they have cut them no slack at all!! i know in my heart that is just pure greed. screw you,...........i gotta to have mine mentality!! where do these jokers think that bail out money came from? the same hard working Americans that they didn't offer any help to when they needed it the most!!
I've pointed a finger at out loser President so much that i fear the C.i.A. will come knocking on my door any day now, and attempt to shut me down. the only way that they will succeed is locked me so far down under that i will never see a computer again. I've picked on the First Baptist Church so much, and plan to again, that they will probably send their henchman out to bribe me, lock me up, or break my friggin' fingers...........yep,........that's right,.............they really are that corrupt, all in the Name of Jesus baby!!!
the strange thing is that i know that I've wasted my life away, being as vile, and corrupt as the people that i'm attacking today. i didn't care about people, and i was dead wrong. if i don't ever do but one thing right, this is it. i want to speak love in the world, and promote the human beings. i want to love them, and lift them up until they can love themselves once again. do i sound like i have personally experience with this extreme action? you bet i do!!!.............someone,........actually it took a whole village to love and care for me, before i could even think about loving myself again!! try something different today............tell your friend that you love them. i bet they have a relative bound on the streets, or they at least know someday personally trapped in this madness!!
...................much love
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