life is wonderful, but it has some rules attached. simple rules that have been time tested. rules like,........... you don't tug on superman's cape. you don't spit, or empty you bladder in the wind. you surely don't pull the mask off the lone ranger, and you don't burn a very large log in the cheap BBQ grill, and try to flip it with a hammer.
these are all common sense rules that everyone should know by now. what,....................what's the burning of a log inside the grill got to do with anything? if you'll give me time I'll tell you about it.
anyway,............a good ole' southern tradition is that when it get's cold, is to make a wood fire, and set around it warming your body, and reminiscing about the good stories of our past, with close friends. some folks enjoy drinking a cold beer at this event, but it's not an requirement.
the other night bubba, and myself were doing just that. we had built a raging fire in the grill. we steadily was throwing wood on it for an hour. the coals from the fire was about six inches deep, and covered the entire bottom.
then i got the wild hair to throw a log on it that was one foot thick, and as big as the grill to begin with. we kept adding smaller wood to help catch it on. it was burning but at a slow roast. everybody knows that a 47 year old kid always wants more power, or in this case more flame!! unfortunate for me i was heavily medicated this night, and wanted the biggest flame possible!! you know,...........the kind of flame that the fire department pays a visit, and offers their help putting it out, because it's totally illegal here in jax.
do you ever have those moments where everything goes in slow motion? usually, i can relate this event with an anxiety attack. i guess that i was having an attack, but didn't have time to realize it.
this is what happened in a slow motion frame in my mind. it happened so quick that i didn't have time to get scared, but it was a heath hazard to say the least.
i was walking up to the grill to set the claws of the hammer into the wood to flip it over. i had forgot that bubba had laid a big log in front of the grill, so i tripped on it. i don't have the greatest balance to begin with, but this was a show beginner. there was nothing that i could have done to stop the motion of the ocean once the waves started to roll in, and i was pretty much screwed!!
the first thing that happened was the fact i was headed face first into the burning pit. i had a micro-second to react, so i stuck my fist in the fire. i thought that would buy me another second of time to think, but i was wrong. a fist in the fire being pushed by a 240 lbs body, doesn't make a lot of difference. i knew that i was going into that fire, no matter what i did at this point!!
i kept my eye's open as i hit the grill, and turned it over. coals flew out like a volcano spewing forth smoke and fire. when i hit the ground i realized that burning coals were all over me. i could feel where some them had burnt through my clothes, and were attacking my skin in a violent way.
i knew that i needed to get up out of the flames, and drop and roll again in a spot that was not full of fire. the strange thing was that every time that i tried to get up, bubba would simple drag me back down trying to drag me to safety. i wasn't going to give up, and neither was bubba. every time i tried to get back up, he would pull me another few feet away. i guess the third time must have been the charm, because i finally managed to stand up. my clothes were on fire in several different places, but i put them out quickly.
honestly,...............WHAT A RUSH!! after it was over i started to laugh!! i laughed in a high pitched little girl laugh!!..............i'm not sure why laughter was my reaction to what i just experienced, but it came out very strong. maybe it was the fact that i wasn't hurt any worse than i was, or maybe it was the fact that i got the pleasure to view the event in super-slow motion. no matter what it was i simply laughed from the bottom of my heart!! the kind of laughing that leaves you in tears, and really short of breath!!
maybe i was simply overdue for a gut busting laugh, but i got it that night. for some reason i knew that life was good, no matter what stupid thing that i did..............live is good!!
i guess the worst burn was on my arm. i did a pretty good number on that one. the rest of my burns are very minor. i have them all over my body at various different spots.
" dude,.............what happened, bubba said?" in between my laughing i simple said,..........i survived!! i don't think that i could recommend that anyone try this, although, it is a hell of a rush!!!
...........................much love
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