i don't reckon if i called this post anything else it would make a bit of difference. i think that love is pretty much love no matter what kind of a person is giving their best attempt. i believe love is universal no matter what country that your in, or what country that you might move to in the future. i call it a redneck love, because that makes it personal to me. i grew up with redneck values, and anybody knows anything about the redneck way of life doesn't make them all tobacco spitin' hillbillies. it is a culture in it's own right, but it does have some strange things about it also.
i was talking to a close friend last night, and she brought up the subject of love. i ain't never been the kinda man that was taught too much about love. i'm really not sure if it is an art that can be taught, but i'm sure there is an art to it, or just pure dumb luck...........who can say?
I've loved two women in my life, and i still love them today. although, I've never been married, but that was my fault. i don't think that i was the marring kind, because i was so unstable, and buck wild. a woman needs security in her life, and not a big kid to raise. unfortunately, i didn't even think about calming down until a few years ago.
I've went most of my life thinking that i was a failure at love, but how could that possibly be true? i loved with my whole heart, and i never put any other woman above these two. i never fooled around on them. there was no such thing as any other woman even desirable to me, as long as i was with either one of them. i knew that i had found everything that i would ever need in both of them, so how did i fail?
one of them i fell hard at first sight. she was simply beautiful to me. when i first heard her voice it made my heart melt. i knew from that point on that she was special to me, and would always be that way. we actually lived together for three years, and she had all that she could take of me.
we split up, and i came to Florida to grow up. it took a mighty long time just to start thinking about it. several years had passed, and i contacted her a while back. we caught up quickly, and became friends again.
right now she is mad enough at me to chew nails, and spit bullets at me, and it's all over my blog. I've tried to reason with her, and finally just told her not to read it if it was going to upset her in any way. that was about two weeks ago, and I've not heard a word from her since. i even changed one of my post completely to make her happy, but with no success.
does this make me love her any less that i once did?...........nope, sure don't change my heart!! I've noticed that my heart loves who it wants to, and I've tried to convince it otherwise, but it's as stubborn as i am.
now,.....the second woman that I've dared to love is totally different from her. it took me a while to fall for her, but i did nevertheless. i just knew that she would be very special to me for the rest of my life also. i guess what caught me about her was how she loved others, and the compassion that she showed others. plus there was something special in her eyes when i looked at her. it just lit her up!!
were still friends, but it is a strange friendship to say the least. i don't know if she gets mad at me, or what she is doing, but sometimes i can go a couple months without a word from her. does that make me love her any less than i once did.............well,.........heck no!!
actually, .......i feel blessed to have ever loved either of these two women. they are both special to me in their own way. they will remain just as special no matter what they do, or don't do. i can't change my heart............I've tried with every fiber of my being, and it just ain't going to happen. i will go beyond my grave loving these two, and could in no way pick between them if i had to choose one over the other one. fortunately, i will never have to make that choice, because of them.
i really don't see how a person can say that they love another, and turn around and say different. i know that sometimes people grow apart because of different circumstances that happens in life. maybe I'm just different? maybe i really don't know a lot about love? to me when you confess your love for each other it supposed to mean something real. something so real that your heart never really gets over it. why would you want it to?
can you remember the times in your life that you were in love? is there any better feeling when somebody else excites you to the point that you just get silly-goofy? you think about them all the time, and just can wait until you get back to them when your away. that's incredible that somebody can make you feel this way,........ain't it?
i don't know if there will ever be another woman in my life that i will love again. i wasn't looking for those two......it just happened that way. i wouldn't mind if someone crossed my path that turned my world upside down again. it's the best feeling to know that you love somebody else, and even better than that is if they return that love to you!! even if that happens i will continue to love these other two with my whole heart.
the good thing is that i no longer feel like a failure with love. i know in my heart that i did the best that i could do at the time. it might have not been good enough in the long run, but it was all i had to give. i don't think that you can give any more than your entire heart, and that's what i do!!
............................much love
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