i love this place

often times i miss my old house. the way it set off the beaten path, and the woods that surrounded it. there was always some critter that wandered out of the woods to enjoy a meal in the cats bowl. it was a peaceful, easy life, without any drama from the neighbors. even though,.....i knew all their faces, we never had a conversation that lasted over five minutes.
i am a very private person, and i guess that why i like living here so much. Bubba is my closest neighbor, and he's no problem. he doesn't invade my private time, and i try to do the same. the funny thing about me is I'm like an old rooster. when it starts to get dark, i tend to wander into my safe place, and just chill. that is my quite time. that's when i ponder over what I'm planning to do to set the world on fire!!          just joking!!       i no longer have any earth shattering dreams that need to be fulfilled.
being a man like i am, i can't no longer afford the luxury of holding resentments or animosity toward another human being. i need this time in my life to work out,......whatever i worked up during the day. most days are calm, and i find no need to enter into contention with anybody about anything. then there are some days when the whole world seems to have a problem with me. i have figured out what that's really about. i had a problem with myself that should have been dealt with before i got around other people. there is no way possible that everybody i cross during a days time could have a problem with me, unless i had one to begin with.
hey,..........do y'all ever have a problem with hating another person?   i know that we are supposed to be adults now, and let these petty issues slide, but there is one person in my life, or was in my former life that i simply hate!! every time i think about this person my blood pressure shoots sky-high, and i can't let it go for some reason.
now,......i don't wish any evil on this person, but i can't help but smile when i hear that his life is not going all that well. i don't wish that he would die, but I'm sure the world could live without his presence. this dude is a monster. I'm talking about his attitude about every thing. he thinks that somebody has done him wrong all his life, and the whole world owes him something for it.
I've been carrying this burden of hate for almost a year now, and i can't let go of it. i know that i need to let it go for the sake of my own happiness. i know that there is no hope for this man because he is Godless to begin with. he believes that he is the supreme being in his life, and there is no one above him. kinda makes me look like a fool to even care so much about him to hate him!!
i guess that i should tell you what caused these feeling to erupt. one night on our front porch this idiot challenged me. my back was in such bad shape that i could hardly walk, little lone defend myself. he blocked me from entering my own home, and threatened to remove me head from my shoulders!!
now,........were talking about a 400 lbs, over-grown child here. why would he even present that challenge to me knowing that i could barely walk?     the best that i could come up with is that he is a bully, and really didn't want a fair fight. he wanted a quick kill, and for this i truly hate him, and think that he is a severe asshole!!
he never touched me, but he did embarrass me to no limits. i had enough going wrong in my life at that time that i didn't need this on top of it.
the funny thing is that i have a page on the facebook. i shut it down for several months while i was going through my new life transition. i hadn't opened it back up 24 hours before he contacted me to be my friend. now,.......do i look stupid to you?      what would i want to call this man that i truly hate with every fiber of my being a friend?  i don't want anything to do with him ever again!!
what would we find to talk about?..........the good old times where he found me almost crippled, and threatened to take my head off my body?          my life is OK today without his presence in it. my wish for him is just to wander off, and find some other crippled person to show how big, and powerful that you really are!!          what an asshole!!

now, that I've got that off my chest i feel much better. sometimes it's best to say what's really going on in your mind, so you can let go of it. that was the last thing in my past that i was holding on to for no good reason. hate does nothing more than destroy my body from the inside out. it's a crying shame that two adults ever have to come to a place in their lives like this, but here i am. I'm ready to move past this point.

i love this place that I'm in right now. I'm not just talking about the building that i dwell inside of either. although, i do love living here also. I'm talking about myself in general. i spend a lot of time with myself, but i have always done that. the reason is that I'm comfortable in my own skin, and i like what I've become today. it's taken me most of my life to get to this place, and i like it. I'm pretty much at peace with the world, and with almost every being that's present with the exception of one. i guess that makes me less than perfect, and my flaw is showing.        it's good to be human!!

                                               ................much love