all the trees have been decorated, and have been since Thanksgiving, and all the lights have been put up in plain view. this is what this year boils down to............another Holiday season coming to and end. the grand finally will be at New Years.
I'm not caught up in the commercialism at this time of the year. i didn't go out, and spend money that i didn't have on lavish gifts for the people in my life. i don't have a tree, or any decorations. my house looks like it would any other day of the year. i don't have this goofy looking Santa Claus hat, or the reindeer antlers wearing them to promote Christmas cheer. although,.......I've worn them both in times past!! i used to have this Santa hat that would flop from side to side, and singing a song. i always wore that to work during Christmas past. i love this time of year, and i love the true concept behind the theme of Christmas.
i believe that this Christmas needs to get more on a personal level with myself. i have just come through one of the toughest years that I've ever experienced in my life, and once again i have come out victorious, as a survivor!! i don't need a tree, or silly Lil' hats, or even presents to realized that i am a blessed man.
for those of you that have been reading this blog know that everything in my sight is different. i didn't have but a couple of clothes that made the whole trip with me. these walls are brand new to me, and all of this furniture inside. i cook daily off of pots, and pans that i had never seen before.
i have a new found friend that i call Itty Kitty, that enjoyed the warmth, and comfort of my home. she has never missed a meal since I've been here, and i really don't see that happening.
this should be a time of celebration for me, because of all the things that I've came through this year. i never wrote about the bad things that were going on in my personal life this year, but i sure had them. I've spent some lonely times by myself, and in some crowds this year. i had times that i felt so unworthy to be around people, that i would simply stay away from them. I've spent countless hours by myself just concentrating on what went wrong, and how i could make it better. i knew in my heart, and soul if i were to tell you about these miserable times that it would just make it worse. i had to focus on the positives things in my life to ever get any better.
I've spent hours by myself so hungry, and still ashamed to get into a food line, because i thought that i was different than all those other hungry people. i can honestly say that i am grateful for those that feed the down trodden. if it wasn't for those people volunteering their time, and skills the crime on the streets would be far worse than it is today. something changes about a persons perspective when they get hungry. if you get hungry enough you will stoop to some very low levels to get food in your belly.
the funny thing is,...........if there was anything funny about it,..............i spent a lot of time isolating from others because of my smell. I'm very particular about the way that i smell, and being homeless in August, and September in Florida doesn't make it any better. i would actually look for people that smelled worse than i did at the time to have conversations with. trust me on this one............your nose can tell if anybody stinks worse than you do!!
the main reason that i have money today in this dreary economy that we have going on right now is the fact that i donate plasma. i was supposed to go today, but unfortunately my nose is running like a water fall, and I'm either sneezing, or coughing every breath. i have this annoying headache also. it's not like I'm totally broke either. it was just money that i could have used in my future. oh,............and how could i forget,.........i was suddenly reminded of the case of extreme diarrhea that I've had for the past three days!!
with all this going on in my personal life today, and the things that i had to endure over this past year, i still can say with gladness in my heart that God has blessed me beyond all reason!! i can just sit here all day, and pamper my sore nose, and eat from the bounty that my pantry holds. i have clean clothes to wear, and people that love me. can you figure that a Christmas week could get any better?
....................much love
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