Fiasco.............ole'

fiasco................ain't that a snazzy word?              it just excites me to the point that i want to throw my sombrero in the floor, and dance around it shouting ole'!!

actually, fiasco is a descriptive word that nail's how chaotic my life is right now. I've done everything that i can to slow it down if not reverse the snowball effect that's taking place right now. it seems that everything that I've tried has done nothing more than make something else worse. I'm at the point that i believe that nothing can change the events in my life right now. it's like something bigger than i am is in control.
tomorrow is the last day of this month, and I'm hoping to stay here through Sunday night. I'm pretty sure that i can pull this off. I've got a big plan also. i plan to move into the woods, hopefully in a tent, so i can keep my clothes dry and together. then I'm going to try to do something that I've already been doing for months now: get a job!!
i believe with my whole heart that i qualify for a disability check, but i can't seem to get any cooperation from my Dr's at Shands. the specialist that i saw this week seems to think that he can cure me. what's his big plan? physical therapy of all things. he stressed the point that pain management was full of crap. do you think that he thought that i was at a different opinion?
actually, i think the whole damn Shands deal is full of crap!! i went to them because something was wrong, and still is today. all I've got from them is a whole lot of run around with no working solutions. I've seen six different Dr.'s now, and not one of them can agree about what's wrong.

maybe the bottom line is that i just give up!! this is far too messed up for me to fix, and apparently God Himself don't want to touch it either!!
I'm worn mentally to a frazzle with worry. i stay sick all the time from worry. i can't sleep at night from worrying.
i have found a solution though. i don't plan to worry about none of it anymore. what ever happens,.........just happens. I'm prepared to move out in the woods leaving everything in my old life behind me, and simply start over from scratch.
something is seriously wrong in my life right now. with all the wisdom that i possess i still don't have a clue what went wrong other than the fact that i don't have a job. i have never failed to get a job when i was looking for one until now. still that don't explain all these other things that have gone crazy. nothing has worked to my good, and that leads me to believe that nothing will until that one thing holding it back changes.
there's not but one thing that i even think that could be the problem, and that is me living in this house. I've saw the decline of the house that i live in, and my roommates for a long time now. I've done everything in my power to pull them out of several holes that we would wind up in, but i never even saw the signs, or i just didn't want to see them is more like it. i saw them, and I've though about leaving several times, but i just didn't want to leave. now, i have no choice but to leave.

anyway,.............I'm tired of complaining about the past, and this is all the past. time to move on to better days that are yet to come!! it's a damn shame that I'm so stubborn that i have to be stripped of everything that i have owned, or the life that i was happy living. the great thing is that my life has been spared, and all i have to do is simply build it back up, beyond what i have known it to be.
that's sounds difficult for a man that is living in the woods with only a few clothes don't it? well,............it is, but it's not impossible. let's look at it as a challenge..................a big challenge,...............but not an impossibility!!!