hey y'all!! do any of you believe in miracles? I'm talking about something that just comes out of the blue, right when you need it with no explanation of where it came from, or how it happened. well,............that's exactly what I'm waiting on in my life today.
I've done pretty much everything in my own power, and nothing has got any better. now i have to let loose of the rains, and let somebody else drive this buggy!!
i don't believe that miracles just happen by chance either. i don't believe they are a product of fate. i believe that a miracle is something great orchestrated by God Himself that comes at the time in which He plans for it to arrive, and not a minute sooner.
now,............I'm not silly enough to believe that i deserve another miracle in my life today. I've had far too many to even ask for one more, ........but i have. i believe with all my heart that i will get another one, and it will come at the right time, and in the right way.
i think that I'm asking, and expecting to receive something that just ain't gonna happen to cause me to stay in my home right now. i believe with all my heart that God is going to walk right beside me through all of this that's coming up in my life. however, i just know, or have this feeling in the bottom of my heart, that He will not let this house stand any longer. i hope that I'm wrong!!
i so want to stay here. i rode through the neighborhood today, and i noticed something different. well,.........i guess that it wasn't different at all. i just paid more attention to it than i usually do. most of the people who i rode by waved at me, and quite a few spoke. as i did my regular trips to the store, i realized that i was on a first name basis with most of them. if i really didn't know their names, there face was familiar, as was mine to them.
i really feel good about myself today, and living in this neighborhood. I'm comfortable around all my neighbors, and have no fear of crossing a path with anybody that I've done wrong. i know that I'm a much better man than i was when i first moved here. I've finally learned how to treat people, and to mind my own business without judging harshly.
living in this house has really become a burden, and still I'm not ready to give up on it. I've been hoping for the last year that it would go back to the way that it used to be, but it's looking less likely everyday. i need to accept what's in front of me, and man up to the madness at hand.
I'm not talking about just losing the house that I'm living in. I'm talking about losing everything in my life as I've known it for the past six years. I'm talking about leaving the biggest part that i own behind, as simply walking away, with uncertainty of the direction that I'm heading in. actually, I'm talking about starting over from scratch ........again. i never really thought that this day would come, and I'm not sure that i can handle it either.
my biggest problem is with God right now, and probably not the way that you think it is. i really don't have a big problem with what's going on in my life right now, and the fact that He is letting it happen. my problem is that i have this great fear that I'm going to change the way that i look at Him.
God has been, and i surely hope to continue being my ultimate hero in life!! I've not always respected Him in the way that i should, and i know this, from the bottom of my heart, and past experience. I've even turned my back on him while cursing Him, and that's my greatest fear right now!! that will be the worst mistake that i can ever do .............again.
you see,..............my faith is growing weaker with each day that passes. i can't imagine what it will be like the last time that i walk out my front door. i know that i should walk boldly away, and accept what He has planned for me. a part of me actually knows in the deepest regions of my heart that it will be better than what I've experience so far. on the other hand, i know me far too well, and I'm going to lose all control!!
shit or go blind? ever heard that statement? well,............right now i fell like I'm blind, and shitting like a goose!! i guess the good thing is that in the next two, or three days that it will be all over,...............and my newest adventure will begin,...............whether i want it to or not.
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