absolutely wonderful

dear sirs,

i am replying to your add posted on Craigslist for the labor job. i fully expect to work from before sun up until it's too dark to see any longer. i love to work all day in the Florida sunshine, and really don't require any breaks. i think that is is wonderful that you willing to give me so many hours without any benefits, and your right. if i was to get injured while I'm working for you in an unsafe environment then i deserve to be left behind to fend for myself. i really don't mind working for minimum wage either. that is unless you can figure out a way not to give me that much.
as your new prospective employee i am absolutely wonderful. i am exactly what your looking for as a employee. you required college for this position, and fortunately for me, i have required several p.h.d.'s, in various areas.
 yes, i do have my own vehicle to drive to where ever you might send me, and i will be willing to fill it with equipment, and enough men to complete the job to your satisfaction. seeing how it's my personal vehicle, you never have to worry about the ware and tare, or even about the gas that it consumes. i will be fully responsible for all the maintenance that it requires also. my driving record is impeccable. I've never even been pulled over or questioned.
my past criminal record is non-existent, simply because i have never done anything wrong, or made any mistakes. my credit report is perfect. i always pay my bills on time. i can take minimum wage pay, and live like a king while supporting my family to the highest level.
as my new employer you will be pleased about the way i look. I'm clean cut to your standards also. i rarely have a hair out of place. i shave every morning, and again on my lunch break. unless you require me to not take one. i have no tattoo's, and nothing is pierced on my body. i don't even have any scars on my body.

please, please, please, take me as your newest employee!! I'm on my knee's begging you, and my lips are puckered up, and heading to your ass!! if you will only hire me, I'll do anything that you require of me, immoral or not!!

( ever get a feeling that this is what most employers that advertise on Craigslist are looking for?)