I've got a friend that was my buddy back in the 80's!! some of you are thinkin' bfd, because I've............., so yada, yada, yada!!
listen,..............this is me that we are talking about, and anybody that has lived my lifestyle, and moved around while doing it, is just lucky to have anybody from my hay-day that will still talk with me. although, i must admit that my hay-day was what separated us to begin with. i was a wild child with little control.
actually, she was my first love, and she will remain nameless in order to protect the innocent. i feel that she deserves that from me, because some people don't broadcast their lives over the Internet.
one of the reason that I've even mentioned her is the fact that i sent her this blog address the other day, and she wrote me back with a few questions, and a couple statements. i would like to address those comments in a general way, for all my readers to hear, and hopefully understand me better.
the reason that I'm so forthcoming about my life, past and present is simple. i feel like a blessed man to have survived my past at all, and the present is how i maintain it most days. ( I'm not sure why my life has taken this downward spiral like it has recently, but I'm sure when it's over it will be worth writing about.)
I'm the kind of man that has little fear. I've learned to be open, and honest about my life to remain this way. I've also learned to not take myself so seriously. as messed up as my life has been you can always find a few even worse than mine.
another thing is that i know who i am today, and I'm not trying to impress anybody to like me. i don't feel like hiding anything is going to give me advantage of most situations. i said most..............the job market is a cold cruel bitch, and the less that they know about me, the better off we both are. the first reason is that they really don't care about me at all. if they hire me it's because they feel like i can do them a service. if you happen to work for a person that really cares about you as a person, then you've really got something!! these relationships do happen, but it's few and far between.
one of the strangest reasons that i hold little back is very selfish, and self-centered. I'm proud of the transformation that my life has made so far. I've grown to like myself today, and if anybody wants to judge me on my past that is their right. i know who i am today, and I'm not afraid of my past. actually, i had to walk through my past to become who i am today.
don't even believe for a second that i don't have things that will never see the Internet, because i do. I've done a couple things that I'll never admit to under any situations. that's not totally true either, because I've had people in my life that I've trusted for me to tell these things to without fear of a wildfire spread.
i admitted my mental deficiencies to you, or most of them throughout my blog, so that might factor into why I'm so brutally honest. i really don't think that being honest will cause me to lose anything either..............O.M.G!! ..............maybe that's why my life is falling apart right now!!!...........just joking............i know why I'm losing my ass right now, and it doesn't have anything to do with being honest. it has a lot to do with an injury, or getting old with an injury. it has a lot to do with an economy that really sucks right now. mostly, it has to do with my lack of preparation for times like these. i never really thought that i would live to be this old, so i haven't prepared!!
i knew that i would do it!!.................i always do it!!...................I've gotten off track.............again!!
I'm going to close this little diddy with one, or two more thoughts: i like myself today, and as much as i wish everyone else would also, i just realize that's not going to happen. I've stopped trying to please people, by being what they would like for me to be. I've found it hard enough just to be who i really am.
truthfully, i didn't know who i really was for many years. then there came a time that i learned a new word. ...........what word changed my whole life? simply,.....................no!!
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