signs?

hey y'all.................do you believe in signs? I'm talking about things that happen for a reason to point you in the direction that you supposed to be going. I'm pretty sure that I've had ample time, through the signs, to move out of the house that i live in, and have lived in for the last six years.

the house that i live in right now has a lot of different factors that contribute to the success of it. we pay a premium rent, and our monthly bills run very steep. we have room for eight people to live in this house, because it really large. it really takes that amount of folks living here to afford the comforts that I've grown used to having, and to have money left over for other things.

the strange thing is that i should have be seeing the signs that the house was going to dissolve, and i guess that i did see it coming. it's been going on for over a year now, but i kept the faith that everything would work out. I'm at the point now that nothing is going to work out, and i have given up on this house standing any longer.
for about a year now, i didn't, and haven't known from one month to the next if i would have a home to live in. we have had to change a lot of things this past year, as far as the comforts that we live in. that has been alright though, because we've not really dipped too far below the standards that we have become accustom to living with.

however, it appears that drugs have become the custom of my home. cocaine, or might i say crack is destroying this house. we only have five people that lives here right now, and i am in trouble myself. I've not worked since January, and i can't find any help with rental assistance. we have two residents that love smoking crack more than they love living here, and one that just don't realize the importance of paying his bills.
we owe way too much money to ever recover from this. we owe two electric bills which amount to around 1000 dollars, and were just 15 days from the rent being due again. the grass in the yard is about a foot high, because the lawnmower blew up a few weeks ago, and can't afford to buy even a used one. basically, we are screwed!!

OK,..............there is no reason for me to bitch too much. i can't pay my rent also. it really doesn't make a difference why that i can't, because the bottom line is that i can't. i have however tried with all my might, but i have failed miserably. the truth is that I've had some great times living in this house, but it is coming to an end, and quickly. if i can't afford to live here then i can't afford to live any other place either.

my plan:  my plan is kinda simple. I'm going to pack a couple bags with what i think that i will need to survive, and just crawl on my bike, and ride away. I'm really hoping to stay in a mission until i can get my settlement from disability, but i know how unlikely those chances are going to be. not because they wouldn't allow me to, but because i don't think that i can give up my freedom for that long.
i am a proud man!! i don't think that i could just sit there that long at the mercy of everybody that crosses my path. actually, i would rather be dead!! my whole life will change drastically, and i will have nobody that I've cared about still in it, so i figure that i would welcome death.
i love living, and I'm not suicidal, but I'm not sure that i can handle what's heading my direction. life has to mean a little bit more than just basic survival to keep me interested in it. i can't imagine surviving what's  layed out in front of me yet to come.

honestly,...............i feel that I've put up a good fight. i honestly believe that I've done everything thing that i could do to stop it. I've gave it my best shot, and i have failed,................or have i?
at least i feel like i have, but maybe everything is right on tract the way it is supposed to go. no matter if this is part of the master plan for my life or not. I'm still pissed about it. I'm terrible hurt over it, and i don't think that it's right by a long shot!!
i'm angry, and i'm through talking about this tonight!!!