...............of as the world burns!! just jokin'. we can see that anytime that we pay attention to what's going on, especially with this newest Presidential Administration. i can say one thing about Obama. he didn't lie. he said if we wanted change that he would deliver change, and ever since he went into the white house the greatest free nation in the world has become a laughing stock of the world!! i guess that's what happens when you give the rains to a radical Muslim in a free country!!
i figure that I'm just gonna ramble tonight. my mind is twisting, turning, and burning with a lot of useless thoughts tonight. I'm not sure that they are useless, but it's not anything that i can change without some intelligent help. it appears that intelligence is becoming a lost factor in the u.s. today. OK,.............i think that I'm already depressed enough without trying to solve our country's problems.
honestly,..............I'm just trying to De-focus on my personal problems right now. I'm just a few days away from walking to my front door for the last time. the really bad part is i have no destination to head toward. I'm totally clueless about what to do, or where to go. times like these makes the fact that I'm a loner really suck, but it didn't suck while my life was going well. actually, it probably extended the time that i feel that I've lived like a "normal" human being.
I've not done all that well with most of my life. you can tell by reading what i write. i can honestly say though that these past six years have been exciting, and eye opening. I've grown a lot these past six years in every area of my life. i guess the main thing, and most important that i learned was a little bit about loving others, and myself.
right now though I'm twisted, and fighting with demons. the evil side of me wants to lash out, and blame others for my problems. granted there are some factors that have contributed to my demise caused by others. i want to throw a fit, and scream, and fight with anybody that walks into my path. i want to take all my anguish out on the one that is stupid enough to cross my path with any ignorance at all!!
although, something deep inside of me is over-riding whatever rage that's trapped inside of me. I've been faced with what's heading my direction, and i know how difficult that it is to survive. I've decided to help these others that live in my house not to wind up in the same situation that I'm heading into.
it's not easy dealing with an irrational being, because they are flipping out, because of some minor inconvenience that they can't handle. they tend to get on my last nerve with all the cussing, fussing, and threatening. i just know in my heart if one of them decided that they had to lay hands on me instead of just jawing at me that the end results wouldn't be pretty. honestly,...........it would be a fight to the death, because i don't have nothing else to lose in my eyes!! right now my own life has little value.
maybe i feel the need to help others because i really don't think that i can survive another outdoor adventure. that's my two options. either live in the woods, or in a mission. if i can get hooked up in a mission doing the right thing i can get some things done that i really need to happen in my life. the problem with that personally with me is that i would never have a private moment, and would be herded like animals in a corral. standing in line to eat and shower. the good thing is that i could eat and shower. you always have to worry about somebody stealing your stuff, because your always surrounded by desperate people. although, it the mist of all that scum you will find a few really good people that their lives simply went belly up.
as far as living in the woods it does pose it's problems. taking a bath is a major one. if you don't have a tent is almost impossible to live in the woods, especially in the summer time. the bugs are brutal, and I'm talking about all the bugs. the night time animals can shock you when they wake you up sniffing you. most of the animals in north Florida really want harm you, but there is a few that will. there are panthers, bears, wild hogs, alligators, wild dogs, and some vicious snakes out there. these are you night time woes. the crap that you wind up doing in the daylight hours to survive can be heart breaking, and land a man behind bars.
i think that I've gotten too old to even try to live like this. I'm used to the comforts of ac, ice, refrigerators, and walls surrounding my bed. plus, my body has suffered some major malfunctions that will not allow me the skills that it takes to survive in an outside environment.
well,......................i guess that settles it. my next move will be to the mission. i just hope that i can become numb enough to the things around me, that i can stay in it for as long as it takes. the good Lord only knows how long that will take!!
No comments:
Post a Comment