friday morning

Friday morning all our utilities will cease to exist. I'm sorry that i've not taken the time to spend with y'all much this week, because i've been making preparations to live like a savage. you must realize that it can't be an easy task to live in this manner, but it can't last forever...........hopefully!!
i will try to make it to the library a couple times a week to  continue writing this silly lil' blog. it's done wonders for me, so i'm not quite ready to give it up.........at least not just yet.
actually,.........i feel kinda numb right now,................no not that kinda numb,..........if i were that kind it would be comfortably numb. i think that i'm shutting down for a bit to go into my secret place to hide from all this madness that's going on in my life right now. honestly,........this year ain't looking any better than last year. i tried to kill myself over last year. i can't imagine what devastating act i can pull this time to top that one!!
don't worry though, because now i know that it's apparently not possible to die before your time. if it was I'm quite sure that i had enough in my system to do it last time. i just woke the next morning sick and furious!!  all it took was a few minutes on the phone with the suicide hot line to get Baker Acted into the mental health resource center for a week. then two days later wound up in the E.R., and told them what i did the week before, and they Baker Acted me on the spot to a psyche ward on the west side for another week. now i might be insane, but i'm not crazy enough to ever mention that again at the hospital!! i would rather be a babbling lunatic on the streets, as deal with that ultimate form of madness!!   Geeze Louise.........
i really want to share something with y'all, before i turn it in for the night.           life is precious..........i really enjoy living life even with all this corrupt stuff coming right at me. if your going through a tough time right now ,............please remember that you are going through!! that's the key. we all go through storms in our life, but they only last a season. sometimes it seems to be unbearable.......just hold on tight until it passes. they always do,.........and you will be glad that you did!!

          ............much love