I even had a religious problem going on.

I rode by my future residence today.    Immediately my heart began to leap out of my rib cage.     I jumped quickly into my fantasy thought world about how good it would be to rejoin the human race. Just to have a room where I can go, and collect my thoughts.     How good it will be not having anybody telling me what I can, and can't do in a smug type of way.

I have cooler training already, so that won't even be a problem.     It will be so good to have ice in my Hawaiian Punch, and tea.     The little things in life that most of us take for granite can be the most important when you don't have them.      I miss my coffee in the mornings also.      I like mine cold, so I will make it the night before.     Once it cools down I can put it inside of the cooler.

I will need to get me a microwave to cook my food.      I don't think that we are allowed to have a hot plate.     You would be surprised the stuff that can be cooked correctly in a microwave.     You simply have to cook on much lower heat than when you reheat food.      Fortunately, I keep my cooking skills sharp where I have been spending time at.

It has been quite a few years since I have had a place to call my own.     You can tell that by my excitement.      I have been down quite a while now, and a new day is dawning!!     I am thrilled to go out into the world again, but with a different agenda.      I need to introduce folks to my new friend named Jesus!!     He is the one that has made all this possible.       If you remember He keep me alive when I didn't care anything about living.       He set me on a path with endless possibilities.

I think that I have learned a serious lesson in all this.     Jesus finally got my attention.    He had been trying to for many years.      I was just so stubborn, and wouldn't listen.     The thing of it is that He only wanted to give me a better life.       I was simply too blind to see, and too ignorant to accept!!

For some reason the past couple of weeks I have been running into those that had their chance to change their lives.    They were either here when I got here, or they came in after I did.     I can't put a number on those that I have seen walk from here.      It was usually because they couldn't do something that they wanted, or thought that they needed to participate in.      A lot of them said that God was calling them elsewhere.

It seems that those that I run into always ask me if I am still hanging in, and start telling me how good I look.     Then it is almost like they are trying to put a guilt trip on me that they didn't stay, but a couple dollars would help them find forgiveness for me in their heart.     I always get a good laugh when this happens.       I know the game being played here, and I choose not to play.      A person would have a hard time laying a guilt trip on me to begin with, and we all have choices to make everyday.

I have made enough bad choices to last for the rest of my life.    Just because I made an excellent choice, and stayed to the end does not put me in debt to any man.     I don't owe anybody except for God.      To Him I only owe my life, and I plan to pay that debt the best that I can.

Most folks only see me completing another program in my life long quest of program hopping.   They don't see what I have really accomplished.    If my first conquest had of been seeking God for my problems.......My many problems.       My mental problems,........ my social problems, .....my alcohol and drug problems,....... problems within my family,....... problems with school related issues, basically I have severe living problems.       My biggest problem that I had was my lack of God in my life problem!!

If I had only known that seeking a relationship with my creator would have solves all those other small problems.        You see I even had a religious problem going on.        I was a good ole southern baptist.      In other words I was a pharisee on top of the rest of the madness going on in my wrecked life at the time.      I knew all about the God that I was performing for at the time.      I had read His word, and I knew every time that I broke a commandment from Him.     I believe that I have broke them all.      am not sure about one, but I know for a fact that I have broken a solid nine out of ten.   I attended Sunday school, and had the decoration metals of attendance on my coat to prove it!!    I sang in the choir, and served as an usher.      I never missed a vacation Bible school during the summer.   I was well known in my church.

On the outside I was giving of the appearance of somebody that had their life all together.    It was what was happening on the inside that I was keeping well hidden.      I didn't know that it was going to start seeping out, before the final explosion of the dam.

It is funny how I was so close to my solution all this time.     The sad part is I had to go a full circle for over thirty years to find what I was missing.     The relationship was missing.       Where I had put on an Oscar winning performance before.........I now simply sit at the feet of Jesus listening.....

…............Much Love