In general most of my life has been staged....

I wasn't really happy how my first DVD turned out. I don't understand how the movie that I was trying to burn didn't go on the disk. Although, I had two decent movies on the disk, and a bunch of marbles. Where the marbles came from, I don't have a clue. I know how the two movies got on the disk. The thing that I don't understand is why did they get on the disk?             I know that I need to study a bit, before I try to burn another one. 

I don't think that I told you what happened the other day with my interview to move from the mission.    I did get approved, and I didn't fill out my paper work right.     We talked for a while, and I was very honest about everything that she ask me.     I told her what I have been doing over the last two years.

She ask me to call every week to see where I was on the waiting list.      She told me that I was in the forties to begin with.       I was surprised that the number was that low.     I really expected it to be over one hundred, and at the least in the eighties.     I called her for the first time on Tuesday, and got another shocking discovery.    She said that I was at number twenty-six.    I ask her to repeat that number, because I was sure that I didn't hear her correctly.    She confirmed that I did hear the number correctly.

This is going faster than I have ever heard of it going before.      Naturally, I thanked God for being in the mist of everything.       I know that He is involved with this process, because I laid it in His hands.     My plan is to leave right where I put it, so it will be the way that it supposed to be.    Most of my life I haven't had a lot of trouble giving things to God.     The part that I have had the most trouble, ….Maybe I should word this differently.        Yeah,....I should.        The part that I have had the absolute trouble with doing was leaving it alone.      I always watched, and saw what God was doing with what I had given Him.       When I saw it forming in the way I approved of I would snatch it back, and say that I can take this from here!!

I have always had a problem with letting God be who He is!!      I am sure that I have been a major frustration to the Father.       I have been hard-headed, and stubborn as an old mule.     Always being the god over my life, and look where it has got me!!        Are you looking?           It has got me in a place of total submission where I an willing to learn a different way.

I am tired of beating myself with a lifestyle that creates much pain, and total failure.     I am ready to win.       I have found a plan that is finally working in my life.      I am not talking about the move that I am fixing to make.       However, that is a small part of it, and there is a reason behind the move. I will discuss that latter on.

The fact that I can walk around this town, and hold my head up without feeling any shame is a miracle.     The fact that I want to go to my church every week is another.      I am at the point in my life that good things are happening with me involved in the process.      Most people don't approach me anymore with foolishness.      I am a changed man in the way that I think, act, believe, and so much more that ha   sn't even got my attention yet.       Often times my reaction toward others, simply blows my mind!!      I used to have my mind blown by their actions toward me, but something is causing me to not feel like I am the star player in my life anymore.

I am experiencing something brand new in my life today.      It is called compassion.      I never have been much of a compassionate being.      I knew that there were times in my life when I felt like I should show some compassion, but it was not genuine.      It was only an act.     In general most of my life has been staged, because I was the most important person that I ever knew.      I didn't know how to act around folks, because I certainly couldn't be myself.          I was rotten down to the core!!       And I knew that I was.        I was not deceived!!        I knew myself all too well.     There was nothing that I done that would change what I really was inside.

That's why I am so excited about Jesus!!        He took this work of total devastation, and is changing it little, by little.            I can't hardly wait to see the finished product!!

….......Much Love