Well.....Would
you just look at me!! I am writing to y'all while I am burning my
first ever attempt at a DVD. I spent the Holiday yesterday over at a
friends house working on his wife’s computer. I spent appropriately
six hours working on it. It was all messed up. It threw a fit of
rebellion at first. It was so jammed up, that it didn't even want to
do what I commanded it to do. After all that time spent working with
her computer it still needs another six hours invested in deleting
programs, and cleaning it up!! I wish that I had the operating system
disk. It would have been easier to start over from scratch.
Anyway,.......I
went all through that to say that she gave me some blank DVD'S. I
have never even tried to burn one, but I am now. I already think that
I've ran into a problem, but only time will tell. I will master this
situation, because it will help fund myself while I am waiting to get
approved for my check. I don't understand why, but it seems the
Government wants a person to suffer worse than they ever have while
they wait.
I
laugh every time I think about that statement!! They are going to
have a real hard time making me suffer worse than I ever have before.
I have done some degrading things, simply to survive before. Most of
the things that I have done were more degrading to those that saw me
doing them. I grew to a point where nothing was degrading to me any
longer . It was simply survival, and we are built with that mode
already installed!!
I
guess that about the only thing that I ever did was pick cigarette
butts up off the ground to smoke. I had a severe smoking addiction.
It was so bad that I felt like I would die, if I couldn't smoke. I
have walked a lot of miles in the city, going from butt tray, to butt
tray, and all over the ground. This is sad to say, but like most
things that I done in survival made, .......I perfected an art form of it. I
learned where to go, and what time to go, because every place was
different.
I
have tried several times to quit, and several times have failed. It
didn't matter how long that I was locked up, nor how many times that
I have been forbidden to smoke. I have always started back. This is
the most powerful addiction that I have ever tackled in my life. I
have tried everything except hypnosis. I have wore the patches,
and chewed the gum. I have tried some bazaar behaviors to attempt
quitting, and nothing worked.
Then
I simply humbled myself before Jesus, and gave Him control over my
addiction. You know,......It still wasn't easy to quit, but in time
it got more doable. I thank Him everyday that I don't require tobacco
in my life to live. When I smell smoke it is such a turn off now, and
I find myself looking for ways to stay upwind from those that smoke.
Honestly, I detest smoking now, and everything about it!!
My
first DVD turned out with some stuff on it that I have no idea where
it came from. Somehow though it did get a couple really decent movies
on it. Now I just need to see if it will play on the television. I am
going to give this to a friend of mine that owes me money. He
borrowed five bucks in November, because of his phone. He promised
that he would pay it back on December 12th, and look it is
already January 22. The other night he was needing a few cents to buy
a coke or something. I told him that it would disgrace myself if I
gave him anymore money for anything.
He
said that he knew that he owed me money, and he would pay it back. I
told him that was good. He should always do what he says that he will
do. I went on to explain that out of good conscious that I could
never loan him any money again. That we were still friends, but there
will not be any money involved between us. I will give him the DVD
out of love. Five dollars is not enough money to destroy a
relationship over.
I
thank my relationship with Jesus causes me to follow a pattern of
love, and not hate. I have got in knock down, drag out fights before
for less than five dollars. I believe this is a much better way to
live my life. Learning lessons as I go, and keeping my priorities in
order. It is great to realize that I do have choices, and choices
effect my life.
…........Much Love
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