The cogs went to turning quick!!

It has been another lovely day, in the psychotic ward, in which I live in here, in Jacksonville Florida. It is strange how I fit in, like the missing piece, of the puzzle. Maybe, I am the missing link of this small civilization. A fellow while ago came to me, and said this. “I know that you went and told the lady in charge, that I was crazy.”

It is a fact, that this guy is as unbalanced, as a teeter-totter with one fat kid on the one side, and three puny ones on the other side. However the cogs went to turning quick!! I said, “I never tell her anything, and I don’t care how crazy that you are, because you are all right with me.” He stood there severely eye-balling me, and this smile broke out on his face. He said, “I know that you didn’t tell her anything, and I have always liked you, even though, I never understood why.”

It has been an awfully good day despite the normal chaotic uproar that I endure from time to time. I am learning how to deal with my Spiritual life living in the free world. It was so easy at first, but then a case of reality set in. I am around so much madness from day to day, that I really have to stay on my toes to not slip.

I have been slipping for the past three weeks. I wrote the other day about my need for a church to attend closer to my home. I really hate to leave the one, which I have been attending, for the last year. I love everything about that church, except the fact that it is not bus friendly, but one service. I have been letting a friend run me home after church, but I feel the need to break free of that also.

I guess that you could say that I have been suffering from Sunday morning depression. I find that if I can’t attend my church, than I just don’t feel like attending anywhere else. I will lie in the bed, until it is too late to go, and kick my tail for the rest of the day, for not going. Then the next week comes, and the same scenario plays out once again.

I got to noticing that I was getting more miserable as the days went by, and I knew that it must stop. I don’t think that it is wrong to need to find a church closer to my home. One that I can attend more than once a week. That one time was carrying me fine for a while. However, I have come to realize that I am not the same as most folks. There is something dynamic in my personality, which requires more than the average bear. Some of you might be the same way.

It was the same with my alcohol, and drug addiction, and it is the same with my relationship with Jesus. I know where I have been, and the horror that I have been brought out from. I know well what I used to be, and my destination because of it!! I can’t go back to that lifestyle simply, because I understand what it is now. I understand who controls that lifestyle, and the end results. I understand the blindness that it causes a person to have, when they think that death, and burning in hell would be better!!

The honest truth is that I have found something real in Jesus Christ, which I couldn’t find in any other place that I looked. I spent most of my life looking in a lot of places also. I can’t ever start to explain how vital this relationship is to me, and the fact that I just can’t turn loose of it. I may fumble, and fail from time to time, by it will not last long. Holy Spirit is right there beckoning me to come back in the arms of Jesus!!

I know that this might sound strange to some, but I cannot recall anybody caring about me with the intensity that Jesus does. I know that there have been people in my life that have loved me dearly. However because of bad conduct that turned me loose, and I don’t blame then either. I am sure that if I had to deal with me on the same basis, I would cut me lose a lot quicker than some of those did.

There is a verse in the Bible that is really special to me.  John 17:12  While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled. This verse gives me great hope that not only am I greatly loved, I am accepted as well. I don’t want any of you think this guy writing this is a sad cause, because my cause has ran me into the arms of Jesus.

Jesus specialized in cases like mine. Those that have abused, and been abused. Those that have kicked, slapped, knocked, and retaliated against others, for the treatment that they have received. Until the day came that there was no fight left in them. They hated what they had become, and chose to accept the karma that they had earned. I can’t even start to explain to you what kind of a mess that I actually was when Jesus picked me up. There is a picture that I feel was me when Jesus found me drowning in my own sin, and actually I just placed it on this blog.

       ………Much Love