nervous issues

yeah,..........i reckon that i have some nervous issues also. I'm thinking that i earned my badge to have them early on.
one day my mom and i were talking, and the subject of first memory came up. she ask me what was the first thing i could remember. i told her that it was the time that daddy was going somewhere, and wouldn't take me. i said he even point a gun at me from out the truck window.
mom said that somebody had to tell me that, because i was too young to remember.
i described to her in vivid detail what the house looked like. the yellow walls, and the white curtain, and me pulling myself up on the wooden window sills to see out the window. i even described my daddy's truck.
i remember being traumatized by the sight of that gun. in my mind daddy was going to shoot me, and i would be dead.
mother just kinda played it off the best she could, but i realized by the look on her face as i described it the truth had come out. she said that i was less than 18 months old, and couldn't possible remember.
we never spoke of that even again, and years had passed on by. i thought about it often, and one day i had a thought that was more shocking than the scene.

why would the sight of a gun cause that much trauma for me? what had i seen before that day? how did i know that gun could kill me, and how did i even know what death was?

yep,..........that's right,..............i earned my nervousness badge at an early age!!