not really

i comment a lot about the mental issues that i have. i seem to have a bit more at times than i can deal with successfully. they come in all different shapes and forms.
the reason that i bring them up often is because they are real, or maybe just one more illusion of confusion. i can't tell for sure, but they feel real enough.
maybe I'm just weeding out those in my life that have not taken the time to get to know me. maybe I'm a raving lunatic. i can't call this for sure, but you are more than welcome to be my judge.
i do need to apologize up front though, because if you take on the roll of my judge you opinion becomes of no value to me. don't think that i wont sit there, and listen to what your passing down with a smile on my face, because i most certainly will. i will even let you finish what ever your saying. then, more than likely, i will rub my chin in my hands, and make some thinking noises while looking at you, and speak these famous words from me: yep,..........you know,.............you may be right.

i guess that my opinion should weigh heavier on me than others opinions about me.  it's taken me a lot longer to be happy in this skin than i care to admit. ........oh, what the heck!!..............it's taken me most of this life to do it, and it not been easy either. the rewards have been really cool though.

am i saying that all this mental madness is just something that I've made up to scare people away?.........not really. am i saying that i don't use it to my advantage to select those who really are my friends?............not really. do i think that I'm a lunatic, and in need of professional help?.......not really.

actually, despite all my many flaws of mental, and physical defects, and i don't need to forget about the character defects as well, I'm pretty well balanced at times. like my buddy forest says,...........and that's all i got to say about that!!