mental madness

i guess there was some things that i should have said up front. I'm talking about my mental state of being. i know that i suffer from mental issues. the bad part was before i figured out that i had them. i couldn't understand why i would do certain things over and over. the really bad part was that i expecting to get different results. most normal people with normal thinking abilities call this insanity.
most of my life was spent in battle with drink and drugs. I'm blessed that i escaped with my life still intact around six years ago. I'm quite sure that this has had an effect on my mental stability also. I've manged to spend the biggest part of my life chasing my next high. unfortunately, that left little time for the things most important in life.
i never did prepare for a future, because i never thought that i would have one. i never bought a home, or saved any real money. i have never really learned how to love, or accept love when it was offered. the longest that I've ever held the same job was for three years.
, and that's been since i got clean.
the most scary part of my mental madness is the part that people don't see. I've had invitations to a few psyche wards, and one state mental hospital. they have given my all kinds of tests to see where i stood, and the most that they ever came up with was that i suffered from addiction, with some depression issues.
well golly gee willy wankers,................didn't that take a true scholar to tell me that?