not the same o same o

Out of all the people that I told about this blog the only ones that seem to care are those with artistic abilities. Those think that it is awesome how I am putting myself out there for the whole world to see. The rest of them that know about my blog don't pay any attention what-so-ever. They never ask anything about it. Not whether it is popular, or even what it is about. When most people are getting nosy about what I am doing and ask, I usually get some off the wall comment. I just smile back, and keep pecking away.

It makes me happy to write this little bit. I have been doing it a while now, and have went through some changes. I am content writing about my life, and the mistakes that I have made. I don't mind putting it all out there for the entire world to read. If I can help somebody else to get of the road that I have traveled I think that would be awesome. If I don't tell about what really happened I think that it would be a travesty.

I had one of my hostages from my past just chewed me out good!! She told me that I might be a fool who wants all my garbage strewed throughout the world, but I better leave her name out of it. This girl was so passionate about what she was saying that I got another chewing out for laughing at her!! I believe one of the last things that she told me was that she can't believe that she lowered herself to ever sleep with me. That was because of a story that I wrote. She also said that she could no longer continue to read my stuff. I thanked her, and confirmed with her that I understood why. I think that she was affected the most by my blog, unless she really was a drama queen.

I was brutally honest about my life, and I am not that way about nobody else. I don't even use real names about the good stories, but I will with permission sometimes. The majority of the folks that I write about remain anonymous. It is not meant to harm anybody. Although, some folks might see it that way instead of seeing an opportunity to change some bad behaviors.

I really love my life today. I don't have much at all, as far as monetary values. Actually, I don't have much of nothing. My laptop is the most valuable piece of merchandise that I own. Everything else is used, and I have nothing brand new. I have a few clothes that I wear everyday. I also have a few that I wear to church on Sundays. I do have a couple really decent pairs of dress shoes.

My Bible isn't even new, but it is so cool. I found it laying in a pile of old warn out Bibles at McDuff. It is a King James Study Bible. One of the covers are missing. I can't remember which one, but it don't matter. I put it inside of a Bible cover, and placed some cardboard inside to hold it in. It has a lot of verses highlighted in it depending on what I am looking for at the time, or what I am doing.

I usually don't read it too much. I mostly just carry it to church. I use programs on my laptop to study. I have three downloaded. The one the I really like the most is called E-Sword. It is really a great Bible study software. It gives you the freedom of what Bibles that you choose to read. It also give you a wonderful assortment of commentaries, and dictionary’s that you can download for free. It also has a place to keep your own notes. There are books that you can pay for, and download, but I am pretty happy with what is offered for free.

I am trying to be settled right now with where that I am. I am not having a lot of success. I am so miserable down there, but grateful at the same time. Is that even possible? Can a person be miserable, and grateful at the same time? It might simply be fancy wording to signify that there is hope of a better day? I looked both words up in my dictionary and they are totally opposite.

I am not sure what a Christian supposed to do in a case like this. We are still human, and feel a variety of different emotions in a minute, at least I do. Are we do like an ostrich, and bury our head in the sand, or something different? I don't have drastic moods swings any longer like I did in my past. However, I can't, no yet anyway, stay a consistent ray of hope in the lives of others. I sure would like to, and while I am at it, I might as well say that I would like to be perfect also. We all no that ain't gonna happen!!

I believe King David had the right solution. 1 Samuel 30:6. David encouraged himself in the Lord. If we would do that about the small things, and get used to doing it. I don't believe that the big stuff would be all that difficult.

…........Much Love