I will never be satisfied with just going to church.

My life has turned into one awesome learning experience, but I still can't get a hold on what I really want.             I know that after what happened a couple weeks ago that I will never be satisfied with just going to church.          I don't never want to leave the church building with the feeling that, all is well, ever again.               I don't want to hum my favorite song that I heard in the service for the rest of the day.                 I never want to spend time on Sunday afternoon meditating on select verses, so I can get a deeper understanding.

I really don't know, what it is that I want in my life. However, I do know that what I experienced in those two days, I defiantly want some more of that to fall upon me.   I want to feel the presence of God in that kind of a personal way, but with a difference.       I want to turn the notch of volume increasingly up every time that I encounter.      I can't really explain the experience that I had, simply because my vocabulary is serious lacking in the power words that I need to be using.

I think that I see the need for the language of father to be used.    What better way than to describe the inner working of Father, than with His own language.       I believe that would be the only way to have any success.      I don't know how to speak the language called tongues.      I have heard it spoken several times.      Most of the times when I hear it being spoken I can tell that it is valid, because of the reaction that my Spirit has when it is spoken.

I really can't explain what that I am talking about is the same essence that it was felt.      How can you put in words that God is bearing down on myself with such a force that completely covers me, and is almost smothering me.        It covers to the point, that nothing outside of the presence of Himself is even a thought, little lone a reality.      That is because there is nothing real outside the presence of Father!!

Imagine that a force on you, that overrides every other thing, that is going on at the same time. The pressure is so great.       I don't even know if i am still breathing, because of the force.    Almost to the point of crushing, except it is not harmful, because it is like you are being slipped into Father, in a place that is a perfect fit for just my size.       A place just for me.

I don't know why I can't recall all these things at the same time.     Maybe it is because every time that I do remember them, I recall them with more, and more detail.       I think that the initial act took place within a fog of sorts.       I was brand new at such, and I am sure that I got stuck on certain details.       What I think happens is my Spirit was keeping track of the details.     It has a photographic memory, and nothing escapes His memory.

I am beginning to realize more, and more about the Spirit within myself.     It is a direct link to Holy Spirit.      My Spirit is absolutely sensitive to Holy Spirit.      Whenever He manifest Himself within the confines of the church, I know the exact moment that He chooses to make a move.      I just need to be sensitive to the awareness of His movement.

What happens is that every hair that I have over my body stands on end.     It is like an electrical force emitting a charge right next to me.      I wonder if the hairs of my beard stand up as well.    If the source is strong enough I can feel them tingle, along with those on the back of my neck. Yes,.... The strenght of Holy Spirit varies as He moves back and forth. 

Another tale-tale sign is a sign consisting of either tears, or radical laughter.      Most of the time it involves a combination of both.      I am so over joyed every time that Holy Spirit comes in my mist that I cry.              However, when He approaches with conviction, It has everything to do with sorrow.       Sometimes in the middle of big ole tears streaming down my face I will suddenly brake out in laughter.       I don't understand what is going on.      I just know that I am happy, or relieved.         At that time I have no fear of anything.     However, I do have an over-whelming amount of peace!!

I get excited when I think about this happening.       I have been jealous of those who experienced God in ways that I could not experience Him.        I have sit, and thought why I can't I have an experience similar to what others are having?          Why doesn't God want to show Himself to me? I have even told myself that those who do have an encounter with God were faking it.       That God must not be any more real than their acting was real.

I had to feel this way, because I couldn't handle the truth.       The truth was that our God is a Holy God!!            Myself, I was a low down dirty sinner, that needed to get cleaned up, and sit at the feet of Jesus for a change.          Allowing Him to clean me up, and teach me about Father!!

….........Much Love