I
know that some of you are fixing to get a really good laugh out of
what I am gonna say now. I don't care though. I laughed before you
got your chance, and I an still laughing right now. Seriously, this
is nothing to be laughing over, but I can't help but wonder can this
be true? Could it have really been this simple? Now, I am not even
gonna try to convince you that what I am saying is right. I am not a
scholar from the hills of Alabama. (You supposed to laugh at that
one!!) Actually, I am still in the learning process, and will be
until the day that I start to live for real!!
I
live the life of a hermit most of the time, because I have some
serious issues of trust. I have a tendency to find myself lonely in a
crowd of people. The only place that I ever feel really secure in my
surrounding is at my church. The reason that I feel secure there is
because I force myself to be social with the ones that attend also. I
know that I am not the only one that feel this way in my church
crowd, and I pick on them. Yep,..........That's right,.......I can
spot them from rows away, and I walk right up to them with an
extended hand, and a big ole toothless smile!! I even call some of
them by name!!
This does wonders for my
suffering self-esteem. I can tell by the smile crossed their face
when I walk off that they needed for me to be social, as much as I
needed to be social!! I haven't been able to act that way outside the
walls of my church to much. I am getting better a speaking to folks
on the streets. It is a hit and run kinda deal. That way I can get a
feel for those that speak back. I know that my target should be those
that I like to avoid, and it will be in time. Just not
yet...............
I
have gotten away from my story again, and I think that I need to
return. Have y'all noticed a change out in the world in the level of
grumpiness? It seems to me that people are on an all time high level
of being grumpy. The fact that I live in the city might have some
bearing on my perspective, and I guess that it does. I have trouble
going any where in the city, and finding people content with what
that they do.
Maybe
I am stuck in the days of old where customer service was king. I
remember a time when if you didn't get service to your satisfaction, then
there was a problem. Even the Doctor you went to had a staff full of
cooperation. Then again, maybe this is because of free heath care
offered in the city. If I was actually going out and placing cash in
the hand of a real person it might be different.
When
I start with the receptionist I get nothing but attitude. Then a
nurse call me to the back, and gives me her particular brand of
attitude. Then you finally get to see the Doctor, and they are
freaking out when you tell them how you have been treated. They say
that they don't have enough time to listen to this, and deal with my
medical issues. They are rude, brash, and leave me feeling like a
child, with an incurable problem that might jump off on them.
Then
they send you to the other side of the hospital to the pharmacy to
pick your medication up. There are extremely long lines, but seem to
be enough employees to handle the workload. Somehow they feel that
they are entitled to talk about anything, but help you with your
medication. You would think that the fact that they are sitting
behind a one inch think plate of bullet proof glass would be a sign
to them. The reason the glass is up is because one of the technicians
were shot dead a couple years ago. You might would think that would have a better attitude, but they don't!!
Yesterday
while I was in the library a librarian snapped at me because she said
that my headphones were too loud. That could have caused a major
conflict if Holy spirit had not warned me to remain calm. I don't
care anything at all about being snapped at. I am a grown man who is
capable of understanding English, and very cooperative when
approached in the right way.
When
a person comes at me in the wrong way often times I jump to the
defensive. I tend to forget that I am a Christian, and want to take
my rights back. I feel that I have the right to take the situation
under my own control, and by using my own power. If I continue with
this train of thought, the aftermath is usually horrendously affected
every part of my being.
I
have got loud enough for all of those around me to realize that I
have got a problem. My blood pressure has shot up high enough to
effect my heart rate. Which is beating now hard enough that my veins
are pumping the blood so hard that you can actually see them moving.
Oh yeah, ….That last stroke that I had left anything that I might
be trying to say when my anger gets this high........It's easier to
interpret daffy duck when he is on a roll, than understand anything
that I am saying.
Did I
ever tell you that I used to have some pretty severe anger issues?
Well I did. I was sentenced to anger management classes at one time.
I never went, because I did not have a problem with anger. All I had
was a problem with people getting into my business, as the
receptionist was scheduling me for the classes.
Well,
twenty years later I finally made to anger management classes, and I
am still going. Right to the feet of Jesus while I listen to Him
teach me a better way. There is not a teacher anywhere like Jesus,
and there is not a problem too great for Him to handle!!
To
be continued..........
…........Much Love
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