seriously???

seriously?....................did anybody think that i was gonna stop writing this blog?   I've told y'all why i write it to begin with, and it really don't matter if anyone reads this or not!! no one has admitted to openly following this blog, and i could care less. nobody, has even left a comment, and that makes me happy. i don't need any comments, because it wont change nothing. although, everyone has the right to comment what ever they feel that they need to, but I'm so stoked about writing this that it wont matter!! it surely wont make me stop writing.

honesty,.........I've had a bad couple days here lately, and i felt that i need to write something, at least every two days. last night post  came from my sick mind, but.........you already know that i suffer from some kind of mental sickness.
i often talk about how bold that i am, and how i don't hold anything back, but i do. i would love to tell you what happened to me wednesday, but that is not possible at this time. i personally feel that i was wronged badly from those that supposed to be helping me. in other words,...........i feel that i was singled out, and gave the short end on the stick!!
all i can tell you for sure is that i behaved very badly. i said somethings that didn't make me feel too good about myself. i should have just kept my mouth shut, but i didn't.  usually, i have little trouble holding my peace with people, but i lost all control wednesday. i let loose on a couple different people, because they were all that were available at the time. i was so mad, and hurt at the time that i would have went to jail if the right one had been present.

i guess that i need to explain the damage that i created, or at least to me. i don't like when i lose control. it makes me feel weak, because i am showing weakness. anytime that i let my words dictate my actions, instead of my actions dictate my words, i feel that I've lost a great battle. the really bad thing was that it had become a battle in my own mind. i should have just smiled, and continued to think what asses that they were being, and simply left.
the end result would have been better, because now I've got to humble myself, and apologize at our next meeting, if there will be one. the set me another appointment, but i couldn't blame them if they cancelled it, after i left. i guess if i show up, and they did cancel our next meeting, that i should apologize just for my peace of mind. i really don't like when i lose control even if i felt that i was justified at the time.

the bottom line.............

the bottom line is that i am no longer a man the can afford the luxury of resentments. i have to stay at constant peace with all around me to remain happy. if i can't be happy, then what's the point of being anything at all?........that's all i really want out of life anymore,............i want to be happy!!
just because somebody else is acting like an ass,...........does it mean that i have to join them?
well,..............i did,..............and i bet that I'm the only one suffering any pain from it also. July  1st is my opportunity to set the score right, and by that i mean to make thing right by me. if these people don't do what i need them to do to help me................i still have to live with myself!!

and yes,................if you care,.............i plan to continue to write this little ditty,............until the day that i think that i'm a better man, because of it!!