A great big ol’
congratulation, kudos, or whatever the normal celebration theme is, when a
person officially has graduated an achievement!! Just joking. The truth is that I supposed to walk the
stage, wearing a cap and gown, for the completion, of the life builders
program. That was tonight, and I never gave them any reason to include me, in
the festivities.
Do you want to hear
what happened? I feel the need to write
this down, simply for clarity. I probably won’t even post it, but if you are
reading this, then I did post this letter. All this started a couple months
ago. I received a letter, addressed to where I live at, with my name, and the
complex address. It was strange that I
got it, because usually addressed wrong mail, generally gets returned.
The first thing
that I noticed was my name was not spelled correctly. I really thought after
spending twenty-three months, in this life changing program, they would have
made sure to spell my name right. When I opened this letter, I quickly noticed
that is was nothing more, than a generic cover letter. As I read the first
line, I had to laugh. “Congratulations,
you have met all the requirements to graduate, the life builders program!!”
I laughed because I
was thinking, that I might have met their requirements, however I knew that
they had not met mine. One of the reasons that I was attracted to this program,
was because of the fact that offered free dental. It took them eighteen months
to pull out my teeth, and that was it. A lot of folks had their teeth removed,
and fitted with dentures.
The last time,
which I called the woman in charge, of the dentistry department. No,….I need to back it up. I called this woman, and she never returned
my call, until six weeks had passed. My answering system picked up and she left
a message. “Mr. Crumly, I pulled your
chart, and there is no reflection of any other services needed. Call me back,
and I will tell you what you need.”
I was calling her
back within five minutes of her call. I knew that I didn’t need to blow my
witness, by getting angry. However, I was thinking that one, of the two of us
was acting stupid, and I didn’t think that it was me!! She was the one that did
the charts, and if it didn’t reflect, that any further work required, and then
she messed it up. Besides that I was sitting in the office talking with my
counselor when he added my name, to her list.
I called, and go
her answering machine. I was furious by this time, but somehow I maintained my
composure. I told her to call me back, and please tell me what I need. When I
hung the phone up I knew what I needed, and what I needed was teeth, like the
rest of them had got. This was sometime in the month June, if my calculations
are not wrong. Now it is a few days short of the month of October, and she has
never returned my call!!
You know that
program did change my life, in the way that it gave me time. The time that I
desperately needed to restore, my relationship, with Jesus Christ. I can be a
knucklehead at times, and it took me a while, not to accept the work of the
cross, nor most anything about God in Itself. I was having a major problem with
forgiveness.
I had actually been
beat down fairly bad. I wasn’t holding grudges against anybody anymore. I had
forgiven all that I had thought that had done me wrong. I wasn’t even holding,
any anger toward Father by now. I have been furious at Him, especially the
morning that I woke up, after taking that really large dose of medication!! I
thought that He was picking on me, and just being cruel, so I threw a duck
dying fit!!
The anger that I
was harboring was at me. I simply could not forgive myself, because of all the
evil that I done. I knew that my actions had affected others, and caused great
damage to the lives of some. People kept saying this to me: “If God forgave you, what makes you think
that you can’t forgive yourself?” I simply had no answer to that question.
I just knew that I could not forgive myself at that time, and didn’t know if I
ever could.
I am a difficult
person at times, and this was one of them. Not only was I hesitant to forgive
myself, I still had issues of trust. I grew up in an environment of not
trusting anyone. It came from my parents. I am just telling this story like it
was. I have absolutely no animosity towards either of my parents. They did the
best that they knew to do, with what they had to work with.
It took every day of those two years, to get myself to the
point, that I am at today. I started trusted the Lord, a little at a time, and
surprisingly, I believe that I started forgiving myself, in the same way. I
really wanted to love folks. This was one of those things that were nagging at
my Spirit. I felt like I would never be complete without loving others, and I
was right. Mark
12:30-31 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all
thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy
strength: this is the first commandment. 31
And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt
love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than
these.
Either way you can
cut into true Christianity, you will find love at the core. I finally got a
hold of that truth, and allowed it to change my life. That’s great James, but why didn’t you
really graduate last night?
That is a great
question, and here is the answer. I am not mad, about the dental thing. I have
already talked with Jesus about this, and I told Him that He was in charge of
this situation, and what happens..happens. I have prayed quite often, about
going to the ceremony, and the Lord left that up to me. If I could share a
hope, or my personal blessing, on the ones that go through the Life Builders
Program. I would have to say that my sincerest hope would be that everyone
grabs hold, of what I found in Jesus Christ!!
….Much Love
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