what the hey?

just a bunch of babble for my last post from my own computer.  there will be more, but I'm not sure how long that it will take me to start going to the library to write them. i know that i will though, because this has become my window to the world.
most of y'all don't recognize this. how could you if i didn't tell you? i am so shy that at times it can be painful. it took a true act of God for me to even write this Lil' bit, or anything.  i live my life as at least two different people at all times. the reason being that i got bored with just being myself. i had to spice it up, so i thought that i would let a couple more characters inside of me venture out. honestly, i don't have a clue of the numbers of what's running around inside of me.  i made this major move a couple years ago, and there seems to be more inside of me that i ever realized.
I'm not sure if this a mental sickness or not. actually, i don't even care. i just know that I've always had more that one person trapped inside of my body, and i didn't start to enjoy my life until i let them all run wild and free. i needed to get a handle on this madness, and i think that i have. I'm actually a very complex, and complicated person. I'm just glad that i figured this out before i drove myself insane. maybe I'm insane now. i really don't know. you decide, because I'm generally happy with what i have to work with.

do y'all realize why i have that picture of me on the front of this blog?          ha!!             that's the bad side of myself, and i love that picture!!  there is nothing bad about me!! i realized years ago that my badness was a facade. i don't really have a mean bone in my body. I'm timid, and shy for the most part, but if you corner me something evil will come out. i don't allow most folks to even get me to that point. my true hearts desire is to not show any aggression toward another human being, or animal. i love to be at peace with all my surroundings, but sometime people can't allow that to happen. there is nothing weak about me. I'm kind, and show love because it makes me happy. I'd rather be happy as miserable. wouldn't you?
the strange thing is that I've battled with my personality(s) for most of my life, and I'm a slow learner. i finally figured out that i have many personalities trapped inside of this one body. it was up to me to set the ones free that i was most comfortable with dealing with. actually, i don't hold any of them back, but i have the choice to set the one in motion that most beneficial at the time.    kinda sounds like i learned to think for myself in a positive way............don't it?  i have fought a major battle just to get to this point. does it mean that i have finally arrived?                   nope,................sorry,......................it just means that I'm now playing father in the game of life, that i have ever before played. I'm still years behind most people my age, and thank you Lord Jesus,............ I'm ahead of a few!!
you see,...........most of my life has been a struggle, and I've been failing up unto this point. actually, I'm still failing. i just realize that this is a personal victory,...........so far. I've just passed a point in my life that I've longed for so long. does this make me something special?              not in the least!!  it just makes me victorious over a long sought battle. I'm winning this battle of life slowly, and one step at a time.

we are are winners in life if we choose to be. we all fight different battles everyday. sometimes it takes us longer with a certain battles that it does others. in my experience all we have to do is keep heading in the right direction, and just don't give up. just strive to do the next right thing, and eventually you will win!!

this is positively the last blog that i will write from the comfort of my home. my life is so screwed up right now. i don't belief that I'm that much different than most of you. i believe that were all very complex people. i believe that we all have several different personalities trapped inside out bodies. maybe we don't? maybe I'm just a psycho on the lose? the thing is that if anybody reads this that feels like i have there is a solution. we can learn how to manage all these creatures that invade our bodies. we can learn how to control them in our best interest. we can make them work for us, instead of against us.

maybe i just have a demon possession going on inside of me? maybe i am different from the rest of the world? maybe i just need to be locked up in the white room for the safety of others and myself, but i really don't think so. i believe that I'm just as normal as most people are, and i really don't think that is not saying much.
I'm trying to spread a message of love, and how could that be wrong? what I'm saying is control all those evil creatures that possess your body, and be set free to live the kind of lives that you really want to live. take a chance, and set the goodness that you possess inside of you, and tell those that you care about that you love them. this worlds has enough evil, and hatred in it that i don't need to contribute a word to it, and you really don't either. 
the only way that we can change the world that we live in is by changing ourselves. we need to be what we really are inside. you never know the lives that will be effected simply by just being who you really are.

ok,......................much love to ya'll!!  i mean this from the bottom of my heart!!