i'm fixing to prove my craziness to you with something that i did Saturday.
i was waiting on the bus close to my house, and there is a bush there with strands of long berries on it. the individual berries are about the size of a B.B., but the clusters are 4 inches long.
about a month ago there was a lady waiting on the bus also, and she started talking about that magical berry bush. i'm not sure why, but she told me that i should never eat the berries off that particular bush. she sad that they would sedate me, and if i ate enough they would kill me.
now,........I'm a corn-fed country boy, and i could not have looked like i was hungry enough to dive into a feast of berries. the problem is that i have no fear of death. especially after that night i tried with all my might to kill myself with a handful of pills washed down with plenty of cold beer. i am convinced that I'm not going to go until it's my time.
it took me a month for the seed that she planted in my mind to take root, and start growing. for some reason Saturday it manifested. ever since that day that we talked i started calling that berry bush the glorious bush of sedation and death. i had no idea if she even knew what she was talking about, so i had to try it and see.
now, .......I'm a lot more stupid that i am bold, so i plucked one berry from the cluster, and squeezed the rich purple juice on my fingers. i sniffed it, and really couldn't smell anything much. i looked around to see if anybody was watching what i was doing, and once i was satisfied they were not,..............i licked the juice off my fingers. my senses must have been dull that day, because the juice didn't really have a taste. not sweet, and not bitter. i figured that i had wasted my time, and continued to wait on the bus.
the bus came in about five minutes, and i got on it. i didn't have to go but a mile, and i was too lazy to walk. by the time that i got off the bus i was filled with great joy, and broke out in song. life had become over beautiful again as i walked to the store skipping and singing.
it's a wonder that i didn't get locked up, because how many old men do you see skipping, and singing on a daily basis? in my mind i was putting on a great performance for an audience of one!!
i walked in the store, and thought that i needed to talk to everyone that i passed by. i was over-joyed, and was hoping that it would rub off on those around me. it was not until i had walked back to the bus stop until i recalled licking that magical berry juice off my fingers, and that magical juice had caused me to go into that euphoric state of being that i was in.
i still wonder why that lady told me all these things...........had she been a fan of the berry at one time in her life? if so,............why didn't she just remain silent, and fill her purse with the berries for later on? she could have been a fruit-loop, and just talking smack, but...............she was right!! at least about the point of sedation, about the death part hopefully i will never know!!
i can just imagine if the local news got a hold of that story. the headlines would read, " local man found dead with a smile on his face, and covered in berry juice!!" just joking, because I'm not news worthy to the media. i've never killed anybody, or a member of a gang. i've not been caught with my pants down with the wife of a city council member. yep,...........that's right,............i wouldn't even get an honorable mention!! the city would just scoop me up, and cremate my sorry ass quickly, and put my ashes in a garbage bag for pickup by another city employee.
life is good,...........ain't it? it's good to live in a country where we can make fun, and poke at everything that we simply don't agree with. I'm still waiting, and expecting some retaliation from the folks at the First Baptist church in downtown Jacksonville Florida. even though,.........i didn't lie, or slander them. i simply told the truth, and pointed out the facts. they have proven themselves to be very thin skinned, and afraid of the truth. what kind of church is afraid of the truth any way? Jesus said,......." i am the way, the truth, and the life." oh,..........i got it,..............they don't even know the man that they are hiding behind, and getting richer because of!!
now,..........I'm not talking about every member. I'm basically talking about the ring leader, and his henchmen. like Bush was famous for saying,..........."the evil doers!!" maybe they are not evil doers. maybe they are just Pharisees making the rules as they go. who really knows what they are doing in the closet?
you know that i can't even say, or think about Bush without giving Mr. Dana Carvey a solid plug. don't y'all think that he did a great job slandering Bush? actually,........he portrayed all the Presidents quite well. he said himself that he probably made more money doing his impression of Bush than anybody else. i've got to leave you with a video of Dana's called "squatting monkeys tell no lies" it is all good, and worth the watch, but my favorite part starts at 5:21 of part 4, and continues into part 5.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WobgWEtRKCo&feature=related
now if you offended by the language,..........please don't watch!! you've been warned!!
............much love
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