guilty

guilt..............you ever feel it? guilt can be a heavy burden to bear.  the guilt inside of me has been building up for quite a long time now. I'm living a life that I'm really not comfortable living, and it has to change. every aspect of my life needs to change radically, before i can enjoy the true happiness of living.
Spiritually I'm doing alright, but it could be better. i attend several services through the internet of my favorite church every week, but it's still nothing like being there live, and being a part of the service. i love going to church, but to get to the one that i truly love attending it's almost impossible.
funny thing is that there are several church's in the neighborhood that i live in, but i never attend their service. i've never even gave them a chance to see if they could fit in my life, and i really need to go, and give me the opportunity to see if i could fit in with them folks.
now i an a Christian. I'm a firm believe in the power of the Almighty, and heavily rely on His presence in my life. even though i thank  Him for everything in my life right now that He gives me, and all that He does to take care of me............I'm guilty of not doing more of my part!!

I'm really not sure of the things that i need to do in my life to get the change that would make me happy. money is as big of an issue to me, as it is anyone else. the crazy thing is that i've figured out that money does not make me happy, and it lacks greatly in satisfying me. still,...........we all need a certain amount just to afford the basics in life.
please don't think that I'm complaining, because i really have nothing to complain about. all my needs have been met by God so far, and i have no doubt that will continue. the thing about God is that He knows what we really need, and what will really make us happy. there is no doubt in my mind that He will continue to work in my life. the problem is myself. will i be willing to let Him make me happy?  will i surrender.......completely to His will for my life?
i'm thinking that i need a job. just some kind of job. part time maybe,...........just enough to swing the bills, and get what i need on a daily basis.
then there is another thought.  maybe i just need to continue doing what i've been doing, and volunteer myself for a good project, or a worthy cause. stranger things have happened than people getting good jobs that make them happy, by volunteering their services elsewhere. I'm not really sure what to do, or which direction to go in, but I'm smart enough to realize if I'm not truly happy then i need to go a different direction.
i am the problem, and the lack of money in my life is just a symptom.        now,.............that sounded pretty good to me. that's aiming all the pointers at myself.   i am guilty as charged for not being as happy as i once was, and the solution lies within my actions.
wow!!             case solved!!           if you don't never write your feelings down, and look back over them looking for a solution to problems in your life then your really missing out. I'm bold by putting my madness out there for the whole world to see, but i came to that point honestly. i had nothing left to lose, and no where to go but up from where i once was. writing this little blog of general nonsense has gave me more freedom that i ever realized possible. it has truly changed my life, and continues to change it!!

                     .........much love