it's 55 degrees this morning, and I'm sitting here writing covered up with my little Princess comforter. all the windows are open, and the fan is just kickin' it!! why you ask? oh,........well that's fairly simple. you see,.......it did finally fake rain a lil' bit here, but it rained all around us. so the good Lord sent us a bit cooler weather for the day. here in Florida we appreciate any break that we get from..............what?............that's not what you talking about?
oh,...........i see,...........you want to know why I'm covered up with all the windows open, and the fan blowing hurricane force winds all around me? well,...........that's purty simple to explain also,...........because i am a certifiable nutcase with a degree from the Grill State mental hospital in Montgomery Alabama!! now,.......do i need to continue to list my extensive resume of the lower nuthouses that i've had the pleasure to be a part of? hell,..........i claimed the state nuthouse right of the bat!! isn't that good enough for you to know that I'm crazy?
you know,........in all honesty,............i was sent there for a short time once. i might even should be ashamed of that little fact, but who really cares? it was a major learning experience for me. one that i will never forget!!
if you've never had the pleasure of being locked up in that place, then you may, or may not know what really goes on inside those concealed walls.
i would imagine that it's kinda set up like a prison. I'm not sure, because i've never been condemned to prison. the reason that i've not been isn't because that I'm so good, nor is it the fact that I'm just so slick that i never got caught, because i've had more than my share of run in's with the law, and a few times i was looking at a prison sentence. the only saving grace that kept me out of prison was the Good Lord Himself!! i would be foolish to place the credit anywhere else.
back to my story,.........when you first get there,.........first things first. i had a ride in from a couple county deputies. my court date with the judge didn't go in my favor to say the least. the judge made quick work of me. he stated that the court was to rule if i was mentally competent enough to stand trial.
now,.......i didn't even know why i was to be on trial to begin with, but he gave me the opportunity to speak my mind. i said that i was competent to stand trial. in a flash the judge thanked me for me input, and in the same breath ordered me to be remanded to the Grill State mental hospital until my competency could be proven!! talk about swift justice!! i didn't have a chance!! Damn Alabama judges are not to be messed with!!
well,........when i first got there we drove through a locked gate. the duputies had to call inside just to get the gate open. then they drove up to a door on the outside, and said, " honey,........were home!!" one deputy opened my car door, and said walk inside that door. they didn't even escort me inside the building.
i thought that this was highly unusual, because i had went to court in shackles like a stone cold killer!! then again,...........i reckon that i was just to dumb to realize that running was not an option, because this was a secure facility, and i had no where to run.
i walked up to the door that i was supposed to walk in. all of a sudden this voice said walk in. it was coming from a speaker in the wall, and at that time i noticed the camera on me. i pulled the door open, and looked inside. there was nothing but a long white hall. once again, the faceless speaker spoke to me, " walk down the hall." as soon as i turned loose of the door it clicked locked. i noticed that there was no handle, or knob on the door.
the voice once again gave me a command to walk down the hall, and go through the next door. i did exactly like the voice prompted me to do, and wound up in a small white room. the room had nothing in it........with the exception of walls, a floor, and a ceiling. i had been in complete silence until i entered this room, and i started hearing all kinds of racket coming from the other side of the door.
the voice told me to walk through that door, and when i did,...............suddenly,..............without any doubts,............what-so-ever,..............i realized that i had just walked into my own personal pit,...........in the middle of hell!!!
i was in the part of the loony bin that housed those that were no potential harm to themselves, or anybody else...............that is unless they just went wild, and started attacking other nut jobs!! Geeze Louise,.......i could tell right off the bat that i really didn't fit in with my new crowd, but i learned latter on that night that i would have to stay a minimum of two weeks to prove myself, and longer if i showed any signs of abnormal behavior. abnormal behavior,...........i thought,..........i could not see any behavior that i would call normal around me...............i wondered what they were going to judge me by?
anyway,..........i've told some of my adventures of my nuthouse experience before in other blogs. today,........I'm going to share a story that i don't think that i've ever told before. I'm not sure why i've never told this to no one. maybe it just never came up before in general conversation.
" love in the ultimate psyche ward"
yep,............that's right,..............some lil' girl,..........fell head over hills in love with me. now,........the last thing that i was looking for inside these walls was a relationship. i was trying to act like i wasn't crazy, so they would turn me loose in two weeks. i had such " normal " madness going on around me that i was really having a hard time being good.
four times a day we would go to the other-side of institutional madness for our meals, and an hour of therapy(?).......of socializing with others. i met this girl at my first lunch event. she saw me, and set down beside me during lunch. she had red hair, and the look of being corn feed. she was healthy looking, and not fat. she never spoke a word during that meal, or any meal within the next four days, but she was always by my side anytime that i was on that side.
finally,..........on the evening of the forth day she broke her silence as i was getting up to leave the dinner meal. she looked at me, and said that she liked me, and kissed me on the cheek. i found the whole ordeal strange, but after all,.........there was nothing normal as far as my eyes could see.
our relationship changed on that day. we actually spent time talking with each other every time i went over there.i could tell that she was a bit flaked out, but nothing that i wasn't used to on the outside world. i really couldn't see why she was inside these walls, but i found out that she had been there for a couple of years.
a few days latter i went over for breakfast, and she was waiting on me. she had decided to put make-up on to impress me, and i have to say that she left me with an impression that i will never forget.
she looked like she had just gotten up out of the chair with the joker doing her make-up!! she had make-up every where on her face!! in no distinct order,..........what-so-ever!!
i tried my best to keep my composure while she told me that she had done it for me. the last thing that i wanted to do was hurt her feelings, but i really felt that if the doors would have swung open for me at that moment........i would have been better off.
before i left that morning she told me that she loved me, and took her shirt off. at that point and time all illusions that i had of her being in the wrong place were shattered!! i know knew that she was a nut with certification!! the guards, or nurses ran over, and made her put her shirt back on, and to say that i was as nervous as a long tailed cat, in a room full of rocking chairs would have been an understatement!!
i was sure that this little act would set back my release for at least a week, but not a word was ever said to me. somehow,..........suddenly,...........i got the feeling that i wasn't her first object of love that she had found in the last two years, because the nurses wasn't even surprised by her actions.
i was in my last week, or at least that's what i had assumed at the time, and i knew if i ever wanted to see freedom in the outside world again, that all mistakes would be at a zero tolerance!! i still had to go to the side she stayed on a few days until i was released.
well,...........so far, so good. there was no more displays of make-up in trying to impress me. she seemed to keep her shirt on now, but she did have this habit of flashing her goods at me every time i was leaving.
then the day before i was planning to get out, she brought me a letter to read. i just assumed it was one written in crayon with a stick boy, and a stick girl, holding hands, with i love you wrote on it. i had already had the pleasure of seeing that one before........many times!!
no,........this was something completely different. it was a letter from a lawyer, addressed to her. it was stating how much money that she had set up in a trust fund for her, and the number was in the millions!! Dang!!.........i had finally met that rich fruit-loop that i had always been looking for, but i was out of time. my freedom was worth more to me than any amount of money could ever be. i knew in my heart if i could just walk out that door, that i would never allow me to be back in that position ever again. i had seen the lives of the mentally disadvantaged, and they had nothing for me to ever be envious over again!!
the next day i got my freedom..................and the sage continues..................
..............much love
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