Insanity or whatever?

some people would say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over, and over expecting different results. I see where that would be a good definition, but why is it when I look that word up in the dictionary I find my picture beside that word?  When I Google insanity: the first hit out of over a million says, “ Mr. Illusion of Confusion, and his co-writer James?”
At least Google believes that we are two entirely different people!!! The truth is that we are two different people. Now ain’t that just sad?     How can I ever convince anybody else that were two different folks?            Enough of this madness!!!
My life is so insane right now, but it always seems to be that way. I guess I got a little break for a minute, and now it’s time to head back into the wind.
There is an analogy of life that pretty much sums up mine, and probably does most of the living people in this world. There are three different places that we are in life. Were either headed into a storm, or were right in the middle of one, or were just coming out of a storm.
Realizing that this does exist in my own life has really been a blessing. I can actually see, and feel, and some what prepare for what’s happening in my life even though, I don’t have a clue what it may hold for me. Just knowing that change is heading my way should be enough to either prepare for battle, or breathe a bit easier.
Right now I am definitely heading into a storm ………again, and it looks like it’s going to be a fairly thick storm of shit!! I generally call all my storms that I go through simply shit storms. It’s kinda like,………..” there you stand,…………so spic and span,………where were you when the shit hit the fan?”
I know that this is going to be a rough one to conquer, because of all the things that have been happening leading up to it.  I live in a very small world. You might even be tempted to say that I live in a bubble. The actual yard that I play in is small. Everything about my life is small except for one thing. I did a bold move last may, and started telling the world about me. Just who I really am, and how big of a lunatic that I really am!! I have bared my soul completely, save one area that I find too personal to share, and still I share the cream off the top of that cup with all that care to read.
I know that this must be difficult to understand. it’s written in such gibberish that the only ones that will probably understand are the ones out there that are like me.          What?            Oh no!!            yep,……….that’s right,…………..very sad to report this, but there are people in this world somewhere……just…..like……me!! You will never realize the pressure of the burden on me that was lifted off  when I found out…………that I wasn’t alone.
People living in a chaotic world of confusion. Trapped sometimes, and pinned down with illusions that it will get better. People with great big hearts that try to not let others know that it even exists at times, because their afraid that if simply another crack was to form in it,…….would be the last one that it could take.
People that really desire to love others chained down by what they see going on around them. They tremble in great fear of a case of the “ what if’s ”, because that’s what happened the last time that they exposed themselves completely to another.
Where does all this madness end?         The storm doesn’t have to be all that great every time.       I’ve been through smaller storms at times, but for the last couple of years they have all been massive!! The kind that leaves you sitting on the sidewalk, looking stupid, scratching your head in confusion, and you look around to see what else made it through,………..and you realize that only you made it through this one!!           Now,…….you have to agree that is one hell of a storm to pass through!!
I did this less than six months ago. I was the one sitting on the sidewalk. Now I’m scarred that this one that I’m heading into just might be as bad, as the one I just came through recently. Maybe your thinking that I’ve just got a red hot case of paranoia going on right now, and I truly hope that you are right. I can deal with paranoia. I’m just not sure that another storm right now that causes total devastation again this soon would be good for me.
Death is not even a fear for me.  I know that it’s not going to happen before it’s time, so that makes surviving another insane storm my greatest fear!!          What udder madness that must sound like to my normal readers. That is if I have any so call “ normal ” readers out there.  What classifies the distinction of being normal anyway?
Just in the interest of curiosity, ………do me a favor please?  If anybody that reads my blog, thinks or feels like they are normal……….please drop me an e-mail, and let me know what it is that makes you that way…………………. I’m serious!!     I would love to talk with somebody that is normal, but I’ve yet to pick them out from the crowd.
Madness,………..pure and simple ,…………..complete udder madness…………is the story of my life!!

          ……..much love