today is going to be just like yesterday...........total madness!! these withdrawals from the paxcil are starting to get on my last nerve!!
hallucinations? what hallucinations? i ain't having no stinkin' hallucinations!!
just because I'm seeing things that really are not there. does that really qualify as seeing, or having hallucinations? maybe it's the fact that i'm hearing stuff also?
i laugh at myself when i start to see things that i know in my heart that aren't really there. I'm sure that knowing that something isn't real while i'm seeing it with my own eyes is the best way to keep my sanity. that is if i have any sanity left!!
last night was a crazy night. i was sitting in my easy chair listening to things in my house that i knew wasn't really there. you know,........the normal stuff. like people digging their fingernails in the wall, and dragging them slowly crossed the wall. I'm pretty sure that i heard every window in this house raise open, and a few minutes later i got the privilege of hearing them close. i heard footsteps of people that wasn't there. the great thing about this was the fact that it was all put to music from a source that i couldn't locate.
oh,..........i almost forgot about this little charm of a noise, until it started again right now. hey,.........there is somebody playing with a hammer on the other side of a wall. actually,..........i think that they are inside of the wall. well.............that would be my stand on it,.............if i even thought that it was real!!
don't take me wrong now,.............i wasn't Joe cool listening to all this racket, and setting back laughing at my silly self. when it first started i ran around frantically trying to find the source that was making these noises,. i ran around like a headless chicken for a while, but that was early in the day.
i sit here last night and watched an amazing sight. i notice that one of my drawers in a kitchen cabinet had smoke coming out of it. the more that i focused on that drawer, the greater the amount of smoke came from it. i sit here telling myself that i was just trippin', that it wasn't real!! that one little drawer continued to put out more smoke than an Indian chief, and it did it until the entire kitchen was completely full of smoke!!
i bet your wondering why i never did get up, and make sure that it wasn't real, aren't you? it couldn't have been real simply because of the fact that i couldn't smell smoke!! if there had been a fire in the kitchen i would have smelled it eventually. the second thing that made me realize that it was not real was the fact that the smoke never crossed the threshold border of the kitchen........... never!!
this morning hasn't been any better. although,........i've not saw any radical stuff going on,............yet. the noises are back, and yes,.........I'm growing tired of investigating them. my main concern is with my body today. i keep feeling like some kind of bug is crawling crossed my entire body. sometimes it like a multitude of them on me at once. naturally, i want to blame the cat, and her tribe of fleas, but i really can't do that, because right now I'm scratching more than she does,..............a lot more!!
this is all part,...........just a small part of the madness that comes with paxcil withdrawals. there are far more little treasures yet to manifest. I'll be more than happy to tell y'all about them as they surface.
...........much love
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