what happened? why is everything in slow-motion? what the heck is wrong with me? did i step through the looking glass, and not remember doing that? maybe i fell into the looking glass, and this is in my mind. everything is simply a product of my imagination, and none of it is real. i mean,............how could it be real?
how could any man live like,.... i think that i'm living, and not try flying off a mountain top with only arms to flap? can you just picture that in your mind? standing on a mountain top. standing on the edge of a ledge, with a breeze blowing over your entire body. looking all around at the beauty of the world around you. it's spring time, and all creation is in full bloom!!
you take one final look around you, then it's time to concentrate on the task at hand. how should i do this? should i close my eye's, and just step off the edge? naaa...........that would be utter madness!! i need to go out in style. i need a little zip in it, with a side dish of pizazz scooped on top!! after all, a man should make a statement, about his final statement,.........don't you think?
i really think that i need a running start. I'll back up a few feet,............just enough so that i can speed past the lower ledges with out hitting them. i know in my heart of hearts that i don't do pain well. I'm a big baby when it comes to being in pain. i definitely need to clear the lower ledges, so this jump won't hurt me!!
i need to enjoy the last few minutes of my life!! OK,.........got it!!.............i know now what to do!!............I'll get a running start,..............and simply dive off......................once I'm sure that i've cleared the ledges i can spread my body out, and slow down the momentum, and breath a bit easier.
in my mind i can see a replay of my life. all the good, and happy times that i had. i see the faces of all the people that touched my life in a positive way, and then i see the faces that i touched in a good way. i see people that i've not even thought about in a long time.every face has a flashback memory with it.
i guess that i slipped back into reality, and found myself plummeting down to the earth with such great force, that i new that this trip,..............my final trip,...........was coming to an abrupt ending soon.
i began to have great fear shoot through my entire body!! why,.............why,............why, did i take this route out? why did i take any route out? why didn't i just stay in the game, and wait for better days? oh my God!! nnoooooooooooooooooooo..............................
do ya reckon that I'm just a wee bit touched in the head? i know that I'm going completely nuts today, and that's OK. we all have days that we go nuts. please don't hold it against me just because I'm enjoying it. believe it or not, .............it's a whole lot better if you can realize it yourself when your senses have been shot to fragments. i feel for those who can't enjoy the madness within them!!
part of my grief today is this silly computer. i know for a fact,........that it has not been practicing safe sex, and now it getting sick!! darn internet whores!! the really bad thing is that i can't get confirmation from any of these programs on this computer that somethings wrong!! i know when something ain't right. now, i might not know exactly what it is,........................but i can tell when it starts acting funny.
i've ran all different kinds of programs that supposed to detect when something is not right, but they simple cannot recognize what the problem is.....yet!! it would seem that this is just another tragedy set in my mind to push me over the edge, of any last hope of sanity. maybe it's time to slip into my rubber pajamas, and go lie down in the white room,.................. bidding all my sane readers.............goodnight!!
................much love
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