many changes.....

I had written this a while back, and it simply got lost in the shuffle somehow. I read it, and thought that I might as well include this in my blog.




Hello,.................Hello,................Hello,........................Is anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is anybody home?



This is strange, but quite up to par that i would start out with lyrics to the Pink Floyd song; Comfortably numb. I have always loved this song since i first heard it. Actually, i simply fell in love with the band, because of the quality of the structure of the music that Floyd seems to simply make flow with the greatest of ease.



Yep,.................That's right,...............In real terms,.......Them fellers can do a serious jam!!



I reckon that i need to do what Rickey always yelled at Lucy when she was in trouble. Yep,...................That's right,...............I got some splain'n to do but, as i sit here just to put the words together that can explain why I've not written in so long................I find myself simply over-whelmed!!

I can tell you this much; I am a different creature, from the man that was writing this silly little blog before. Let's just say that I’ve taken almost two years to collect my thoughts, and reevaluate what's actually import in my life right now.

I'm very grateful to had the time that I needed to accomplish this task handed to me. It was almost like (a set up kind of deal,) and more than likely, it truly was a gift from God. Actually,............I know that it was a gift, because if y'all remember, I had lost everything that was dear to me. I had even lost the will to live , and attempted suicide, which failed, and catapulted me into another string of events that I really didn't care for either.

I was hanging out on the streets at night, and writing this blog during the day, from the library. I was extremely mad at the world, although I didn't realize this at the time. The strange thing is that I really thought that I was holding everything together, but I would soon realize that I wasn't holding nuttin'!! My hands were empty, and I was too blind to see it if I had of been holding anything.

I had got to the point that I didn't have anybody left in my life that cared anything about me. I had sent letters to my only two sisters explaining how that I had lost everything, and was living on the streets. I didn't ask for anything. I just thought that they should know. However, neither one wrote me a reply...............Not a stinkin' word.

You know,................There still is a part of me that believes that I should have acted like they did care. Simply keep talking, and expecting nothing in return. The very sad reality is the fact that simple gesture screamed volumes at me, and once again it is going on three years since we have spoken to each other.

I know that I'm taking my sweet time in telling what has happened in my life, but it's been so long that it's not like anybody is gonna read this anytime soon. Plus, I need to recap somethings, and give credit where it is due.

Speaking of credit, my friend Bubba after I had been living on the streets for 70 something days, invited me to come live at his place. I already had a plan in mind, but I thought that maybe this was the answer. The truth is that I wanted this to be the right answer, but in my heart I knew better.

I really don't want to expose Bubba in my general madness at that time. I think that he was honestly trying to do me a great service. The downfall was that we both have the same problems with addiction, and we were very bad for each others good to claim any success at all. The only success that I can claim was the fact that it drove me back to my original plan.

I've not spoken with him in quite a while. The last time I heard from Bubba he had went up to Maine seeking sanity in his life. Sanka had drifted off to Pennsylvania for reasons that only her and God knows why!! The strange thing about me is that I ran just as hard and deep as those two, but I never left my home. I stayed in Jacksonville the whole time.



…..............................Much love