Maybe I am just
getting older, but life seems to be less difficult to live. I'm sure
that, ...At least in my case, …....That wisdom is coming more
abundant. I am amazed at the youth today. It's not like they are any
different that I was in my younger days. Actually,.......The more
that I listen to them talk,..........I wonder how I ever lived this
long!!
It seems that they spend a lot of time
talking about what others think of them. Either it is how great that
they are, and how much that they are loved. The other is how somebody
is judging them wrongly. Then the other big deal is how they gonna
mess them up if they don't snap into the same line of thought that
they possess. In other words they are looking to control somebody!!
I can totally relate to that line of
thought. I don't think I have ever had a loving relationship
with anybody. I took a couple hostages, …...or maybe it was the
other way around. I'm not exactly sure which way it really went,
because in all honesty,..................You had to a sick woman
suffering from some mental dysfunction just to put up with me!!
Only two women even tried to wrangle
me, and I took full advantage of them both. I really didn't mean to
hurt either, but I did any way. I was suffering from a severe
addiction problem, and didn't know how to love myself. It would have
been impossible for me to love else. The only thing that I truly
loved was my next beer, or drink, or pill, or joint, and please don't
let us forget my main addiction.....tobacco!
I don't know if I told y'all
yet,......................Wait on it,....................., Wait on
it,.......................Y'all ready?......................Here it
comes,.................Drum roll please,........................Since
the month of May 2011 I have not had tobacco in any shape, form, or
fashion in my mouth at all!!
Now,.....I would like to tell you how
great I was in doing this, and how easy that it was. This would be a
lie straight from the pits of hell if I did!!
I had been smoking 33 years of my life,
and I was completely addicted beyond all reasoning. I had tried
several times to quit before, with absolutely no success. I knew if I
was to make it in this mission program that I had to get serious
about quitting, because this was one requirement of being here.
I prayed earnestly for a couple weeks,
before I got here. I needed a real solution to a major problem. I ask
God to take the desire to smoke away from me. I even ask him to make
the smell so unbearable to my senses that I would not even think
about smoking ever again. I also told Him that if He couldn't do that
for me,...................That I didn't really have any business
being here!!
Well,.................He was true to
His word,........but,..............It didn't come all that easy. I
prayed hard, and hurt even harder. It took me a couple months to even
get any relief, but it finally came. However,..........it didn't all
come at once. The good news is that it continues to arrive just as I
need it!!
Satan is a tricking little bugger. He
tries me every now and then. He wants me just to smoke,.......Just
one, because he know that it will give me a buzz first, and then make
me sick. The silly sad part is that I will chase that buzz all over
again regardless of how sick it makes me!!
What Satan meant for
bad,............God will turn it around for the good. If I ever even
think about smoking all I need to do is get down wind from somebody
smoking, and that seals the deal!! Smoking is one of the most
incredible stinking acts that I have ever been a part of enduring.
The people that smoke smell terrible. Sometimes I can even smell the
stench on children.
I really can't believe how sensitive
that I am to the smell, because I grew up in a house full of it.
Well,...............I guess that I got what I prayed
for,....................THANK YOU LORD!!
….................Much Love
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