The heart issue

Good Morning!! Yes, it is another beautiful day in sunny Florida. Currently it is raining, and I am sitting at the only bar in the landing that I could find with an opened, closed in area. The sun is just fixing to stick his head out, and welcome everyone to a new day. The tide is heading back out by the flow, at the top of the river.          Life is once again good!!

I will just cut to the chase, and tell you why I am out here so early. I am being purified by the fire of God this week. At least that is what I think is happening. I have failed way too many test that has come my way over the last few days. I don't know if failed is the right word to use.    I do know that I have received several dark bruises from the battle.  I failed in my own eyes, because i have been less than perfect.

Last night was the one that really got my attention. I came in last night, and the first thing that I see is another man that I was not too fond about seeing. I thought that I had let it go, but apparently, I had deceived myself. Then a staff member came through the door yelling for all transition to go to a meeting. This was all because there is this one man that has decided his last two weeks, that he wants to do the right thing.

I don't have a problem with anybody with a repentant heart. We all know that is as far from his mind as it can be!! He is just wanting to make a show about himself. He has been here for over two years, and they are going to graduate him in two weeks. The fact that he doesn't even qualify for graduation screams volumes at the rest of us. I think that it is strange that he hasn't attended on of those silly meeting in six months. Now he is on board for every opportunity to make a scene.

I guess that you can tell that a little more than that happened last night. Time for me to fess up. The fact that I waited to come in last night until nearly six, was on purpose. I normally take this route on Mondays just in case that they actually attend. It had been working fine until this week. I think that everything combined together last night was a little more than I was prepared to handle, and I lost it!!

I headed straight down gutter ally, and started cussing very loudly!! I don't think that I used the most damaging words, in my slang vocabulary. However, I got my point a crossed in the brief thirty seconds that I was allowed to express myself. The staff member was yelling at me louder than I was yelling!! He ran right up to me, and got in my face. At that point in time, I had come back to my senses quickly, and stood there in anger, saying OK. I knew better than say anything other than that, because it would be to my demise. I received this as another nail in my coffin, that i really don't need right now.

Well, I have a new plan of action starting today. I think that I need to back up, and express my regret for my actions last night. Since I lost it last night Satan has been beating me over the head with it almost non-stop. I brought shame to the name of Jesus is my main concern. All the rest is simply collateral damage. I am not really worried about how it made me look. Even in the middle of pure rage, I still looked better than I would normally look, without Jesus in my life.

I know how silly that must sound, but it is true. I believe that is the worse episode that I have had in the last couple years. I am mighty grateful that it was not allowed to continue on. I am thankful for the staff member acting on the situation as quickly as he did, and not allowing me to fester into some maniac.                    Thank you Lord!!

Getting back to my new plan of action. I can't be going in for the next two weeks until six thirty. The reason being that I don't want to attend those meetings. I have nothing to prove other than I am trying my best to head into another direction with my life. I don't really think these people have anything that I need to know about, in reference to change my life. We all have different lives to live, and I am trying my best to follow the One that gives life freely!!

I am not perfect, but I am striving toward the goal of perfection. The real deal is that what comes from our mouth when we speak. Comes out of the abundance of the things contained in our hearts. I don't need that kind of madness in my heart. I do need the Fire of God to cleanse me, and purify my heart. I am on a serious mission here to spread the good news of Jesus Christ. Even though, I will never be perfect on this planet. I really need to give it it my best effort.

…...........Much Love