i slept outside last night again. yea,.............that's right,...................i'm way too old to play the camping game now!! i about froze to death!! i don't have but one thin hospital style blanket, and one towel for a pillow. that's not enough. by the time this morning arrived, i was wearing three shirts, and two pair of socks. yep,..............you guessed it,...................that was not enough either!! it didn't get below 53 degrees last night for Pete's sakes.
what happened to the joy of living in the sunshine state? i guess that went away with the home. the only time i really get to go inside now a days is when i stay at a mission, or the library. i have continual flashbacks of when i had a home. nights like last night both of my windows would have been opened with the ceiling fan on high. i sleep best totally submersed under the covers with nothing but my nose sticking out.
has being homeless already turned me into a wimp? it took me forever it seemed to get up. every bone in my body was popping, and cracking. it sounded like the fourth of July!! i actually struggled to get up this morning, but when i did i thanked the good Lord for another day of life.
did i mention that i'm too old to be living this way? actually,...........nobody is old enough to live this way, and i've got to get a plan of action going, or i will die out here. i've already got one, but i need some money to make it happen. my hold up is the fact that i can't work. i should get a disability check, because my back is shot out. i can't walk but two city blocks, and i have to sit down five minutes for a rest break. i can remember walking a couple times from 15-20 miles a day. that was in the good ole days.
i really never figured that i would live this long. i thought that i would probably die in my 20's, because of the lifestyle that i was living. everybody was telling me that, and i really came to believe that was going to be true. i'm not really all that old. i'm only 47, but my body has aged twenty years beyond my actual years.
i can still remember mother constantly complaining that she wasn't a spring chicken anymore. that she needed her rest for the next days work. i was just a kid, and couldn't understand why she couldn't play with me,all day. mother told me a lot of things that i can use in my everyday life. she also told me a lot of things that i just blew off, and now they are coming back to haunt me. mother was not very educated, at least not from school, but she did have wisdom of how things worked in life. one of all time famous saying was,
" boy.........you better pay attention to what i say. i want always be here to help you out!!" that day eventually came, and mother passed away. i have missed here greatly since she passed, and i sure do regret not paying her more attention. i have a feeling if i had of taken more of her words seriously that i wouldn't be in this today.
i never really was a good son. i stayed in trouble all the time. it's very sad to say that i hadn't saw mother in seven years when she died. i was in Birmingham the week before, and the woman i was with said if i wanted to we could ride up there. i said great, and told her how long it had been. i called mothers phone a few times with no answer. it was getting late, and still no answer. i called my sisters house, with still no answer. i just figured that mother was with her doing whatever that they do. i found out a week later what the deal was. mother was in the University of Alabama Hospital right in the city that i was in. i was actually only a couple miles from her all that time. i felt bad about not going to mother's funeral. i've never really been the one to go to funerals even my mother. although i've seen pictures of mom in a casket, the last time i saw her she was alive.
let's take a moment of silence in recognition of mothers life.
thank you!! i have nothing more to say right now except be good to each other. tell somebody you love them today.
....................with much love.........Mr. illusion of confusion
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