yep,............that's what the preacher man said this morning at church. yep,...............that's right,.............i go to Church on Sunday's even with out having a home. i think that church is cool. i go to trinity baptist church here in jax. i love their choir, and the people are really friendly.
preacher man said that money ain't nothing more that just money. i reckon that's easy for him to say since he's got some, but i don't have any, so i thought surely i can get through this sermon guilt free.
he went on to say that a lot of people have serious issues, personal issues when it comes to having money. i really relaxed then because i didn't figure that he was going to include me in any part of the sermon. i just kick back in that red carpeted pew, and paid some serious attention to his words.
he said that were six ways to tell if you have these issues. issue number one was if you ever had a smug attitude to helping others with your money. whammo!!......................ouch!! that stung a little bit. i new that something had changed in my life a while back. i got this grandiose attitude with my money. it was mine, i worked for it, and if you wanted any you should do the same as i done...............get a job!!!
my mind drifted back to a day, and time when it wasn't that way. i was a thither. i gave 10% of my gross pay to God every week through different ministries. i gave gladly, and cheerfully, because i was giving to God, not a person on the television set. where ever i went i would help people out with money whether they were short in the store, needed to ride the bus, or was looking for a hand out. i never went broke during all this time. actually, my bank account stayed the fullest that it had ever been during this time of my life. i was bless beyond measure, and i had no problem spreading the wealth.
something happened though. i fell into sin, and before long i was hating every aspect of my life, and i no longer gave God His portion nor anybody else.
all this time that i had zone back of thought in my life, the preacher keep a talking. i snapped back to reality about the time that he said that if we are always consumed with the thoughts of getting money that was another sign. that statement slapped me right in the face!! ouch...........again!!
it seemed the one time that i could actually sit carefree and totally guiltless through a sermon wasn't going to happen today. i knew that this time i was guilty for sure. i don't really remember much more that he said. it was like a hot Sharpe knife had been run through my heart!! i knew for sure that i was guilty of putting money really high in my priorities list. almost every moment, or at least every waking moment of my new found life was consumed with the thoughts of where my next dollar was going to come from. i have a really hard time with getting money, and living on the streets. i'm really too shy to beg without pouring alcohol in my system, and so far i've not done that. i know it my heart and soul once i take to drinking my life gets even more screwed up than it is now. i can't even fool myself about that one anymore.
then it came to me that some how i never did lack for anything that i truly needed to have. i'm just talking about my needs, and not my wants. i want everything back that i used to have, but that has nothing to do with my needs. Jesus has totally supplied all my needs so far, and a few of my wants. i know that i'm not here alone. it just seems like it at times. i find it hard just to open up to a complete stranger, and tell them what's really going on inside of my mind, heart, soul, and body. every now and then the right one will come alone, and i just open my mouth, and my soul comes rushing out. that is one of the feelings in the world.
i might talk more about the other things he said later, but for now i'm going to leave this alone.
.............................much love
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