pity the rich!!

you ain't hard of hearing ,.................are you? i said pity the rich!!  that's what the pastor said yesterday morning in church.
 hey!!...............i just gotta tell y'all this. i was so proud of myself. i actually camped out saturday night, and got up, and went to church on my own. i still rode the bus from the mission just barely though. by the time i walked there it was after eight, and the guy at the desk gave me the cut throat sign that he was done dealing. i finally got him to come to the door, and talk with me. i told him that i didn't want to check in all i wanted was to ride the bus to church. he smiled real big , and said that he could do that. he actually went a head, and checked me in just in case i wanted to stay that night for free. sunday is always a free over night stay if you go to church with them. i told him that was ok, but he insisted on doing that in case it rained or something.

yep,..............that's right,..................that was the title of the pastors sermon yesterday morning, and he backed it up from God's word. he's is doing a series on money all this month. remember last weeks blog: money is money.
he said that there is nothing wrong with having money if you didn't base your identity on it. when we base our identity on anything but what God's word says about us. if we lose that thing that we based our identity on, it will cause us devastation.
now,......if you have a lot of money, property, or anything of great value,and you understand the fact that the only reason that you have those things are a gift from God, you wont be devastated if you lose them. your identity will be secure in God's word.
it has always been my experience that any time God that something from you, that
He always replaces it with better. i'm not sure in my case though. God stripped me clean of every thing but one bag of clothes, and my breath. i sinned against God, and before i repented of it, He took almost every thing. honestly though, if God doesn't ever do anything more for me it will not bother me, because
He has already done enough!!!

today i went to take a shower at new life. normally, i just go in, and take one. today there was a line, and i had to wait for a while. the good thing about taking showers there is the fact that they don't rush you. they want you take all the time that you need to get clean. i really like this, because if you go a couple days without one on the streets, a man can tend to get funky. y'all all know that there has to be a downside to it. with every good thing there is aways a drawback. today it was no hot water was left. thankfully, it still was a little warm, so once i got under the water, i stayed under the water. i actually used almost half on a new bar of soap!!
 i've always loved to take a shower. when i had a home i would take a shower caddy with me to the bathroom. i didn't know this at the time, but i was spoiled rotten. i got used to the comforts that a tramp can't not have on a daily basis. like body wash, shampoo, conditioner, fresh razors, clippers, and etc. most of the time we just get a piece of soap if we don't have our own, and a towel that badly worn, and child size. man,........i'm just grateful to get the water in a shower. if i can't get anything else i will just rinse most of the grime off, and try my best to shake the water off my body like a dog does!! yeah,...........right,.............i bet you can just see my red necked tanned body shaking at that speed. that even made me laugh!!!

i guess the worst thing about being homeless is the way that people look at you. they just seems to get a snobbish look about them, as they pass by. most city people have trained themselves to look forward when they see one of us, and pretend that were not even there. i get a sick kick from speaking to them. some of them that don't answer, you can actually see their face clinching, as they rush right past me.
something has changed inside of me. i no longer just want to be left along. i'm becoming a glutton for attention. all of a sudden i need people in my life. where before i lived like a hermit. i walk down the street, and greet almost every body that i meet. some of them are relieved like they were scared that i intended to cause them harm, and some are just prudish, and pass hurriedly.
when ever i speak to people i do it from the heart. i don't cull the folks out, and i don't place them in categories. i just speak, because that's the country boy thing to do. that is the way i was raised. when i was growing up i was taught to be friendly to everybody.
i guess what bothers me the most is not the rich business man that turns his lip up at me. it's not even the gorgeous woman that could be a super model showing her true arrogance by turning her head away quickly when i speak her. what it actually upsets me the most is a different breed all together. i'll give you an example of that breed.
today i was going to take the sky way to take a shower. i don't think that i was smelling that bad. then again should it matter. this woman got on the sky way, and when she sit down, i said mornin'. she quickly jerked her head as if she was looking out the window. i just thought "oh well,............i've been here before."
then it happened. i've trained myself to speak no matter what the appearance of a person is, and i don't judge them by appearance. there had to be a reason, but somehow my eyes were opened to this woman. she was this little short obese woman, with dumbo ears, and jaws that would make a hound dog jealous. do you remember the hound dog from the Beverly hillbillies that they called duke? her jaws would have made poor ole' duke bury his head out back by the cement pond!! there was nothing attractive about her in the least. she definitely could have used a Jenny Jones makeover, but that wouldn't have done nothing but make her attitude worst that it was. i sat there thinking how sad that she didn't have anything good going for her, and she simply had dissed me, because i was a tramp. oh,...............well,.............life goes on!!

i have never had a lazy bone in my body. what i did to stay busy before was work in the yard. i love a nice kept yard. it makes the neighbors know that somebody in the house cares about something. since i've came down with this back trouble i had to let the yard suffer a bit. then when the mower blew up i just quit altogether.
now, that i'm homeless i still try to stay active, and the only real way that i can is through writing this little blog each day. please don't think that i'm sitting in the libarary doing nothing but writing, because i'm not. don't forget that being homeless is a 24/7 hour job. i walk to Winn Dixie everyday, at least once. i walk every where else that i need to go. i couldn't tell you really how many miles i walk during the day, but it has to be several. i even walk more on the weekend, because the sky way is closed, and i must walk to my hiding place.
i've often wondered if my walking is actually beneficial to me? i used to walk two blocks, and need to give my back and hip a break. the fires of hell would travel from my buttocks down to my knees. it still hurts a lot, but i don't have to rest often anymore. sometimes i can make it tree blocks without a break.
i've noticed that some of those people in the same shape that i'm in stay active with doing something. they actually seem to be dealing with this a little better than those that sit all day, and do nothing. far too many have given up completely. they are just waiting on somebody to feed them, and give them fresh clothes to wear. they rarely shower, and you can tell this a few feet away from them.
this is not my first time out here. i've been here before. i spent a few years in this shape, and almost hit the point of no return. yeah,....it's true. there's like the invisible line that when people cross, from that point on they can never return into active society. i think that once i was standing on it, and teetering which direction to go. i had got to the point that i was severely digested with myself, and what i had become, so that it would take an act of God to ever make me humane again.
this time i've got a full advantage on the situation. i'm no longer in a battle with alcohol or drugs. that saves a lot of jail time, and keeps your emotions above the surface of the water, and your not always about to drown in your own pity pot. man,..........that a total freedom in itself!!
i'm not out all the time trying to get back what the world owes me, because nobody owes me anything. i'm not begging, or stealing, and just because somebody is giving something away doesn't mean that i have to have it. all my needs are being met, simply because i have few.
i'm content right where i'm at in life. yeah,.........that's what i said, " i'm content right where i'm at in life."  i didn't say that i was satisfied with it. i'm not saying that i've gave up either. what i'm saying is no matter where i'm at in this life i know that there is a reason that i'm there. it doesn't even make me a failure either. actually,..............it kind of makes me a winner in the big scheme of things. know why?...........................................PITY THE RICH!!

                                                                ..............much love