my best ole' girl from bama shot my an e-mail last night telling me what a wimp i was, about the surgry that i was facing yesterday. she actually told me to grow a pair, and deal with it!! ain't she cool. she always finds the right words that i can understand, and simply spits them out!! even though, she had an under-tone of anger, i knew exactly what she was saying. she just wants the best for me, and knows if the best is gonna happen that i'm gonna have to make it happen. they even call that in bama, tough love!!
i thought that everybody that reads this mess understood that i was a wimp, and made no qualms about it!! there was actually a reason that i was being that big of a whip that i failed to tell you.
this was scheduled to happen in February of next year, and i didn't find out that they had moved it up until last week at my normal Dr.'s appointment. i had received no information on it, because i wasn't at my previous address, and was trying to keep them from knowing that i had became homeless. if your homeless you don't qualify for medical assistance through Shand's hospital. i really had no idea what i was facing, and it was over-loaded with deception. that's something that i really can't afford to be happening in my lifestyle. i've been trying to keep way too much secret, and it has backfired in my face!!
like my friend pointed out it's not even surgury. it's a prick on the back, but it hurt quite a bit, but nothing unbearable. i was shocked that it did last two hours with included a thirty minute recovery time. i woke up this morning for the first time totally pain free this year. i just crawled out of the bed the way that every normal American get's out of bed in the morning, and it was great!! even though i sleep on a pallet in the floor i simply just rose up without my normal retarded looking way that i have been doing it for months now. it has been talking me on the average around five minutes to finish the getting out of bed process.
the Dr. said that i should have no real effect from it for about three days, so i'm assuming that it will only get better with time.
this gives me a new level of hope. i think that i'm going to get off my butt, and re-enter society in the working class. that's what makes every man the happiest in life is to engage in a good days productive work. a man needs to know that he is making some kind of difference in the world that he lives in, and the last time i did that was back in January of this year.
ain't no wonder that i've been suffering with true depression. yes,........little darlin' i've went through all those nasty little dramatic event that you stated so clearly in your letter last night. i was just ashamed to admit it in front of the world. if i know anybody that truly understands what a person goes through when they are depressed, it would be you. you've had more than your share of dealing with it, and i'm truly sorry if i offended you in any way. that was never my intention to begin with. sometimes i'm a thick headed lug,........well,..........most of the time i'm a thick headed lug, and tend to forget the horror that some peoples lives turn into. especially, when it was not their fault to begin with. i am truly sorry if you took anything offensive that i ever say in this blog. most of it is gibberish anyway, based on a true theme.
so,..........what's my big plans for the day? now that i feel a new lease on life? well,..........i need to do my laundry in the old fashioned way. yep,........that's right,...........i'm gonna stomp em' clean in a bucket, and throw them over the fence to dry. a man's gotta do what ever it takes to survive!!
then i'm going to put my new pain free back to the real test. i'm going to see how far that i can walk today. it would be great to walk the distance of a normal human being again!! i know that i really didn't get in this mess over night, and it won't come quickly, but the first thing i have to do is get out of this house. all working plans start with the first step, and today i'm gonna take that first step towards my future!!
.................much love
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