good mornin'

oh,............i'm sorry that it's afternoon now, but i have an appointment with dr. death this afternoon. i made sure to put clean underwear on for this special occasion, because mother taught me to do that. she said that you never tell what will happen. just in case this Dr. winds up killing me i will at least have fresh undies on. i have never seen the sense in that, but mother always swore by it.
the actually truth of the matter is when your soul leaves this earth suit that we wear the body does one last act of true rebellion. it deficates on it'sself. oh,........what the hell,............i don't have to be politcally correct about my last action on this earth. i'm just gonna call it what it is..........i'm gonna shit myself real good!! don't it make you feel better about knowing the real truth?
to say that i'm nervous about this operation  today is like the saying about the long tailed cat in a room full of rockers is a high understatement!! i can't see anything natural about stickin' needles in your spine. nothing was ever meant to stick in that sacred place. it's true design was to last as long as your body did without stickin' anything in there!! if i can survive this today, then they will never cut on my back. there is too many drugs to block the pain without being cut on. i don't really care how addicted i become to the medication. i was born a junkie, and i might as well leave this world one. just the thought of somebody putting me to the point of near death. y'all realize that's what they do every time that you have surgery don't you? they put you in a state thats as close to death that you can be without actually crossing on over. that is the only way that they can cut on you without you feeling it.
personally, i don't really like the thought of being in that position. i might see something wonderful, and decide that i don't want to come back!! then i would miss all this crippin' and complaining that i do to y'all everyday.
live is really good most days. the fact is that i'm a big old baby in this world all alone, and don't have anyone to comfort me. bubba is trying to. he keeps telling me that it's making progress in my life, and i should be over-joyed to have it done. that everything will be much better because i did it. i know deep down that he is right, and it should be a positive thing in my life, but right now in my heart i have nothing but fear about today. i don't do fear well, simply because i don't have much of it. i don't fear death, but i do fear being crippled for the rest of my life. just one misplaced needle could accomplish that for me in less than a heartbeat. it's really a lot to consider..........................much love