Friday morning all our utilities will cease to exist. I'm sorry that i've not taken the time to spend with y'all much this week, because i've been making preparations to live like a savage. you must realize that it can't be an easy task to live in this manner, but it can't last forever...........hopefully!!
i will try to make it to the library a couple times a week to continue writing this silly lil' blog. it's done wonders for me, so i'm not quite ready to give it up.........at least not just yet.
actually,.........i feel kinda numb right now,................no not that kinda numb,..........if i were that kind it would be comfortably numb. i think that i'm shutting down for a bit to go into my secret place to hide from all this madness that's going on in my life right now. honestly,........this year ain't looking any better than last year. i tried to kill myself over last year. i can't imagine what devastating act i can pull this time to top that one!!
don't worry though, because now i know that it's apparently not possible to die before your time. if it was I'm quite sure that i had enough in my system to do it last time. i just woke the next morning sick and furious!! all it took was a few minutes on the phone with the suicide hot line to get Baker Acted into the mental health resource center for a week. then two days later wound up in the E.R., and told them what i did the week before, and they Baker Acted me on the spot to a psyche ward on the west side for another week. now i might be insane, but i'm not crazy enough to ever mention that again at the hospital!! i would rather be a babbling lunatic on the streets, as deal with that ultimate form of madness!! Geeze Louise.........
i really want to share something with y'all, before i turn it in for the night. life is precious..........i really enjoy living life even with all this corrupt stuff coming right at me. if your going through a tough time right now ,............please remember that you are going through!! that's the key. we all go through storms in our life, but they only last a season. sometimes it seems to be unbearable.......just hold on tight until it passes. they always do,.........and you will be glad that you did!!
............much love
www.billofrights.org
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
not important to you
yeah,.............I'm talking about my words that you read. they are not important to most people. just to be drastically honest they shouldn't be, but they,........the words that i speak to you are very important to me.
i've always wanted my words to inform people to not live the life that i have, if it be possible. i've given the whole world the chance to learn through my fatal mistakes that i've made on my journey.
my life has not been all that glamorous, but it's been my life. i've made some catastrophic disastrous decisions that have shaped, and molded my life into what you have read about on a daily basis. the pain, and horror i've really lived through, and there is so much that i've not had the chance to tell you yet, and probably never will.
i have done something most people never will do. i've exposed myself to the world. there is nothing else hidden, nor that hasn't been revealed about me. i'm just an ordinary man struggling to make some sense out of life. i have dared to love, and i've been found not really fit to engage in a loving relationship. does that mean that i have completely given up on the idea of having a special love in my life? sadly,..........no. the reason being that if i've not learned anything else in my life, i have learned through personal experience that a person can never fully develop without the presence of love in their lives.
the good Lord knows that i've always struggled to fit in, but i have never made it a reality ......yet. i've always been standing outside looking in, and the truth be told, when i have been invited in it scared me. it just always looked way too good. how could it be possible?
i've sabotaged every chance that i've had to love, and to be loved. with the love so strong that i could not corrupt it.............i would simple disappear. i feel that i've done those justice that i ran from, but catapulted myself deeper into isolation.
in isolation i have found the comforting madness where i can hide, and not have to worry about hurting others, and even greater than me not hurting others, no one can hurt me. i have lived most of my life in the shadow of fear, but most people don't know that, because i have made myself invisible to them. i've worked my ass off to make sure that i was invisible just because of fear.
i'm really quite an emotional mess, and i do cry a lot. nobody has known this fact until right now. on the outside i appear to be fairly hard hearted, and show little emotion. that is a facade that i've played to the tee. secretly, i steal away into the privacy that i can find, and my heart simple breaks, and a river of tears stream from my eyes until i have shed all that i can muster up. i don't know if this is normal or not. i really don't care either. i just know that it has been normal for me, for a while now.
i'm quiet sure that my biggest problem in life stems from my Spirituality. the problem is that i know God. i've been touched by His miraculous mercy and grace in my life. i have walked, and talked with this highest Entity. i know the power of Jesus, and the only reason that my life is in such turmoil is my rebellious attitude toward Him. this is the greatest illusion of confusion in my life.
it honestly makes no sense at all. how could i turn from the only real thing in life that has given me the comfort that i need and desire? the level of peace that i experience with this relationship is totally uncanny. how could i make a conscious decision to live in total misery after being involved in such a deep intense relationship? what really happened to draw me away? even more than that...........why don't i simply go back?
i often feel like the prodigal son wallowing around in the pigpen of life. why do i do this, when i know that life is so much better with Jesus? you know that in my writings that i often talk about God. i am convinced that He is real. i am persuaded that His way is the only way for my life. i believe this as much as i believe the sun is going to rise in the eastern sky in the morning.
wow...........i said a lot today. i've bared my real heart with y'all today. it's kinda hard to believe that any one man could suffer all this self-inflicted torture, and be bold enough to expose himself like i do. the bottom line is that i'm truly insane with a big ole tender heart.
............much love
i've always wanted my words to inform people to not live the life that i have, if it be possible. i've given the whole world the chance to learn through my fatal mistakes that i've made on my journey.
my life has not been all that glamorous, but it's been my life. i've made some catastrophic disastrous decisions that have shaped, and molded my life into what you have read about on a daily basis. the pain, and horror i've really lived through, and there is so much that i've not had the chance to tell you yet, and probably never will.
i have done something most people never will do. i've exposed myself to the world. there is nothing else hidden, nor that hasn't been revealed about me. i'm just an ordinary man struggling to make some sense out of life. i have dared to love, and i've been found not really fit to engage in a loving relationship. does that mean that i have completely given up on the idea of having a special love in my life? sadly,..........no. the reason being that if i've not learned anything else in my life, i have learned through personal experience that a person can never fully develop without the presence of love in their lives.
the good Lord knows that i've always struggled to fit in, but i have never made it a reality ......yet. i've always been standing outside looking in, and the truth be told, when i have been invited in it scared me. it just always looked way too good. how could it be possible?
i've sabotaged every chance that i've had to love, and to be loved. with the love so strong that i could not corrupt it.............i would simple disappear. i feel that i've done those justice that i ran from, but catapulted myself deeper into isolation.
in isolation i have found the comforting madness where i can hide, and not have to worry about hurting others, and even greater than me not hurting others, no one can hurt me. i have lived most of my life in the shadow of fear, but most people don't know that, because i have made myself invisible to them. i've worked my ass off to make sure that i was invisible just because of fear.
i'm really quite an emotional mess, and i do cry a lot. nobody has known this fact until right now. on the outside i appear to be fairly hard hearted, and show little emotion. that is a facade that i've played to the tee. secretly, i steal away into the privacy that i can find, and my heart simple breaks, and a river of tears stream from my eyes until i have shed all that i can muster up. i don't know if this is normal or not. i really don't care either. i just know that it has been normal for me, for a while now.
i'm quiet sure that my biggest problem in life stems from my Spirituality. the problem is that i know God. i've been touched by His miraculous mercy and grace in my life. i have walked, and talked with this highest Entity. i know the power of Jesus, and the only reason that my life is in such turmoil is my rebellious attitude toward Him. this is the greatest illusion of confusion in my life.
it honestly makes no sense at all. how could i turn from the only real thing in life that has given me the comfort that i need and desire? the level of peace that i experience with this relationship is totally uncanny. how could i make a conscious decision to live in total misery after being involved in such a deep intense relationship? what really happened to draw me away? even more than that...........why don't i simply go back?
i often feel like the prodigal son wallowing around in the pigpen of life. why do i do this, when i know that life is so much better with Jesus? you know that in my writings that i often talk about God. i am convinced that He is real. i am persuaded that His way is the only way for my life. i believe this as much as i believe the sun is going to rise in the eastern sky in the morning.
wow...........i said a lot today. i've bared my real heart with y'all today. it's kinda hard to believe that any one man could suffer all this self-inflicted torture, and be bold enough to expose himself like i do. the bottom line is that i'm truly insane with a big ole tender heart.
............much love
Saturday, April 9, 2011
the real deal....
i'm not sure how to start this, because my mind is a wonderful thing. i've been blessed, or cursed,.........you call it, because i can't,........i can actually think of more things at a time than one. now,......i'm not saying that i can concentrate that way, but it's not uncommon for me to have several things rolling around in my head at the same time.
with all that said,.........Bubba came to me the other day, and said that i might want to prepare to " ruff it " for a while. immediately, my spirit inside of me started rising up,........in silence,.........thinking , " ruffin' it?" where have you been ? i've been ruffin' it since i came out here. just how much rougher can it get?
then he stated that we couldn't afford for the electricity to be on. now,.......i've went through the whole range of emotions the last few days over this. kinda like the grieving process that most folks go through. i've blamed everything that could possibly be blamed including myself first and foremost. i thought if i had just gone to donate plasma more often then i have this month. if i had of just gone to bed with the sun, that could have saved some money.
i have really been twisted over this. it has been consuming my every thought for the last few days. i felt like such a failure, and that i had really let Bubba down. after all he was good enough to rescue me from the mean streets of Jax, and how have i repaid the debt,........by not doing my part!! what a loser i really am!!
thankfully, after going through that madness for a few days........i have come to this conclusion: the reason that we can't afford to have power right now is nobody's fault. we are simply victims of circumstance. it's a down hill trickle in a state of the economy of our nation, at the present time. there are families in this city that are in the same shape. i'm grateful that i'm the lone ranger in this mess. it would break my heart, and lead me into a life of crime if i had children doing without. there isn't a wonder that crime has got so high here lately, and i don't think that it's going to get better any time soon either. brothers are killing brothers right now for whatever they might have in their pocket at the time. the sad thing is that it's not for drugs like it used to be. it's for the basic necessities of life. before long you will hear stories coming out of the court system like this: why did you kill Mr. Jones? because my baby's were out of bubble bath, and you can't buy it with food stamps!!
back to the misery at hand: how do you prepare for such as this? the real deal is when the power gets shut off, so does the water. here one major company owns the water and lights. seeing how i am the loner that i am.......i've not got any friends that i will indulge help from. i've gotten in this mess, and i will come through it when the time is right.
there is no way to romanticize this venture for me. i've been through it before. i know the pain, and horror of not having basic utilities. i have been hard pressed to find something good in all of this. i guess this is the first time that i've been in this shape before with a house to live in. will that work? that's as positive as i can come up with right now. it will be good not to have to hang out in front of Winn-Dixie, on the sidewalk, for three days waiting for the rain to stop. Lord knows that our rainy season will start any day now.
here is another positive thing...........it will not change me!! it will not harden my heart, or rock my Spiritual life one bit!! it will not make me go out and beg, borrow, steal, or become a bum like it did the last time that i had this experience. i allowed the last time to strip my soul of anything good inside of it, and i'll be damned if that happens this time!! if i can't maintain my integrity, and live this way............then i will surely die with it intact!! thank goodness that some lessons leave you impacted with a truth strong enough that you will never forget.
that's enough for now. i will fill y'all in later with the final details,.........as soon as i figure out what they are?
...........much love
with all that said,.........Bubba came to me the other day, and said that i might want to prepare to " ruff it " for a while. immediately, my spirit inside of me started rising up,........in silence,.........thinking , " ruffin' it?" where have you been ? i've been ruffin' it since i came out here. just how much rougher can it get?
then he stated that we couldn't afford for the electricity to be on. now,.......i've went through the whole range of emotions the last few days over this. kinda like the grieving process that most folks go through. i've blamed everything that could possibly be blamed including myself first and foremost. i thought if i had just gone to donate plasma more often then i have this month. if i had of just gone to bed with the sun, that could have saved some money.
i have really been twisted over this. it has been consuming my every thought for the last few days. i felt like such a failure, and that i had really let Bubba down. after all he was good enough to rescue me from the mean streets of Jax, and how have i repaid the debt,........by not doing my part!! what a loser i really am!!
thankfully, after going through that madness for a few days........i have come to this conclusion: the reason that we can't afford to have power right now is nobody's fault. we are simply victims of circumstance. it's a down hill trickle in a state of the economy of our nation, at the present time. there are families in this city that are in the same shape. i'm grateful that i'm the lone ranger in this mess. it would break my heart, and lead me into a life of crime if i had children doing without. there isn't a wonder that crime has got so high here lately, and i don't think that it's going to get better any time soon either. brothers are killing brothers right now for whatever they might have in their pocket at the time. the sad thing is that it's not for drugs like it used to be. it's for the basic necessities of life. before long you will hear stories coming out of the court system like this: why did you kill Mr. Jones? because my baby's were out of bubble bath, and you can't buy it with food stamps!!
back to the misery at hand: how do you prepare for such as this? the real deal is when the power gets shut off, so does the water. here one major company owns the water and lights. seeing how i am the loner that i am.......i've not got any friends that i will indulge help from. i've gotten in this mess, and i will come through it when the time is right.
there is no way to romanticize this venture for me. i've been through it before. i know the pain, and horror of not having basic utilities. i have been hard pressed to find something good in all of this. i guess this is the first time that i've been in this shape before with a house to live in. will that work? that's as positive as i can come up with right now. it will be good not to have to hang out in front of Winn-Dixie, on the sidewalk, for three days waiting for the rain to stop. Lord knows that our rainy season will start any day now.
here is another positive thing...........it will not change me!! it will not harden my heart, or rock my Spiritual life one bit!! it will not make me go out and beg, borrow, steal, or become a bum like it did the last time that i had this experience. i allowed the last time to strip my soul of anything good inside of it, and i'll be damned if that happens this time!! if i can't maintain my integrity, and live this way............then i will surely die with it intact!! thank goodness that some lessons leave you impacted with a truth strong enough that you will never forget.
that's enough for now. i will fill y'all in later with the final details,.........as soon as i figure out what they are?
...........much love
Thursday, April 7, 2011
in the hands.......
you know i saw a story on yahoo this morning that i didn't even take the time to read. it was about Government shutdowns, and had a little to do,.......with i guess,......social security. the reason that i didn't read it is fairly simple. either the media is blowing something well beyond proportion once again, or our country is going to hell. either way you look at it........i wont be effected by it very much.
now,.........this great free nation that i call home has been the most secure thing in my life time. we've always had our problems, but we have always rose above those problems to live another day. I'm not sure that it is possible to ever rise that high again. it seems to me that those that we have put in the offices of the United States Government have gone renegade. they are more concerned with getting their slice of the American pie, and not doing what we placed them there to do. in other words they are blinded by greed.
i have a real problem believing the polls when they say that more American people believe in God than those that don't. it seems to me if there was any truth in that statement that we wouldn't really be in all this trouble. especially, when it is written in the Bible,..........that if we would humble ourselves before God,........that He would heal our land. now,........how simple is that? the fact that we are not doing it should speak volumes to all of those of us that do believe. maybe there are not enough left that believes that are worth saving? i simply don't know.
they are screaming that we don't have enough money to run this country in the way that we've grown accustomed to seeing it ran. you know,........i think that this is pure bullshit!! i believe that we do have the money with a surplus left over..........if we will just place the money in things of value.
i think that it's time either to pull our troops back home, and just go ahead and nuke those that give us trouble, or.............simply stop fighting. it cost a lot of money to rage war against another country. money that we need to spend at home for the people of this great nation.
education cut backs are a major issue right now, and i don't think that it should even be an issue. aren't we stupid enough right now? does anybody really believe that cutting back on education is going to profit us in the long run? has this world,..........nope wrong word,...........has our country got to the point that we can't even see a future?
i hope that you realize that I'm heart sick over this stage of madness that we are in right now. like i said before,.......it really wont have too much effect on me. see,.......i've already lost everything. don't take me wrong when i say those words. I'm simple being honest. however, i am grateful for what i have.
the strange thing is that I'm at peace now. i don't have nothing to worry about, but my health . it seems that should not be a worry either, because it is what it is. the isn't any amount of worry going to make it any better, but worrying will make it worse.
i did take the time to read it today, and the article stated that we did this shutdown in 95'. i don't even remember it happening. do you? was it a big deal like they say that this ones going to be? a lot of things will be affected by it, and it sounds like the economy will be in worse shape after they do the shutdown.
i'm wondering,............hum,.............is nobody intelligent enough in our Government to come up with a working plan to save our country? maybe it's all a conspiracy to simply bring our country down. after all,........we do have a radical Muslim sitting in the white house now a days!!
speaking of that sorry dog.............why do y'all reckon that he wants to be President again? you would think that he has had his fill of destroying our country by now, and wants to get away from the madness. that is unless he is trying to bring us down!! just something to think about............ain't like we can change it anyway.
..........much love
now,.........this great free nation that i call home has been the most secure thing in my life time. we've always had our problems, but we have always rose above those problems to live another day. I'm not sure that it is possible to ever rise that high again. it seems to me that those that we have put in the offices of the United States Government have gone renegade. they are more concerned with getting their slice of the American pie, and not doing what we placed them there to do. in other words they are blinded by greed.
i have a real problem believing the polls when they say that more American people believe in God than those that don't. it seems to me if there was any truth in that statement that we wouldn't really be in all this trouble. especially, when it is written in the Bible,..........that if we would humble ourselves before God,........that He would heal our land. now,........how simple is that? the fact that we are not doing it should speak volumes to all of those of us that do believe. maybe there are not enough left that believes that are worth saving? i simply don't know.
they are screaming that we don't have enough money to run this country in the way that we've grown accustomed to seeing it ran. you know,........i think that this is pure bullshit!! i believe that we do have the money with a surplus left over..........if we will just place the money in things of value.
i think that it's time either to pull our troops back home, and just go ahead and nuke those that give us trouble, or.............simply stop fighting. it cost a lot of money to rage war against another country. money that we need to spend at home for the people of this great nation.
education cut backs are a major issue right now, and i don't think that it should even be an issue. aren't we stupid enough right now? does anybody really believe that cutting back on education is going to profit us in the long run? has this world,..........nope wrong word,...........has our country got to the point that we can't even see a future?
i hope that you realize that I'm heart sick over this stage of madness that we are in right now. like i said before,.......it really wont have too much effect on me. see,.......i've already lost everything. don't take me wrong when i say those words. I'm simple being honest. however, i am grateful for what i have.
the strange thing is that I'm at peace now. i don't have nothing to worry about, but my health . it seems that should not be a worry either, because it is what it is. the isn't any amount of worry going to make it any better, but worrying will make it worse.
i did take the time to read it today, and the article stated that we did this shutdown in 95'. i don't even remember it happening. do you? was it a big deal like they say that this ones going to be? a lot of things will be affected by it, and it sounds like the economy will be in worse shape after they do the shutdown.
i'm wondering,............hum,.............is nobody intelligent enough in our Government to come up with a working plan to save our country? maybe it's all a conspiracy to simply bring our country down. after all,........we do have a radical Muslim sitting in the white house now a days!!
speaking of that sorry dog.............why do y'all reckon that he wants to be President again? you would think that he has had his fill of destroying our country by now, and wants to get away from the madness. that is unless he is trying to bring us down!! just something to think about............ain't like we can change it anyway.
..........much love
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
that's what i'm talking about.
Desiderata
Desiderata: Latin for "Things to be Desired"
by Max Ehrmann Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,and remember what peace there may be in silence.As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
............much love
now,...........you do!!
You Don't Know Jack Schitt?
Author Unknown Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep &. Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Piza Schitt.
So now if someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them. Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family!
............much love
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
shhhh.............Silence
i guess by now you know that i can be quite moody at times, and for the past three days i've required silence in my life. that's not saying that i've had a hard time, nor a great time,...........let's simply stick to indifferent. my general form shapes, and molds onto those around me, and since i'm mostly around myself this can lead to awkward times.
i simply love being alone........most of the time. i do have limits though. i can't handle but so much of a good thing, and stuff starts to get crazy. shhhh,...............can you hear that? it's the sound of silence..........ain't it a beautiful thing? sometimes i require silence, but it seems like whenever i do,........i rarely get enough to say,........that i've got my fill.
have i spent the last three days in silence? you must be joking!! how could that ever happen? i do however like at times just to be surrounded by the sounds of nature. especially, at night time. i love the sounds that nature makes. the strange thing is now that i can't call every " noise maker " by name. living in Florida.......well,..........let's just say that the night time songs of some of these critters is far different than those in Bama.
the reason that i love the rain so much is the fact that every different kind of frog in Florida praises their creator every time it rains. let it stop raining for a minute, and their praises go up. it can be annoying at times........especially with the loudest, most precipitant of the group is very small. yep,........that's right,.........the biggest mouth in nature comes from a little green frog, about the size of your thumbnail!! them lil' critters sure have some great lung capacity!!
it should be no great mystery that i don't really have anything much to say today. i think that live has a lull point for me today, and that's a good thing. sure,.........i have plenty of stories of my life that i could be telling you, but life is not all excitement at times. they are just ordinary days like today. you want to hear about my project for today? i really can't believe that i've just said "today" four times in one paragraph!!
the excitement of my life takes me grocery shopping!! yeah!! i love to go to the store, and hand pick my food. i don't buy a bunch of pre-packaged food items, or quick T.V. dinners, nor frozen pizza's. i buy hand picked selection of fresh fruits, and vegetables to bring home and prepare. the same with the meat that i eat. i prefer fresh,........never frozen if possible.
hey Grandpa,...........wuz fer supper? well,.............them green beans at Winn-Dixie are sure looking good. they are super green and tender. i believe that they need to be steamed for full fresh flavor. the also have the first of the years sweet corn still in the husk that's just begging me to take a few ears home tonight. melt a little butter,.........real butter,............on those bad boys.........um mm good!! while i'm at it i might as well cook some taters to go with the beans and corn. i like mine mashed, smashed, whipped, or whatever you want to call em. add some sliced tomatoes, and a pone of hot cornbread, and that purty much makes a meal!!
now,.......of coarse i'm making enough for me and Bubba. Bubba doesn't cook much. in fact the most i've saw him cook is just chicken, and he always bakes it. chicken on the bottom, spices on the top, and in 45 minutes he has a meal. not even the same for me. i like cooked meals with a variety. i'm proud of my cooking skills, and really like to show them off. i rarely cook a meal that i don't share. i can't cook for just one!! impossible for me to do that, so Bubba eats well.
man,.........all this talk has made me hungry. i need to eat something, and then go to the store. i learned a long time ago that i should never go into a grocery store hungry. i buy a lot of pure junk. the problem is not with me buying the junk. the problem is that i will eat it!! the older that i get i'm starting to notice that a candy bar, or a bag of chips no longer constitutes a real meal. oh,......yeah, .......they can be filling, but leaves me feeling less than i should be.
.........much love
i simply love being alone........most of the time. i do have limits though. i can't handle but so much of a good thing, and stuff starts to get crazy. shhhh,...............can you hear that? it's the sound of silence..........ain't it a beautiful thing? sometimes i require silence, but it seems like whenever i do,........i rarely get enough to say,........that i've got my fill.
have i spent the last three days in silence? you must be joking!! how could that ever happen? i do however like at times just to be surrounded by the sounds of nature. especially, at night time. i love the sounds that nature makes. the strange thing is now that i can't call every " noise maker " by name. living in Florida.......well,..........let's just say that the night time songs of some of these critters is far different than those in Bama.
the reason that i love the rain so much is the fact that every different kind of frog in Florida praises their creator every time it rains. let it stop raining for a minute, and their praises go up. it can be annoying at times........especially with the loudest, most precipitant of the group is very small. yep,........that's right,.........the biggest mouth in nature comes from a little green frog, about the size of your thumbnail!! them lil' critters sure have some great lung capacity!!
it should be no great mystery that i don't really have anything much to say today. i think that live has a lull point for me today, and that's a good thing. sure,.........i have plenty of stories of my life that i could be telling you, but life is not all excitement at times. they are just ordinary days like today. you want to hear about my project for today? i really can't believe that i've just said "today" four times in one paragraph!!
the excitement of my life takes me grocery shopping!! yeah!! i love to go to the store, and hand pick my food. i don't buy a bunch of pre-packaged food items, or quick T.V. dinners, nor frozen pizza's. i buy hand picked selection of fresh fruits, and vegetables to bring home and prepare. the same with the meat that i eat. i prefer fresh,........never frozen if possible.
hey Grandpa,...........wuz fer supper? well,.............them green beans at Winn-Dixie are sure looking good. they are super green and tender. i believe that they need to be steamed for full fresh flavor. the also have the first of the years sweet corn still in the husk that's just begging me to take a few ears home tonight. melt a little butter,.........real butter,............on those bad boys.........um mm good!! while i'm at it i might as well cook some taters to go with the beans and corn. i like mine mashed, smashed, whipped, or whatever you want to call em. add some sliced tomatoes, and a pone of hot cornbread, and that purty much makes a meal!!
now,.......of coarse i'm making enough for me and Bubba. Bubba doesn't cook much. in fact the most i've saw him cook is just chicken, and he always bakes it. chicken on the bottom, spices on the top, and in 45 minutes he has a meal. not even the same for me. i like cooked meals with a variety. i'm proud of my cooking skills, and really like to show them off. i rarely cook a meal that i don't share. i can't cook for just one!! impossible for me to do that, so Bubba eats well.
man,.........all this talk has made me hungry. i need to eat something, and then go to the store. i learned a long time ago that i should never go into a grocery store hungry. i buy a lot of pure junk. the problem is not with me buying the junk. the problem is that i will eat it!! the older that i get i'm starting to notice that a candy bar, or a bag of chips no longer constitutes a real meal. oh,......yeah, .......they can be filling, but leaves me feeling less than i should be.
.........much love
Saturday, April 2, 2011
i don't talk much
for a person that writes a blog almost everyday, i don't really speak a lot of words in my daily life. i guess the main reason that i don't is that i used to talk a lot. i would talk so much that it got me in trouble, or at least a few of the things that I've said have landed me in hot water.
it wasn't easy learning to listen more than i allowed the words simply to flow from my mouth. it did take me quite a while to see any benefit in keeping my trap shut. even the Bible says, that even a fool is counted as wise when they keep their mouth shut, and that stands to reason.
before long i really got smarter. it's amazing the things that you can learn when you listen on purpose. a lot of folks talks just to hear themselves. after all, i was always my biggest fan, but quickly wore thin on those around myself.
there seem to be a hidden power when a person limits their speech. believe it or not, most people will pay more attention to what you have to say. there are those that are the exception to the rule. they are so consumed with everything that's going on in their own life that if your not on the same page as them,............well,......... you just don't seem to count much. i just thought that i would throw that out there this morning.
i believe that the Zoloft is finally kicking in a little. i think in one more week that it will be in full effect. my heart-rate is slowly coming down, and should be back to normal within seven days. i noticed yesterday that my skin was tingling in the sunshine, and that happens anytime that i take an anti-depressant. it don't last long.........maybe a few days, and then every now and then.
i don't know about you, but when my heart is beating so fast that i can feel my blood gushing through my veins it tends to upset me. i know that this just makes it worse, but how could i not worry? plus, i figured out that this constant pain in my back causes anxiety to one degree, or the other. it does have an effect on the body.
i was scarred that my heart was going to burst more than just a couple times. when i would check it it seemed the low was 110, and the maximum was 125. this is not healthy, but what could i do but worry? there are things that come with an over-active heart also, like headaches, sweating profusely, shortness of breath, blurry vision, and you generally feel less than par at best. death would have been a relief!!
I'm convinced that anybody that hasn't had these symptoms don't understand. the solution to this madness is not doing more. the solution is trying to stay calm, and give the medication time to do it's job!! it don't help to take a handful of pills either............actually, it doesn't work. you have to get so much built up in your system, before it will take effect. patience is the key,............not push-ups, or walking a few miles!! yep,.........i just thought that i would throw that out there to..............
well,...........i recon that it's time to change my diet to the summer time menu. all this winter time " comfort food" has left me feeling a lil' un-comfortable. from now on it will be sandwiches, salad's, fresh fruits, and vegetables. of course i will have to have some seafood, but cooking will be something that i rarely do.
once again,...........i have posted worthless facts,...............that only matter to me!!
...........much love
it wasn't easy learning to listen more than i allowed the words simply to flow from my mouth. it did take me quite a while to see any benefit in keeping my trap shut. even the Bible says, that even a fool is counted as wise when they keep their mouth shut, and that stands to reason.
before long i really got smarter. it's amazing the things that you can learn when you listen on purpose. a lot of folks talks just to hear themselves. after all, i was always my biggest fan, but quickly wore thin on those around myself.
there seem to be a hidden power when a person limits their speech. believe it or not, most people will pay more attention to what you have to say. there are those that are the exception to the rule. they are so consumed with everything that's going on in their own life that if your not on the same page as them,............well,......... you just don't seem to count much. i just thought that i would throw that out there this morning.
i believe that the Zoloft is finally kicking in a little. i think in one more week that it will be in full effect. my heart-rate is slowly coming down, and should be back to normal within seven days. i noticed yesterday that my skin was tingling in the sunshine, and that happens anytime that i take an anti-depressant. it don't last long.........maybe a few days, and then every now and then.
i don't know about you, but when my heart is beating so fast that i can feel my blood gushing through my veins it tends to upset me. i know that this just makes it worse, but how could i not worry? plus, i figured out that this constant pain in my back causes anxiety to one degree, or the other. it does have an effect on the body.
i was scarred that my heart was going to burst more than just a couple times. when i would check it it seemed the low was 110, and the maximum was 125. this is not healthy, but what could i do but worry? there are things that come with an over-active heart also, like headaches, sweating profusely, shortness of breath, blurry vision, and you generally feel less than par at best. death would have been a relief!!
I'm convinced that anybody that hasn't had these symptoms don't understand. the solution to this madness is not doing more. the solution is trying to stay calm, and give the medication time to do it's job!! it don't help to take a handful of pills either............actually, it doesn't work. you have to get so much built up in your system, before it will take effect. patience is the key,............not push-ups, or walking a few miles!! yep,.........i just thought that i would throw that out there to..............
well,...........i recon that it's time to change my diet to the summer time menu. all this winter time " comfort food" has left me feeling a lil' un-comfortable. from now on it will be sandwiches, salad's, fresh fruits, and vegetables. of course i will have to have some seafood, but cooking will be something that i rarely do.
once again,...........i have posted worthless facts,...............that only matter to me!!
...........much love
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