www.billofrights.org

Monday, January 31, 2011

the making of genius

the making of genius can never be easy. my buddy Bubba is working on a new C.D. with a new group of players. he practices all the time, and everything in his life is centered around the production of the music. although, the music is the most important part it takes more to get it heard.
sometimes you take nothing, and produce good things with it. these are some pics where he has done exactly that. he has taken a corner of a room and built a facade that Bubba calls the "hut."

here is the corner with a few palmetto leaves tacked to the wall.








put a few guitars in the mix.

now,.........let's add some color to it, and add a blanket.





I'm not sure what happened with Elona's hair?




this is a much better pic of her. actually, she is photogenic by nature!!




yep,.........that's right,.............Bubba just ain't!!




this is one of the end result pictures.





i thought that i would just throw this in for fun!!




                           .................much love

a few basic truths

i guess the first basic truth that i need to express is the fact after i posted this morning the clouds have parted, and the temperature is about 70 now with no rain. man,.....i sure have a hard time setting in this house when the weather is like this. i really need to get a lap top. that would make my life a lot easier!!
i do want you,.........my readers,.........to comment on what you really think about my stories and life. my most recent anonymous commenter has hit again, and i really need to be thanking this person. from this point on i will call this person "she", because she fits into the profile of the comment. maybe she can put a name in here the next time. at least her first name, or whatever that she wants to be called.
at first i was pissed off to no end because she called me a bigot. i knew that i wasn't a bigot. that would take a lot of work, and I'm far too lazy!! i may just be a general jackass, and ignorant to the wording that i should be using sometimes, but never a bigot.
i wrote another post just for her, and she did reply back. that's what i was secretly hoping that she would do. honestly,..........i find this woman of interest. she has the nerve to confront me openly, but behind the shield of being anonymous. which is better that not saying nothing at all. she can help me achieve the goals in life that i need to right now. she said a lot in her reply that's right on the money, and a few things far from the truth. it really don't matter what she said if she said it from her heart, because she can help me grow into something of value.
i guess the first thing that she nailed me on is the fact that i am a racist!!  the good Lord knows that i don't truly mean to be, but that don't change the facts.           now,........I'm not a card carrying member of the Klan, but i do have a few racial tendencies.           honest to God,...........as i wrote that original post i truly meant no offense to the " entire black race" , or even this one woman.
she even said that i don't care about nobody,..........just myself.      this is not the first time that i've heard this, and it is a half-truth.  i have learned over the coarse of my life that i do have to care about myself first.
here is my problem:        how do i show more care about others while writing this blog?   how would anybody show more love,...........or any love while writing a blog about myself?
i really need some help here. i write this blog simply to help others from making the same mistakes that i have in my life, and I'm still messing up in the process. the really sad thing is that I'm trying to promote the thing that i honestly know the least about, and that is love.
i know that I'm a mess, and i think that love is the only thing that could possible change my life for the better. there is a certain power that love possess that can transform a person into something beautiful.

this is for my anonymous commenter:             i do honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comments. it's great to hear what others think. you, and others can help me to grow. I'm sorry if i deceived you in any way from my post back to you. i was hoping that you would reply back. why don't you drop me an e-mail if your interested in being a further help to me. if not i will understand. i would like to know more about you, because you already know so much about me.


                     ...........much love

today is catch-up day

man,.........i tell y'all that the weather has been so beautiful here the last couple day's that i've been neglecting my blog. i need to say that i'm sorry, but i've been enjoying my life. I'm not sure what's going to happen when spring finally arrives. i guess that i will never get any sleep!!
y'all know that Sunday is important to me, because of church. the first, and most present thing in my life today is God. without His presence in my life i would be in more of a mess than i am now. i have to give Him time, because i want to give Him the time!!
besides that,..........i've been picking up an acoustic guitar, and playing it a bit. my fingers aren't used to the toughness of the strings, so it's taking me a while to get back in the groove.
i really have a lot going on in the real world that i live in, so that also is taking up a lot of time that i used to spend writing.
today is cloudy with a great chance of rain. i plan to stay locked up in the house, and write my heart all day. maybe,........i just took a weekend off where as i normally don't.........I'm not sure what happened, but i have enjoyed the time, and feel like it was much needed.
i also need to take the time to change the appearance of my blog a bit. i need to post new pics, and change the music out, so y'all wont get bored with the same old thing every time that you visit. this is quite a challenge for me, because I'm just learning as i go.
guess i need to get started!!!

                  ..............much love

Friday, January 28, 2011

Looking for work?

John Smith started the day early having set his alarmclock
(MADE IN JAPAN )
for 6 am. 


While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)

was perking, he shaved with his

electric razor

(MADE IN HONG KONG)


He put on a

dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),


designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)


and


tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA)


After cooking his breakfast in his new

electric skillet

(MADE IN INDIA)


he sat down with his

calculator

(MADE IN MEXICO)


to see how much he could spend today. After setting his

watch

(MADE IN TAIWAN )


to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA )


he got in his
car
(MADE IN GERMANY )

filled it with
GAS
(from Saudi Arabia )


and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another
discouraging
and
fruitless day
checking his

Computer
( made in MALAYSIA ),


John decided to relax for a while.


He put on his
sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL ),

poured himself a glass of

wine
(MADE IN FRANCE )

and turned on his

TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA ),


and then wondered why he can't
find a good paying job

in AMERICA


AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT


MADE IN KENYA



this came off Craigslist, and i couldn't resist!!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

time..........

here is a song to listen to while i jabber about something!!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUt7qmSvxLI

i've got way too much time on my hands!!  the day to day activities are become very mundane. everything is getting on that preferential  last nerve that i've over taxed this last week with all that banging coming from next door!!
this is quite an amazing fact: when i first got here one night, it's was kinda late, or at least it had been dark for quite a little while. this cop starts beating my door with a flashlight. i went to the door, and he said that the neighbor had been robbed, and wanted my info on it. i had never even seen a neighbor. not in that direction anyway. there was never any noise that came from that house.
every since that night there has been a lot of noise coming from over there. the house has been remodeled, a drive has been poured, a large building built, and the trees trimmed in the yard. there is always some kind of racket coming from that direction, and it's really starting to mess with my peace!!

time...................i've really got to much time on my hands. that can be a good thing while your waiting on a bus. if not,............you'll spend the same amount anyway. the bus has no regard for my patience, or lack thereof here lately. i sit a lot just waiting on the next bus to arrive. it's really not the fault of the bus. it's the fact that I'm rarely off schedule, and it's just a silly little game that the bus and myself simply love paying. he caught me off guard one day. i was just a lolly-gagging around without a care in the world, and that bus in me wound up face to face at the intersection. we had the same distance to go to the bus stop, and the lights were not in my favor. i stood there, and watched as my walk light turned as red as the fires of hell!! this wasn't my first rodeo. i've done battle with this bull before. i knew as soon as my walk light changed that his turn signal would be next.
i watched as the bus turned, and i still remember the sadness in my heart that i felt, as i watched the bus head up the road. it's never good to miss your bus. don't you realize that time moves even slower when your angry?      i crap you not!!.....................at least it seems like it does for me. being upset over some little thing is the last thing that i need to be suffering with while I'm waiting just for time to pass.

it really helps when your in this kinda situation if your comfortable in your own skin. if you are that's fine. i just hope for you that somebody that isn't quite as collected as you are doesn't walk up, and share the bounty of their sickness with you.     i still can remember the times that i was one of those folks. it took me forever to figure out what was wrong, but that was exactly what was wrong. i was not comfortable in my own skin!!
do you have an inkling of an idea what kind of horror comes along with that kinda statement?                i was allergic to myself!!!             now,............how the hell can a person be allergic to themselves, and what are the changes of any kind of survival?           Geeze Louise!!!
have you ever been around anybody like this?          i want to apologize right now if it was me that you were around, before i came to terms with this madness!!              i was a complete mess, but i was blinded to the whole operation. i couldn't see what was going on, but i can look back now , and see it vividly.      i was a terror!!    first to myself, and to those less fortunate that happen to walk up on escapes of the moment. i couldn't be still..............i had to touch everything,...............i couldn't be quite for over a minute............i would bet that some people  thought that i was some corn-fed, retarded boy from the hills that couldn't control himself, and that's what i pretty much remember it being like.
 of coarse hind-sight is always 20/20!!           I'm just wondering if it has always been that way, or if some brand new, wondrously, mysterious event happens that has a certain time factor involved with it, comes into play? something so meticulous that the internet can't copy it's reaction.  something that has been driving me nuts since i first learned of it's existence just a few short years ago!!

can anybody relate to any of this, or am i slowing dying a painful death chocking on babel here?           shoot-fire,.................i can't be laying down the babel too thick, because most of y'all are still with me. anybody that would actually read these post on a regular basis simply has to understand what I'm saying...........most times!!  hummm....................that means,................yep,................that's right,.................i have actually broken through a really tinny tinny crack in the world, and it's time to infiltrate their minds with the serum from my ray gun that will change everything in their lives from this day forth. once you get a hit from this special serum it causes such a reaction that you just can't wait to infect somebody else with it.
what?                    what's the name of this serum that supposed to change everything??

                        .................much love

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

so..........what's really going on here?

today,....i woke up just like every day of my life, except the sun was shining this morning, and the frantically downpours of rain has passed in the late night hours. it should be a time of great rejoicing, but something inside of me doesn't see it this way.  this is a blog of the oncoming depression in my life. i've dealt with it a thousand times before.
there has not anything changed in my life. I'm still taking all that great medication that the Dr. gives me by the handfuls to take everyday. you know,.........just to keep me in balance, so i don't have to feel.............like i feel right now!!  maybe he can give me another drug?            yeah,............that's what i need!!            a super drug that actually works!!
you know the darn-est thing about taking a handful of drugs everyday is when one of them decides to take a day off, or simply go on vacation for a week. i wonder where they go?   they simply disappear for a time. then when they decide to return every thing is in a madhouse state of total chaos!!
you would think that they would just stick around, and clean up the mess in my life before it gets really bad,............but it doesn't work that way for some reason. who knows why?
i have been doing battle with what i would like to call the common cold for a couple months now. after a couple months of doing battle it really don't seem that common anymore. my nose is in a state of constant hell, and this stuff running down the back of my throat is keeping me coughing like a mad man. i've been doing the vitamin c trick to alleviate the conditions, but that just works while i have an orange stuck in my mouth.

life is not perfect!!  if it was what would we find to complain about?  we all complain about trivial things in our life, and somehow that makes us feel better. we begin to think that we are alone in a room full of our troubles, and if we can just let somebody else know it will make it more bearable. the truth is that it does make it seem less stressful.
people that suffer major depression skipped that small part. they forgot to reach out, and confide in others the pain that they chose to bare alone. it really make no sense in today's time. there are people just waiting on the other end of the phone line just waiting for you to call them. they understand what depression really means on  a personal level. most of them volunteer their time, because they understand the fatality so well.

the next three weeks for me are what i call,.............make, or break weeks.     i've got so much to do during that time just to survive this madness that i've fell into over this past year. one of my major problems is getting my I.D. changed to my current address. the rules and laws have changed so much over the past few years that every one is a suspected terrorist at the D.M.V. until otherwise proven not to be.
there's something really special about try to prove to a person that you can't even understand that you are not a terrorist!! i just would like to say look lady,...............do you really think that i got this accent by default?  I'm an old man now, and i've lived in this country longer than you have even thought about living here. take this ridiculously  amount of money, and snap the current pic for my new card!!
if i can make it through that phase then the real fun starts. i have to prove to Shands that I'm poor, and the reason that I'm poor, and how i can be so stinkin' poor, and not be homeless!!  have you ever been down at Shands for financial help? it's really a fiasco!!  the workers only have 45 minutes to spend with you, and evaluate you on if you are poor enough to receive their help. they are highly trained specialist that know all the right questions to ask you in which to bring about the maximum of embarrassment in the allotted time frame that they are allowed to take. if for some reason you have not satisfied them, or if they feel that they haven't embarrassed you quite to your limit then they will have you come back, so they can take another round with you.
all this equals out though, because your reward is six months worth of free medical. every thing is covered expect for optical, and dental. i would have already been pronounced dead if it wasn't for that little life saving card. i take a lot of blood pressure medications just to keep me from flopping in the wrong end zone.

i really wouldn't have chosen this life intentionally if i had known better at the time. i've made a lot of seriously bad choices in my past. it is what it is now, by the grace of God. the best that i can hope for is the extension of time. however,........i don't think that anyone can extend it past the time that it was meant to be. if i can just gain back those days that i've selfishly squandered away then i will be happy with the outcome.

huum.................now what was i talking about?                  oh-yeah,..........depression.     it's seems that i've already talked myself out of that deal for the time being. i've got more serious issues to work on now!!

                         .............much love

Monday, January 24, 2011

i love a sunday!!

this has to be my favorite day of the week. this is my super chill day where after my church service in the morning,................this old man goes into a serious chill time of personal enjoyment. today is the Lord's day, and showing him great honor works out in my favor also. funny how most things work that way.
i decided to tell y'all what my Sunday's normally consist of being like.  right now I'm jamming to some pink Floyd. shine on your crazy diamond. to me,...........this is some really good stuff. i love the way that they orchestrate their own unique brand of music. i've never saw them live, but thanks to you tube,...............i can see them live anytime of my own choosing!!
you know,...........this might sound crazy to some of my readers, but I'm grateful to have lived in the times that i have so far. i love the computer. i do every thing that i want to do with it. it's the only entertainment in my house, besides a small clock-radio. it's all i need for my communication.
another thing that i usually do on Sunday's is write e-mails to my friends. i find it fairly important to a relationship to keep in touch with each other. although,............i do have a couple strange relationships going on that i just don't understand. what's a man supposed to do?   you can't force a person to act like they care about you. i reckon if they do care then they would show it...........don't you?
usually on a Sunday i eat at least one good meal. today I'm having baked chicken with stove top stuffing and gravy. i will have have to deal with it without the cranberry sauce that i so love, because i wasn't willing to pay two dollars for a can.
most of the time i will tune in to my church service Sunday evening at Trinity Baptist Church. i love this church, but it's located where no bus runs. i watch them every Sunday, but it's not the same as being there. sometimes i get up early on Sunday morning, and head down to the mission, so i can ride the church bus out here. i believe that God puts on the best live show in the city, and i love this church!!
that's it in a nutshell what my Sundays consist of being. i don't do much, but i enjoy everything that i do. it's a slow, and easy day.

                      ...............much love

Sunday, January 23, 2011

oh-no!! say it aint so!!!

now i'm a bigot?  at least that's what one of my readers said.   now,...........i have freely offered comments from my readers. i'm really very interested in what y'all think i have one that i got the other day that i'm really not sure what to think about it.
it steps crossed boundaries that have not been broken. this person played the race card in an area where it's not needed.  they must be new to my blog, and don't realize that I'm all about the love. there is no love where bigotry, and racism exist. i put whatever that I'm writing about, and simply put it out there, for all to read that want to read. i don't draw many lines when it comes to certain issues . my family is one of them.
i guess that i don't take as much seriously as i should sometimes, but i do take this comment in that way. it puts me in a contrary state to what i represent myself as being. i might as well just smash my computer, and put an end to this madness if anybody is so shallow to call me a bigot!!
let me share this comment with you:   

Anonymous said...
What a very insulting post to black people all over the world!!! So you think the black race is so inferior to your whiteness that it would be a slap to your family to have a child of race? You should be so lucky to have a black woman lay down with your bigoted racist redneck ass. Let alone have a child belonging to the likes of your white highness. Disgusting!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

am i a target?

the past 24 hours have not been the best for me. i didn't sleep well last night. part of it was the fact that i changed the position of my bed area.  i am a serious creature of habit. once i get used to doing some thing it becomes a rut. if i change in any way, even by my own choice, there is a part of my psyche that simply will rebel!! i like my rut's, and i've grown quite used to things being more stable in my life right now.
i tossed, and turned, and flipped, and rolled last night in my bed. for the first time in a long time, i couldn't get comfortable in my bed. there was no a position that would put me at ease. i finally wore myself out about one o'clock this morning. most people realize that when you wear yourself out inside of the comforts of your bed that your sleep is not all that well to begin with.
i had been laying there semi- unconscious for about an hour, and fifteen minutes when it happened....................i heard this loud sonic boom right beside my head, and shrapnel had sprayed my head and body!!! if i had been inside a fox hole, and that happened while i was trying to sleep,.......................you can bet you sweet petunia  that i would have been cut in half as i jumped straight up,...................except the fact that i was in bed, and the only battle going on was in my very tired mind.
I'm not sure if y'all understand the magnitude of Mr. Illusion of Confusion getting woke up in this manner. you do know that he is at a pretty much constant battle with some thing in his mind............always!! then there is that heart attack a few years ago.
speaking of heart attacks:  do you realize that most people when they have an attack that usually another one will follow it within five years?  a lot of folks don't make it through that one, but there's a few that do.    I'm proud to report that i am now living on borrowed time. it's been six years since my first attack, and i've not had a problem with it yet.
i know that most of y'all have a problem with the phrase " borrowed time", but once i got used to the reality of it i have been using it to my advantage. it really help me to see the beauty in life. sometimes i feel like the old scrooge when he woke up Christmas morning, and he hadn't missed it. i feel like i've wasted as much of my life as Ebenezer did, and everyday is a new opportunity to get at least one thing right!! the truth is that i really have high hopes for myself, so i figured that i would put the number real low to approve my advantages of success.
i bet you are wondering what was it that woke me in such a rude way this morning out of such a perfect slumber?                           it was a lamp!!!                    i bet you are wondering how in the hell that a lamp can cause so much chaos. so early on a peaceful morning.                 honestly i was wondering the same thing after i realized what it was, before then,................i didn't have a clue!!
i have one of these lamps that i call funeral home lamps. they stand about six foot tall, and shoot all the light up on the ceiling.  the first time i can recall seeing a lamp like this was inside of a funeral home.ever since that day i have always referred to them as funeral home lamps.
the one in my house really wasn't in all that good of a shape, unless you consider the shape of broken down a shape!! i had duct taped the weights in the bottom of it so it could    " kinda"     stand up on it's own.    OK,........OK,...........OK,...............you've got me!!!           it didn't really work all that well, so i had it leaning into the mantle of the fireplace. the thing was that it had been that way for two weeks without any problems.
problems?..........................problems?..........................dang it!!!..................i forgot,.....................excuse me, because i do have a problem,....................and some days more major than others.
i have this problem in itself that i truly love!!  it's basic nature makes it a problem.  just another example at the humor that God possess when He cut the design for the cats. those critters are so nosy that every thing in the house must be inspected daily!! i've come to realize that there is not a single space located inside of a home that a cat can't get to if it wants to inspect it.             what you reckon the chances are of not wanting to check out every one of them?      yeah,...........right!!
my deal is a kinda complicated one. i love that cat, and have welcomed it inside of my home. we are still butting heads on a few things, but I'm slowly winning her over to my way of thinking.    now,.........don't even think for a minute that there are some things a cats just gotta do, even against all odds.  seeing how i know this, and certainly realize it now...........i need to be a better owner of the cat. the funeral home lamp, and the cat had a destiny to collide,...............and it happened at 2:15 this morning!!!
i jump up and turned on the light, and the cat was laying under the kitchen table trying to be cool about what had just happened. she didn't realize all that heaving breathing gave up any chances that she might ever had of innocence.  i turned around and looked, and for the first time realized what had happened when i saw that lamp lying a foot from where my head had been laying!!  glass from the bulb had spread all crossed the bed, and the floor. i  call it a bed, but it's really just a well made pallet in the floor.
now ,............here is another thought,..............." is the cat trying to kill me?"

                                             .............. much love

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

wrong again!!

I'm sitting here pecking this out to you with a pair of warped as hell glasses just barely hanging on my face. there are really scratched up, and i can barely see through them. without some kind of glasses on i really can't see the keyboard, or even the monitor. it's rough getting older!!
the reason that I'm even bringing this up is because i bought a new pair at the Family Dollar a couple weeks ago. i frequent that store often. i would say that I'm in there at least four times a week, if not more.
i've learned over time when buying the reading glasses that i need to purchase the ones with thick frames, because the thin ones warp almost as soon as i walk out the door with them. most of the time those glasses will last a few months until they get so scratched up that i can no longer see through them. it's really not a bad deal for 6-8 bucks. it sure beats the alternative!!
this last pair only lasted about two weeks. the right arm just snapped one night. seeing how i'm kinda cheap, and broke at the same time i decided to continue to use them. i could balance them fine on my nose, and they hadn't become scratched at all.
yesterday i was in Wal-Greens, and the other arm just snapped off. it clearly had to be a defect with the product that i had bought. they are Foster Grant glasses, and i never thought that they would have been made so cheap. i thought that i would simply take them back to the Family Dollar where i bought them, and they would replace them with no problem.
i walked in the store, and went and found the woman manager. i have made a point to know who is in charge of the stores that i shop in, and make my presence known. having been in management before i know that this is a good way to clear up any future problems that might arise.
i pulled out the broken glasses, and started talking to her, and all of a sudden she got this look come crossed her face, like i was dumbfounding her.   yep,..............that's right,.................that stupid look like she had just fell 60 points on her I.Q.!!         i knew that i was in trouble, because i've saw this look on peoples faces before, and the outcome is never positive.
she took me to the back to see the other manager, and if i didn't stick my foot in my mouth when i said that he was the one on the register that day that i bought it...................ut-oh!!!          i flubbed up!!       i could sense that things were fixing to get a little crazy, but i still had a spark of hope left that he would replace these glasses.
that thought was shattered with the quickness that those two managers came into one mind in accord with each other totally filled with fear, and ignorance to the maximum level  without exploding to the level of complete dumb ass!!   this was not good!!
i must have been smoking some of that grade A, because all of a sudden i decided to trip with them. the seemed to melt together and become as one. this large black man standing behind this smaller, older white lady. they went into different tangents at the same time. she pulled her glasses off her face, and starting bending the arms outward, saying that if she don't that to her glasses that they would look like mine!!         at the same time this dude is still tripping over the fact that i said that he sold them to me.
i finally got their attention , and said all that is fine. i just want to know if you will replace these glasses?  the dude said not without a receipt.
even thought if you would just look at them you would see that the problem was with the defect from the factory?                   not without a receipt.

my mind gets me in trouble a lot.          not bad trouble, just a little minor irritation of trouble. i'm sure that most of you have no idea that my greatest strenghth is also one of my greatest weaknesses.  funny how that works that way sometimes?
i can be,................and often have taken great pride in,.....................the fact that i can be a super smart ass,........at times when highly irritated, and surrounded by a raw case of the dumb assed syndrome!! I'm good at it also!!  i think it was all though  years in management myself listen to all the stuff that had no effect on me, and designing my own brand of torture to strike in a business sense. i know that all that personal madness just don't effect anything much, but if a person has any pride in their jobs............i will give them something to think about!!

i said do mean to tell me that one,........of you two managers,...........can't take the time to appease one of your fequent customers with a concern?
your not even concerned with the quality of the things that you sell here to even show enough interest to look at the product?
that's really not a good reflection on the store here, and the management of this store here seems to be lacking in people skills. your customers should be made to feel comfortable spending their hard earned money here while keeping you a job. I'm sure that they named this store " Family Dollar"  for a reason?
I'm leaving the store now, because i have no desire of making a scene, but if something don't change you will both be needing a job.

i was having a really hard time walking through the store keeping a straight face in the process. my humor had overridden any anger that i might have had at one time, and i barely made it out the door before i burst out in laughter.  some folks are so petty. they need to enjoy what they do, or do something else. life is way too short to spend  time doing something that we think is worthless..

what are my future plans concerning this store?                 i'm sure that the only thing that will change is what i purchase from now on. i just can buy anything that i might break. i can still buy cokes in there, and most of my junk food.
i plan to return to the person that i always were to begin with. every time that I'm in that store i will be friendly with the management. just because they have life all mucked up doesn't give it any right to effect my life.
people ought to really think about the way that they treat others. especially when doing business. they might think that I'm just one customer, but i have friends also to tell about this adventure. i also have a great number of readers from all around the world!!
at the end of the day nothing has really changed. just another adventure for Mr Illusion of Confusion.............no harm,..............and no foul,............................but,...........

                             ..............much love

Monday, January 17, 2011

family blood

I'm going to talk about something that i rarely talk about, and that is my father's side of my family. the reason that i don't talk about them much is the fact that i really never got a chance to know them. there was real bad blood between my father, and mother, so she did all that she could to keep me from the other side. i will tell you this that i have really mixed emotions about what i've learned about them, and some of the things i really don't care for, but all in all,...........family is family!!
my grandpa was a self-made man. he was a business man. he had several ventures going on at the same time. he would plant fields, grow, and harvest. he ran his own mill where he ground corn. he owned a small country store, and he sold gasoline, and he never had to leave his property to do these things.
i hate to admit this, but I'm not sure how many kids that grandpa, and grandma had, but I'm thinking five or six. i do know that all of them grew up to live decent lives with the exception of my father. my father was a drunk, and his family didn't understand why he done what he did, so he was the black sheep.
grandma lived her entire life in the confines of a wheel chair. I'm not sure why. i just know that she did. grandpa must have loved her dearly, because he built her a three story house with a basement. he also put her an elevator inside, so there was not a room that she didn't have access to go in. grandma spent her days like any other woman did back in those days. she cooked, cleaned, canned, sewed, and washed the clothes.

i have no idea how my parents met each other, or what they had in common with each other. daddy already had two girls about my mother's age, so that had to be a match made in hell right there!! daddy's girls never did approve of my mother, and they made that perfectly clear all my life. i never did get to really know his girls, because of the way that they talked about my mother. even as a child i thought that my mother could do no wrong, and still today it's alright if i talk about some of the things that she did, but nobody else had better not join in the conversation.
most people don't realize this, but I'm the last male in my family to carry on the family name. here i set at 47 years old without a male offspring, and honestly couldn't careless. those girls are chomping at the bits though, and watching me closely. i might bring a male baby into this world eventually, but they will never know it. i can wait until both of them are dead before i do.
both of this girls are very traditional about the way that they were brought up in north Alabama. seeing how I'm a footloose redneck of a boy that don't really care about their traditions that they follow. i might just get me a woman of color, and start having babies. they would surly have them drop dead on the spot, but then again,.........they would get what that they wanted all along. just with a different twist!!
these are the only two in my blood family that i really ever had a problem with. my Grandpa left me an inheritance in his will when he died. he also left a stipulation with it that my Grandma, and father had to be passed on before i could have it. these two did all that they could in their power to make sure that i didn't get the property that was left to me. both my father, and grandma dies the same year, about two months apart. daddy died first, and grandma grieved herself to death, because they finally told her about daddy's death. grandma was 104 when she died.
after me fathers death i did visit the other side for a while, and nothing had changed. they still acted like my mom was just a cheap rag doll to be cast in a ditch somewhere. they told me things that i never even figured that they would have known. they had been watching me my whole live dying in a cess poll of madness, and simply hoping that i would die!! they never offered me in help out of it either.
i ask about the will, and they told me that all the property had been sold to pay for grandma's bills that she had collected over the years, and by her death. i felt like i had a big ole tattoo that said " fool".........on my forehead!!  did they really think that i was stupid enough to believe what they were saying?    that was the last time that i have ever seen either one of them.
years later one of the husbands of my sisters tracked me down. i had turned 40 years old, and had turned my life around. there was a slim chance that i would drink myself to death now, and so they hit again. the man brought me a deed to the property that grandpa had left me. along with the deed there was a nice looking stack of 100 dollar bills. 10,000 to be exact. then the bullshit was on!!
he said that if i would just sign the deed over to him that the stack of money would be mine. 10,000 for 13.3 acres of land in the country...............hummm.............what should i do?        i knew that the value of the land was worth more than that even without considering what was underneath the ground.  i sit there, and listened to him telling me one lie, after the next.                they did think that i was a fool!!
i simply wanted this madness to end, so i signed the deed over, and took the cash. you would have thought that would have been good enough,...........but it wasn't.  he started whining about how many times that he had to come to Florida to find me, and the high cost of gas,...........blah,........blah,.........blah!!  i flipped 200$ back on the table, and bid him farewell,............and i meant farewell!!
that was the last time that i heard anything from them. i know that they are still watching me, because they need a baby boy to carry on the family name.               in all honesty,...............why would i care about the family name when the surviving family screwed me out of what my grandpa meant for me to have?    that's a low-life move in anybody's book!!    why would i want to breed a new generation into the misery that i've dealt with all my life?
i hope when they read this that they know if the family name has to die, that they can hold themselves responsible, because of the way that they have treated me their entire lives. if my mother was such a piece of crap then I'm just as much a piece of crap also!!  they will be lucky if i give them a black baby!!!

anyway,...............life goes on!!  i'm thinkin' that this was the last issue that i needed to settle with these folks. i feel better now, and will go forth to live another day. we really ought to try to treat each other better, because you can never know the outcome.

                             ..............much love

just another day in paradise......

just another day in paradise......i woke up this morning at my normal time...........about daylight. i usually wake up at this time, but i don't always get up. it totally depends on my attitude at that point and time. yep,...........that's right,...........I'm one of those!!   most day's i wake up excited about what the day might hold. then there are those days that just cover my head back up.
today was one of the good days. i thought that Itty Kitty was in a rude mood this morning, because she started screaming to go outside. she paced the floor looking at the door, and would just scream. usually, she's simply meows, but today was different.
there is really something special about living in the sunshine state. especially when you first open the door in the morning, and the below freezing breeze hits you in the face, and the cat almost knocks you down going out the door!! the ground was completely covered with frost, and anything that holds water had ice formed on top. i was sure that the cat had lost her mind, but who was i to argue with her. she pretty much has the same free will that i do, and if she chose to freeze,............then so be it!!
it's been a little over six hours now, and I'm finally starting to piece together the evens of this morning. when i first woke up the cat was sitting in the window facing the back yard. she was so excited that she cleared the recliner when she jumped down. usually, she wants me to pet her when i first wake up , but today all she wanted was to get outside.
for some strange reason one of the trees out in back is filled with small congregation of singing, and chirping birds. i've never saw so many in that one tree before. right there laying under that tree is that cat. even though, she is a very patient, and skilled hunter...........i highly doubt that she caught one of those little birds, unless one of them fell dead before her.
what would she do if she caught one?   would she bring it inside the house, so she could catch it again?  even thought all those birds are small, I'm sure that they crap like monsters!!  yeah,.............that's right,.............she would bring the little bird inside the house, so i could entertain her, because it would be my time to catch the bird!!
ha!!..............like i could catch a bird?  the cat might as well get used to living with another animal in this house if she is depending on me to catch it again!!
the funny thing is that she catches lizards all the day long. i guess that they don't move quick enough. although,............they move quicker than i generally move..........go figure.......huh?         well, she doesn't have a problem catching them. the funny thing is what the lizards do once she brings them inside.  no matter where she puts them they will no move five feet from that area. it's like they have a shock collar on, and 3-5 feet is the limit of their boundaries.
somehow the cat has all this madness figured out, because she will place them in different spots throughout the house. when she has enough to play with the games begin. she will run frantically to each one, and slap the living hell out of it in passing!! sometimes she will slide crossed the floor, and toss it in the air, and bat it on the way back down!! i can't help but laugh while she is doing this, but i feel sorry for the lizard, because it's rare if they survive this brutal attack.
now,..........this is an extremely smart cat. she knows that i will throw the lizards back out in the yard, and she almost put an end to my participation.  now,............check this out...............she has started hiding the lizards under the rugs inside of my house!!
the only reason that i figured this out was when i went to sweep my floor, and moved a rug. there must have been 20 dead lizards underneath that rug!!        i knew that there was something strange going on when i would look for them, and just find a couple.
oh well,.............like i said before,...............just another day in paradise........

                         ...............much love

Sunday, January 16, 2011

A cluster fudge of madness!!

yep,...........that's right,...............i'm talking about the state of mind that i'm in right now!!  once again i've been decieving myself, and i've gotten completely off track.
i've never been a popular person, and really i never thought that i wanted to be one either. i knew that if i ever became popular that it would change the core of my inner being. i knew that somehow i would loose myself in the madness that comes with popularity. it has taken my many years to become a person that i could love, and i'm standing on the border of change, and truly fighting it with every fiber of my being!!
i have been deceiving myself.........in other words I'm holding true to the part that i play in the world today. Mr. illusion of confusion.  writing this blog has gotten me recognition that i really never figured that was possible. I'm not saying that i am a household name, but what i am saying is that folks all over the world read this little blog.
there are actually people out there,..........that i have never met, and probably never will,..............that know about me, and my life. honestly,................i find this a little over-whelming at times.
the thing is that I'm having this real battle with my pride right now. it's roared his old ugly head up at me , saying things that he loves to hear., and quite honestly,..............i love to hear them also!!!  it makes me feel good, and it makes me feel important, but I'm allowing this to throw the focus off what i say, rather I'm more worried about what my readers want to hear.
whoa............whoa,................whoa!!!                 hold on a minute,......................say it ain't so,.............but this just can't be right!!  readers all around the world didn't get to know me because i was worried about what they thought, and what they wanted to hear. they became my readers because i was simply laying it all on the line, and putting my madness out there for who ever might take a chance and read !!
it's been excellent therapy for me to advance my healing process on many issues that i've been lugging around for most of my life. some thing's  are a lot harder to heal than others, because i must simply enjoy the misery that they give me, and wont allow them past my grasp.
actually,...........my life has not gotten well enough that i can't afford any change right now in celebration of my pride. i am still a very sick puppy, but I'm getting better. even though i know that i haven't arrived   yet................arrived yet?....................what the hell does that really mean?................hell,.........I'm still sitting in the friggin' airport!!       my next question is when do we start the engine?......................yep,..............that's right,.................i am a sick puppy.
Lord Sweet Jesus,..............I'm still doing a daily battle with some demons that aim to take my life!!  the last thing that i need to do is let my pride get in the way of this great opportunity that i have here. i have found folks here that knows just how sick that i really am, and still accept me regardless of my many faults.  there is some reason that they read this, and i don't have a clue why that it is. the fact that they do gives me a chance to touch their lives in some way.
a sad reality is the facts of the life that I'm writing about is the one that i've done lived. i don't currently have much of a life. I'm seriously stuck in a survival rut!!..............oh no,.................don't even ask me what that means, because i could tell you anything more that just another state of mind.
now,.......that i've gotten that off my chest i feel a lot better!!  i can go back to my normal state of madness. the high alert lights are not flashing now, and the buzzers have ceased to make their noises in my head. Mr. Illusion of Confusion scores another victory for the home team!!!

                   ..............much love

Thursday, January 13, 2011

am i bad?

i guess the right question would be, " do you think that I'm bad?"         not that it really matters.     not that it would change anything in my life today, because I'm completely satisfied with my actions.
i tell y'all everything that i do in my life eventually, and i have something new to report today. i not only smoke weed, but i love to smoke weed!! for many years i swore off the weed, because i had severe problems with alcohol. i was under the delusion that it would lead me back to drinking. i no longer think that way, because i have proven that it doesn't. at least in my case.
i'm not promoting the use of weed in anybody's life except my own. if you choose to smoke it fine, and if you don't choose to,.........that's fine also. some of you have careers that if you were drug tested the outcome would be total devastation on your life. i can understand that completely. there is no reason to throw your life away over something that makes you feel good for a little while.
when i smoke weed it changes the way that i look at things. I'm usually a lot calmer, and more at peace with my surroundings. it makes me laugh, and giggle sometimes like a little girl. anything that brings back a child-like attitude in me is alright in my aging book. i love to be carefree at times, and that's just one positive aspect of it.
i will be the first person to tell you that smoking weed makes me goofy, but in a good way. i don't become paranoid, or try to eat everything in the house. i just chill out no matter where i venture off to for the time being. i love to go to the store while i have a buzz. i find people already interesting, but there something more special about their actions when i've got a buzz.
i will stop people in the grocery store, and ask them what they are planning to do with certain items. you really need to try this yourself. most people know when they are shopping what they are going to do with certain things, and they have no problem sharing it with you. they are proud to have these special items. after all,......they pretty much hand pick them to their individual taste.
plus,........it's a great way to meet women. at my age meeting women in the grocery store has become a challenge. most of them around my age has done settled down, and got the complete family. the last thing that i want to do is hook up with a married woman, and the single ones are really few, and far between at my age.
age has become a factor in my general life with everything. the same is true with smoking the weed. i bet my Dr. never imagined that smoking weed would have eased my back pain better that all those narcotics that he keeps giving me. i don't know why it does, but I'm certainty glad that it does, because i have a lot of problems with my back.
i never even thought that the quality of the weed could get any better than it was in the 80's, but it has got better, and by leaps and bounds!!  today's good grade a weed is grown differently. it's grown hydroponically.  now i don't know much about this process, but i know that it makes it much better. i know some folks that do know about it, and every time they try to tell me what the process is it simply sounds Greek to me. all that i know is give me another hit while you tell your story!! that works fine for me.
i bet that I'm going to get some flack over my next statement, but i find it to be true. smoking weed has no negative effect on my relationship with God. if anything,..........it enhances my relationship. when i drink, or do drugs i avoid God all i can, because i feel guilty. that is not true with weed. i will read my Bible, or watch a Spiritual program while smoking weed.
weed just fits into my life. i don't smoke it every day. nor do i smoke it all day long. i just smoke it a few times a week mostly when I'm finished with my day, and it's time to relax. it makes me chill like nothing else can. i guess that's another difference that age makes in my life. years ago i would smoke it all the day long every day. now,........i just want to chill out.

                      ..............much love

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

weapons of warfare

i guess that everybody knows that a thought has to come from somewhere. it might be just a glance at something, or a smell. our thoughts are generally triggered by something that hit our senses harder than normal.
i was at a bus stop the other day. it's seems that I'm always waiting on a bus to take me somewhere.  there is always a lot of interesting things laying around the bus stops.............. mostly trash. for some reason i have nothing better to do while i wait than check out everything. I'm not saying that i sort though the trash cans for hidden treasures. I'm just bored, and i take my surroundings in.

i do need to stop right here, and tell you something. if you really want to find some great treasures in the garbage.........i know the place. for some strange reason that i don't understand why people go to the self-serve car wash they are over-come with the desire to throw out everything that is in the car when they go to clean it. you wouldn't believe some of the things that they throw away. i find it hard to believe that they carry all that stuff in their cars to begin with. clothes, dvd's, Cd's, cans, and boxes of food, toys, tools, and much more. the crazy thing is nearly everything that they throw away is still in good working condition.
that's could be good enough, but you haven't found the real treasure yet. so far you've only scratched the surface. the real treasure is located in the bottom of the vacuum cleaner. some of them are locked, but not all of them. if your going to do this you need to be considerate of the owner, and take you a bag to empty out the vacuum cleaner inside. if you make a mess he will lock the door on you.
the vacuum picks up everything that not tied down. change, rings, necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and loose bills that have made their way to the floor. most people simply don't understand the bounty that awaits at a car wash. i just stumbled upon this myself.

now where was i?............oh,............waiting at the bus stop..........what joy!!!                anyway,.........amongst all the trash laying around i saw this beautiful, crisp looking, golden fried, chicken finger, that had only been half eaten. somebody must have dropped it while waiting on the bus before me. what do you think that i done with it?.........................yep,...............that's right,..............i looked around to make sure that nobody was watching me, and i shoved it in my mouth!!
i really can't tell that lie, and keep a straight face. it did start a craving in me for chicken fingers though. this went on for two weeks until i finally broke down, and bought some to cook. I'm a pretty good cook, and i have my own way of cooking most things. i didn't even think about not having my tenderizing mallet that i usually work the fingers over good with. it's makes them more tender, and they kinda melt in your mouth that way.
i looked through my kitchen drawer when i had all my utensils, and nothing there would suffice. i knew that i had to have something to use, but at the same time i realized that this would not come easy. i found a hammer in my other drawer, but it just beat the chicken into complete submission. it's was all raggedy, and wafer thin.
then finally i saw my last hope before i went out in the yard, and made me a homemade mallet. it was a tool for scaling fish. it had two rows of teeth on it with sharp points. personally, i've always preferred a spoon when scaling fish. it's always worked just fine.
although, this combination of tools really didn't give me the desired effects that i was hoping to achieve, because it even worked better. the teeth on the scalier  cut right into the chicken with the power of the hammer behind it.

  this is a picture of my weapons of warfare. a man will do anything that's required from him to do the job right when he is inspired.  the fingers were really tender, and tasted very good.
I'll give you a tip that i use to get that special flavor. i don't use many spices. just salt, and pepper. i whisk them up in my egg that i use to coat my chicken with, before i lightly flour. i also put on special ingredient in my egg mixture. it's dehydrated minced onion. i let the chicken set in that mixture over night for maximum flavor, but an hour will do when your in a hurry.

                                 .............much love

a picture is worth a thousand words..........

i understand that some of my readers are confused by my picture on top of this blog.  let me take this oppertunity to introduce who is in this picture. his name is Mr. Illusion of Confusion, and he is the alter-ego of the author of this blog. without the presence of Mr. Illusion this blog would have never happened, because the author himself is far too shy to speak about the issues that we talk about in this blog.

 Mr. Illusion is the good ole American boy that hates injustice on any level, and he has no fear in him to confront. he is very outspoken on the things that go on in his community. he has no fear on taking on the highest level of Government. he will tell you that Obama was the worst mistake that the American people made, because he is a radical Muslim, and an all around jackass, and should never have been the President of the greatest free nation on this earth.
Mr. Illusion is a rough character. you can tell this by looking at him.  his head is covered with a bandanna worn in his own style. his eyes are covered with a pair of dark goggles, so you can't see the color of his eyes. he always dresses in a black shirt while wearing blue jeans. he is a bad ass, and he is my hero!!
the First Baptist Church of Jacksonville has got no mercy from him. he realizes, and points out how deceitful that they are with the backing of the city. they rule and reign downtown.  anyone that lives in this town can attest to their influence over the Government of this city. their membership is strong, but most of their members are good folks just being deceived by the corruptness of the ones in charge.
Mr. Illusion knows that these people don't have any power over him, but he still expect pressure to come from them in another direction. they don't like to be exposed. it strikes great fear in their heart when somebody rises up against them, and tell the truth about them. if somebody finally wakes the majority of the good members up they will take control of the vile, and corrupt situations going on in their church. they will take that money haven back in their control, and give it back to the people of this city, and become even richer than they thought possible, simply by doing the right thing, and spreading the true love of God with helping others in need.
Mr. Illusion has spoken out against the judicial system of this city for arresting the homeless in an attempt to pay for the new courthouse that they are building. which is severely over budget, and they couldn't afford to begin with. you might wonder how they are going to pay for something by arresting a person that has no money to begin with? it's quite simple actually,..............our beloved Federal Government pays them cold, hard cash every time they lock somebody up, and they have figured out how to screw the Government,...........no,............they have figured out how to screw the tax payers out of money for their own selfish reasons.
Mr. Illusion is a friend of the homeless, and down trodden. he loves the hearts of the poor, because they have suffered much more, and truly understands what it feels like to need without much hope. he can relate to the hunger pangs they suffer, and can feel the winter breeze, as it blows crossed their face. he knows how it feels to be standing in a down pour of rain after the guard of a complex says that you can't stand under the shelter.  he has know the pain of suffering, and believes that it's time to end the needless pain that we put on each other.

 meet the co-auther of this blog. his name is James. he's just an ole country boy raised in Alabama, and is really proud of his southern heritage. he is really very shy, and loves the goofier things in life. he is comfortable wearing his mickey mouse shirt with a pair of shorts. there is nothing glamorous about his style. he is simply home folks that loves people.
James has had a pretty hard life, but he understands that the reasons that he has is of his own choosing. he has made some bad choices in his life, and opens his heart to the whole world to see, and hopefully learn by his mistakes. he has no need for aggression, and has nothing to prove. actually,.........he is as laid back as any country boy that you could ever find.
James is a behind the scene kinda guy. he adds his own special flavor, and humor to Mr. Illusion of Confusion.  he is a dreamer by nature, and a true Pisces. he would like to see love filled throughout the world, and the hate, and violence stop.
if you have trouble seperating these two i can give you a hint. James is the one that almost always ends with..

                                     ..............much love

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

homer say's..................


  • Operator! Give me the number for 911!


  • Oh, so they have internet on computers now!


  • Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!


  • Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.


  • I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.


  • Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.


  • Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.


  • Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'


  • Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.


  • Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?


  • You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.


  • Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.



  • When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!


  • Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.


  • I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!


  • [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!


  • What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.


  • Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.


  • Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.


  • The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!


  • When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.


  • I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!


  • Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.


  • I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?


  • Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.


  • It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.


  • Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.


  • I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.


  • Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.


  • Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.


  • Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.


  • How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?


  • Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.


  • Homer no function beer well without.


  • I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.


  • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?


  • If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.


  • I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.


  • I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.


  • [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
    Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'


  • All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.


  • Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.


  • But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.


  • I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.


  • Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.


  • That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!


  • Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.


  • If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing


  • I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!


  • 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?   

  •  

  •  

  •                              ..................much love     

  • Monday, January 10, 2011

    the thunder rolls

    ...............and the rain pours today, as the lightning strikes at my house,.............and i love it!!!  i do feel sorry for the homeless right now though. they have been scrambling all night seeking shelter from the weather. the luckier ones that  have tents today are bound up inside trying not to touch the top or sides, because it will cause it to start leaking.
    living in a nice tent can open doors for a different kind of freedom. the problem is that you've moved into the woods, and have invaded many different creatures home. the skeeters welcome you with every bite that they take from you. they see you as a source of food, and you are more than welcome in their home.
    i'm really not sure what the deal is with the flies. maybe they are attracted to your smell. they just want to land on you, and visit a while. have you ever seen the pictures of starving kids in Africa?        they are always covered with flies. they have grown so used to them being on their bodies that they no longer are putting up a fight. i've never been in that kinda shape, and i hope that i never am!!
    here in Florida we have a very special kind of fly. they are yellow colored. they will run you down, and bite the living hell out of you!!  these flies are vicious is a complete understatement. they love the thrill of a good chase. the harder that you run..........the more of them that join in the attack.
    just because it's raining like hell, and i'm in a real good mood, i thought that i would show you what the beautiful yellow fly looks like up close................really up close!!

     ain't he simply stunning!!  now can you imagine have several of this critters after you at the same time? they are just mean!! they don't bite a plug from you and go away. they will just keep biting, and biting, until you kill them. i guess that they don't have these in africa, because the kids just wouldn't let these bad boys feast on them!!
    ants can be a big problem if you store food, or eat inside of your tent. they are coming inside regardless of what that you do .i've seen a jar of peanut butter in the woods where ants actually ate through the lid on the jar to get the bounty inside. i guess that it's save to say that they have few boundaries.
    i can understand why so many homeless consume so much alcohol, but the last thing that you want to do is drank enough to pass out in the woods. especially, close to a fire ant hill!! i met a guy once that had done that, and every part of his body that i could see was covered in bites. he was covered completely up with these nasty bites that these ungodly critters leave on you after they feast. the was swollen up from head to toe, and looked like he was fixing to explode any minute, and spatter puss on anybody near him!!

    well the sun has finally gone down, and hopefully you had victory over your day battle with the bugs. you are settling in for a good night rest, and round two starts. all the other critters of the woods come from near, and far to investigate their new neighbor. most of these wont hurt you. they are just curious to who moved in their home uninvited. coons, possums, and snakes wander around your campsite all night. i've never really figured out how to keep the coon, and possums out of your food supply, because if they want it, then they will have it!! i've seen both scale a tree, and slip down the rope to where your stash is hanging. do you know that a possum can eat while hanging upside-down?

    i guess that i need to get back to being homeless in the rain. it really only seems to be a big deal in the winter time. once your wet then the pain, and suffering can last for what seems like an eternity. if you can get a break from the rain long enough to go to the library then you have some entertainment for the day.
    the library seems to be about the only place that accepts homeless folks with no hassle. you can pretty much tell who they are, because they are carrying what's left of their lives on their backs. the library is a great place to learn about new, and different ways to get back up, once you've fallen down.
    do you realize that the average,.............naa,............that word average don't even fit in this statement let's start over,........OK?   do you realize that most of the homeless people that have been in that shape for a while are smarter than you? that's the only reason that they are still out there. they had to raise the bar on themselves to survive in a world that sees them as outcast.
    hold on just a minute!!..................I'm not trying to insult the intelligence of those scholars out there. i am simply stated a fact of the nature of man. you have to become smarter to survive in a world of total chaos. not all those that fall into the world of being homeless are capable of finding the intelligence to cope, and rise about their situation. they were simpletons, and the phrase pure dumb ass fits them well. you might have run into some in this category before, but they don't last long. usually they kill themselves, or somebody else does it for them.
    the homeless live in a world that's located inside a bubble. the bubble goes every where that they do.  they grow cold to the jeers from others that it no longer even registers. get your hair cut, or get a job you bum is old news to them. honestly, most of them would love to have a job. the fact that they can't keep clean long enough to get one, and keeping it is a hindrance to them. now,.........I'm talking about the soap, and water kind of clean. clean clothes is another important issue to them also.
    in a general well economy they have one factor on their side, and that called the labor pool. a labor pool exploits the homeless, because they know that they don't have anything good going for them. they send them out everyday to do the dirtiest, nastiest jobs that most people wont do themselves. it usually consist of some back breaking labor in the sun. a good example would be running a shovel all day while the boss sits on a backhoe tractor drinking cold water in the shade.
    at the end of the day the labor pool will pay them approximately 1/4 of the pay that they received for them working. does that sound like something that you would tolerate in your life?   you have to be at the end of your rope with absolutely no options to do this kind of work. the honest truth is that there is somebody willing to do this really shitty deal everyday.
    i can give you a true example of the kinds of work that these places offer. i was sent to a company one day for a cleaning job. the boss man took me out in the middle of a field where this tank was sitting under the blaring sun. he said that he wanted me to crawl through the small opening in the top, and clean out all the oil inside of it. he didn't offer me any more clothes, or shoes to wear other than what i was wearing. he did make the statement to me that i should have brought a jug of water with me, because it gets kinda hot inside of the tank, and i could become quickly dehydrated.

    i just looked at him, and asked if he had a phone that i could use. he said yes, but why? i told him that i needed to call the labor pool, and have them send another slave out here, because there was no way in hell that i was going to crawl inside that tank little lone clean the oil out of it!!!
    he started telling me that i had to do it, because it was my job. i will not tell you the words that i choose to speak to that man, because i find it embarrassing to have to treat a human being that way. let's just say that i made it plain, and clear that i didn't have to do that job. i choose to walk down the road rather than use his phone.
    when i made it back to the labor pool they did apologize for sending me out there, because that man never made it clear to them what his intentions were with that job. low and behold,...........somebody else went out there and done that job that very day.
    i guess me whole point is that if your one of those that tell the homeless to get a job you might want to think twice about it before you do it again. i can almost guarantee you that they have done work that you would not do yourself!!

    i've worked myself into a frenzy.............and i'm outta here!!!

                                .................much love

    Sunday, January 9, 2011

    i was attacked friday night

    a person should feel safe inside there home ............right?        i mean,..........when a person has no where left to go they can always go home. a man's home is his castle, and nobody has the right to invade another man's castle!!
    that wasn't true in my case Friday night. i was sitting at home minding my own business. i was surfing the net like I'm always doing, and somebody burst through my backdoor. i was simply devastated by the damage that they done, and how quick that they done it!!
    some sorry ass low-life with nothing better to do,...........infected my computer with Malware!! then they offered me something to remove it with.................the nerve of some folks!!
    honestly,.........i never saw this one coming. usually, my computer will start acting funny, and i've learned over time to clean it up.......and quick!!
    Friday nights attack was more vicious, and right to the point. my entire screen changed, and it said that my computer was infected, and the only hope of getting it back right was something that was called system tool 2010.
    wait a minute?               isn't this 2011?          why would i want to buy an outdated program to fix my computer?         i quickly realized it wasn't that big a deal, and i went to bed.

    now,..........i really don't appreciate being violated through my computer. i have some advanced programs to catch madness like this from ever happening. sometimes,........things will slip through. sadly,........my computer is my life. i use it for everything. i don't even have a television. i can watch shows on the computer.

    all it takes to get your diseased computer to acting right once again, is a call to Microsoft. they will walk you through the process to get everything cleared up. now,........the only problem that you might have in doing this is understanding the person that is trying to help you. most employees seem to be from India, and everyone of them have an accent. i can relate to this, because i have one also. i think that mine is more recognizable, because it's deeply southern.
    I'm telling all of you this, because there is no need to waste money on buying programs when they are really some good free ones out there. plus in you get into trouble Microsoft can help.

    here are some links to the good free stuff:

     www.avast.com/free-antivirus-download

    www.piriform.com/ccleaner

    www.superantispyware.com/

    www.iobit.com/advancedsystemcareper.html

                               .............much love

    my home

    i've talked a whole lot about my home, so i thought that i would share some pictures. it's a lot better situation than i was in a few months ago.  I'm proud to have this home.

    i really don't have much on the inside of it, but I'm doing OK.  next I'm going show you kitchen. the stove face plate is missing. it doesn't stop it from making my biscuits and gravy some mornings. actually,........it's one of those high dollar stoves. it's the finest one that i've ever had in my house in my life.
    the dishwasher works fine, but i've not used it but once, ............and that was to wash my dirty clothes in it!!!



    if i tool you that i sleep with a princess every night. what would you think?            would you expect for me to prove it to ya?             i can you know!!
    OK,..................this is my bed that i sleep in every night. it is really  more comfortable than it looks. maybe i've simply slept on worse before. i told the princess to go on and lay down, so that y'all would know that I'm sleeping with a princess!!



    the next thing that I'm gonna show you is my command center sanctuary. this is where all the madness comes to go out to y'all.   yep,...............that's right,............................that's where i become Mr. Illusion of Confusion, and share my life with you,.................the good, bad, and ugly!!
    i have no shame left. i've already let go of stuff that i never thought that anybody would hear me admit to doing. there ain't no telling what i might say next. I'm just happy to be alive!!

    anybody that has ever been homeless really needs one of these in my next picture. i know that i personally worship the water cleansing my body. it takes a long time to get over the fact that you've been nasty enough to smell yourself, for day's at a time.

     here is my refridgerator. it works just fine, but you have to keep plenty of ice in it!!

     i've learned over time to keep the valve open, so the water can drain out. that's why the picture is sitting on the floor underneath the cooler.

    i guess the last thing i'm gonna show y'all is my kitchen table. it was covered with all kinds of things when i took this pic. honestly,........it pretty much stays that way. everything that i bring inside the house winds up on that table until i figure out where to put it!!

     well,............i just thought that i would show you that I'm a real person trying to make it in a cold cruel world. i really don't have much, but i am very grateful for the things that i do have today. i know that this wont last forever, but I'm sure enjoying it while i have it this good!!!

                                      ...............much love