how can i entertain my readers today? then again,.............have i ever been entertaining at all? most of my audience must come from surfing, because i don't have but two folks that follow me. the good thing is that two are more than i ever expected, and the good Lord knows that is two more than i deserved!!
maybe I'll tell you a not so funny story,......... that had me laughing my ass of the other day.
one good thing about living in Florida is the weather. anytime you have great weather somewhere you will find a lot of people riding their motorcycles. i think that bike are cool. i don't have a problem with them at all, and i never have either. actually, i've owned a couple myself, so I'm speaking from experience.
however,.........a lot of people show then no respect at all. they drive,......it seems,.......being purposely blinded to the fact that they are on the road. come on now folks!! anybody brave enough to choose to ride the smallest vehicle on the road deserves respect!!! they are counting on you to show them the same respect that the biker shows you.
anyway,...................the other day i was at a bus stop waiting on a bus. ( yeah,...........your right,............I'm always doing that!!) i was in my usual checking out the people mode. i think that living in the city causes that to happen. then again,............you can ride through any small town in Alabama, and everybody waves!! i know that i always did, but i couldn't tell you why? i guess that i was just raised to be friendly. i've learned better now. if you show yourself to be friendly in the city it's total misconstrued as " sure I'll give you my money!!" no,.......no,,,,,,,,,,,no,............I'm not saying that i'm not friendly!! i'm just more selective with those that i'm friendly with. that's just one of the horror's of city life.
actually,..........i feel like I'm a freak at times living here. a lot of folks don't act the same way that i do. I'm not sure how some folks can even see where they are going, because their head is hanging so low!! if you speak to one of these kind they simple don't acknowledge that your even alive!!
i might as well dip into this, because the story that I'm telling is so far past me right now that I'll have to read it again before i can continue.
this is my greatest peeve in life ever!! the fact that i can't be friendly with some people without them expecting money from me!! i wish that i really had money to give to everybody that asked. wouldn't that be super? i detest avoiding people gauged by the amount of money that's in my pocket at the time. every time i avoid, or ignore, or slight any person, in any way,.................it totally robs my soul of the satisfaction that it truly needs to be free. ( i think that i said a mouthful there!!)
OK,..........I'm getting back to the not so funny story, .........that had me in tears that i was laughing so hard.
the bus stop where that i was at the time that this happened was at an intersection of a very busy road. i heard a man just a cussing as plain as day. i looked around to see what the commotion was about. i quickly knew once i saw that biker cussing at the car next to him at the red light. this is nothing new where i live. actually,...........it's quite the common occurrence to see a biker ripping somebody a new asshole for disrespecting them in some form or another. most of the time the disrespect could be called attempted murder!!
anyway,............i told you that this wasn't a funny story, but this is what turned mt tickle box over. the driver of the car looked like he might fall of dead any moment. both of his hands were clinched around the steering wheel tightly, and his neck was so stiff looking forward that it probably would have cracked if he tried to turn his head in any other direction. he had turned a pale white color from fear.
i don't know what had happened for sure, but i realized if that red light didn't change, so that he could get away from that maniac on the bike that he would be stuck there..........and someone calling 911!!
i can bet you,.........without much doubt,..........that man has a new respect for bikers!!
it seems that hit and run driver are coming out of the wood word here in Jax. quite often homicide is evolved with the crime. they are simply running people over, and hauling ass!! it's not always the fault of the driver, but once you run it becomes a felony from the word go.
i was at the same bus stop as before. the intersection of University, and terry road. University boulevard is complete madness from one end to the other!! if your a wise pedestrian you will cross at intersections when the lights are in your favor, and even still if your not looking in all directions you might just get ran over!!
anyway,............i saw this many walk past me with a suitcase rolling on the ground. i quickly summed him up not to be homeless, and if he was,.............he hadn't been that way for long. if he keeps doing what i saw him doing he wont be alive much longer!!
this dude walks between two different red lights, and decides to cross the road. i didn't think much of it i first , when i saw what he was doing. people risk their lives all the time crossing the streets here in the wrong place. i looked away,..........then i heard somebody laying down on their car horn.
yep,.........that's right,.........it was the dude!! for some reason that i can't even phantom,........he was picking up something in the street, and he kept picking up stuff. i thought maybe somebody had lost some change, and this guy had found the lost bounty.
the thing was that in all five lanes of University Boulevard he kept picking something up. more cars had stopped, and were blowing the heck out of their horn, and this guy would just wave at them. i finally got a glimpse of what this man was picking up,................and it was nothing of value. it was street garbage!! i know this because once he finally got out of the street he piled it up on the side walk!! well,..........I'm all for keeping the city clean, but I'm not about to clean the streets!!
what ever possessed this normal looking man when he walked past me to go on a cleaning spree? i would imagine that only the good Lord could answer that question!!
the great thing was there was no damage done. no car wrecks, and nobody ran him over. i simply can't understand some folks. what drives them, and certainty what they are thinking.
...........much love
www.billofrights.org
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
not sure how i feel today
Sunday...................church service was great as usual. preacher ripped my heart out for bout an hour!! all the things i've done wrong this week that man seemed to know about it. I'm glad that i was watching on the Internet instead of being there live today...................you ever been in church, and the man started getting on you so hard that it seemed everybody else had disappeared? kinda like a one on one shouting match were you don't even get a turn!! that's how today was, and i was so intrigued that the time lapsed like snapping you fingers.
walked outside while ago. it's another beautiful day!! the grass needs mowing.............no mower,.............that's depressing.................back inside.
yep,.............that's right,.................still going through these withdrawals. that is one hard drug to come off!! hopefully before long things will get back to what i call normal. what's normal for me will probably not be what y'all call normal!!
the cat that has adopted me is really smart. she messed up the other day, and showed me how smart that she really was. she came in the house, and hopped up in one of the kitchen chairs,with fabric on it to sit on, and layed down. than she set up, and started scratching. i yelled at her," get you ass out of that chair scratching. if you have to scratch get in the floor on the tile!!"
i guess that i got her attention by the tone of my voice. it's really rare for me to raise my voice. anyway,.........she looked at me, and hoped down in the floor, and continued to scratch. then she got back in the chair, and laid down.
oh yeah,...............that's right,...............you do understand a lot more than you have ever wanted me to realize. you've just been playing me all this time acting like English is a foreign language to you. OK,..........I'll keep that in mind!!
dum-da,.............dun-da,.........dum-da,..........dun-da,..............time goes on, .......until last night. one of my peeves is her knocking the screen out of one window, and going outside. it's the one located behind my easy chair. the screen doesn't really fit the window, so it's a lot easier to knock out, than it is to put back in place.
well,...........last night she came to visit in my chair. after i got tired of rubbing on her, she became restless. she heading up the back of the chair to the window. i told her not to jump in that window,..............so i guess in all her wisdom,...........she jumped on the fireplace mantle. then,..............she jumped at the window.
now,.............i might look like I'm old,........warn out,..........maybe even slow, but,..............that's not necessarily true at all times. i caught that cat, as she was landing in the window with her hind legs, and with one swift motion,..........before she realized what was going on,..................i slid her a good twenty feet crossed the tile floor!! she snapped up, and looked at me. i said to her,.........told you not to do it.
actually,...........i love that cat. she is a good source of entertainment. i especially like her even more knowing how intelligent that she is. she is trainable, but has a stubborn streak in her that matches the one in me!!
walked back outside again,.................grass looks like it has grown three inches since the last time that i walked out,..............still depressing,...............back inside.
decided that the house needs to be cleaned up. wiped off the glass top table..............washed all two dirty dishes in the sink. cleaned all three counter tops well. this is like work man,...........i need to take a break. omg!! the floor is nasty.
i decided that the floor wouldn't get any dirtier than it was until i took my break. i must have gotten more of mom's genes. i hate a dirty house. the bad think is that i see every speck, and tiny dust particle, but how is that possible? I'm half-blind, but i can see something that irritates me so badly.
walked to the door,.................saw the grass,.................................back inside.
i don't think that i told you that the router of the internet burnt out a couple days ago. me and Bubba have to take turns surfing that blessed world wide web. the strange thing is that when i can't look up all that i want to, and when i want to,.................i remember all the stuff that i wanted to when i can't access the web.
when i first started writing this i remembered something that i need to find out. here lately,............several times a night,..............i wake up with my hands gone numb. so i Google d " hand go numb while sleeping." i read a few pages on the subject , and realized that i have some new thing to worry about, as far as my health goes,..........then at this very moment,....................the computer crashed!! Damn the luck!!
i'm posting, and going to the store,.............even if i can't look at the grass!!!
............much love
walked outside while ago. it's another beautiful day!! the grass needs mowing.............no mower,.............that's depressing.................back inside.
yep,.............that's right,.................still going through these withdrawals. that is one hard drug to come off!! hopefully before long things will get back to what i call normal. what's normal for me will probably not be what y'all call normal!!
the cat that has adopted me is really smart. she messed up the other day, and showed me how smart that she really was. she came in the house, and hopped up in one of the kitchen chairs,with fabric on it to sit on, and layed down. than she set up, and started scratching. i yelled at her," get you ass out of that chair scratching. if you have to scratch get in the floor on the tile!!"
i guess that i got her attention by the tone of my voice. it's really rare for me to raise my voice. anyway,.........she looked at me, and hoped down in the floor, and continued to scratch. then she got back in the chair, and laid down.
oh yeah,...............that's right,...............you do understand a lot more than you have ever wanted me to realize. you've just been playing me all this time acting like English is a foreign language to you. OK,..........I'll keep that in mind!!
dum-da,.............dun-da,.........dum-da,..........dun-da,..............time goes on, .......until last night. one of my peeves is her knocking the screen out of one window, and going outside. it's the one located behind my easy chair. the screen doesn't really fit the window, so it's a lot easier to knock out, than it is to put back in place.
well,...........last night she came to visit in my chair. after i got tired of rubbing on her, she became restless. she heading up the back of the chair to the window. i told her not to jump in that window,..............so i guess in all her wisdom,...........she jumped on the fireplace mantle. then,..............she jumped at the window.
now,.............i might look like I'm old,........warn out,..........maybe even slow, but,..............that's not necessarily true at all times. i caught that cat, as she was landing in the window with her hind legs, and with one swift motion,..........before she realized what was going on,..................i slid her a good twenty feet crossed the tile floor!! she snapped up, and looked at me. i said to her,.........told you not to do it.
actually,...........i love that cat. she is a good source of entertainment. i especially like her even more knowing how intelligent that she is. she is trainable, but has a stubborn streak in her that matches the one in me!!
walked back outside again,.................grass looks like it has grown three inches since the last time that i walked out,..............still depressing,...............back inside.
decided that the house needs to be cleaned up. wiped off the glass top table..............washed all two dirty dishes in the sink. cleaned all three counter tops well. this is like work man,...........i need to take a break. omg!! the floor is nasty.
i decided that the floor wouldn't get any dirtier than it was until i took my break. i must have gotten more of mom's genes. i hate a dirty house. the bad think is that i see every speck, and tiny dust particle, but how is that possible? I'm half-blind, but i can see something that irritates me so badly.
walked to the door,.................saw the grass,.................................back inside.
i don't think that i told you that the router of the internet burnt out a couple days ago. me and Bubba have to take turns surfing that blessed world wide web. the strange thing is that when i can't look up all that i want to, and when i want to,.................i remember all the stuff that i wanted to when i can't access the web.
when i first started writing this i remembered something that i need to find out. here lately,............several times a night,..............i wake up with my hands gone numb. so i Google d " hand go numb while sleeping." i read a few pages on the subject , and realized that i have some new thing to worry about, as far as my health goes,..........then at this very moment,....................the computer crashed!! Damn the luck!!
i'm posting, and going to the store,.............even if i can't look at the grass!!!
............much love
Friday, February 25, 2011
yep,.........that's right.........i'm in trouble today
i think that my lack of medication is about to bottom out!! I'm getting goofier as the day goes on. while ago my skin was crawling, and i couldn't blame it on the cat. i wanted to, and i tried, but if that many fleas were on my body,...........i needed to be dipped!!
this is really a horrible state to be in, and then again, it is quite blissful at times. the mind just wanders at times, and leaves me acting the fool. today will be a good day not to go out in public. the way that i am right now if somebody got their head cut off in front of me...............i probably would pass out from a laughing hysteria!!
i often wonder if the really crazy folks of this world feel like this? do they know better than act a certain way, but simply can't help themselves?
a couple nights ago i was in a mess. i was watching the movie " white chicks." i love the Wayans brothers stuff. the deal was that i would sit here laughing hysterically, and all of a sudden i would break down in tears. i don't know if you have seen the movie. i guess most people have, but there is nothing sad about that movie, and certainty nothing worth shedding a tear over!!
Geeze Louise..............that's still a lot better than the last time that i ran out of this medication. the last time all my emotion were severely out of whack. i thought that i was loosing my mind for real!! i would laugh, cry, scream, and whisper. the really bad thing was i didn't understand why this was going on. i didn't have a clue until after three days of this madness had passed. i decided to Google paxcil with-drawls, and that gave me some relief. this is the first one that i clicked:
For some people, the symptoms of paxil withdrawal are among the most horrifying experiences imaginable.
The threat of paxil withdrawal goes far beyond losing your life. (You won't die from paxil withdrawal!)
The symptoms can take your life and rip it to shreds, mocking your dignity and stealing your freedom. They ravage your soul. They deaden your spirit. But they won't kill you.
Ironically, death often seems like a blessing, so great is the pain of attempting to end paxil.
If I could impress upon you only one thing, it would be this: The symptoms of paxil withdrawal will end. They can't go on forever. They can't.
You will survive!
The paxil withdrawal symptoms include (but are not limited to):
There's a good chance that whatever symptoms you're experiencing may indeed be caused by paxil withdrawal, even if they're not listed above.
In addition to studying these paxil withdrawal symptoms, it's also important to understand the underlying causes that would lead you to such a painful place.
the great news is that i wouldn't die,............or was it?
you would think that was bad enough, but my Dr. also had me taking effexor which i was also with-drawing from. Google took me to this page.
Effexor withdrawal symptoms, along with paxil withdrawal symptoms, have truly set the standard for pain and suffering from an antidepressant.
As you continue to read, here's a few things to keep in mind about effexor withdrawal symptoms:
damn!!........a double whammy!! i was actually going through a living hell!! i wanted to die!! i would get on my knee's, and scream at the top of my lungs to God..............." please just kill me, because i can't take this anymore!!!"
well,.............fortunately,...........after about 7 days i had regain most of my mental faculties. i finally cracked the door to outside, and felt the warmth of the sun on my face once again.
i would like to blame this craziness that i suffer on a daily basis on the with-drawl from the drugs, but then again,................this is just me normally crazy!!
............much love
this is really a horrible state to be in, and then again, it is quite blissful at times. the mind just wanders at times, and leaves me acting the fool. today will be a good day not to go out in public. the way that i am right now if somebody got their head cut off in front of me...............i probably would pass out from a laughing hysteria!!
i often wonder if the really crazy folks of this world feel like this? do they know better than act a certain way, but simply can't help themselves?
a couple nights ago i was in a mess. i was watching the movie " white chicks." i love the Wayans brothers stuff. the deal was that i would sit here laughing hysterically, and all of a sudden i would break down in tears. i don't know if you have seen the movie. i guess most people have, but there is nothing sad about that movie, and certainty nothing worth shedding a tear over!!
Geeze Louise..............that's still a lot better than the last time that i ran out of this medication. the last time all my emotion were severely out of whack. i thought that i was loosing my mind for real!! i would laugh, cry, scream, and whisper. the really bad thing was i didn't understand why this was going on. i didn't have a clue until after three days of this madness had passed. i decided to Google paxcil with-drawls, and that gave me some relief. this is the first one that i clicked:
For some people, the symptoms of paxil withdrawal are among the most horrifying experiences imaginable.
The threat of paxil withdrawal goes far beyond losing your life. (You won't die from paxil withdrawal!)
The symptoms can take your life and rip it to shreds, mocking your dignity and stealing your freedom. They ravage your soul. They deaden your spirit. But they won't kill you.
Ironically, death often seems like a blessing, so great is the pain of attempting to end paxil.
If I could impress upon you only one thing, it would be this: The symptoms of paxil withdrawal will end. They can't go on forever. They can't.
You will survive!
The paxil withdrawal symptoms include (but are not limited to):
- Dizziness, which can be quite extreme at times.
- Shocks, called the 'zaps'; usually starting in the mouth or head, and extending out through the body.
- Sensory sensitivity, especially sounds. Any noise can become a painful experience. Also, being under florescent lights can create discomfort. Touch, motion and even smell can be painful.
- Nausea, very common with paxil withdrawal.
- Confusion, memory problems, and difficulty with concentration.
- Severe insomnia and/or nightmares, (now there's a winning combination).
- Extreme mood swings, such as intense grief and intense anger. Plan for this in advance!
- Suicidal thoughts. If the urge to kill yourself becomes too strong and the argument becomes too logical, think of those who love you. Think of the thousands of others who have or who will go through a similar agony. Just don't give up!
- Headaches, sometimes quite severe.
- Reduced motor skills, such as difficulty walking or talking.
- Reduced or no appetite.
- Intense fear of losing your sanity.
- Depersonalization, where nothing seems real; it's like you are outside your body.
- Panic attacks, even if you've never had them before.
- Sweating, sometimes profusely.
- Blurred vision.
- Muscle cramps and stomach cramps.
- Diarrhea.
- Chills/hot flashes, part of the 'paxil-flu'.
- Fatigue.
- Painful, swollen eyes or mouth.
- Fainting.
- Hard to swallow.
- Grinding teeth.
- Numbness.
- Itching.
- Trembling.
- Hallucinations.
There's a good chance that whatever symptoms you're experiencing may indeed be caused by paxil withdrawal, even if they're not listed above.
In addition to studying these paxil withdrawal symptoms, it's also important to understand the underlying causes that would lead you to such a painful place.
the great news is that i wouldn't die,............or was it?
you would think that was bad enough, but my Dr. also had me taking effexor which i was also with-drawing from. Google took me to this page.
Effexor withdrawal symptoms, along with paxil withdrawal symptoms, have truly set the standard for pain and suffering from an antidepressant.
As you continue to read, here's a few things to keep in mind about effexor withdrawal symptoms:
- Severe withdrawal symptoms can develop from patients on any level of dosage, so if you're taking a low dose don't think you're necessarily safe.
- Effexor withdrawal symptoms can easily last two months or more, and some people don't feel back to normal even after a year of discontinuation.
- Because effexor has a 'half-life' of about five hours, withdrawal symptoms can develop from missing only one dose. (The half-life refers to the amount of time it takes the body to metabolize one-half of the drug.) Five hours is a frighteningly short half-life for a drug of this nature. It almost guarantees problems.
- One Harvard study found 78% of patients experienced withdrawal symptoms from discontinuing effexor xr making it the only drug worse than paxil in this regard.
damn!!........a double whammy!! i was actually going through a living hell!! i wanted to die!! i would get on my knee's, and scream at the top of my lungs to God..............." please just kill me, because i can't take this anymore!!!"
well,.............fortunately,...........after about 7 days i had regain most of my mental faculties. i finally cracked the door to outside, and felt the warmth of the sun on my face once again.
i would like to blame this craziness that i suffer on a daily basis on the with-drawl from the drugs, but then again,................this is just me normally crazy!!
............much love
Thursday, February 24, 2011
a true southern jewel that i almost missed!!
one of the things that i do in the morning time is check out my facebook page to see what my friends are doing, and what has intrigued their lives over the past 24 hours. most of the time i don't watch the video's that they have posted, but today was different. let me post what i saw for you to look at.
now, i had no idea who this person is, and i started to reply to it with some smart ass comment like " she must be the kinda girl that takes ruffies before a date."
i got to noticing on the side bar of you tube that a lot of Kellie Picker video's were attached, so i started watching them, and sure enough it was Kellie.
i didn't know much about her. i knew that she was a singer of country music, and she was once on American Idol. although, i wasn't sure of her outcome on that show. i don't watch the Idol. i find it way too addicting, and i personally think that it's rigged for the final outcome. i did watch every episode of he last season, because a friend talked me into it. after last year i wont be watching it anymore.
back to Kellie: this morning i started watching every interview with this woman that i could dig up. every show that she appeared on it seemed that she just took over, and things went her way. she has a very sweet personality matched by a good ole' southern twang that makes my toes curl!! i love how she is very honest in telling stories. she just puts it like it really is, and could easily become the life of any party.
i made a comment on facebook about her. here it is...............
i don't have a clue who he is, and frankly i could careless, although i did get a little nosy for a bit. i clicked on his profile, and quickly realized why he was being an ass. this man has a far superior education that most of the real folks in this country, and he liked to brag about it!!
i especially liked the part that he said about my fans. he was just shooting his mouth off, and didn't realize that i do have fans world wide. he will probably start a stink if he ever sees this, and might try to sue me for only God knows what. that would be a cheap thrill for me..............i ain't got nuthin"!!...........i mean nuthin', and really don't expect to get anything either!! he can have all of my nuthin' that he wants to take!!
i actually was shocked when i saw the education that he has. he should be proud of himself for such an accomplishment. it however disturbs me that he was really down on Kellie for being such a dumb-bunny, and the fact that he started out on me every time with,............" well,.........that about says it all."
anyway,.............i realized very quickly that i was out of my league with this genius of a man, and backed off!! he was far too impressive for me to argue with. the one thing that he left me with was the fact that he sure was living up to his name,..................only with ears!!
Kellie is alright in my book. she is real...........i think if more people was as real as her that the world would have far less problems for the genius's of this world to work out!!
by the way she was playing for a charity that's close to her heart. click around on the side bar on you tube. you will figure it out. anybody that will go on public television, and play for a charity really has to be a super person with a giant heart!!
Kellie..........you rock girl!!
...........much love
now, i had no idea who this person is, and i started to reply to it with some smart ass comment like " she must be the kinda girl that takes ruffies before a date."
i got to noticing on the side bar of you tube that a lot of Kellie Picker video's were attached, so i started watching them, and sure enough it was Kellie.
i didn't know much about her. i knew that she was a singer of country music, and she was once on American Idol. although, i wasn't sure of her outcome on that show. i don't watch the Idol. i find it way too addicting, and i personally think that it's rigged for the final outcome. i did watch every episode of he last season, because a friend talked me into it. after last year i wont be watching it anymore.
back to Kellie: this morning i started watching every interview with this woman that i could dig up. every show that she appeared on it seemed that she just took over, and things went her way. she has a very sweet personality matched by a good ole' southern twang that makes my toes curl!! i love how she is very honest in telling stories. she just puts it like it really is, and could easily become the life of any party.
i made a comment on facebook about her. here it is...............
- Christina Wow. lol.Tuesday at 9:08pm ·
James Crumly i watched this video, and i was gonna write some smart azz reply, but then i realized that it was Kelly Pickler. she might not be the smartest star in the sky, but she sure can sing, and has a charming personality!!Yesterday at 11:33am ·- Peter Well! That about says it all, I think. Any grooming tips for your fans, James?Yesterday at 11:36am ·
- That about says it all, I think. Gotta love those Secesh gals, huh? Ain't it cute when they don't finish fifth grade?Yesterday at 12:01pm ·
i don't have a clue who he is, and frankly i could careless, although i did get a little nosy for a bit. i clicked on his profile, and quickly realized why he was being an ass. this man has a far superior education that most of the real folks in this country, and he liked to brag about it!!
i especially liked the part that he said about my fans. he was just shooting his mouth off, and didn't realize that i do have fans world wide. he will probably start a stink if he ever sees this, and might try to sue me for only God knows what. that would be a cheap thrill for me..............i ain't got nuthin"!!...........i mean nuthin', and really don't expect to get anything either!! he can have all of my nuthin' that he wants to take!!
i actually was shocked when i saw the education that he has. he should be proud of himself for such an accomplishment. it however disturbs me that he was really down on Kellie for being such a dumb-bunny, and the fact that he started out on me every time with,............" well,.........that about says it all."
anyway,.............i realized very quickly that i was out of my league with this genius of a man, and backed off!! he was far too impressive for me to argue with. the one thing that he left me with was the fact that he sure was living up to his name,..................only with ears!!
Kellie is alright in my book. she is real...........i think if more people was as real as her that the world would have far less problems for the genius's of this world to work out!!
by the way she was playing for a charity that's close to her heart. click around on the side bar on you tube. you will figure it out. anybody that will go on public television, and play for a charity really has to be a super person with a giant heart!!
Kellie..........you rock girl!!
...........much love
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
who the f**k is Obama?????
it's no great secret that I'm not a fan of the greatest free nation's in the worlds Muslim President!! actually,.........I'm becoming more, and more anti-Obama as the days drag on!! i feel that i must speak out while i still have pieces left of what used to be our Constitution to protect me, if that still has any truth to it!!
i am pissed!! unfortunately, ............when i get this pissed the redneck just floods out of me, and my language becomes quite frank. this is my apology to you, and a warning that I'm about to use some very harsh language. if you are offended by my choice of words today............please stop reading now, because it's going to get worse as i go!!
who the fuck is Obama? who does he think that he is? don't he realize that the American people put him in place, because of the Constitution of the United States of America? don't he realize that door swings both directions, and we can relieve his sorry ass of his duties that he is not living up to anyway,....... because of the same Constitution?
now,.............i know that I'm going to lose a lot of readers by writing this, but i've thought about it,.............and i don't really care!! right is right!! i think ,.............no,.............i believe that a man has to have convictions worth standing for, and I'm fixin' to show mine!!
this is what's got me so riled up today. this one article has raised my blood pressure to the point where i can feel it squeezing through my veins!!
WASHINGTON -- In a major policy reversal, the Obama administration said Wednesday that it will no longer defend the constitutionality of a federal law banning recognition of same-sex marriage. Attorney General Eric Holder said President Barack Obama has concluded that the administration cannot defend the federal law that defines marriage as only between a man and a woman. He noted that the congressional debate during passage of the Defense of Marriage Act "contains numerous expressions reflecting moral disapproval of gays and lesbians and their intimate and family relationships - precisely the kind of stereotype-based thinking and animus the (Constitution's)Equal Protection Clause is designed to guard against." The Justice Department had defended the act in court until now. "Much of the legal landscape has changed in the 15 years since Congress passed" the Defense of Marriage Act, Holder said in a statement. He noted that the Supreme Court has ruled that laws criminalizing homosexual conduct are unconstitutional and that Congress has repealed the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Holder wrote to House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, that Obama has concluded the Defense of Marriage Act fails to meet a rigorous standard under which courts view with suspicion any laws targeting minority groups who have suffered a history of discrimination. The attorney general said the Justice Department had defended the law in court until now because the government was able to advance reasonable arguments for the law based on a less strict standard. At a December news conference, in response to a reporters' question, Obama revealed that his position on gay marriage is "constantly evolving." He has opposed such marriages and supported instead civil unions for gay and lesbian couples. The president said such civil unions are his baseline - at this point, as he put it. "This is something that we're going to continue to debate, and I personally am going to continue to wrestle with going forward," he said.
yep,............that right,..............it's all over this!! the thing is that it should not even be an issue.
when our great nation was founded our founding fathers knew what we needed to be free, happy, and successful. freedom of religion was a key issue. they knew the importance of placing God at the head of our nation. "one nation under God" this has worked well until a new movement took place in the 1060's by Madalyn O'Hair , and has been going straight to hell ever since!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madalyn_Murray_O%27Hair
if we truly are one nation under God anymore.............then what does He say about homosexuality?
22Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
Leviticus 20.13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
how does that hit you? is that plain enough?
i don't have nothing against homo's personally. actually,........i don't really give a flying fuck what you do, besides breaking the laws of God. the deal is that if we are going to be one nation under God we need to act like it, and not condone the marriage of these individuals.
back to Obama: if he can't defend what the people of this nation has already put in place, then why in the hell is he the President to begin with? i can tell you why,.............because we the people put him there, and we the people can take his sorry ass out also!! we gave him a shot,...........and he has failed miserably!! what has he done to improve this nation .........on any level?
i really can't blame him for the shape that America is in totally. it was bad when he stepped in the office that he know holds, but has he done anything to improve it?
i believe that we should go ahead with impeachment proceeding now, before it's too late. that would show those other lame jackasses that were paying to uphold our Constitution that we are sick and tired of them not doing what they should be doing to begin with!!
this is our country...............for Americans, ........... by Americans. let's take back control of it while we still can!!!!!!
let's see,...................how many people have i pissed off today that will no longer be gracing the pages of my blog? the homo's probably have their panties wadded up in their ass,..............so goodbye.
the ones that have no belief in a sovereign God as ruler over anything will wander off for a while and sulk, but you will be back.
i might lose a few that have been offended by my language today who paid no attention to the warning that i gave. i would really like to apologize before you walk out of the door. i wont even try to sugar-coat it with words like righteous indignation, because i know that it was wrong to do such.
i would like to apologize to God for the language that i've used today. He knows the sincerity of my heart, and how it angers me so. i can't just sit here, and say nothing.
that's it,..........and as always....
.............much love
i am pissed!! unfortunately, ............when i get this pissed the redneck just floods out of me, and my language becomes quite frank. this is my apology to you, and a warning that I'm about to use some very harsh language. if you are offended by my choice of words today............please stop reading now, because it's going to get worse as i go!!
who the fuck is Obama? who does he think that he is? don't he realize that the American people put him in place, because of the Constitution of the United States of America? don't he realize that door swings both directions, and we can relieve his sorry ass of his duties that he is not living up to anyway,....... because of the same Constitution?
now,.............i know that I'm going to lose a lot of readers by writing this, but i've thought about it,.............and i don't really care!! right is right!! i think ,.............no,.............i believe that a man has to have convictions worth standing for, and I'm fixin' to show mine!!
this is what's got me so riled up today. this one article has raised my blood pressure to the point where i can feel it squeezing through my veins!!
Gov't Drops Defense Of Anti-Gay Marriage Law
Justice Had Defended Defense Of Marriage Act Until Now
POSTED: Wednesday, February 23, 2011
UPDATED: 1:11 pm EST February 23, 2011
Email
Print
  David McNew/Getty Images Same-sex wedding cake topper figurines are seen at Cake and Art cake decorators June 10, 2008 in West Hollywood, Calif. |
yep,............that right,..............it's all over this!! the thing is that it should not even be an issue.
when our great nation was founded our founding fathers knew what we needed to be free, happy, and successful. freedom of religion was a key issue. they knew the importance of placing God at the head of our nation. "one nation under God" this has worked well until a new movement took place in the 1060's by Madalyn O'Hair , and has been going straight to hell ever since!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madalyn_Murray_O%27Hair
if we truly are one nation under God anymore.............then what does He say about homosexuality?
Leviticus 18:22 (King James Version)
22Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
Leviticus 20.13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
how does that hit you? is that plain enough?
i don't have nothing against homo's personally. actually,........i don't really give a flying fuck what you do, besides breaking the laws of God. the deal is that if we are going to be one nation under God we need to act like it, and not condone the marriage of these individuals.
back to Obama: if he can't defend what the people of this nation has already put in place, then why in the hell is he the President to begin with? i can tell you why,.............because we the people put him there, and we the people can take his sorry ass out also!! we gave him a shot,...........and he has failed miserably!! what has he done to improve this nation .........on any level?
i really can't blame him for the shape that America is in totally. it was bad when he stepped in the office that he know holds, but has he done anything to improve it?
i believe that we should go ahead with impeachment proceeding now, before it's too late. that would show those other lame jackasses that were paying to uphold our Constitution that we are sick and tired of them not doing what they should be doing to begin with!!
this is our country...............for Americans, ........... by Americans. let's take back control of it while we still can!!!!!!
let's see,...................how many people have i pissed off today that will no longer be gracing the pages of my blog? the homo's probably have their panties wadded up in their ass,..............so goodbye.
the ones that have no belief in a sovereign God as ruler over anything will wander off for a while and sulk, but you will be back.
i might lose a few that have been offended by my language today who paid no attention to the warning that i gave. i would really like to apologize before you walk out of the door. i wont even try to sugar-coat it with words like righteous indignation, because i know that it was wrong to do such.
i would like to apologize to God for the language that i've used today. He knows the sincerity of my heart, and how it angers me so. i can't just sit here, and say nothing.
that's it,..........and as always....
.............much love
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
ususual.............or what?
this change in weather has been great. i actually opened all the windows in the house last night, or yesterday, and left them open last night while i went to bed. i got up at the crack of dawn this morning, and the temperature was already 65 degrees.
this entire week has been unseasonable warm though. at the last recollection that i had it was still February. the funny thing is i walked outside this morning wearing a pair of black socks. i guess that i've not walked outside in my socks now in a couple months, because of the cold, but today was different. i stayed in the driveway dodging all the sweet gum balls that have fallen from the trees. for those that don't have an idea what I'm talking about.........a sweet gum ball is this seed pod that looks like the old under-water mines. it's rock hard with little spikes on it. if you have ever stepped on one then you know why i was paying attention. they are built to survive, and a bare foot doesn't stand a chance again them!! kinda like walking in the inter-coastal, and running into an oyster bed. atleast you can see the sweet gum pods.
anyway,............i came back in after i was well satisfied that the earth was still standing intact, and sit down in my easy chair. instead of kicking the landing gear back and relaxing i threw one ankle over my other knee. that's the way a real man crosses his legs. not the wimpy way.
the whole point is that the bottoms of my socks had changed color. they were green now...............covered with pollen!! isn't it a little early in the year to have that much pollen in the air? even in the sub-tropical world of Florida? i didn't even notice the pollen laying on the driveway, but a few hours later now you can see it everywhere. it is covering everything in the yard.
i really don't care for much cold weather, but i believe this summer is going to be brutal!! the burn time is getting less, and less everyday, and i don't believe that spring is due to officially be here anytime soon. i looked, and the first day of spring is March 20th. that's about another month, so were pretty much ----!!! you can choose the word that you want to,.............but it's gonna be hot!!
i try to walk at least every couple of days. i guess this comes from not being able to walk much for most of the year. Saturday i noticed a lot of the bushes in the neighborhood had started blooming. Florida is a strange land to live in as far as the plant life. you would be shocked to see all the trees that are still hanging on to their leaves,..........dead leaves,............but they wont turn loose of them until the new buds push them off the trees!! even that magical berry bush has nothing left on it now but the berries. yeah,............that's right,.........I'm still keeping an eye on that joker!! i need to find out what it really is, and exactly how poisonous those berries are on it.
one more thing before i go for today: my great hunting cat wound up in a fix today. she is always catching lizards, and dragging them in the house. today was no different,...............well,................not much different.
she always brings them to me first to show her skills off. today she brought in a mouthful of one lizard. she walked up to me, and had five inches of fresh caught lizard hanging out of both sides of her mouth. i've seen them that big before, but she never has brought one inside.
she took it to the rug in the kitchen to play,.............or maybe terrorize would be a better word. i was piddling with my computer, and soon forgot that either one of them was in the house. before long i heard her growling. i can't recall ever hearing a cat growling before, but it was steadily getting louder. soon the growls turned into screams, and that really got my attention.
while she was growling she had her back to me, but once she started screaming bloody murder........she turned around to face me.
i couldn't believe what i saw!! that giant lizard had clamped down on her paw, and would not turn loose of her. she was shaking that paw violently,............and the lizard just held on!! she started biting the lizard,.................and it still wouldn't turn loose of her paw!! she tried to take another paw, and make the lizard turn loose...........to no avail!!
by this time my sides had begun to hurt from laughing so much!! poor kitty was in a world of hurt in two different ways. that lizard was planning on teaching her a lesson, and i was just rolling in laughter at her very sensitive situation. it hurts her tender Lil' feelings when i laugh at her too much!! I'm not joking,.......it really does.
well,..........i reckon that the lizard had got it's fill of kitty fur taste for the day, and finally turned loose of her paw. immediately,.........the cat shot out of the door, and i didn't see her again for several hours. funny thing is that when she came back inside she didn't have another lizard in her mouth!! the last of the great white hunters!!
now,...........I'm not afraid of the lizards that she drags in the house. usually, once she leaves i simply pick them up, and set them back free in the yard. this one was a little different. once i bent over to grab it the lizard opened it's mouth at me, and suddenly her growls and screams filled my mind. i back off quickly,............and thought about it for a minute.
i knew if it clamped down on me like it did her that i would have no problem making it turn loose. the thing is that i don't care anything about killing needlessly, and if that innocent critter caused me half the pain that it seemed to have caused her...........then it would be a dead critter!!
i finally took the broom, and swept that little feller out the door, but not without it showing attitude with every push of the broom that i made. that had to be the lizard from hell!!
...............much love
this entire week has been unseasonable warm though. at the last recollection that i had it was still February. the funny thing is i walked outside this morning wearing a pair of black socks. i guess that i've not walked outside in my socks now in a couple months, because of the cold, but today was different. i stayed in the driveway dodging all the sweet gum balls that have fallen from the trees. for those that don't have an idea what I'm talking about.........a sweet gum ball is this seed pod that looks like the old under-water mines. it's rock hard with little spikes on it. if you have ever stepped on one then you know why i was paying attention. they are built to survive, and a bare foot doesn't stand a chance again them!! kinda like walking in the inter-coastal, and running into an oyster bed. atleast you can see the sweet gum pods.
anyway,............i came back in after i was well satisfied that the earth was still standing intact, and sit down in my easy chair. instead of kicking the landing gear back and relaxing i threw one ankle over my other knee. that's the way a real man crosses his legs. not the wimpy way.
the whole point is that the bottoms of my socks had changed color. they were green now...............covered with pollen!! isn't it a little early in the year to have that much pollen in the air? even in the sub-tropical world of Florida? i didn't even notice the pollen laying on the driveway, but a few hours later now you can see it everywhere. it is covering everything in the yard.
i really don't care for much cold weather, but i believe this summer is going to be brutal!! the burn time is getting less, and less everyday, and i don't believe that spring is due to officially be here anytime soon. i looked, and the first day of spring is March 20th. that's about another month, so were pretty much ----!!! you can choose the word that you want to,.............but it's gonna be hot!!
i try to walk at least every couple of days. i guess this comes from not being able to walk much for most of the year. Saturday i noticed a lot of the bushes in the neighborhood had started blooming. Florida is a strange land to live in as far as the plant life. you would be shocked to see all the trees that are still hanging on to their leaves,..........dead leaves,............but they wont turn loose of them until the new buds push them off the trees!! even that magical berry bush has nothing left on it now but the berries. yeah,............that's right,.........I'm still keeping an eye on that joker!! i need to find out what it really is, and exactly how poisonous those berries are on it.
one more thing before i go for today: my great hunting cat wound up in a fix today. she is always catching lizards, and dragging them in the house. today was no different,...............well,................not much different.
she always brings them to me first to show her skills off. today she brought in a mouthful of one lizard. she walked up to me, and had five inches of fresh caught lizard hanging out of both sides of her mouth. i've seen them that big before, but she never has brought one inside.
she took it to the rug in the kitchen to play,.............or maybe terrorize would be a better word. i was piddling with my computer, and soon forgot that either one of them was in the house. before long i heard her growling. i can't recall ever hearing a cat growling before, but it was steadily getting louder. soon the growls turned into screams, and that really got my attention.
while she was growling she had her back to me, but once she started screaming bloody murder........she turned around to face me.
i couldn't believe what i saw!! that giant lizard had clamped down on her paw, and would not turn loose of her. she was shaking that paw violently,............and the lizard just held on!! she started biting the lizard,.................and it still wouldn't turn loose of her paw!! she tried to take another paw, and make the lizard turn loose...........to no avail!!
by this time my sides had begun to hurt from laughing so much!! poor kitty was in a world of hurt in two different ways. that lizard was planning on teaching her a lesson, and i was just rolling in laughter at her very sensitive situation. it hurts her tender Lil' feelings when i laugh at her too much!! I'm not joking,.......it really does.
well,..........i reckon that the lizard had got it's fill of kitty fur taste for the day, and finally turned loose of her paw. immediately,.........the cat shot out of the door, and i didn't see her again for several hours. funny thing is that when she came back inside she didn't have another lizard in her mouth!! the last of the great white hunters!!
now,...........I'm not afraid of the lizards that she drags in the house. usually, once she leaves i simply pick them up, and set them back free in the yard. this one was a little different. once i bent over to grab it the lizard opened it's mouth at me, and suddenly her growls and screams filled my mind. i back off quickly,............and thought about it for a minute.
i knew if it clamped down on me like it did her that i would have no problem making it turn loose. the thing is that i don't care anything about killing needlessly, and if that innocent critter caused me half the pain that it seemed to have caused her...........then it would be a dead critter!!
i finally took the broom, and swept that little feller out the door, but not without it showing attitude with every push of the broom that i made. that had to be the lizard from hell!!
...............much love
Monday, February 21, 2011
so you think that life is a bitch?
and,...........it can be,................but i challenge you to watch this video,.................then think about it. is life really that much of a bitch?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE&feature=player_embedded
yeah,................i didn't really think so!!!!
...........much love
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE&feature=player_embedded
yeah,................i didn't really think so!!!!
...........much love
ha!! a berry good day.
i'm fixing to prove my craziness to you with something that i did Saturday.
i was waiting on the bus close to my house, and there is a bush there with strands of long berries on it. the individual berries are about the size of a B.B., but the clusters are 4 inches long.
about a month ago there was a lady waiting on the bus also, and she started talking about that magical berry bush. i'm not sure why, but she told me that i should never eat the berries off that particular bush. she sad that they would sedate me, and if i ate enough they would kill me.
now,........I'm a corn-fed country boy, and i could not have looked like i was hungry enough to dive into a feast of berries. the problem is that i have no fear of death. especially after that night i tried with all my might to kill myself with a handful of pills washed down with plenty of cold beer. i am convinced that I'm not going to go until it's my time.
it took me a month for the seed that she planted in my mind to take root, and start growing. for some reason Saturday it manifested. ever since that day that we talked i started calling that berry bush the glorious bush of sedation and death. i had no idea if she even knew what she was talking about, so i had to try it and see.
now, .......I'm a lot more stupid that i am bold, so i plucked one berry from the cluster, and squeezed the rich purple juice on my fingers. i sniffed it, and really couldn't smell anything much. i looked around to see if anybody was watching what i was doing, and once i was satisfied they were not,..............i licked the juice off my fingers. my senses must have been dull that day, because the juice didn't really have a taste. not sweet, and not bitter. i figured that i had wasted my time, and continued to wait on the bus.
the bus came in about five minutes, and i got on it. i didn't have to go but a mile, and i was too lazy to walk. by the time that i got off the bus i was filled with great joy, and broke out in song. life had become over beautiful again as i walked to the store skipping and singing.
it's a wonder that i didn't get locked up, because how many old men do you see skipping, and singing on a daily basis? in my mind i was putting on a great performance for an audience of one!!
i walked in the store, and thought that i needed to talk to everyone that i passed by. i was over-joyed, and was hoping that it would rub off on those around me. it was not until i had walked back to the bus stop until i recalled licking that magical berry juice off my fingers, and that magical juice had caused me to go into that euphoric state of being that i was in.
i still wonder why that lady told me all these things...........had she been a fan of the berry at one time in her life? if so,............why didn't she just remain silent, and fill her purse with the berries for later on? she could have been a fruit-loop, and just talking smack, but...............she was right!! at least about the point of sedation, about the death part hopefully i will never know!!
i can just imagine if the local news got a hold of that story. the headlines would read, " local man found dead with a smile on his face, and covered in berry juice!!" just joking, because I'm not news worthy to the media. i've never killed anybody, or a member of a gang. i've not been caught with my pants down with the wife of a city council member. yep,...........that's right,............i wouldn't even get an honorable mention!! the city would just scoop me up, and cremate my sorry ass quickly, and put my ashes in a garbage bag for pickup by another city employee.
life is good,...........ain't it? it's good to live in a country where we can make fun, and poke at everything that we simply don't agree with. I'm still waiting, and expecting some retaliation from the folks at the First Baptist church in downtown Jacksonville Florida. even though,.........i didn't lie, or slander them. i simply told the truth, and pointed out the facts. they have proven themselves to be very thin skinned, and afraid of the truth. what kind of church is afraid of the truth any way? Jesus said,......." i am the way, the truth, and the life." oh,..........i got it,..............they don't even know the man that they are hiding behind, and getting richer because of!!
now,..........I'm not talking about every member. I'm basically talking about the ring leader, and his henchmen. like Bush was famous for saying,..........."the evil doers!!" maybe they are not evil doers. maybe they are just Pharisees making the rules as they go. who really knows what they are doing in the closet?
you know that i can't even say, or think about Bush without giving Mr. Dana Carvey a solid plug. don't y'all think that he did a great job slandering Bush? actually,........he portrayed all the Presidents quite well. he said himself that he probably made more money doing his impression of Bush than anybody else. i've got to leave you with a video of Dana's called "squatting monkeys tell no lies" it is all good, and worth the watch, but my favorite part starts at 5:21 of part 4, and continues into part 5.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WobgWEtRKCo&feature=related
now if you offended by the language,..........please don't watch!! you've been warned!!
............much love
i was waiting on the bus close to my house, and there is a bush there with strands of long berries on it. the individual berries are about the size of a B.B., but the clusters are 4 inches long.
about a month ago there was a lady waiting on the bus also, and she started talking about that magical berry bush. i'm not sure why, but she told me that i should never eat the berries off that particular bush. she sad that they would sedate me, and if i ate enough they would kill me.
now,........I'm a corn-fed country boy, and i could not have looked like i was hungry enough to dive into a feast of berries. the problem is that i have no fear of death. especially after that night i tried with all my might to kill myself with a handful of pills washed down with plenty of cold beer. i am convinced that I'm not going to go until it's my time.
it took me a month for the seed that she planted in my mind to take root, and start growing. for some reason Saturday it manifested. ever since that day that we talked i started calling that berry bush the glorious bush of sedation and death. i had no idea if she even knew what she was talking about, so i had to try it and see.
now, .......I'm a lot more stupid that i am bold, so i plucked one berry from the cluster, and squeezed the rich purple juice on my fingers. i sniffed it, and really couldn't smell anything much. i looked around to see if anybody was watching what i was doing, and once i was satisfied they were not,..............i licked the juice off my fingers. my senses must have been dull that day, because the juice didn't really have a taste. not sweet, and not bitter. i figured that i had wasted my time, and continued to wait on the bus.
the bus came in about five minutes, and i got on it. i didn't have to go but a mile, and i was too lazy to walk. by the time that i got off the bus i was filled with great joy, and broke out in song. life had become over beautiful again as i walked to the store skipping and singing.
it's a wonder that i didn't get locked up, because how many old men do you see skipping, and singing on a daily basis? in my mind i was putting on a great performance for an audience of one!!
i walked in the store, and thought that i needed to talk to everyone that i passed by. i was over-joyed, and was hoping that it would rub off on those around me. it was not until i had walked back to the bus stop until i recalled licking that magical berry juice off my fingers, and that magical juice had caused me to go into that euphoric state of being that i was in.
i still wonder why that lady told me all these things...........had she been a fan of the berry at one time in her life? if so,............why didn't she just remain silent, and fill her purse with the berries for later on? she could have been a fruit-loop, and just talking smack, but...............she was right!! at least about the point of sedation, about the death part hopefully i will never know!!
i can just imagine if the local news got a hold of that story. the headlines would read, " local man found dead with a smile on his face, and covered in berry juice!!" just joking, because I'm not news worthy to the media. i've never killed anybody, or a member of a gang. i've not been caught with my pants down with the wife of a city council member. yep,...........that's right,............i wouldn't even get an honorable mention!! the city would just scoop me up, and cremate my sorry ass quickly, and put my ashes in a garbage bag for pickup by another city employee.
life is good,...........ain't it? it's good to live in a country where we can make fun, and poke at everything that we simply don't agree with. I'm still waiting, and expecting some retaliation from the folks at the First Baptist church in downtown Jacksonville Florida. even though,.........i didn't lie, or slander them. i simply told the truth, and pointed out the facts. they have proven themselves to be very thin skinned, and afraid of the truth. what kind of church is afraid of the truth any way? Jesus said,......." i am the way, the truth, and the life." oh,..........i got it,..............they don't even know the man that they are hiding behind, and getting richer because of!!
now,..........I'm not talking about every member. I'm basically talking about the ring leader, and his henchmen. like Bush was famous for saying,..........."the evil doers!!" maybe they are not evil doers. maybe they are just Pharisees making the rules as they go. who really knows what they are doing in the closet?
you know that i can't even say, or think about Bush without giving Mr. Dana Carvey a solid plug. don't y'all think that he did a great job slandering Bush? actually,........he portrayed all the Presidents quite well. he said himself that he probably made more money doing his impression of Bush than anybody else. i've got to leave you with a video of Dana's called "squatting monkeys tell no lies" it is all good, and worth the watch, but my favorite part starts at 5:21 of part 4, and continues into part 5.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WobgWEtRKCo&feature=related
now if you offended by the language,..........please don't watch!! you've been warned!!
............much love
Saturday, February 19, 2011
what a hoot !!
Yep,.........That's
right,..............There is a new Sheriff in this town!!
His name is Jesus
Christ, and He is also the owner of this blog. He contacted me last
night when I had laid down to go to sleep. He spoke in a real calm
voice.
He said, Hey
James, I have been wondering about something.
Immediately
I said, What's that Jesus. I automatically know His voice.
Do you
recall that time that you offered to give me this blog? You said that
you thought that I could manage it better that you could. Were you
serious about that?
Yes
Jesus, I was very serious at the time, and I still am just as serious
now. Do we need to change something about it?
When I had
one of my precious little ones contact you yesterday, about a certain
blog. You did very well regarding her wishes. I was just hoping that
you might would have taken it upon yourself to change the entire
post.
Yeah,..........I
been thinking about doing that. What is it that you want for me to
exactly do. I want to make you happy above all!!
I really
thought that you were serious, and I do appreciate your concern for
our happiness. Here is what I need for you to do. Wipe it all out
except for the title. Since it is your most popular post, you can
write about Our conversation instead under that title. It will draw
more people to me, and that is the new purpose of this blog.
You
are so right Jesus. That was the old behavior, and I don't need to
act that way no longer. Is there anything else that You want me to
do?
Yes, that
will come a little later on as you grow. As for now, you need to rest
up. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for you.
That was the last thing that I can remember from last night. I gave
everything in my life to Jesus, and I trust Him completely. I do make
no apologies for changing this post. It was nothing more than
character assassination at it's finest, and I deeply apologize to
those who might have, and were hurt by this post. Shame on wjxt
channel 4 for ever printing the article, and double shame on me for
helping it to live way past it's death date!!
….........Much Love
Addiction
yep,...........that's right,.............here i go again reliving the horror of addiction,...............except this time through the lives of others!!!
most of us never really recover from addiction. it might seem like we do, but usually we simply swap a gross addiction, for one that more acceptable in the society that we live in today. the truth is that most folks are addicted to something. it don't have to be alcohol or drugs, but i would guess these two cause the most devastation in lives all crossed the board. it slowly kills the addicted person, and those of us that love them also.
i have tried every program out there to solve my own personal addiction problems. none of them worked for me, and every one seems valid, built around good basic soundness. i tried, and i tried. i've done every thing to the letter, and none of them worked. i kept going back to my old ways, and getting wasted all over again. i did this for more than 20 years......................then i found the solution!!
I'm a firm believer in God. no if's, or buts about it. one day i fund my solution in the Bible. Paul wrote that we have to work out our own salvation, and that got me to thinking. if God will allow us to work out our own salvation then i should be able to work threw my addiction problems. I'm an unique individual, and i needed a unique plan of operation.
once again,...........this is really not about me, or the working solution that i found. it's about others that are close to me, and their reaction to the people in their lives that have gone back into the dark, cold, lonely, world of addiction. this truly amazes me. why would somebody choose to mess their lives back up just because a love one fell? especially when they are not together, and abusing the same substance.
sometimes i believe that we need to learn how to love from a distance. we can't control people, and if they choose to act in a way that don't jive with our everyday lives,.............then we simply back off a distance, and let them have at it. the really sad reality of dealing with the addicted person is that some of them are going to die, and the worst part is that we can't stop them, or even slow them down. all we can do is let them know that we love them, and they are welcome back in our lives as soon as they are willing to look for solutions. all the nagging in the world just creates a worse problem. nobody wants to be nagged constantly especially when they feel guilty for their actions to begin with. it just puts more distance between those that suffer, and those that love them.
everything that i write has a hidden message within the contents of the post. I'm writing this for one of my friends that i also love dearly, and can't stand to see what is going to become of him if he doesn't slow down. i just want to point this out, and make it very clear my intentions of writing this post. i don't want to leave any mystery, or loopholes to escape through. not that he needs any, because he is a grown man, and has the right to do whatever he wants with his own body. i just hate to see him struggle needlessly.
............much love
most of us never really recover from addiction. it might seem like we do, but usually we simply swap a gross addiction, for one that more acceptable in the society that we live in today. the truth is that most folks are addicted to something. it don't have to be alcohol or drugs, but i would guess these two cause the most devastation in lives all crossed the board. it slowly kills the addicted person, and those of us that love them also.
i have tried every program out there to solve my own personal addiction problems. none of them worked for me, and every one seems valid, built around good basic soundness. i tried, and i tried. i've done every thing to the letter, and none of them worked. i kept going back to my old ways, and getting wasted all over again. i did this for more than 20 years......................then i found the solution!!
I'm a firm believer in God. no if's, or buts about it. one day i fund my solution in the Bible. Paul wrote that we have to work out our own salvation, and that got me to thinking. if God will allow us to work out our own salvation then i should be able to work threw my addiction problems. I'm an unique individual, and i needed a unique plan of operation.
once again,...........this is really not about me, or the working solution that i found. it's about others that are close to me, and their reaction to the people in their lives that have gone back into the dark, cold, lonely, world of addiction. this truly amazes me. why would somebody choose to mess their lives back up just because a love one fell? especially when they are not together, and abusing the same substance.
sometimes i believe that we need to learn how to love from a distance. we can't control people, and if they choose to act in a way that don't jive with our everyday lives,.............then we simply back off a distance, and let them have at it. the really sad reality of dealing with the addicted person is that some of them are going to die, and the worst part is that we can't stop them, or even slow them down. all we can do is let them know that we love them, and they are welcome back in our lives as soon as they are willing to look for solutions. all the nagging in the world just creates a worse problem. nobody wants to be nagged constantly especially when they feel guilty for their actions to begin with. it just puts more distance between those that suffer, and those that love them.
everything that i write has a hidden message within the contents of the post. I'm writing this for one of my friends that i also love dearly, and can't stand to see what is going to become of him if he doesn't slow down. i just want to point this out, and make it very clear my intentions of writing this post. i don't want to leave any mystery, or loopholes to escape through. not that he needs any, because he is a grown man, and has the right to do whatever he wants with his own body. i just hate to see him struggle needlessly.
............much love
Friday, February 18, 2011
my madness has begun
I'm not sure how many of you know what it's like to come cold turkey of an anti-depressant. can i please tell you from experience that i've been through it, and it's a living hell!! i spent three days out of my friggin' mind, but that was the worst of it. i also spent three day's in the process of losing my mind, and two, or three days after that experience simply trying to find it again. after that little exciting time in my life i swore that i never would go through the horror of cold turkey on anti-depressants ever again.
well, so far i've not had to go through it again, but I'm getting close. about a week ago i cut all my pills in half, that i had left. most of you know that i can't get a Shands card again until my financial situation gets better, so I'm trying to prolong the agony of with-drawls.
the last time this happened to me i would up on my knees screaming at God Almighty to take my life!! i couldn't get comfortable no matter what position that i got in. i couldn't sleep, and i had lost control over my emotions. i could cry, and laugh with the same breath, and spent a lot of time doing just that!!
i wrote about that before, and i lied. i said that i would never do anti-depressants again. my Dr. convinced me that i needed them in my life just to stay in balance. the truth is that they have been a pure blessing in my life, as long as i take them like prescribed. at first that made me feel warm, and fuzzy, but now i can't feel any effects. i just take one,...........very small pill a day, and that seems to work.
i don't have any suicidal thoughts. i don't feel like I'm worthless, and i keep hope,.........against all the odds. i don't have a clue if this is what normal people feel like...........i just know that it works for me. i rarely get depressed while i'm taking these pills, and that's a good thing.
back to what i was saying before,............my madness has begun. although,..........i know that i wont have to go cold turkey again this time,.......i still can tell it's effects. i've had a difficult week, as far as inter-action with the human race. I'm avoiding going out in public all that i can. I'm also avoiding my friends. i finally told Bubba what was going on right now in my life, and why i was acting like i was acting. I'm really not sure that he understood, but i know in my heart that we will be OK. a lot of the same anxiety that I'm going through right now Bubba is feeling the same pain,...........in a different way.
those that have kept up with my blog knows that Bubba invited me into his home while i was homeless. I'm still there today, and i feel that i need to be here on several different levels. some are for my benefit, and some are for Bubba's, but mostly mine.
i kinda knew what i would be going through, and i expected the worst to happen just in case it came down to that again. i don't think that it will be as bad as the last time. at least that is my prayer. i've got to get my life back on tract, and get some kind of a job to bring in more money. we have been blessed to live in this place for the time being, but i really can't see it happening for much longer knowing that spring is trying to pop his head out from the winter, and the mom's are bringing their babies out once again.
i reckon time will tell what the outcome will be. i can't worry too much about it, because we are not even promised to see the sun set this evening. i don't believe that it's possible to enjoy life while your eat up with worry. the best that i can do is simply take care of what presents itself before me, and enjoy the rest.
life is an adventure. things can change in a heart-beat, and it doesn't always have to be for the worst. miracles happen everyday. if we would just take the time to notice them, because sometimes that hit real close to home.
i feel sorry for those that don't believe in miracles, and can't even see them while they are experiencing one personally. i don't believe in miracles either,.............i rely on their existence in my life on a daily basis!!
..........much love
well, so far i've not had to go through it again, but I'm getting close. about a week ago i cut all my pills in half, that i had left. most of you know that i can't get a Shands card again until my financial situation gets better, so I'm trying to prolong the agony of with-drawls.
the last time this happened to me i would up on my knees screaming at God Almighty to take my life!! i couldn't get comfortable no matter what position that i got in. i couldn't sleep, and i had lost control over my emotions. i could cry, and laugh with the same breath, and spent a lot of time doing just that!!
i wrote about that before, and i lied. i said that i would never do anti-depressants again. my Dr. convinced me that i needed them in my life just to stay in balance. the truth is that they have been a pure blessing in my life, as long as i take them like prescribed. at first that made me feel warm, and fuzzy, but now i can't feel any effects. i just take one,...........very small pill a day, and that seems to work.
i don't have any suicidal thoughts. i don't feel like I'm worthless, and i keep hope,.........against all the odds. i don't have a clue if this is what normal people feel like...........i just know that it works for me. i rarely get depressed while i'm taking these pills, and that's a good thing.
back to what i was saying before,............my madness has begun. although,..........i know that i wont have to go cold turkey again this time,.......i still can tell it's effects. i've had a difficult week, as far as inter-action with the human race. I'm avoiding going out in public all that i can. I'm also avoiding my friends. i finally told Bubba what was going on right now in my life, and why i was acting like i was acting. I'm really not sure that he understood, but i know in my heart that we will be OK. a lot of the same anxiety that I'm going through right now Bubba is feeling the same pain,...........in a different way.
those that have kept up with my blog knows that Bubba invited me into his home while i was homeless. I'm still there today, and i feel that i need to be here on several different levels. some are for my benefit, and some are for Bubba's, but mostly mine.
i kinda knew what i would be going through, and i expected the worst to happen just in case it came down to that again. i don't think that it will be as bad as the last time. at least that is my prayer. i've got to get my life back on tract, and get some kind of a job to bring in more money. we have been blessed to live in this place for the time being, but i really can't see it happening for much longer knowing that spring is trying to pop his head out from the winter, and the mom's are bringing their babies out once again.
i reckon time will tell what the outcome will be. i can't worry too much about it, because we are not even promised to see the sun set this evening. i don't believe that it's possible to enjoy life while your eat up with worry. the best that i can do is simply take care of what presents itself before me, and enjoy the rest.
life is an adventure. things can change in a heart-beat, and it doesn't always have to be for the worst. miracles happen everyday. if we would just take the time to notice them, because sometimes that hit real close to home.
i feel sorry for those that don't believe in miracles, and can't even see them while they are experiencing one personally. i don't believe in miracles either,.............i rely on their existence in my life on a daily basis!!
..........much love
i was shocked to find out...
you know,...........i really was shocked to find out that my perception of life is still as distorted, and twisted as it ever was!!
i never really care to hear that folks from my past has moved alone. i have noticed that the older that you get the more death is all around you. sometimes,............i hate to admit this, but sometimes i hear about the death of a person, and i just think, " oh,..........i knew him, or her."
I'm not always that cold and shallow. sometime a persons passing really has an effect on me. like the recent passing of Nan Monroe. from this point on i will refer to her as Mrs. Monroe. i need to show her the same respect as i did when i was a child.
i was raised in as small town in Alabama called Geraldine. we had one school where all grades attended. Mrs. Monroe was a science teacher during my whole attendance at school, and for quiet a few years after. i believe that i was in the 9th grade before i ever really had any dealings with her.
i don't know why, but i had a problem with Mrs. Monroe before i ever got to her class. it could been as small, and probably was,............as her just calling my on my bad behavior one day. i vowed in my heart to make that woman wish that she had never seen me before, and i went into her classes with exactly that attitude.
Mrs. Monroe had already been teaching for longer that i had been alive when i decided to butt heads with a seasoned professional. i had no idea what i was up against, but i knew that somehow she knew all about my type. this was not her first rodeo, and she had a few tricks up her sleeve.
i was just a general jackass in her classes. i was disruptive, and by the third week in school i had already got my very owned assigned seat in her class. all the way at the front laboratory in the Science class. trust me,..........this little accomplishment is not posted on my resume.
she saw something in me that i didn't even see. she knew that underneath that bullshit facade that was up front in my actions that i was really a smart person, and capable of learning on any level that i chose to learn from. she started calling on me for the answers to her questions. which in turn caused me to study more, so i wouldn't look like a fool not knowing the answers.
in time she told me that i could set anywhere in her class that i wanted, and i chose to stay right where i was, because i felt like i really was special to sit in the front of the class. plus,........i knew the temptation to set anywhere else would cause me to fall from grace in her eyes, and that was important to me.
Mrs. Monroe became my friend that year, and continued to be that way until i left school. when i heard of her death i surely thought that the flags would be flying at half-mast, and a parade thrown in her honor for the achievements that she had made in her life. none of those things happened, and i really was shocked to figure out that she was an un-sung hero,............only in my eyes.
..........much love
i never really care to hear that folks from my past has moved alone. i have noticed that the older that you get the more death is all around you. sometimes,............i hate to admit this, but sometimes i hear about the death of a person, and i just think, " oh,..........i knew him, or her."
I'm not always that cold and shallow. sometime a persons passing really has an effect on me. like the recent passing of Nan Monroe. from this point on i will refer to her as Mrs. Monroe. i need to show her the same respect as i did when i was a child.
i was raised in as small town in Alabama called Geraldine. we had one school where all grades attended. Mrs. Monroe was a science teacher during my whole attendance at school, and for quiet a few years after. i believe that i was in the 9th grade before i ever really had any dealings with her.
i don't know why, but i had a problem with Mrs. Monroe before i ever got to her class. it could been as small, and probably was,............as her just calling my on my bad behavior one day. i vowed in my heart to make that woman wish that she had never seen me before, and i went into her classes with exactly that attitude.
Mrs. Monroe had already been teaching for longer that i had been alive when i decided to butt heads with a seasoned professional. i had no idea what i was up against, but i knew that somehow she knew all about my type. this was not her first rodeo, and she had a few tricks up her sleeve.
i was just a general jackass in her classes. i was disruptive, and by the third week in school i had already got my very owned assigned seat in her class. all the way at the front laboratory in the Science class. trust me,..........this little accomplishment is not posted on my resume.
she saw something in me that i didn't even see. she knew that underneath that bullshit facade that was up front in my actions that i was really a smart person, and capable of learning on any level that i chose to learn from. she started calling on me for the answers to her questions. which in turn caused me to study more, so i wouldn't look like a fool not knowing the answers.
in time she told me that i could set anywhere in her class that i wanted, and i chose to stay right where i was, because i felt like i really was special to sit in the front of the class. plus,........i knew the temptation to set anywhere else would cause me to fall from grace in her eyes, and that was important to me.
Mrs. Monroe became my friend that year, and continued to be that way until i left school. when i heard of her death i surely thought that the flags would be flying at half-mast, and a parade thrown in her honor for the achievements that she had made in her life. none of those things happened, and i really was shocked to figure out that she was an un-sung hero,............only in my eyes.
..........much love
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's day
there is really not much that i can say about this day. i've not qualified to be offering relationship ideas for those in love in a few years. i could fill your minds today with just how pathetic that i really am, and the loneliness that i suffer from at times, but all my smart readers already know all that!!
today should be the day for y'all to focus on the one that you love, and not on my warped frame of mind. i will simply leave you today with two words.
............much love
today should be the day for y'all to focus on the one that you love, and not on my warped frame of mind. i will simply leave you today with two words.
............much love
Sunday, February 13, 2011
guilty
guilt..............you ever feel it? guilt can be a heavy burden to bear. the guilt inside of me has been building up for quite a long time now. I'm living a life that I'm really not comfortable living, and it has to change. every aspect of my life needs to change radically, before i can enjoy the true happiness of living.
Spiritually I'm doing alright, but it could be better. i attend several services through the internet of my favorite church every week, but it's still nothing like being there live, and being a part of the service. i love going to church, but to get to the one that i truly love attending it's almost impossible.
funny thing is that there are several church's in the neighborhood that i live in, but i never attend their service. i've never even gave them a chance to see if they could fit in my life, and i really need to go, and give me the opportunity to see if i could fit in with them folks.
now i an a Christian. I'm a firm believe in the power of the Almighty, and heavily rely on His presence in my life. even though i thank Him for everything in my life right now that He gives me, and all that He does to take care of me............I'm guilty of not doing more of my part!!
I'm really not sure of the things that i need to do in my life to get the change that would make me happy. money is as big of an issue to me, as it is anyone else. the crazy thing is that i've figured out that money does not make me happy, and it lacks greatly in satisfying me. still,...........we all need a certain amount just to afford the basics in life.
please don't think that I'm complaining, because i really have nothing to complain about. all my needs have been met by God so far, and i have no doubt that will continue. the thing about God is that He knows what we really need, and what will really make us happy. there is no doubt in my mind that He will continue to work in my life. the problem is myself. will i be willing to let Him make me happy? will i surrender.......completely to His will for my life?
i'm thinking that i need a job. just some kind of job. part time maybe,...........just enough to swing the bills, and get what i need on a daily basis.
then there is another thought. maybe i just need to continue doing what i've been doing, and volunteer myself for a good project, or a worthy cause. stranger things have happened than people getting good jobs that make them happy, by volunteering their services elsewhere. I'm not really sure what to do, or which direction to go in, but I'm smart enough to realize if I'm not truly happy then i need to go a different direction.
i am the problem, and the lack of money in my life is just a symptom. now,.............that sounded pretty good to me. that's aiming all the pointers at myself. i am guilty as charged for not being as happy as i once was, and the solution lies within my actions.
wow!! case solved!! if you don't never write your feelings down, and look back over them looking for a solution to problems in your life then your really missing out. I'm bold by putting my madness out there for the whole world to see, but i came to that point honestly. i had nothing left to lose, and no where to go but up from where i once was. writing this little blog of general nonsense has gave me more freedom that i ever realized possible. it has truly changed my life, and continues to change it!!
.........much love
Spiritually I'm doing alright, but it could be better. i attend several services through the internet of my favorite church every week, but it's still nothing like being there live, and being a part of the service. i love going to church, but to get to the one that i truly love attending it's almost impossible.
funny thing is that there are several church's in the neighborhood that i live in, but i never attend their service. i've never even gave them a chance to see if they could fit in my life, and i really need to go, and give me the opportunity to see if i could fit in with them folks.
now i an a Christian. I'm a firm believe in the power of the Almighty, and heavily rely on His presence in my life. even though i thank Him for everything in my life right now that He gives me, and all that He does to take care of me............I'm guilty of not doing more of my part!!
I'm really not sure of the things that i need to do in my life to get the change that would make me happy. money is as big of an issue to me, as it is anyone else. the crazy thing is that i've figured out that money does not make me happy, and it lacks greatly in satisfying me. still,...........we all need a certain amount just to afford the basics in life.
please don't think that I'm complaining, because i really have nothing to complain about. all my needs have been met by God so far, and i have no doubt that will continue. the thing about God is that He knows what we really need, and what will really make us happy. there is no doubt in my mind that He will continue to work in my life. the problem is myself. will i be willing to let Him make me happy? will i surrender.......completely to His will for my life?
i'm thinking that i need a job. just some kind of job. part time maybe,...........just enough to swing the bills, and get what i need on a daily basis.
then there is another thought. maybe i just need to continue doing what i've been doing, and volunteer myself for a good project, or a worthy cause. stranger things have happened than people getting good jobs that make them happy, by volunteering their services elsewhere. I'm not really sure what to do, or which direction to go in, but I'm smart enough to realize if I'm not truly happy then i need to go a different direction.
i am the problem, and the lack of money in my life is just a symptom. now,.............that sounded pretty good to me. that's aiming all the pointers at myself. i am guilty as charged for not being as happy as i once was, and the solution lies within my actions.
wow!! case solved!! if you don't never write your feelings down, and look back over them looking for a solution to problems in your life then your really missing out. I'm bold by putting my madness out there for the whole world to see, but i came to that point honestly. i had nothing left to lose, and no where to go but up from where i once was. writing this little blog of general nonsense has gave me more freedom that i ever realized possible. it has truly changed my life, and continues to change it!!
.........much love
Saturday, February 12, 2011
life is funny
do y'all ever just consider how small that we really are? we run around on this earth thinking that we are big, and try to act like we are big time. the name of the games seems to be the most impressive.
every time that i look up in the sky i am humbled. there has to be something greater out there. just in my life time alone there has been discovery's of other worlds that do exist. there are planets out there that are far bigger than the third stone from the sun. actually,............our life giving sun is just a speck in view of the other worlds.
i love studying the world beyond our reach. i think that what out there is beautiful. new galaxies, and old. the birth of new stars, and the death of others. i think one of the reasons that we don't know more about what's out there is the fact that we haven't figured out about ourselves. we don't know how to treat each other well........yet, and probably never will!! i often wonder how we can be stuck on this planet together, and still rage war with each other? what is so important that we just can't get along with each other? if we can't solve our own problems,..............then who will?
i live in one of the most violent cities in America. there is a rash of crime that goes on here 24/7. robberies, rape, scams, theft, murders, and homicides are a common everyday happening here in Jax. i'm sure that most people live in an area quite like the one that i do if you live in a city. the country folks pretty much still have got it going on.
i miss living the country life. times were good and smooth. maybe it was a different time, and era, but i never remember the stuff that happens today happening back then. i remember sitting in the car waiting on my mom to come out of the store when i was a little boy. the folks that passed all spoke, and didn't think anything of me sitting there. they certainly didn't call the police complaining about anything. back then there didn't seem to be as many bad people in the world out to hurt others,..............or did there?
what do you think about this? has the world got more rotten, or is just more evil being exposed today? honestly,...........the chief emperor in China can't fart with out the Internet smelling it!! I'm not downing on the Internet. actually, i love it, and think that it's the best thing to happen in several years. it should do nothing more that educate the people of the world to new heights. I'm glad that i was born in these times, as far as the growth that the world has seen in my era.
back to the basics...................sometimes i miss my mother not being around anymore. it's not that i need help with anything, because i'm in a mess that even mother couldn't get me out of. it's the simple fact that i just miss her. a mother is very important to be in the life of a child, and grown-up's also. when you lose your mother it goes deeper than that. you also lose your first true love!!
..........much love
every time that i look up in the sky i am humbled. there has to be something greater out there. just in my life time alone there has been discovery's of other worlds that do exist. there are planets out there that are far bigger than the third stone from the sun. actually,............our life giving sun is just a speck in view of the other worlds.
i love studying the world beyond our reach. i think that what out there is beautiful. new galaxies, and old. the birth of new stars, and the death of others. i think one of the reasons that we don't know more about what's out there is the fact that we haven't figured out about ourselves. we don't know how to treat each other well........yet, and probably never will!! i often wonder how we can be stuck on this planet together, and still rage war with each other? what is so important that we just can't get along with each other? if we can't solve our own problems,..............then who will?
i live in one of the most violent cities in America. there is a rash of crime that goes on here 24/7. robberies, rape, scams, theft, murders, and homicides are a common everyday happening here in Jax. i'm sure that most people live in an area quite like the one that i do if you live in a city. the country folks pretty much still have got it going on.
i miss living the country life. times were good and smooth. maybe it was a different time, and era, but i never remember the stuff that happens today happening back then. i remember sitting in the car waiting on my mom to come out of the store when i was a little boy. the folks that passed all spoke, and didn't think anything of me sitting there. they certainly didn't call the police complaining about anything. back then there didn't seem to be as many bad people in the world out to hurt others,..............or did there?
what do you think about this? has the world got more rotten, or is just more evil being exposed today? honestly,...........the chief emperor in China can't fart with out the Internet smelling it!! I'm not downing on the Internet. actually, i love it, and think that it's the best thing to happen in several years. it should do nothing more that educate the people of the world to new heights. I'm glad that i was born in these times, as far as the growth that the world has seen in my era.
back to the basics...................sometimes i miss my mother not being around anymore. it's not that i need help with anything, because i'm in a mess that even mother couldn't get me out of. it's the simple fact that i just miss her. a mother is very important to be in the life of a child, and grown-up's also. when you lose your mother it goes deeper than that. you also lose your first true love!!
..........much love
white heat?
i can say for certain that spring time is near here in Florida. the wild flowers are popping up everywhere, and the dandelions are taking over. the weeds have started to grow, and the folks that run a lawn service are out everyday now. i know that all the cold has not passed. there will be a few more days of cold.
i might sound crazy saying this after it got down to freezing last night, but it's time. it has been a terrible winter crossed the country, and if spring doesn't come to us,........then it will not come to anybody.
i reckon another sign that spring is almost here is the fact that my precious female cat turned into a slut this week. she went from being a virgin to an all out ho!! that's what they call girls that act like that in the city that i live in.
for some reason i've never had a female cat before, and i wasn't prepared for this adventure. i was shocked at her behavior. in all my 47 years of life i have never even thought that this was possible,but.........i was wrong!! this little vixen brought in all the male cats in Jacksonville!! i've never saw the cats in our neighborhood that i did this week. i don't understand why they were fighting, because she just gave it to all that wanted a slice.
I'm thinkin' that when a cat goes into heat that it's psychological, and not physical. she seemed to be loosing her mind. i could say anything to her, and she would move in a very strange way. it was like that she was convulsing with every sporadic move that she would make. she didn't even look like the cat that i had known. her eyes even changed to a look like nobody was home.
the only time that she even came inside this week was to eat. she would head straight to the food dish, and eat her fill, which was a lot less than normal. then she would head back to the door, and let out this loud long cry that i had never heard before. she stayed outside all this week, because she was getting on my last nerve with those cries. she did nothing but roll around in front of all the tom's all week.
well,.........I'm happy to report that everything is back to normal now. she is acting like my ole' lovable cat again. she went back to hunting today, so I'll have a house full of lizards by night fall.
then there will be the issue of kittens to tend with. i guess that it's a law of nature that she has a mess of them, but it's not my law to keep them!! i will make sure that they find good homes where people will love them, but i really don't need anymore mouths to feed right now. i might change my mind once that i see them, and hang on to the whole lot!! i have a real soft heart for animals, but right now i'm not even sure where my fate lies. oh well,..........i guess time will tell.
........much love
i might sound crazy saying this after it got down to freezing last night, but it's time. it has been a terrible winter crossed the country, and if spring doesn't come to us,........then it will not come to anybody.
i reckon another sign that spring is almost here is the fact that my precious female cat turned into a slut this week. she went from being a virgin to an all out ho!! that's what they call girls that act like that in the city that i live in.
for some reason i've never had a female cat before, and i wasn't prepared for this adventure. i was shocked at her behavior. in all my 47 years of life i have never even thought that this was possible,but.........i was wrong!! this little vixen brought in all the male cats in Jacksonville!! i've never saw the cats in our neighborhood that i did this week. i don't understand why they were fighting, because she just gave it to all that wanted a slice.
I'm thinkin' that when a cat goes into heat that it's psychological, and not physical. she seemed to be loosing her mind. i could say anything to her, and she would move in a very strange way. it was like that she was convulsing with every sporadic move that she would make. she didn't even look like the cat that i had known. her eyes even changed to a look like nobody was home.
the only time that she even came inside this week was to eat. she would head straight to the food dish, and eat her fill, which was a lot less than normal. then she would head back to the door, and let out this loud long cry that i had never heard before. she stayed outside all this week, because she was getting on my last nerve with those cries. she did nothing but roll around in front of all the tom's all week.
well,.........I'm happy to report that everything is back to normal now. she is acting like my ole' lovable cat again. she went back to hunting today, so I'll have a house full of lizards by night fall.
then there will be the issue of kittens to tend with. i guess that it's a law of nature that she has a mess of them, but it's not my law to keep them!! i will make sure that they find good homes where people will love them, but i really don't need anymore mouths to feed right now. i might change my mind once that i see them, and hang on to the whole lot!! i have a real soft heart for animals, but right now i'm not even sure where my fate lies. oh well,..........i guess time will tell.
........much love
Friday, February 11, 2011
it's time...
yes,.......Good Lord,............it's time!! i've been wallowing in self-pity for about a week now. simply,.....enjoying losing my mind, and now it's time to snap back, and take control of what is controllable.
this has been a week of devastation. at least for me it has been. it seems that even the good news that i've received this week has an under-lying theme of pain that comes with it.
i think the main problem is that i want to live in a fantasy. i want the life that i want, and that doesn't look like that i'm going to have it. i don't want much, but it might as well be everything if it's not the right thing for me personally.
i guess i owe my readers an apology, but............how does a person apologize for simply being themselves? i've told y'all all alone that I'm not mentally right some days, and sometimes that will extend into weeks. it's really not that i don't deal with things badly, but i do deal differently. this entire week has offered me the hope of failure. everything was supposed to go smoothly, but it went chaotic instead.
i simply can not accept failure in my life. i've had way more than my share already. there has to be a working solution. i can't just lay down and die. if it were possible then i would have already done it.
I'm taking a lot of medication, and the way that i get all those meds are through a program at Shands Hospital. every six months that re-evaluate you to see if you still qualify. i've missed my last two appointment, and it takes six weeks to get one.
the first one that i missed is because i didn't want to lie. they don't help the homeless, and i didn't want to manipulate the paperwork to show my status any different that it was. i missed my second appointment because the state of Florida will not renew my I.D. without my birth certificate, and that cost money that i simply can't come up with. it will cost me around 80$ to get my I.D. renewed. the state went from 10 bucks, to over 30 in the past year.
the light bill has been draining Bubba, and myself for the past couple months, and will continue for another couple. it takes everything that we come up with just to pay that bill right now. were not in a boat by ourselves though. people all crossed this great country are suffering trying to pay their light bills while not freezing to death.
i really don't deal well with things when I'm trying to be honest, and do the right thing, and still feel like I'm getting slapped in the face!! even though,........i live in a house, and have a physical address,.........i can no longer get the medical help that i need. i have level three hypertension, and there is no level four. i take three different blood pressure medications to keep it in balance. i've already had two strokes, and a heart attack, so i take a couple medication for that cause. i take a narcotic, and a muscle relaxer for my back, that will never get any better, because it's degenerative.
all that is not even the pill that i need the most. i take a small pink pill called Paxcil to alleviate the depression in my life. it's a wonderful little pill that generally works when you take it everyday. the thing is...........when you stop taking it cold turkey it's like all that depression that it stopped you from having has been sitting on the back burner just waiting to slip through!!
i've been through this once before, and it was the worst time of my life!! i actually wound up on my knees screaming out to God to just kill me, and put me out of my misery!! i couldn't get comfortable no matter what position that i got in. every bone in my body hurt. i hurt so bad that i could do nothing but shake like a person with-drawing from Heroin. sleep was not something that i could do. i would doze off from being so tired, and wake up within five minutes.
i am not looking forward to that experience again, but it's probably going to happen in around three weeks. my saving grace is the fact that i might be able to get my medication through a homeless clinic. it wont be easy either, because the homeless in Jax is unbelievable!! i know that i wont get my narcotics for my back, because they just don't do that. i will have to live with that pain for a while, and that's fine. i just can't suffer through the with-drawls from the Paxcil again. that is a week of pure hell!!
well,................that's just a small part of what's been happening in my life the week that i pretty much went missing. there is more to tell, but it wont be in this post. like i said before,............it's time!!
.........much love
this has been a week of devastation. at least for me it has been. it seems that even the good news that i've received this week has an under-lying theme of pain that comes with it.
i think the main problem is that i want to live in a fantasy. i want the life that i want, and that doesn't look like that i'm going to have it. i don't want much, but it might as well be everything if it's not the right thing for me personally.
i guess i owe my readers an apology, but............how does a person apologize for simply being themselves? i've told y'all all alone that I'm not mentally right some days, and sometimes that will extend into weeks. it's really not that i don't deal with things badly, but i do deal differently. this entire week has offered me the hope of failure. everything was supposed to go smoothly, but it went chaotic instead.
i simply can not accept failure in my life. i've had way more than my share already. there has to be a working solution. i can't just lay down and die. if it were possible then i would have already done it.
I'm taking a lot of medication, and the way that i get all those meds are through a program at Shands Hospital. every six months that re-evaluate you to see if you still qualify. i've missed my last two appointment, and it takes six weeks to get one.
the first one that i missed is because i didn't want to lie. they don't help the homeless, and i didn't want to manipulate the paperwork to show my status any different that it was. i missed my second appointment because the state of Florida will not renew my I.D. without my birth certificate, and that cost money that i simply can't come up with. it will cost me around 80$ to get my I.D. renewed. the state went from 10 bucks, to over 30 in the past year.
the light bill has been draining Bubba, and myself for the past couple months, and will continue for another couple. it takes everything that we come up with just to pay that bill right now. were not in a boat by ourselves though. people all crossed this great country are suffering trying to pay their light bills while not freezing to death.
i really don't deal well with things when I'm trying to be honest, and do the right thing, and still feel like I'm getting slapped in the face!! even though,........i live in a house, and have a physical address,.........i can no longer get the medical help that i need. i have level three hypertension, and there is no level four. i take three different blood pressure medications to keep it in balance. i've already had two strokes, and a heart attack, so i take a couple medication for that cause. i take a narcotic, and a muscle relaxer for my back, that will never get any better, because it's degenerative.
all that is not even the pill that i need the most. i take a small pink pill called Paxcil to alleviate the depression in my life. it's a wonderful little pill that generally works when you take it everyday. the thing is...........when you stop taking it cold turkey it's like all that depression that it stopped you from having has been sitting on the back burner just waiting to slip through!!
i've been through this once before, and it was the worst time of my life!! i actually wound up on my knees screaming out to God to just kill me, and put me out of my misery!! i couldn't get comfortable no matter what position that i got in. every bone in my body hurt. i hurt so bad that i could do nothing but shake like a person with-drawing from Heroin. sleep was not something that i could do. i would doze off from being so tired, and wake up within five minutes.
i am not looking forward to that experience again, but it's probably going to happen in around three weeks. my saving grace is the fact that i might be able to get my medication through a homeless clinic. it wont be easy either, because the homeless in Jax is unbelievable!! i know that i wont get my narcotics for my back, because they just don't do that. i will have to live with that pain for a while, and that's fine. i just can't suffer through the with-drawls from the Paxcil again. that is a week of pure hell!!
well,................that's just a small part of what's been happening in my life the week that i pretty much went missing. there is more to tell, but it wont be in this post. like i said before,............it's time!!
.........much love
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
today is............
know what?.................i could say a lot about today,.............and i probably will. it's been an unusual day, but all in all............it's been a day.
i've not even looked at the national weather in a couple days, but our forecast has been 24 hour rain, for the past two days.......... so far. oh,.........y'all know how i love a day when it rains, but i do have limits.
i guess that you can tell by my last post that I'm in some deep dark hole trying to avoid a trauma based situation that's knocking on my cabin door. i seriously doubt if this post makes any better sense to you that the last one did, if it made any sense at all!! i shouldn't be writing right now concerning the seriousness level of the funk that my life is in at this present time.
whoa...............whoa...............don't take me wrong!! it's not headed straight for a deep sea crash, but it is looking for some changes to be taking place. I'm not too sure about anybody else,..............but,.........i don't deal in the most stellar way with changes most of the time. I'm a serious creature of habit. i like my ruts!!
i really don't know what's fixing to change either. i honestly don't have a clue, but i know in my heart that it's on the way. i also know that it's going to be for my betterment. there is a catch though,.............there is a piece of the puzzle that i haven't even layed on the table. there is one great drawback that might possibly happen,................... because it has a record in the past of showing up on many different occasions.
ladies and gentlemen ...................can i have you attention please,....................if you would look this way for a moment...................................in this tent behind me.............we have a man looked up in a padded cell,...........for his own safety. he's still wearing the same clothes,..........as the day that he made this cell his home. he is dressed in a blue jumpsuit,...........with a bulls-eye on the front, and back. he has on a white cape with "I'm a dumb ass,...........written is what appears to be blood on the back. yep,...........that's right,................he was once known through out the world as Mr. Illusion of Confusion,.................but now he is known..................as the chief of the dumb ass rebellious leaders!!!!
ha!!.....................if i keep writing in this space cadet form for much longer,..............something else might change!!! it might become ,.........Mr. confusion of a mental ward delusion!!
.............much love
i've not even looked at the national weather in a couple days, but our forecast has been 24 hour rain, for the past two days.......... so far. oh,.........y'all know how i love a day when it rains, but i do have limits.
i guess that you can tell by my last post that I'm in some deep dark hole trying to avoid a trauma based situation that's knocking on my cabin door. i seriously doubt if this post makes any better sense to you that the last one did, if it made any sense at all!! i shouldn't be writing right now concerning the seriousness level of the funk that my life is in at this present time.
whoa...............whoa...............don't take me wrong!! it's not headed straight for a deep sea crash, but it is looking for some changes to be taking place. I'm not too sure about anybody else,..............but,.........i don't deal in the most stellar way with changes most of the time. I'm a serious creature of habit. i like my ruts!!
i really don't know what's fixing to change either. i honestly don't have a clue, but i know in my heart that it's on the way. i also know that it's going to be for my betterment. there is a catch though,.............there is a piece of the puzzle that i haven't even layed on the table. there is one great drawback that might possibly happen,................... because it has a record in the past of showing up on many different occasions.
ladies and gentlemen ...................can i have you attention please,....................if you would look this way for a moment...................................in this tent behind me.............we have a man looked up in a padded cell,...........for his own safety. he's still wearing the same clothes,..........as the day that he made this cell his home. he is dressed in a blue jumpsuit,...........with a bulls-eye on the front, and back. he has on a white cape with "I'm a dumb ass,...........written is what appears to be blood on the back. yep,...........that's right,................he was once known through out the world as Mr. Illusion of Confusion,.................but now he is known..................as the chief of the dumb ass rebellious leaders!!!!
ha!!.....................if i keep writing in this space cadet form for much longer,..............something else might change!!! it might become ,.........Mr. confusion of a mental ward delusion!!
.............much love
Sunday, February 6, 2011
the dark side
you know,.............i have this place that i mentally wind up in at times. i call it the dark side. i am not really sure how to tell this story, but i believe that it's time to at least make an attempt to tell about this state of madness. I'm having difficulty pinpointing what causes me to do this, and i really don't do it often. the thing is while it's going on it can lead to total devastation if i don't snap out of it.
hey,...........i just had a thought. it might be pressure from life, and i go into some kind of over-load status, stretching my mentality to the extreme point of hearing the squeaking just before the snap. do you know what i mean? can anybody relate to what I'm saying?
the dark side is not all a living hell. actually,..........it can be quite the pleasure at times. when you float off in the midnight moonlight heading toward the divine city full of everlasting peace, and there is not a care in the world can over-ride your heart of joy.
now,.........I'm serious!! when the pressures of life start to crack my skull open i just visit a land of deluxe harmony. a place, and time whose only source of location is deep in my mind. i have never dove this deep before, and I'm finding the results simply amazing!!
the thing that i find the most amazing is " why me?" why am i going the total opposite way from most folks when the mentally trip out. ..........,and i believe with all my heart that i am trippin' out, but it's going in the right direction.
the psyche ward is full of some of the un-happiest nuts cases in the world. why should i be so blessed to lose my mind, and trade it in on a happy go lucky,.............24-7,..............all the time,..........state of mind? yeah,..............that's right,.......................candy land is not as beautiful as this place, and monopoly can't afford to buy it.
the problem is that i just can't stay there s long as i would like to at times. i never really know when i might just wind up there, and most of the time i don't even seem to notice until i return to home base. it's another one of those hind-sight is 20/20 torture test for me!!
the hellish part of the whole mystery of my exotic land is that i always come back,......................and life is good once again!! i see the pressures that almost sent me on over,........... in a total different light..
sound the horns!! sound the horns!! Mr. Illusion need to re-group, and seek a different battle plan, and a new strategy to pass through this phase in his life to the next level. i am desperate to see what the next level of my life holds in store for me.
...............much love
hey,...........i just had a thought. it might be pressure from life, and i go into some kind of over-load status, stretching my mentality to the extreme point of hearing the squeaking just before the snap. do you know what i mean? can anybody relate to what I'm saying?
the dark side is not all a living hell. actually,..........it can be quite the pleasure at times. when you float off in the midnight moonlight heading toward the divine city full of everlasting peace, and there is not a care in the world can over-ride your heart of joy.
now,.........I'm serious!! when the pressures of life start to crack my skull open i just visit a land of deluxe harmony. a place, and time whose only source of location is deep in my mind. i have never dove this deep before, and I'm finding the results simply amazing!!
the thing that i find the most amazing is " why me?" why am i going the total opposite way from most folks when the mentally trip out. ..........,and i believe with all my heart that i am trippin' out, but it's going in the right direction.
the psyche ward is full of some of the un-happiest nuts cases in the world. why should i be so blessed to lose my mind, and trade it in on a happy go lucky,.............24-7,..............all the time,..........state of mind? yeah,..............that's right,.......................candy land is not as beautiful as this place, and monopoly can't afford to buy it.
the problem is that i just can't stay there s long as i would like to at times. i never really know when i might just wind up there, and most of the time i don't even seem to notice until i return to home base. it's another one of those hind-sight is 20/20 torture test for me!!
the hellish part of the whole mystery of my exotic land is that i always come back,......................and life is good once again!! i see the pressures that almost sent me on over,........... in a total different light..
sound the horns!! sound the horns!! Mr. Illusion need to re-group, and seek a different battle plan, and a new strategy to pass through this phase in his life to the next level. i am desperate to see what the next level of my life holds in store for me.
...............much love
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
the over-grown rat has spoken!!
Punxsutawney Phil has not seen his shadow on this groundhog day!! for all those that believe in this silly superstition that breaks down to an early spring for most of the country. i really don't think that it applies to residents of Florida, because we always have an early spring.
i don't understand what a groundhog has to do with the forecast of spring, but then again i don't understand a lot of things. i really don't know much about groundhog's to begin with, so i checked out wiki-pedia to see what they had to say about Phil. i learned a little bit. you can check it out for yourselves.
Groundhog Day 2005 in Punxsutawney featuring Phil.Punxsutawney Phil is a groundhog resident of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, USA. On February 2 (Groundhog Day) of each year, the town of Punxsutawney celebrates the beloved groundhog with a festive atmosphere of music and food. During the ceremony, which begins well before the winter sunrise, Phil emerges from his temporary home on Gobbler's Knob, located in a rural area about 2 mi (3.2 km) east of town. According to the tradition, if Phil sees his shadow and returns to his hole, he will predict six more weeks of winter. If Phil does not see his shadow, he will predict an early spring.[1] The date of Phil's prognostication is known as Groundhog Day in the United States and Canada. During the rest of the year, Phil lives in the town library with his "wife" Phyllis. A select group, called the Inner Circle, takes care of Phil year-round and also plans the annual ceremony. Members of the Inner Circle are recognizable by their top hats and tuxedos. Phil currently has two co-handlers, Ben Hughes and John Griffiths.[2
i wonder how these distinguished gentlemen learned how to take groundhogese? i speak a language know as southernese, and it has taken me all my life to do that!!
all in all it look like a fun way to spend a cold winter morning. plenty of hoopla, music, and good food. i don't know if the rest of the world celebrates a form of groundhog day or not. i guess as Americans we just love to celebrate, and we don't need much of a reason. that's what makes life good!!
..............much love
i don't understand what a groundhog has to do with the forecast of spring, but then again i don't understand a lot of things. i really don't know much about groundhog's to begin with, so i checked out wiki-pedia to see what they had to say about Phil. i learned a little bit. you can check it out for yourselves.
Punxsutawney Phil
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Punxsutawney Phil lore
Zoological data suggests that groundhogs have a average lifespan of 10 years in captivity and 6 years in the wild, with a maximum lifespan of 14 years in captivity documented.[3] Punxsutawney Phil fans say that there is only one Phil (all the other groundhog weathermen are impostors), and that he has made weather prognostications for over 120 years as of 2010. They say that every summer, Phil is fed a sip of the mysterious Groundhog Punch, which magically lengthens his life for seven years. This is done by Inner Circle members.[4] According to the Groundhog Club, Phil, after making the prediction, speaks to the Club President in "Groundhogese", which only the Inner Circle appear to understand, and then his prediction is translated for the entire world.i wonder how these distinguished gentlemen learned how to take groundhogese? i speak a language know as southernese, and it has taken me all my life to do that!!
all in all it look like a fun way to spend a cold winter morning. plenty of hoopla, music, and good food. i don't know if the rest of the world celebrates a form of groundhog day or not. i guess as Americans we just love to celebrate, and we don't need much of a reason. that's what makes life good!!
..............much love
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