Bicyclist Killed During 'Share Road' Ride
FHP: 65-Year-Old Arizona Man Struck By Drifting Pickup Truck
POSTED: Thursday, March 31, 2011
UPDATED: 12:06 pm EDT March 31, 2011
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www.billofrights.org
Thursday, March 31, 2011
how ironic........
how ironic........this is really something to think about................
NEWBERRY, Fla. -- A 65-year-old bicyclist was killed in a crash in Newberry on Wednesday afternoon during a sponsored bike ride.According to the Florida Highway Patrol, a pickup truck driven by 23-year-old Brian Bunting, of Newberry, was traveling eastbound on State Road 26 just east of Northwest 298th Street about 12:40 p.m. Wednesday when he got distracted.Troopers said Robert King, of Prescott, Ariz., was riding his bike eastbound on the south paved apron of the road when the pickup truck drifted into his lane and struck him, throwing King from the bike.King was taken to Shands Medical Center at the University of Florida in Gainesville, where he was pronounced dead.Troopers said King was participating in a Bike Florida and Share the Road Campaign sponsored ride that left from High Springs, traveled through Trenton and was ending in Newberry. King was wearing a helmet.Charges are pending against Bunting.
NEWBERRY, Fla. -- A 65-year-old bicyclist was killed in a crash in Newberry on Wednesday afternoon during a sponsored bike ride.According to the Florida Highway Patrol, a pickup truck driven by 23-year-old Brian Bunting, of Newberry, was traveling eastbound on State Road 26 just east of Northwest 298th Street about 12:40 p.m. Wednesday when he got distracted.Troopers said Robert King, of Prescott, Ariz., was riding his bike eastbound on the south paved apron of the road when the pickup truck drifted into his lane and struck him, throwing King from the bike.King was taken to Shands Medical Center at the University of Florida in Gainesville, where he was pronounced dead.Troopers said King was participating in a Bike Florida and Share the Road Campaign sponsored ride that left from High Springs, traveled through Trenton and was ending in Newberry. King was wearing a helmet.Charges are pending against Bunting.
Lindsay.............just Lindsay!!
now,.............ain't that just precious!! poor little rich girl got pissed off at daddy, and plans to legally change her name!! can i tell you something...............please, .....................and this time you don't have to promise not to tell, because i don't give a pear in a bushel basket of apples who knows!!
i simply love Lindsay,................just Lindsay,..............and i simply loved Lindsay Lohan!!
the strange thing is i know that there is something,............that' just ain't right about this, but you know that i've lost all shame, and I'm stickin' to my guns on her. a lot of folks judge her unmercifully, but i would really have a hard time trying to find ground to stand on if i even tried.
i've got her on my desktop background picture right now. don't worry,.............the only thing here that I'm fanatical about is changing that picture!!
this is the one. look how made up that she is in this pic. she doesn't even look like she really does, but she is still beautiful. i like red haired women, and with all the freckles that come with them!! i find very little about Lindsay unappealing.
you know,............i really think that she is doing pretty well for her young age, and the environment that she has lived in all her life. you think it's easy to grow up in Hollywood? her career started at three years old. now,.........please tell me what kind of three year old wants to start working? I'm waiting,..........................still waiting,.................................none!! there ain't no three year old that i've ever met seriously wanted to earn a living for herself, and her parents!! oh!! oh!! give me just a minute,.....................i think that i might have something,..................wait,...................wait on it...............it must have been her parents pimping her out at that early age!! does that make any sense what-so-ever to y'all? couldn't that cause severe issues of trust?
i knew her daddy's never been worth much more than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, but i wasn't sure how to tie her mother in, on her own sorriness. just can't really hold being a dancer against a woman, but this is the all time sorry low,......... all by itself. they both deserve the golden globe award for sell out their little girls childhood!! please,............take a bow,................you scum bag parents!!
like i was saying.....................i think that she has done pretty good considering all she has had to work with. it can't be easy growing up in Hollywood, specially when you've not had time to live out a childhood. just think about all the temptations that she's had to deal with, way before she was ready. drugs, alcohol, and sex...........just to name a few.
the stinkin' tabloids follower her around, and never have anything good to say about her. actually, there are quite a few video's of it on You Tube. looks a lot like harassment to me. I'll post one if you will watch it. see if you would like to be hounded like that?
what kind of crap is that? how damn important can any one person be? how would you like to have just one day of that treatment? Geeze Louise !!
you know,...............just thinking about it,..............my life has been a lot like hers. now,...........I'm not talking about my massive fame as Mr. Illusion of confusion either!! the mistakes that we've both made are pretty much the same ones. drugs,................ alcohol,........... stealing stuff, and just being a general jackass at times..............yeah, that about covers it!! i guess the real deal is i turned out like that without all the pressure that she has dealt with her entire life. i guess if your qualified to judge,............that would make me far worse off than her,.......... and that doesn't even sting one bit!!
the biggest thing that i see wrong with Lindsay is she is just confused. she really needs to disappear for a while, and figure out who she really is. I'm not talking about another rehab either. by now she knows everything that they have taught her, and apparently it hasn't worked. which is no big deal. it don't work for everybody it simply can't, because we are not all the same, but there is a solution, and she has to seek it out by herself.
she has a long hard road to travel. her life is a total wreck, and she knows it. i know none of my readers ever felt the pain of their lives collapsing in front of their eyes before, so you have to trust me on this one. she is not oblivious to the failures in her life. she lives with that pain everyday, and every night!! some pain don't even take breaks.
you know,...........I'm just looking at this human being from a different angle. we all have many different angles about us, and God forbid if our private one ever was to be made public show!! that would run most of us turtle's right back in the shell!!.................just a thought..........
.............much love
i simply love Lindsay,................just Lindsay,..............and i simply loved Lindsay Lohan!!
the strange thing is i know that there is something,............that' just ain't right about this, but you know that i've lost all shame, and I'm stickin' to my guns on her. a lot of folks judge her unmercifully, but i would really have a hard time trying to find ground to stand on if i even tried.
i've got her on my desktop background picture right now. don't worry,.............the only thing here that I'm fanatical about is changing that picture!!
this is the one. look how made up that she is in this pic. she doesn't even look like she really does, but she is still beautiful. i like red haired women, and with all the freckles that come with them!! i find very little about Lindsay unappealing.
you know,............i really think that she is doing pretty well for her young age, and the environment that she has lived in all her life. you think it's easy to grow up in Hollywood? her career started at three years old. now,.........please tell me what kind of three year old wants to start working? I'm waiting,..........................still waiting,.................................none!! there ain't no three year old that i've ever met seriously wanted to earn a living for herself, and her parents!! oh!! oh!! give me just a minute,.....................i think that i might have something,..................wait,...................wait on it...............it must have been her parents pimping her out at that early age!! does that make any sense what-so-ever to y'all? couldn't that cause severe issues of trust?
i knew her daddy's never been worth much more than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest, but i wasn't sure how to tie her mother in, on her own sorriness. just can't really hold being a dancer against a woman, but this is the all time sorry low,......... all by itself. they both deserve the golden globe award for sell out their little girls childhood!! please,............take a bow,................you scum bag parents!!
like i was saying.....................i think that she has done pretty good considering all she has had to work with. it can't be easy growing up in Hollywood, specially when you've not had time to live out a childhood. just think about all the temptations that she's had to deal with, way before she was ready. drugs, alcohol, and sex...........just to name a few.
the stinkin' tabloids follower her around, and never have anything good to say about her. actually, there are quite a few video's of it on You Tube. looks a lot like harassment to me. I'll post one if you will watch it. see if you would like to be hounded like that?
what kind of crap is that? how damn important can any one person be? how would you like to have just one day of that treatment? Geeze Louise !!
you know,...............just thinking about it,..............my life has been a lot like hers. now,...........I'm not talking about my massive fame as Mr. Illusion of confusion either!! the mistakes that we've both made are pretty much the same ones. drugs,................ alcohol,........... stealing stuff, and just being a general jackass at times..............yeah, that about covers it!! i guess the real deal is i turned out like that without all the pressure that she has dealt with her entire life. i guess if your qualified to judge,............that would make me far worse off than her,.......... and that doesn't even sting one bit!!
the biggest thing that i see wrong with Lindsay is she is just confused. she really needs to disappear for a while, and figure out who she really is. I'm not talking about another rehab either. by now she knows everything that they have taught her, and apparently it hasn't worked. which is no big deal. it don't work for everybody it simply can't, because we are not all the same, but there is a solution, and she has to seek it out by herself.
she has a long hard road to travel. her life is a total wreck, and she knows it. i know none of my readers ever felt the pain of their lives collapsing in front of their eyes before, so you have to trust me on this one. she is not oblivious to the failures in her life. she lives with that pain everyday, and every night!! some pain don't even take breaks.
you know,...........I'm just looking at this human being from a different angle. we all have many different angles about us, and God forbid if our private one ever was to be made public show!! that would run most of us turtle's right back in the shell!!.................just a thought..........
.............much love
adapt and overcome
adapt and overcome .................some real fighting men have adopted this slogan, and made it a way of life for them. yep,............that's right,............i'm talking about the Marine's!! it really seems to me that the same principle should work in my life, but only if i will apply it.
i know that somewhere out there..........there are folks laying down good money based on my survival. i would imagine that my success rate is not well favored either. i would imagine that few,..........ha,...........if that many,......... think that i will live. honestly,........i would love to take that bet!!
see,.........i know something most people don't know about me. i am a walking, talking, breathing, miracle child from way back!! i have the ultimate Ace in the hole. i have escaped the jaws of death more times than i can actually recall in my life. i am a survivor!!
i know that the reason that i have so many medical issues stems from the fact that i've not lived right most of my life, and getting older doesn't weigh in my favor ether. i never thought that i would say this, but i like getting older. there are benefits to aging, and the only way to see them are first hand from experience.
i reckon that i'm getting a lil' bit smarter, but............please,............for the love of God,.............do not repeat this!! i'm changing my lifestyle, and i started this morning. yep,.............that's right,..........i actually got up before daylight!! here is the real kicker..........i fixed breakfast, and...................wait,........................wait on it,.................it's getting close,.....................i fixed breakfast without any fatty pork,................my God!!,...........don't you realize what i'm saying?..................NO BACON!!
now, don't get me wrong,.........i don't eat bacon often, but i love bacon..............i love the smell of bacon!! you might find this hard to believe, but one of my fondest childhood memories, and i've blocked most of them out, is about bacon!!
i can remember going outside one mornin' in Bama. we purty much lived in the country, even though we lived close to downtown. i could see the only flashing light that Geraldine had from my front yard. the cool thing was once you got behind out house...........it was country........all country...........even down to the outhouse!! ..........humm..........i'll get to that in a minute.
the thing is i remember it like it was yesterday.........the sun was rising, and honestly a rooster was crowing. the birds were singing their songs of morning praise, and................somebody,..............can't say who...........they were cooking bacon.............the sweet smell filled the air.
yep,,.........i know that i'm different,........but the design started out as perfect!!
anyway,..............do y'all know what an outhouse is? back years ago. if a house didn't have running water in it............they had a little building in back,..............way back,.............of the house,..........where you went to the bathroom. there were no lights inside, no electricity, no fans, but i do remember a fly swatter, and a pile of newspaper..............please don't confuse this in anyway to be sanitary!! the roof leaked on you when it was raining, and you could see the moon when it was full from the cracks in the ceiling and walls.
here's a thought for all those that have never had the pleasure of using one. fortunately Taco Bell hadn't come in to play yet, but imagine if it had, and you ate your fill of double beef burritos a few hours before. it's dead winter time, and snow is on the ground, and it's been dark for a while now, and your guts are playing the Bell hell song!!....................do i really need to say more............................
i really don't ever remember the wood being all that clean, and i had forgot one detail...........it had a dirt floor...............moving on............
you know,..........that's one of those details in life that i don't think that i've shared with many. i just told the whole world about it!! i have truly become shameless!! hey,.......i do want to point out that we had water running inside the house in the kitchen sink, but the bitch was that we didn't have a water heater!!
i really did grow up fairly poor. mother worked full time with three of us kids. she was doing the best with what she had to work with. back then we didn't have any Government support. no welfare checks in the mailbox, and no food stamps. i do remember getting Government surplus cheese, and peanut butter............maybe there was a little help, but not much.
you know,............i've got so far of track,..............there is nothing unusual about that............except for the fact that i'm not going to finish with what i started with today. i shared one of my greatest memories as a kid, and somehow i've shared the tragedy of being poor.
i will leave you with one thought........................how the sweet smell of that bacon that morning over-powered the smell of the outhouse............is a great mystery!!
..........much love
i know that somewhere out there..........there are folks laying down good money based on my survival. i would imagine that my success rate is not well favored either. i would imagine that few,..........ha,...........if that many,......... think that i will live. honestly,........i would love to take that bet!!
see,.........i know something most people don't know about me. i am a walking, talking, breathing, miracle child from way back!! i have the ultimate Ace in the hole. i have escaped the jaws of death more times than i can actually recall in my life. i am a survivor!!
i know that the reason that i have so many medical issues stems from the fact that i've not lived right most of my life, and getting older doesn't weigh in my favor ether. i never thought that i would say this, but i like getting older. there are benefits to aging, and the only way to see them are first hand from experience.
i reckon that i'm getting a lil' bit smarter, but............please,............for the love of God,.............do not repeat this!! i'm changing my lifestyle, and i started this morning. yep,.............that's right,..........i actually got up before daylight!! here is the real kicker..........i fixed breakfast, and...................wait,........................wait on it,.................it's getting close,.....................i fixed breakfast without any fatty pork,................my God!!,...........don't you realize what i'm saying?..................NO BACON!!
now, don't get me wrong,.........i don't eat bacon often, but i love bacon..............i love the smell of bacon!! you might find this hard to believe, but one of my fondest childhood memories, and i've blocked most of them out, is about bacon!!
i can remember going outside one mornin' in Bama. we purty much lived in the country, even though we lived close to downtown. i could see the only flashing light that Geraldine had from my front yard. the cool thing was once you got behind out house...........it was country........all country...........even down to the outhouse!! ..........humm..........i'll get to that in a minute.
the thing is i remember it like it was yesterday.........the sun was rising, and honestly a rooster was crowing. the birds were singing their songs of morning praise, and................somebody,..............can't say who...........they were cooking bacon.............the sweet smell filled the air.
yep,,.........i know that i'm different,........but the design started out as perfect!!
anyway,..............do y'all know what an outhouse is? back years ago. if a house didn't have running water in it............they had a little building in back,..............way back,.............of the house,..........where you went to the bathroom. there were no lights inside, no electricity, no fans, but i do remember a fly swatter, and a pile of newspaper..............please don't confuse this in anyway to be sanitary!! the roof leaked on you when it was raining, and you could see the moon when it was full from the cracks in the ceiling and walls.
here's a thought for all those that have never had the pleasure of using one. fortunately Taco Bell hadn't come in to play yet, but imagine if it had, and you ate your fill of double beef burritos a few hours before. it's dead winter time, and snow is on the ground, and it's been dark for a while now, and your guts are playing the Bell hell song!!....................do i really need to say more............................
you know,..........that's one of those details in life that i don't think that i've shared with many. i just told the whole world about it!! i have truly become shameless!! hey,.......i do want to point out that we had water running inside the house in the kitchen sink, but the bitch was that we didn't have a water heater!!
i really did grow up fairly poor. mother worked full time with three of us kids. she was doing the best with what she had to work with. back then we didn't have any Government support. no welfare checks in the mailbox, and no food stamps. i do remember getting Government surplus cheese, and peanut butter............maybe there was a little help, but not much.
you know,............i've got so far of track,..............there is nothing unusual about that............except for the fact that i'm not going to finish with what i started with today. i shared one of my greatest memories as a kid, and somehow i've shared the tragedy of being poor.
i will leave you with one thought........................how the sweet smell of that bacon that morning over-powered the smell of the outhouse............is a great mystery!!
..........much love
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
this is insane!!
it's 55 degrees this morning, and I'm sitting here writing covered up with my little Princess comforter. all the windows are open, and the fan is just kickin' it!! why you ask? oh,........well that's fairly simple. you see,.......it did finally fake rain a lil' bit here, but it rained all around us. so the good Lord sent us a bit cooler weather for the day. here in Florida we appreciate any break that we get from..............what?............that's not what you talking about?
oh,...........i see,...........you want to know why I'm covered up with all the windows open, and the fan blowing hurricane force winds all around me? well,...........that's purty simple to explain also,...........because i am a certifiable nutcase with a degree from the Grill State mental hospital in Montgomery Alabama!! now,.......do i need to continue to list my extensive resume of the lower nuthouses that i've had the pleasure to be a part of? hell,..........i claimed the state nuthouse right of the bat!! isn't that good enough for you to know that I'm crazy?
you know,........in all honesty,............i was sent there for a short time once. i might even should be ashamed of that little fact, but who really cares? it was a major learning experience for me. one that i will never forget!!
if you've never had the pleasure of being locked up in that place, then you may, or may not know what really goes on inside those concealed walls.
i would imagine that it's kinda set up like a prison. I'm not sure, because i've never been condemned to prison. the reason that i've not been isn't because that I'm so good, nor is it the fact that I'm just so slick that i never got caught, because i've had more than my share of run in's with the law, and a few times i was looking at a prison sentence. the only saving grace that kept me out of prison was the Good Lord Himself!! i would be foolish to place the credit anywhere else.
back to my story,.........when you first get there,.........first things first. i had a ride in from a couple county deputies. my court date with the judge didn't go in my favor to say the least. the judge made quick work of me. he stated that the court was to rule if i was mentally competent enough to stand trial.
now,.......i didn't even know why i was to be on trial to begin with, but he gave me the opportunity to speak my mind. i said that i was competent to stand trial. in a flash the judge thanked me for me input, and in the same breath ordered me to be remanded to the Grill State mental hospital until my competency could be proven!! talk about swift justice!! i didn't have a chance!! Damn Alabama judges are not to be messed with!!
well,........when i first got there we drove through a locked gate. the duputies had to call inside just to get the gate open. then they drove up to a door on the outside, and said, " honey,........were home!!" one deputy opened my car door, and said walk inside that door. they didn't even escort me inside the building.
i thought that this was highly unusual, because i had went to court in shackles like a stone cold killer!! then again,...........i reckon that i was just to dumb to realize that running was not an option, because this was a secure facility, and i had no where to run.
i walked up to the door that i was supposed to walk in. all of a sudden this voice said walk in. it was coming from a speaker in the wall, and at that time i noticed the camera on me. i pulled the door open, and looked inside. there was nothing but a long white hall. once again, the faceless speaker spoke to me, " walk down the hall." as soon as i turned loose of the door it clicked locked. i noticed that there was no handle, or knob on the door.
the voice once again gave me a command to walk down the hall, and go through the next door. i did exactly like the voice prompted me to do, and wound up in a small white room. the room had nothing in it........with the exception of walls, a floor, and a ceiling. i had been in complete silence until i entered this room, and i started hearing all kinds of racket coming from the other side of the door.
the voice told me to walk through that door, and when i did,...............suddenly,..............without any doubts,............what-so-ever,..............i realized that i had just walked into my own personal pit,...........in the middle of hell!!!
i was in the part of the loony bin that housed those that were no potential harm to themselves, or anybody else...............that is unless they just went wild, and started attacking other nut jobs!! Geeze Louise,.......i could tell right off the bat that i really didn't fit in with my new crowd, but i learned latter on that night that i would have to stay a minimum of two weeks to prove myself, and longer if i showed any signs of abnormal behavior. abnormal behavior,...........i thought,..........i could not see any behavior that i would call normal around me...............i wondered what they were going to judge me by?
anyway,..........i've told some of my adventures of my nuthouse experience before in other blogs. today,........I'm going to share a story that i don't think that i've ever told before. I'm not sure why i've never told this to no one. maybe it just never came up before in general conversation.
" love in the ultimate psyche ward"
yep,............that's right,..............some lil' girl,..........fell head over hills in love with me. now,........the last thing that i was looking for inside these walls was a relationship. i was trying to act like i wasn't crazy, so they would turn me loose in two weeks. i had such " normal " madness going on around me that i was really having a hard time being good.
four times a day we would go to the other-side of institutional madness for our meals, and an hour of therapy(?).......of socializing with others. i met this girl at my first lunch event. she saw me, and set down beside me during lunch. she had red hair, and the look of being corn feed. she was healthy looking, and not fat. she never spoke a word during that meal, or any meal within the next four days, but she was always by my side anytime that i was on that side.
finally,..........on the evening of the forth day she broke her silence as i was getting up to leave the dinner meal. she looked at me, and said that she liked me, and kissed me on the cheek. i found the whole ordeal strange, but after all,.........there was nothing normal as far as my eyes could see.
our relationship changed on that day. we actually spent time talking with each other every time i went over there.i could tell that she was a bit flaked out, but nothing that i wasn't used to on the outside world. i really couldn't see why she was inside these walls, but i found out that she had been there for a couple of years.
a few days latter i went over for breakfast, and she was waiting on me. she had decided to put make-up on to impress me, and i have to say that she left me with an impression that i will never forget.
she looked like she had just gotten up out of the chair with the joker doing her make-up!! she had make-up every where on her face!! in no distinct order,..........what-so-ever!!
i tried my best to keep my composure while she told me that she had done it for me. the last thing that i wanted to do was hurt her feelings, but i really felt that if the doors would have swung open for me at that moment........i would have been better off.
before i left that morning she told me that she loved me, and took her shirt off. at that point and time all illusions that i had of her being in the wrong place were shattered!! i know knew that she was a nut with certification!! the guards, or nurses ran over, and made her put her shirt back on, and to say that i was as nervous as a long tailed cat, in a room full of rocking chairs would have been an understatement!!
i was sure that this little act would set back my release for at least a week, but not a word was ever said to me. somehow,..........suddenly,...........i got the feeling that i wasn't her first object of love that she had found in the last two years, because the nurses wasn't even surprised by her actions.
i was in my last week, or at least that's what i had assumed at the time, and i knew if i ever wanted to see freedom in the outside world again, that all mistakes would be at a zero tolerance!! i still had to go to the side she stayed on a few days until i was released.
well,...........so far, so good. there was no more displays of make-up in trying to impress me. she seemed to keep her shirt on now, but she did have this habit of flashing her goods at me every time i was leaving.
then the day before i was planning to get out, she brought me a letter to read. i just assumed it was one written in crayon with a stick boy, and a stick girl, holding hands, with i love you wrote on it. i had already had the pleasure of seeing that one before........many times!!
no,........this was something completely different. it was a letter from a lawyer, addressed to her. it was stating how much money that she had set up in a trust fund for her, and the number was in the millions!! Dang!!.........i had finally met that rich fruit-loop that i had always been looking for, but i was out of time. my freedom was worth more to me than any amount of money could ever be. i knew in my heart if i could just walk out that door, that i would never allow me to be back in that position ever again. i had seen the lives of the mentally disadvantaged, and they had nothing for me to ever be envious over again!!
the next day i got my freedom..................and the sage continues..................
..............much love
oh,...........i see,...........you want to know why I'm covered up with all the windows open, and the fan blowing hurricane force winds all around me? well,...........that's purty simple to explain also,...........because i am a certifiable nutcase with a degree from the Grill State mental hospital in Montgomery Alabama!! now,.......do i need to continue to list my extensive resume of the lower nuthouses that i've had the pleasure to be a part of? hell,..........i claimed the state nuthouse right of the bat!! isn't that good enough for you to know that I'm crazy?
you know,........in all honesty,............i was sent there for a short time once. i might even should be ashamed of that little fact, but who really cares? it was a major learning experience for me. one that i will never forget!!
if you've never had the pleasure of being locked up in that place, then you may, or may not know what really goes on inside those concealed walls.
i would imagine that it's kinda set up like a prison. I'm not sure, because i've never been condemned to prison. the reason that i've not been isn't because that I'm so good, nor is it the fact that I'm just so slick that i never got caught, because i've had more than my share of run in's with the law, and a few times i was looking at a prison sentence. the only saving grace that kept me out of prison was the Good Lord Himself!! i would be foolish to place the credit anywhere else.
back to my story,.........when you first get there,.........first things first. i had a ride in from a couple county deputies. my court date with the judge didn't go in my favor to say the least. the judge made quick work of me. he stated that the court was to rule if i was mentally competent enough to stand trial.
now,.......i didn't even know why i was to be on trial to begin with, but he gave me the opportunity to speak my mind. i said that i was competent to stand trial. in a flash the judge thanked me for me input, and in the same breath ordered me to be remanded to the Grill State mental hospital until my competency could be proven!! talk about swift justice!! i didn't have a chance!! Damn Alabama judges are not to be messed with!!
well,........when i first got there we drove through a locked gate. the duputies had to call inside just to get the gate open. then they drove up to a door on the outside, and said, " honey,........were home!!" one deputy opened my car door, and said walk inside that door. they didn't even escort me inside the building.
i thought that this was highly unusual, because i had went to court in shackles like a stone cold killer!! then again,...........i reckon that i was just to dumb to realize that running was not an option, because this was a secure facility, and i had no where to run.
i walked up to the door that i was supposed to walk in. all of a sudden this voice said walk in. it was coming from a speaker in the wall, and at that time i noticed the camera on me. i pulled the door open, and looked inside. there was nothing but a long white hall. once again, the faceless speaker spoke to me, " walk down the hall." as soon as i turned loose of the door it clicked locked. i noticed that there was no handle, or knob on the door.
the voice once again gave me a command to walk down the hall, and go through the next door. i did exactly like the voice prompted me to do, and wound up in a small white room. the room had nothing in it........with the exception of walls, a floor, and a ceiling. i had been in complete silence until i entered this room, and i started hearing all kinds of racket coming from the other side of the door.
the voice told me to walk through that door, and when i did,...............suddenly,..............without any doubts,............what-so-ever,..............i realized that i had just walked into my own personal pit,...........in the middle of hell!!!
i was in the part of the loony bin that housed those that were no potential harm to themselves, or anybody else...............that is unless they just went wild, and started attacking other nut jobs!! Geeze Louise,.......i could tell right off the bat that i really didn't fit in with my new crowd, but i learned latter on that night that i would have to stay a minimum of two weeks to prove myself, and longer if i showed any signs of abnormal behavior. abnormal behavior,...........i thought,..........i could not see any behavior that i would call normal around me...............i wondered what they were going to judge me by?
anyway,..........i've told some of my adventures of my nuthouse experience before in other blogs. today,........I'm going to share a story that i don't think that i've ever told before. I'm not sure why i've never told this to no one. maybe it just never came up before in general conversation.
" love in the ultimate psyche ward"
yep,............that's right,..............some lil' girl,..........fell head over hills in love with me. now,........the last thing that i was looking for inside these walls was a relationship. i was trying to act like i wasn't crazy, so they would turn me loose in two weeks. i had such " normal " madness going on around me that i was really having a hard time being good.
four times a day we would go to the other-side of institutional madness for our meals, and an hour of therapy(?).......of socializing with others. i met this girl at my first lunch event. she saw me, and set down beside me during lunch. she had red hair, and the look of being corn feed. she was healthy looking, and not fat. she never spoke a word during that meal, or any meal within the next four days, but she was always by my side anytime that i was on that side.
finally,..........on the evening of the forth day she broke her silence as i was getting up to leave the dinner meal. she looked at me, and said that she liked me, and kissed me on the cheek. i found the whole ordeal strange, but after all,.........there was nothing normal as far as my eyes could see.
our relationship changed on that day. we actually spent time talking with each other every time i went over there.i could tell that she was a bit flaked out, but nothing that i wasn't used to on the outside world. i really couldn't see why she was inside these walls, but i found out that she had been there for a couple of years.
a few days latter i went over for breakfast, and she was waiting on me. she had decided to put make-up on to impress me, and i have to say that she left me with an impression that i will never forget.
she looked like she had just gotten up out of the chair with the joker doing her make-up!! she had make-up every where on her face!! in no distinct order,..........what-so-ever!!
i tried my best to keep my composure while she told me that she had done it for me. the last thing that i wanted to do was hurt her feelings, but i really felt that if the doors would have swung open for me at that moment........i would have been better off.
before i left that morning she told me that she loved me, and took her shirt off. at that point and time all illusions that i had of her being in the wrong place were shattered!! i know knew that she was a nut with certification!! the guards, or nurses ran over, and made her put her shirt back on, and to say that i was as nervous as a long tailed cat, in a room full of rocking chairs would have been an understatement!!
i was sure that this little act would set back my release for at least a week, but not a word was ever said to me. somehow,..........suddenly,...........i got the feeling that i wasn't her first object of love that she had found in the last two years, because the nurses wasn't even surprised by her actions.
i was in my last week, or at least that's what i had assumed at the time, and i knew if i ever wanted to see freedom in the outside world again, that all mistakes would be at a zero tolerance!! i still had to go to the side she stayed on a few days until i was released.
well,...........so far, so good. there was no more displays of make-up in trying to impress me. she seemed to keep her shirt on now, but she did have this habit of flashing her goods at me every time i was leaving.
then the day before i was planning to get out, she brought me a letter to read. i just assumed it was one written in crayon with a stick boy, and a stick girl, holding hands, with i love you wrote on it. i had already had the pleasure of seeing that one before........many times!!
no,........this was something completely different. it was a letter from a lawyer, addressed to her. it was stating how much money that she had set up in a trust fund for her, and the number was in the millions!! Dang!!.........i had finally met that rich fruit-loop that i had always been looking for, but i was out of time. my freedom was worth more to me than any amount of money could ever be. i knew in my heart if i could just walk out that door, that i would never allow me to be back in that position ever again. i had seen the lives of the mentally disadvantaged, and they had nothing for me to ever be envious over again!!
the next day i got my freedom..................and the sage continues..................
..............much love
Monday, March 28, 2011
this is me.............
sadly,............the real me. i can't hide behind Mr. Illusion on this one. i am so damn depressed!! why, do you ask? well,..........do i really need a certain reason when everything works just fine?
maybe,........it's the weather? i got my hopes up for a rainy day today, and it ain't happened yet. i love a rainy day, and today was forecast to be stormy all day starting about nine o' clock last night. as far as i can tell we've had no real rain, and i've yet to hear any thunder what-so-ever..........yet.. yep,............that's right,...........i still have my hopes up for a rainy day. it's dark outside, and looks like a good possibility for rain. i just looked at the radar.........again, and there is rain all around us.
it's 2 o' clock P.M., and i still have my night time apparel on. why would i want to put clothes on? if it will rain it will make me feel better. actually, I'm looking for a storm, so there is no reason that i should leave the house for anything. just to be honest,..........I'm not walking out of the house today anyway. i would just feel better about my decision if there were a real reason to keep me inside today. you know what I'm saying,...........i need something to cover up the real reason that i don't want to go outside.
my body is so out of whack!! i've got 6 or 8 bottles of medication that i used to take daily that i no longer have the pleasure of taking. things like blood pressure, heart, pain, and mental drugs for depression. i was lucky enough to come up with some Zoloft for depression, and I'm self-medicating at 100 mg. a day. i thought what the hell,..........can it be any worse? if it would get in my system any quicker i would take more of them!!
i have just a few blood pressure medicines left to take, and when they run out........i will have hell to pay!! the last time that i ran out my pressure was hovering at 180/120. yeah,..........that's right,.........that kind puts some people in the grave, or gives them a stroke. i've already had two strokes, and another one will probably put me in the ground. fortunately, the last time that i ran out just made me sick as all hell. i had a massive headache, and the only reason that i went to the hospital was because i was thinking that i was having another heart attack. they kept me in the cardiology unit for a couple days, and got me straightened on out.
right now my heart is working way too hard. i can feel every time that it beats. it's running between 110-125, at least when i check it. there ain't no telling what it's doing when I'm out in the sun. it actually beats so hard that i'm getting short winded, and threatening to pass out often. yep,..........i know,.........this is not good!!
it's really affecting my sleep also, because i lay there and feel my heart pounding away. i just doze of, and on all night long. i really don't get the type of sleep that i need to heal myself.
then,.........I'm worried about the only way that i have of making any money right now. which is donating plasma. if i ever do get my heart beat low enough to donate the end result is deathly sick for a couple days. I'm not fit to do anything, but sit here and pray that i don't die!! that's no way to live, but i feel responsible to Bubba to help with the bills. we only have the electric, and water to worry about, but he is unemployed right now also, and plasma is basically his only way to get money. i don't think that it's fair for me not to at least try to do my part with helping. he was good enough to take me in while i was homeless, and besides that he is my friend!!
i really can't imagine that things will get any better before they get even worse. I'm not sure that i will be able to survive much worse. i might just have to wonder off where nobody knows me, and just simply die. honestly,.......it's looking that way. you would think in today's time that somebody would donate the medication that i need to live, and write it off their taxes. i never even realized that these pills were keeping me alive and healthy, until i ran out of them.
it's sad to think that a few pills each day makes such a difference in my life. actually,.........they make all the difference!!
it's three now,...........and still no rain!! i've set in my easy chair all morning long, and wrote blogs, and that's probably all I'll do today. i probably should eat something, but I'm really not hungry. i really don't feel like putting any food in my system. that's probably a sign of depression. you know there is something wrong when a big old corn feed country boy like me has no desire to eat.
maybe,.........just maybe,..........i have a secret desire just to go ahead and die. i don't really think that i do, but I'm damn sure acting like it. however,.........I'm not starving myself to death. i plan to cook a great meal of chicken tenders with biscuits, and gravy for supper. if God be willing, and the creek don't rise,.........that's my plan. how in the hell could the creek rise without any friggin' rain anyway?
trust me,...........you have not heard the last of my misery today. I'm really not complaining, or bitchin'..........I'm just telling it like it is!! even though I'm at a low point in life right now,........i do realized that i have been very blessed. I'm quite sure that the time I'm living on right now is borrowed time anyway. i ain't never done nothing to deserve it, so it has to simply be Grace.
...........much love
maybe,........it's the weather? i got my hopes up for a rainy day today, and it ain't happened yet. i love a rainy day, and today was forecast to be stormy all day starting about nine o' clock last night. as far as i can tell we've had no real rain, and i've yet to hear any thunder what-so-ever..........yet.. yep,............that's right,...........i still have my hopes up for a rainy day. it's dark outside, and looks like a good possibility for rain. i just looked at the radar.........again, and there is rain all around us.
it's 2 o' clock P.M., and i still have my night time apparel on. why would i want to put clothes on? if it will rain it will make me feel better. actually, I'm looking for a storm, so there is no reason that i should leave the house for anything. just to be honest,..........I'm not walking out of the house today anyway. i would just feel better about my decision if there were a real reason to keep me inside today. you know what I'm saying,...........i need something to cover up the real reason that i don't want to go outside.
my body is so out of whack!! i've got 6 or 8 bottles of medication that i used to take daily that i no longer have the pleasure of taking. things like blood pressure, heart, pain, and mental drugs for depression. i was lucky enough to come up with some Zoloft for depression, and I'm self-medicating at 100 mg. a day. i thought what the hell,..........can it be any worse? if it would get in my system any quicker i would take more of them!!
i have just a few blood pressure medicines left to take, and when they run out........i will have hell to pay!! the last time that i ran out my pressure was hovering at 180/120. yeah,..........that's right,.........that kind puts some people in the grave, or gives them a stroke. i've already had two strokes, and another one will probably put me in the ground. fortunately, the last time that i ran out just made me sick as all hell. i had a massive headache, and the only reason that i went to the hospital was because i was thinking that i was having another heart attack. they kept me in the cardiology unit for a couple days, and got me straightened on out.
right now my heart is working way too hard. i can feel every time that it beats. it's running between 110-125, at least when i check it. there ain't no telling what it's doing when I'm out in the sun. it actually beats so hard that i'm getting short winded, and threatening to pass out often. yep,..........i know,.........this is not good!!
it's really affecting my sleep also, because i lay there and feel my heart pounding away. i just doze of, and on all night long. i really don't get the type of sleep that i need to heal myself.
then,.........I'm worried about the only way that i have of making any money right now. which is donating plasma. if i ever do get my heart beat low enough to donate the end result is deathly sick for a couple days. I'm not fit to do anything, but sit here and pray that i don't die!! that's no way to live, but i feel responsible to Bubba to help with the bills. we only have the electric, and water to worry about, but he is unemployed right now also, and plasma is basically his only way to get money. i don't think that it's fair for me not to at least try to do my part with helping. he was good enough to take me in while i was homeless, and besides that he is my friend!!
i really can't imagine that things will get any better before they get even worse. I'm not sure that i will be able to survive much worse. i might just have to wonder off where nobody knows me, and just simply die. honestly,.......it's looking that way. you would think in today's time that somebody would donate the medication that i need to live, and write it off their taxes. i never even realized that these pills were keeping me alive and healthy, until i ran out of them.
it's sad to think that a few pills each day makes such a difference in my life. actually,.........they make all the difference!!
it's three now,...........and still no rain!! i've set in my easy chair all morning long, and wrote blogs, and that's probably all I'll do today. i probably should eat something, but I'm really not hungry. i really don't feel like putting any food in my system. that's probably a sign of depression. you know there is something wrong when a big old corn feed country boy like me has no desire to eat.
maybe,.........just maybe,..........i have a secret desire just to go ahead and die. i don't really think that i do, but I'm damn sure acting like it. however,.........I'm not starving myself to death. i plan to cook a great meal of chicken tenders with biscuits, and gravy for supper. if God be willing, and the creek don't rise,.........that's my plan. how in the hell could the creek rise without any friggin' rain anyway?
trust me,...........you have not heard the last of my misery today. I'm really not complaining, or bitchin'..........I'm just telling it like it is!! even though I'm at a low point in life right now,........i do realized that i have been very blessed. I'm quite sure that the time I'm living on right now is borrowed time anyway. i ain't never done nothing to deserve it, so it has to simply be Grace.
...........much love
facebook depression?
what did you say? yeah,..........that's right,.........they say that facebook can cause depression in teen's now. now what the hell does a teenager have to be depressed about? in all reality they should still be under the illusion that everything is going to turn out right. that the world is theirs, and all they have to do is grab it by the balls, and control it.
i know why it could be depressing to them. it's not the facebook that's causing this madness. it's all the timeout's that they have had to suffer through when they were misguided, and took a wrong path. it was mean,........vile,...........strict parents,.............that told them that they have to to sit, and think about what they have done for thirty minutes.
if i was treated this way i would have grown up to be worse than i was to begin with!! no,.........i came up in the time that parents had a choice of how to discipline their children. fortunately, for me the most common way to discipline was at the end of a belt.
it was a simple process, that always started out with the phrase, " this is going to hurt me much more than it does you!!" then the parent would take you hand in theirs, but it was not a comfort deal. it was so that you couldn't run, or get too far away from them.
we all knew better to run anyway. that would call for a more severe beating that it would have been to begin with!! actually, it was better to stay real close to them, and act like it was killing you. if you did that they started feeling guilty right away, and it was over soon.
in all reality, most "beatings" hurt nothing more than you pride, and then you got a chance to take the " time out." it was never called a time out back then, but it followed every whipping.
fortunate for me, one of my sisters caught the brunt of the last time a switch was used, instead of a belt. the switch cut the blood out of her little legs, and mother quickly decided that was too harsh of a penalty to suffer. if she had been cruel enough to continue that way i would have two scars where my legs used to be!!
i was always the mean one. i was the baby, and the only boy. mother really never knew what to do with me. she tried to raise me like a girl, but natural selection kicked in, and my real male hormones came on out. that is why i don't understand homosexuality. if ever there was one because of how that they were raised, i was the prime candidate!! i think that it's a real choice. i believe that if your turned on by someone of the same sex that you suffer from esteem issues. you just don't feel good enough about yourself to attract, and keep someone of the opposite sex.
now,........i can't say that i've been any good at keeping the opposite sex for long periods at a time, and i know that I'm just not quite right. although, i've never been attracted to men. some men i do admire much more than others, but i've never wanted to have sex with them!!
Geeze Louise,..............kids don't have much of a chance today. it's OK if you son of sixteen years old wants to play with dolls, and it's OK if your daughter wants to dress, and act like builder Bob!!
the whole family structure has broken down. by the time the kids get old enough to go out on their own, and sometimes that is way younger than it was back in my day. there is no family involvement. families don't do things together anymore. i believe that the meal time has broken new barriers. there are no meal times. not even dinner time.
if nothing else happen while i was a kid,...........we would all sit down at the table for a meal that i've always called supper, or most folks know it as dinner. there is where the whole family talked about their day, and what's going on with themselves. we laughed, and enjoyed each others company for a few minutes. then when it was over, we all gladly, helped in the cleaning up. that was a powerful time in our lives. it helped us to get along better with each other. we learned how to handle situations in our outside world at the supper table. in other words,...........we were skilled at that table to handle life's problems as they arose.
i did have my problems. i had deep seated emotional problems that were never addressed as a child. at least i don't think that they were. i did see a psychiatrist when i was younger for being a chronic bed-wetter. this was a major embarrassment to me. it seemed that every night i would have bad dreams, and piss in my sleep. the Valium that the Doc gave me simply caused me not to wake up anymore. it did nothing to solve the problem. we went through several tactics to stop this madness, but the more we tried to control it,.......the worse that it got!!
i really can't tell you why a five, or six year old would have bad nerves to the point of this action. i new that i have seen some horrible things in my childhood. things that my tender mind simply could not understand at the time. for some reason i was scarred of everything. i mean a serious panic about most things that looking back makes me wonder why?
although, i mentally blocked out most of my childhood. the sad part is that i have no good memories to hold on to. even today most of my memories are bad ones. here is the crazy thing though, i don't feel like i was abused in anyway. life was simply what it was at the time. i know in my heart that i had some good times as a child,..........i simply can't remember them.
i can see how my childhood affected my adolescent years. i became bold,........nope,.........hell no............lets be honest about it. i became stupid!! for some reason i didn't have a fear of much anymore. i wanted to live my life to the fullest. the sad part is that i choose drugs, and alcohol to achieve that little simple goal. you know that caused more problems to come into my life, than ever was there to begin with. i went from a nervous child straight to a hellion born from a demon seed!!
you know? i think that i will stop right there.................
...........much love
i know why it could be depressing to them. it's not the facebook that's causing this madness. it's all the timeout's that they have had to suffer through when they were misguided, and took a wrong path. it was mean,........vile,...........strict parents,.............that told them that they have to to sit, and think about what they have done for thirty minutes.
if i was treated this way i would have grown up to be worse than i was to begin with!! no,.........i came up in the time that parents had a choice of how to discipline their children. fortunately, for me the most common way to discipline was at the end of a belt.
it was a simple process, that always started out with the phrase, " this is going to hurt me much more than it does you!!" then the parent would take you hand in theirs, but it was not a comfort deal. it was so that you couldn't run, or get too far away from them.
we all knew better to run anyway. that would call for a more severe beating that it would have been to begin with!! actually, it was better to stay real close to them, and act like it was killing you. if you did that they started feeling guilty right away, and it was over soon.
in all reality, most "beatings" hurt nothing more than you pride, and then you got a chance to take the " time out." it was never called a time out back then, but it followed every whipping.
fortunate for me, one of my sisters caught the brunt of the last time a switch was used, instead of a belt. the switch cut the blood out of her little legs, and mother quickly decided that was too harsh of a penalty to suffer. if she had been cruel enough to continue that way i would have two scars where my legs used to be!!
i was always the mean one. i was the baby, and the only boy. mother really never knew what to do with me. she tried to raise me like a girl, but natural selection kicked in, and my real male hormones came on out. that is why i don't understand homosexuality. if ever there was one because of how that they were raised, i was the prime candidate!! i think that it's a real choice. i believe that if your turned on by someone of the same sex that you suffer from esteem issues. you just don't feel good enough about yourself to attract, and keep someone of the opposite sex.
now,........i can't say that i've been any good at keeping the opposite sex for long periods at a time, and i know that I'm just not quite right. although, i've never been attracted to men. some men i do admire much more than others, but i've never wanted to have sex with them!!
Geeze Louise,..............kids don't have much of a chance today. it's OK if you son of sixteen years old wants to play with dolls, and it's OK if your daughter wants to dress, and act like builder Bob!!
the whole family structure has broken down. by the time the kids get old enough to go out on their own, and sometimes that is way younger than it was back in my day. there is no family involvement. families don't do things together anymore. i believe that the meal time has broken new barriers. there are no meal times. not even dinner time.
if nothing else happen while i was a kid,...........we would all sit down at the table for a meal that i've always called supper, or most folks know it as dinner. there is where the whole family talked about their day, and what's going on with themselves. we laughed, and enjoyed each others company for a few minutes. then when it was over, we all gladly, helped in the cleaning up. that was a powerful time in our lives. it helped us to get along better with each other. we learned how to handle situations in our outside world at the supper table. in other words,...........we were skilled at that table to handle life's problems as they arose.
i did have my problems. i had deep seated emotional problems that were never addressed as a child. at least i don't think that they were. i did see a psychiatrist when i was younger for being a chronic bed-wetter. this was a major embarrassment to me. it seemed that every night i would have bad dreams, and piss in my sleep. the Valium that the Doc gave me simply caused me not to wake up anymore. it did nothing to solve the problem. we went through several tactics to stop this madness, but the more we tried to control it,.......the worse that it got!!
i really can't tell you why a five, or six year old would have bad nerves to the point of this action. i new that i have seen some horrible things in my childhood. things that my tender mind simply could not understand at the time. for some reason i was scarred of everything. i mean a serious panic about most things that looking back makes me wonder why?
although, i mentally blocked out most of my childhood. the sad part is that i have no good memories to hold on to. even today most of my memories are bad ones. here is the crazy thing though, i don't feel like i was abused in anyway. life was simply what it was at the time. i know in my heart that i had some good times as a child,..........i simply can't remember them.
i can see how my childhood affected my adolescent years. i became bold,........nope,.........hell no............lets be honest about it. i became stupid!! for some reason i didn't have a fear of much anymore. i wanted to live my life to the fullest. the sad part is that i choose drugs, and alcohol to achieve that little simple goal. you know that caused more problems to come into my life, than ever was there to begin with. i went from a nervous child straight to a hellion born from a demon seed!!
you know? i think that i will stop right there.................
...........much love
Friday, March 25, 2011
morning bliss
five o' clock came early this morning. i really don't recon that it came any earlier than normal. it was the fact that i was awake at that time today. could this be the start of an old trend? ever since the time changed my internal clock has been completely out of whack. i used to get up at this time a lot of days, but with the time change i call ten an early start to the day.
before my eyes even opened up this morning i was laying in my bed thinking. the fan was blowing on me, and every window in the house was open. i thought how nice it is to simply lay here in the comfort of my bed with a gentle breeze blowing over me. the fan drowned out the noise of the city. i knew that the city had came to life whether i could hear it or not.
i finally rolled over to look at the clock..........5 A.M...............shoot,.......i thought,.........I'm going back to sleep. i haven't saw this time of day in a few weeks!! needless to say, i tossed, and turned for another hour threatening to get up, and start my day, but it wasn't even daylight yet. when does it get daylight i wondered?
i looked at the clock the last time at 6:15. i knew that i had to make a move. daylight couldn't be that far away now. suddenly,...........it donned on me that something was out of the ordinary. i felt good today!! how does that happen, after i spent the last two days near death? i quickly decided that i wasn't going to question it. i was simply gonna go with the flow of things today.
i've piddled around here this morning, and done absolutely nothing to amount to anything. i opened my cooler, and the smell of last nights tuna salad almost knocked me down!! make a note to yourself,.........the next time that you put tuna salad in the cooler, make sure that it's in an airtight container. i quickly found what was left of my ice, and poured one of the two cans of soda that i had left. most folks my age does coffee in the mornings. actually, i'm more content with a glass of cola over ice. i'm different from most folks, and i really like most of the differences.
before i even noticed that daybreak has hit this morning, it sounded like every bird in Jax was outside my window. singing their morning praises to the Creator, for another day in the life. i get great comfort in the birds morning song. i had been sleeping through it, but this morning was different. today would be totally different. i'm not sure how,..............maybe nothing would be different,................except my attitude, and how alive that i felt this morning!!
over the years i finally come to notice that my attitude affects everything in my life. you know,........i've tried to keep a good one, but sometimes the weight of the world comes bearing down so hard, and thing just seem to fly from every direction, at the same time. that is seems almost impossible to be grateful. even though,.........there is always something to be grateful, and thankful for, sometimes we lose sight of what really matters the most.
the things that really matter the most in this world, are probably a little different for me than most others. i've never been married, and i don't have any children, so that right there makes a difference. i do have friends, and they are very important to me. i do have some family, and that's a story in itself.
i guess most of the things that are really important to me are self-centered. the only issue that i really have right now is with my health. honestly,......i have a lot worse days than i do good here lately. i don't blame anybody other that myself. i should have prepared better for the future that i never thought that i would have.
i don't know what today holds for me. i really don't have a clue. it could be my last day on this planet, and that would be OK also. all i know for sure, is what ever comes my way today,.........i want it to find me happy, and at peace with myself. i have no more fires to set, or put out. i simply want to coexist with my surroundings, and live another day.
i don't really think that is too much for anybody to ask. do you? just remember today, or whenever that you chose to............tell somebody that you love, that you do love them!! it will put a smile on their face, and at the same time put a smile on your heart!!
..............much love
before my eyes even opened up this morning i was laying in my bed thinking. the fan was blowing on me, and every window in the house was open. i thought how nice it is to simply lay here in the comfort of my bed with a gentle breeze blowing over me. the fan drowned out the noise of the city. i knew that the city had came to life whether i could hear it or not.
i finally rolled over to look at the clock..........5 A.M...............shoot,.......i thought,.........I'm going back to sleep. i haven't saw this time of day in a few weeks!! needless to say, i tossed, and turned for another hour threatening to get up, and start my day, but it wasn't even daylight yet. when does it get daylight i wondered?
i looked at the clock the last time at 6:15. i knew that i had to make a move. daylight couldn't be that far away now. suddenly,...........it donned on me that something was out of the ordinary. i felt good today!! how does that happen, after i spent the last two days near death? i quickly decided that i wasn't going to question it. i was simply gonna go with the flow of things today.
i've piddled around here this morning, and done absolutely nothing to amount to anything. i opened my cooler, and the smell of last nights tuna salad almost knocked me down!! make a note to yourself,.........the next time that you put tuna salad in the cooler, make sure that it's in an airtight container. i quickly found what was left of my ice, and poured one of the two cans of soda that i had left. most folks my age does coffee in the mornings. actually, i'm more content with a glass of cola over ice. i'm different from most folks, and i really like most of the differences.
before i even noticed that daybreak has hit this morning, it sounded like every bird in Jax was outside my window. singing their morning praises to the Creator, for another day in the life. i get great comfort in the birds morning song. i had been sleeping through it, but this morning was different. today would be totally different. i'm not sure how,..............maybe nothing would be different,................except my attitude, and how alive that i felt this morning!!
over the years i finally come to notice that my attitude affects everything in my life. you know,........i've tried to keep a good one, but sometimes the weight of the world comes bearing down so hard, and thing just seem to fly from every direction, at the same time. that is seems almost impossible to be grateful. even though,.........there is always something to be grateful, and thankful for, sometimes we lose sight of what really matters the most.
the things that really matter the most in this world, are probably a little different for me than most others. i've never been married, and i don't have any children, so that right there makes a difference. i do have friends, and they are very important to me. i do have some family, and that's a story in itself.
i guess most of the things that are really important to me are self-centered. the only issue that i really have right now is with my health. honestly,......i have a lot worse days than i do good here lately. i don't blame anybody other that myself. i should have prepared better for the future that i never thought that i would have.
i don't know what today holds for me. i really don't have a clue. it could be my last day on this planet, and that would be OK also. all i know for sure, is what ever comes my way today,.........i want it to find me happy, and at peace with myself. i have no more fires to set, or put out. i simply want to coexist with my surroundings, and live another day.
i don't really think that is too much for anybody to ask. do you? just remember today, or whenever that you chose to............tell somebody that you love, that you do love them!! it will put a smile on their face, and at the same time put a smile on your heart!!
..............much love
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Bubba broke the camera out!!
when i first move in this house back in October, the neighborhood was pretty much a war zone. I'm not talking about in a bad way. the city was upgrading the water lines, and working on a drainage problem. the road had been torn up pretty badly from bad drainage, and the construction going on.
the folks doing this work are under contract from the city. now, I'm not sure where you live at, but around here were quite used to seeing the city employee's screwing off. they are famous for pulling off the side of the road, and taking naps. the ones under contract seem to be a little better, but still they do somethings that make you scratch you head in wonderment.
it's been a few weeks since this happened. the crew doing the work set out fliers at every home telling that on Friday they were going to fix all the driveways on this street. they had dug up the end of every driveway that they had crossed during their work.
well,........sure enough Friday came, and they were doing what they said that they would be doing. i personally like it people keep their word, and stay on schedule. you might would have known that they started at the other end of the street, so our diveway was the last one to get done.
the first thing that happened was the guys that were setting the form's came out. they even curved out the end closest the street. it took several hours for the actual pouring of the concrete in our driveway. something very strange happen before the concrete truck made it to ours.
this worker started bringing 5 gallon buckets of concrete, from the driveway up the street, and dumping them in our driveway. i didn't understand why he would bucket that heavy concrete all that way, but he did.. here is a picture that proves it. it's a little blurry, but you can see where he poured the concrete from the buckets.
you can see that he lugged about five full buckets of heavy concrete from the driveway before ours. it was at least 100 feet from our driveway.
after he had done that i noticed that the concrete truck had to go get more before they could actually do the work.
I'm not sure if you can tell, but the guy in green shirt, and white hat, has a shovel in his hand heading back to the other driveway that they had just finished with. I'm not sure who, are what the guy wearing the orange, but i will assume he is the smaller straw boss, because he sure is on the other guys ass!!
this next picture will show you what was in that shovel, and where it came from.
yep,.............sure enough,..............same man that brought several buckets of concrete down, and poured them in the drive,................now,................he's making several trips back with a shovel, and carrying it right back where he brought it from!!
now,............i don't reckon that I'm the smartest redneck about certain things, but................something just ain't right about this dude. ya reckon that he is just bored, and making his work stretch out longer? it seems to me that he could do it a lil' easier, than he is. if you noticed the concrete truck has pull up, and he is still carrying one shovel full at a time back. he probably made a dozen, or more trips.
here is the driver of the truck. you can see him washing off the back of his truck. most of the drivers keep a clean truck. I'm really curious about one thing though,...................shouldn't he be washing it off after he pours the concrete out of the truck? you can tell by the drive that he hasn't even allowed the first stone to roll out of the truck. i had another picture of him brushing down the truck, but it didn't turn out well.
this picture is just to show that they are up to code on having enough people standing around, with their hands in their pockets. you know that every contract job has a certain number of these type that don't do much but oversee. they are really good to have around in case something goes wrong. they huddle up like a bunch of referee's on the playing field, and decide who that they want to lose off the job!!
you can't tell me that i don't have a warped sense of humor!! i love to exploit these types of things! it's all in fun though.............cause you know that nothing is going to change.............
...........much love
the folks doing this work are under contract from the city. now, I'm not sure where you live at, but around here were quite used to seeing the city employee's screwing off. they are famous for pulling off the side of the road, and taking naps. the ones under contract seem to be a little better, but still they do somethings that make you scratch you head in wonderment.
it's been a few weeks since this happened. the crew doing the work set out fliers at every home telling that on Friday they were going to fix all the driveways on this street. they had dug up the end of every driveway that they had crossed during their work.
well,........sure enough Friday came, and they were doing what they said that they would be doing. i personally like it people keep their word, and stay on schedule. you might would have known that they started at the other end of the street, so our diveway was the last one to get done.
the first thing that happened was the guys that were setting the form's came out. they even curved out the end closest the street. it took several hours for the actual pouring of the concrete in our driveway. something very strange happen before the concrete truck made it to ours.
this worker started bringing 5 gallon buckets of concrete, from the driveway up the street, and dumping them in our driveway. i didn't understand why he would bucket that heavy concrete all that way, but he did.. here is a picture that proves it. it's a little blurry, but you can see where he poured the concrete from the buckets.
you can see that he lugged about five full buckets of heavy concrete from the driveway before ours. it was at least 100 feet from our driveway.
after he had done that i noticed that the concrete truck had to go get more before they could actually do the work.
this next picture will show you what was in that shovel, and where it came from.
now,............i don't reckon that I'm the smartest redneck about certain things, but................something just ain't right about this dude. ya reckon that he is just bored, and making his work stretch out longer? it seems to me that he could do it a lil' easier, than he is. if you noticed the concrete truck has pull up, and he is still carrying one shovel full at a time back. he probably made a dozen, or more trips.
here is the driver of the truck. you can see him washing off the back of his truck. most of the drivers keep a clean truck. I'm really curious about one thing though,...................shouldn't he be washing it off after he pours the concrete out of the truck? you can tell by the drive that he hasn't even allowed the first stone to roll out of the truck. i had another picture of him brushing down the truck, but it didn't turn out well.
you can't tell me that i don't have a warped sense of humor!! i love to exploit these types of things! it's all in fun though.............cause you know that nothing is going to change.............
...........much love
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
the super moon was a dud!!
i was really expecting to see a moon larger than i ever have, or at least larger than i could remember. i went out at different times Saturday night to lay my eyes on a spectacular moon. the moon was spectacular, but no more to me than it is usually when it's full..
actually,...... i go out several times each night to look up in the heavens, and see the stars. i've enjoyed doing that most of my life. i can't really name the constellations, but i do enjoy the beauty that they bring during clear skies. i think the winter time months are the best time to see a show. there seems to be so many more at that time.
really,............the super moon was not a dud. it was just another moon to me. maybe somethings wrong with my perception. i could be wrong. can you keep a secret? please,...........don't tell anybody this..............i've been wrong before. now,..........if anyone saw what they consider to been a super moon Saturday night................please leave a comment about your experience. i would really like to hear from my readers.
do you ever simply go out of the house at night just to look in the sky? i mean,.....do you ever go outside with intentions of just looking toward the sky? it can't be quite relaxing, after a day filled with stress. there are always great stars, and planets that you can see with your naked eye unless it's cloudy. i love to do that. i have seen some amazing events in my life. i saw Halley's comet in 1986. it only comes around every 75 years, so it pretty much a once in a lifetime event. i saw something else that i can't remember the name of,.........be bop,.......or something. it was one of those once in a life time events. you would think that i would remember the name of it. it was a comet also.
i cheated!! i google'd every silly name that i could think of, and Hale-Bopp somehow appeared. the reason that i could remember the silly name is because it stayed visible to the naked eye for 18 months. read what Wikipedia has to say about Hale-Bopp.
Comet Hale–Bopp (formally designated C/1995 O1) was arguably the most widely observed comet of the twentieth century, and one of the brightest seen for many decades. It was visible to the naked eye for a record 18 months, twice as long as the previous record holder, the Great Comet of 1811.
Hale–Bopp was discovered on July 23, 1995, at a great distance from the Sun, raising expectations that the comet would brighten considerably by the time it passed close to Earth. Although predicting the brightness of comets with any degree of accuracy is very difficult, Hale–Bopp met or exceeded most predictions when it passed perihelion on April 1, 1997. The comet was dubbed the Great Comet of 1997.
now,.............how could i have forgot that event ? i know what the deal is. i must have some form of dementia. does selective memory have anything to do with dementia? i think my memory is like my hearing. i pick and choose what i hear, and could also do it with my memory.
you know,...........there is something strange about my memory i really have a good one, as far as with the most of my life. for some strange reason, i do believe that i've blocked out the majority of my childhood. there are few event in my childhood that i can recall. every now and then, one will pop up, and that usually triggers another one to surface.
i have become one of those people that my mother warned me about!! now, that one hell of a statement!! unfortunately,...........it's a true statement. i often look at my actions, and say to myself, " self..............your about a strange creature." that's another true statement. here is the real deal with all this madness. i really like myself with all the strangeness that comes with the complete package. i never want to hurt anybody with my strange actions, but it's hard not to offend everybody. i know sometimes what i say is misconstrued from what i meant by it, but that's just one of those strange things about me.
A young missionary on his first trip to Africa is away from camp having devotions in a quiet clearing, as was his custom. This one particular day, while reading his Bible, a lion comes and lays down right beside him; so close that the hot warm smell of his breath is wafting over him.
He is, as you would suppose, exceedingly uneasy. He closes his eyes, praying... but when he opens them he sees another approach from the brush, which proceeds to lie down on the other side of him.
Convinced as he is that this is a test of his faith, he determines to return to his Bible reading. As soon as he does so, the two lions pounce upon and devour him.
Moral of the story: Don't read between the "lions."
............much love
actually,...... i go out several times each night to look up in the heavens, and see the stars. i've enjoyed doing that most of my life. i can't really name the constellations, but i do enjoy the beauty that they bring during clear skies. i think the winter time months are the best time to see a show. there seems to be so many more at that time.
really,............the super moon was not a dud. it was just another moon to me. maybe somethings wrong with my perception. i could be wrong. can you keep a secret? please,...........don't tell anybody this..............i've been wrong before. now,..........if anyone saw what they consider to been a super moon Saturday night................please leave a comment about your experience. i would really like to hear from my readers.
do you ever simply go out of the house at night just to look in the sky? i mean,.....do you ever go outside with intentions of just looking toward the sky? it can't be quite relaxing, after a day filled with stress. there are always great stars, and planets that you can see with your naked eye unless it's cloudy. i love to do that. i have seen some amazing events in my life. i saw Halley's comet in 1986. it only comes around every 75 years, so it pretty much a once in a lifetime event. i saw something else that i can't remember the name of,.........be bop,.......or something. it was one of those once in a life time events. you would think that i would remember the name of it. it was a comet also.
i cheated!! i google'd every silly name that i could think of, and Hale-Bopp somehow appeared. the reason that i could remember the silly name is because it stayed visible to the naked eye for 18 months. read what Wikipedia has to say about Hale-Bopp.
Comet Hale–Bopp (formally designated C/1995 O1) was arguably the most widely observed comet of the twentieth century, and one of the brightest seen for many decades. It was visible to the naked eye for a record 18 months, twice as long as the previous record holder, the Great Comet of 1811.
Hale–Bopp was discovered on July 23, 1995, at a great distance from the Sun, raising expectations that the comet would brighten considerably by the time it passed close to Earth. Although predicting the brightness of comets with any degree of accuracy is very difficult, Hale–Bopp met or exceeded most predictions when it passed perihelion on April 1, 1997. The comet was dubbed the Great Comet of 1997.
now,.............how could i have forgot that event ? i know what the deal is. i must have some form of dementia. does selective memory have anything to do with dementia? i think my memory is like my hearing. i pick and choose what i hear, and could also do it with my memory.
you know,...........there is something strange about my memory i really have a good one, as far as with the most of my life. for some strange reason, i do believe that i've blocked out the majority of my childhood. there are few event in my childhood that i can recall. every now and then, one will pop up, and that usually triggers another one to surface.
i have become one of those people that my mother warned me about!! now, that one hell of a statement!! unfortunately,...........it's a true statement. i often look at my actions, and say to myself, " self..............your about a strange creature." that's another true statement. here is the real deal with all this madness. i really like myself with all the strangeness that comes with the complete package. i never want to hurt anybody with my strange actions, but it's hard not to offend everybody. i know sometimes what i say is misconstrued from what i meant by it, but that's just one of those strange things about me.
A young missionary on his first trip to Africa is away from camp having devotions in a quiet clearing, as was his custom. This one particular day, while reading his Bible, a lion comes and lays down right beside him; so close that the hot warm smell of his breath is wafting over him.
He is, as you would suppose, exceedingly uneasy. He closes his eyes, praying... but when he opens them he sees another approach from the brush, which proceeds to lie down on the other side of him.
Convinced as he is that this is a test of his faith, he determines to return to his Bible reading. As soon as he does so, the two lions pounce upon and devour him.
Moral of the story: Don't read between the "lions."
............much love
Monday, March 21, 2011
some cold hard facts
I often wonder how I ever got in this shape? No,…….not the fat shape!! Being fat is a shape, but I’m talking about both my mental, and internal physical workings that keep my life above the water line.
Now, I have seen truly crazy people in really good physical shape, so that blows my theory to hell that they are connected. However, it does seem like they go hand in hand with me. When my body is strong, and everything is working correctly, my mentality is better. Does that make any since?
Right now my physical well being, and my mental stability is at an all time low. There are things going on with my internal workings of my body, just to be honest, are down right scary, and I have no access what-so-ever to a Dr. I know that I could go down to the E.R., and sit there half, to three quarters of a day, and walk out with a handful of prescriptions, and still be no better off.
I know that I have some problems with my heart. I’m not talking about the love factor here. I’m talking about the way that it pumps blood to the organs in my body that need a fresh supply to operate correctly. Seven years ago I had a heart attack. At that time the Dr. put a stint in one of my heart valves, and he said that the others had 35% blockage.
Sometimes when I stand up I get so dizzy, that I have to hold on to something until it passes. Like this is not enough, at times my right leg goes completely numb to the point that I can’t walk for a few minutes, and my right arm goes as if it is dead, and I drop anything that I’m holding at the time.
I know that these are signs of a stroke. I’ve had a couple already back in 1998. It appears that I’m fixing to have another one soon, because these symptoms are getting more frequent.
This is the first time that I’ve spoke about this to anybody. I’ve been hoping that these things would just magically disappear, and I would be alright. I know how foolish this sounds!! Some thing just don’t fix themselves, and I know how serious that this is!!
Don’t think that I’m all that brave, because I’m not. I have no fear of death, but that doesn’t mean that I want to die. I had rather die, as live out the rest of my years in a nursing home slobbering all over myself!!
Strokes are never pretty. My last one landing me in a nursing home, with my right arm paralyzed, and unable to speak with any clarity. I sounded like a cross between Elmer Fudd, and Donald Duck!!
I really believe that all that medication that I was on was keeping me alright. Now that the meds are gone, I’m simply going haywire. My headaches are returning from my blood pressure spiking at times, and it’s rare when I feel good anymore.
I’ve been donating plasma, and I know that’s not good for me. If I would have been honest about my health questions they wouldn’t even let me inside the building. They take about a quart of white blood cell from my body, along with most of the water from my blood. That leaves me dehydrated, and it causes my blood to thicken. With my blood that thick it’s harder for my already damaged heart to pump in to my organs that need it. This includes my brain, and that is what causes strokes. The brain takes the oxygen from the blood, and if there is not enough oxygen it causes a stroke.
You probably wonder why I do this then knowing the damage that it causes? I have a basic need to survive, and I can’t work for money, because of my health issues. I can’t get medical help without a new I.D., and that cost even more money that I can’t get. I am in a pickle!! I’m stuck between a rock, and a hard place, and don’t have a clue what to do?
I really love living with all the twist and turns that come our way. I have done all within my power, naa,……..that’s not exactly true, but I’ve done most things that I can think of to survive, and now it’s killing me.
It’s really taking a toll on me mentally to see my life evading me, or at least what I thought was my life. This new life is not satisfying to my self-esteem one bit. even though, I’m not one bit suicidal. I’ve tried that, and it didn’t work out for me. I figure from this point that my old body can’t keep going like this for much longer anyway.
This is why I’m writing this blog. Just to let the world know where I stand, and if I suddenly stop writing it was because I had to stop. i'm either dead, or in a shape where i'm wishing that i was dead. i'm sure that i will write more about this later.
...........much love
Now, I have seen truly crazy people in really good physical shape, so that blows my theory to hell that they are connected. However, it does seem like they go hand in hand with me. When my body is strong, and everything is working correctly, my mentality is better. Does that make any since?
Right now my physical well being, and my mental stability is at an all time low. There are things going on with my internal workings of my body, just to be honest, are down right scary, and I have no access what-so-ever to a Dr. I know that I could go down to the E.R., and sit there half, to three quarters of a day, and walk out with a handful of prescriptions, and still be no better off.
I know that I have some problems with my heart. I’m not talking about the love factor here. I’m talking about the way that it pumps blood to the organs in my body that need a fresh supply to operate correctly. Seven years ago I had a heart attack. At that time the Dr. put a stint in one of my heart valves, and he said that the others had 35% blockage.
Sometimes when I stand up I get so dizzy, that I have to hold on to something until it passes. Like this is not enough, at times my right leg goes completely numb to the point that I can’t walk for a few minutes, and my right arm goes as if it is dead, and I drop anything that I’m holding at the time.
I know that these are signs of a stroke. I’ve had a couple already back in 1998. It appears that I’m fixing to have another one soon, because these symptoms are getting more frequent.
This is the first time that I’ve spoke about this to anybody. I’ve been hoping that these things would just magically disappear, and I would be alright. I know how foolish this sounds!! Some thing just don’t fix themselves, and I know how serious that this is!!
Don’t think that I’m all that brave, because I’m not. I have no fear of death, but that doesn’t mean that I want to die. I had rather die, as live out the rest of my years in a nursing home slobbering all over myself!!
Strokes are never pretty. My last one landing me in a nursing home, with my right arm paralyzed, and unable to speak with any clarity. I sounded like a cross between Elmer Fudd, and Donald Duck!!
I really believe that all that medication that I was on was keeping me alright. Now that the meds are gone, I’m simply going haywire. My headaches are returning from my blood pressure spiking at times, and it’s rare when I feel good anymore.
I’ve been donating plasma, and I know that’s not good for me. If I would have been honest about my health questions they wouldn’t even let me inside the building. They take about a quart of white blood cell from my body, along with most of the water from my blood. That leaves me dehydrated, and it causes my blood to thicken. With my blood that thick it’s harder for my already damaged heart to pump in to my organs that need it. This includes my brain, and that is what causes strokes. The brain takes the oxygen from the blood, and if there is not enough oxygen it causes a stroke.
You probably wonder why I do this then knowing the damage that it causes? I have a basic need to survive, and I can’t work for money, because of my health issues. I can’t get medical help without a new I.D., and that cost even more money that I can’t get. I am in a pickle!! I’m stuck between a rock, and a hard place, and don’t have a clue what to do?
I really love living with all the twist and turns that come our way. I have done all within my power, naa,……..that’s not exactly true, but I’ve done most things that I can think of to survive, and now it’s killing me.
It’s really taking a toll on me mentally to see my life evading me, or at least what I thought was my life. This new life is not satisfying to my self-esteem one bit. even though, I’m not one bit suicidal. I’ve tried that, and it didn’t work out for me. I figure from this point that my old body can’t keep going like this for much longer anyway.
This is why I’m writing this blog. Just to let the world know where I stand, and if I suddenly stop writing it was because I had to stop. i'm either dead, or in a shape where i'm wishing that i was dead. i'm sure that i will write more about this later.
...........much love
Saturday, March 19, 2011
i think that i'm starting to get the hang of this.........
i turned 48 the other day. actually,........it was no big deal. just another day in the life. i don't recall doing anything special, or different than i normally do. then again, why would i? i guess you could say that i've gotten used to growing older, as the years fly past.
to me,..........i see growing older as a real blessing. i like older folks to talk with, because they know the way of the world. just ask any person that has a little age on them what they think is the most important thing in life? i can tell you that they will say either that it's love, or family, they might even say friends. i would think that all these answers are just as right as the next.
it would be rare to hear them say that the most important thing is social standing. or a nice home to live in. even more rare would be to say that the car that you drive is most important. most will center around love, and the people that's closest to them.
i know that I'm really not all that old.........yet, ........but I'm sure getting there. i live inside of a body that has aged beyond the actual years, because of my carefree lifestyle that i've lived for most of my life. the most important thing to me most of my life was where's the party man? i've spent the most of my life chasing some kind of high!!
they say that hindsight is always 20/20, and it seems to be true to me, although, i can never figure out who " they " really are!!. "they" must be very smart though!!
i can see a lot more clearly looking back at what i've done, than i ever could while i was living it.
now,.........here is my deal. this is what drives me today. knowing all the horror, and complete wreckage of my past that i've created,..............how do i make up for it? what can i do,..........now,..........to make up for a self-centered, drug and alcohol frenzied life that i've already lived? will i ever find the true peace that I'm seeking, when i know that i was so wrong, living that kind of life?
you know the funnest thing happened to me while ago .............i was walking down the driveway, and i noticed something unusual about the cedar tree, or bush, I'm not sure what to call it. there seemed to be a beautiful marijuana plant growing off of it. i've never heard of such a thing in my life, so i really had to investigate it close up. i swear the more that i eyed that plant, the more convinced that it was pot. it had seven leaves shaped exactly like a pot plant.
on closer inspection i realized that the leaves were simply too broad to be a pot plant. the stalk also ran to the ground, so it couldn't have been a part of the cedar tree. dang the luck!! i thought for a minute that i had discovered something new.
i even ask bubba, what was that pot plant doing growing from the cedar tree? he turned around and gave it a look. the next words out of his mouth was, " ARE YOU SHITTING ME, OR WHAT?" he thought at first glance i was telling the truth!! it did look like weed.
the craziest thing about me is the fact that you can never tell where that I'm going to go, and when i will go there. it seems that I'm in the middle of one story, and all of a sudden......veer of track. there is a simple solution to this madness. i write,..........whatever, and whenever that i want to write, but i do it at different times. i have stuff saved as a draft that i go back to at times. depending on what kind of a mood that I'm in determines what you read. i will however say that i write most of my post in one setting, and still i might simply jump ship at any moment.
why,..........you ask? because i simply..........................do you realize that the moon is full tonight? they say it's going to be a super moon. it's the closest that it has been to our planet since 1992.
hey,..................i've got an idea.................why don't my readers go outside, and look up in the sky. there is a beautiful array of stars out tonight. plus there is a showing,.............for all that care to look,..................of the biggest moon that there has been since 1992. i personally like what goes on in the heavens at night. it makes me realize that there is something bigger going on in this world than me!!
...........much love
to me,..........i see growing older as a real blessing. i like older folks to talk with, because they know the way of the world. just ask any person that has a little age on them what they think is the most important thing in life? i can tell you that they will say either that it's love, or family, they might even say friends. i would think that all these answers are just as right as the next.
it would be rare to hear them say that the most important thing is social standing. or a nice home to live in. even more rare would be to say that the car that you drive is most important. most will center around love, and the people that's closest to them.
i know that I'm really not all that old.........yet, ........but I'm sure getting there. i live inside of a body that has aged beyond the actual years, because of my carefree lifestyle that i've lived for most of my life. the most important thing to me most of my life was where's the party man? i've spent the most of my life chasing some kind of high!!
they say that hindsight is always 20/20, and it seems to be true to me, although, i can never figure out who " they " really are!!. "they" must be very smart though!!
i can see a lot more clearly looking back at what i've done, than i ever could while i was living it.
now,.........here is my deal. this is what drives me today. knowing all the horror, and complete wreckage of my past that i've created,..............how do i make up for it? what can i do,..........now,..........to make up for a self-centered, drug and alcohol frenzied life that i've already lived? will i ever find the true peace that I'm seeking, when i know that i was so wrong, living that kind of life?
you know the funnest thing happened to me while ago .............i was walking down the driveway, and i noticed something unusual about the cedar tree, or bush, I'm not sure what to call it. there seemed to be a beautiful marijuana plant growing off of it. i've never heard of such a thing in my life, so i really had to investigate it close up. i swear the more that i eyed that plant, the more convinced that it was pot. it had seven leaves shaped exactly like a pot plant.
on closer inspection i realized that the leaves were simply too broad to be a pot plant. the stalk also ran to the ground, so it couldn't have been a part of the cedar tree. dang the luck!! i thought for a minute that i had discovered something new.
i even ask bubba, what was that pot plant doing growing from the cedar tree? he turned around and gave it a look. the next words out of his mouth was, " ARE YOU SHITTING ME, OR WHAT?" he thought at first glance i was telling the truth!! it did look like weed.
the craziest thing about me is the fact that you can never tell where that I'm going to go, and when i will go there. it seems that I'm in the middle of one story, and all of a sudden......veer of track. there is a simple solution to this madness. i write,..........whatever, and whenever that i want to write, but i do it at different times. i have stuff saved as a draft that i go back to at times. depending on what kind of a mood that I'm in determines what you read. i will however say that i write most of my post in one setting, and still i might simply jump ship at any moment.
why,..........you ask? because i simply..........................do you realize that the moon is full tonight? they say it's going to be a super moon. it's the closest that it has been to our planet since 1992.
hey,..................i've got an idea.................why don't my readers go outside, and look up in the sky. there is a beautiful array of stars out tonight. plus there is a showing,.............for all that care to look,..................of the biggest moon that there has been since 1992. i personally like what goes on in the heavens at night. it makes me realize that there is something bigger going on in this world than me!!
...........much love
and then, ..........this old man..........
i meet a lot of people living in this city. sometimes i just meet them, and i can't wait to get away from them. there are those that you meet, and think that i might want to get to know them more. then there are the few,........very few that you bond on up with them. something just clicks, and you just know that they are a good person,
then there are those you simply meet by chance. when i say by chance, i'm talking about they do a different business than you do, at the same place. this had being said, the main character of my blog comes into play.
two or three times a week i have to ride one bus to another bus stop, and wait for another one to reach my projected goal. i always catch the other bus in front of a hospital. one day while i was sitting there waiting on the other bus to arrive, a man approached me.
now, please keep in mind that there are some folks out here crazier than i am!! hard to believe ain't it? the best way that i've learned to deal with them is to act as if everybody i meet, is to just give then the benefit of doubt that they are sane. you might as well, because if they are not shooting with a full clip,..............it don't take long to detect it.
one day i met this old man. he was putting out religious tracks on the bus stop for people to read. he took the time to talk with me. he seemed kinda pushy with his direct line of questioning. this dude was getting down to the nitty gritty with a quickness.,
he asked me, what i did for a living, where i lived, and all kind of personal questions. i was fixing to tell him that i would no longer answer any personal questions, because it was none of his damn business about my life!! then he started talking about church. where do you attend? do you go ever Sunday? and blah, blah, and such in such. this old man was a talker. he must be used to entertaining himself, because you can't get a word in edgewise!!
then he told me that he was a member of the First Baptist church. immediately he got my sympathy, because you know how i feel about that church in particular. i then thought of him as the poor old man out doing the work of our Lord. he's probably being deceived like a lot of their good members.
anyway,...............time is passing, and it seems that almost every time i go to that bus stop the old man walks up. he is becoming a nuisance now. he must have Alzheimer disease, because every time that he meets me he acts like it is his first time. all the same question every time. i've got where i avoid him when i can. after all, he really is an older gentleman, and deserves a certain amount of respect. at least that how i was raised up to act. you always showed respect for your elders.
well the other day i was at that bus stop. i was waiting with several other people that day, and up comes ink-a-bod. that's what i call him, though every time he shows up he tells me his name. i can't remember who is for nothing!!
anyway,.......i felt kind of safe that day, because there were so many that he could talk with. i just assumed that he wouldn't even give me the time of day.
by now y'all ought to know that I'm curious by nature. that's my polite way of saying at times i get nosy as hell!! I'm probably the only one that gets that way at times. i know that none of my readers would ever be that way!!
i started listening to the way the old man approached every person. it was the exact same way that he always talked to me. he simply can't speak to a person without getting personal. maybe some Christians feel like they are justified to approach folks in this manner, and because of his age people allow him to continue.
either way i kept listening to his words. he was inviting people to his church. you know, that's OK, because he believes that people need to attend a good bible believing church. i thank it's a damn shame that he don't attend one like that, but in his mind i think that he does believe that he does.
i can't say what really happened to change the old mans words at that time, but for some reason he started saying very loudly one point: the Jews accidentally killed Jesus!! if they had know who He was, they would never have murdered Him!
now,..........quickly my opinion of him just being and old man out doing the work of our Lord changed, into a heretic,out blaspheming the word of God!! i decided that i would not blow his cover unless he came straight to me with that lie.
well,.........you guess it,..........he did come straight to me, and i had to blast his little boat of lies right out of the water!!
i said, do you really believe what your saying? the old man replies that is what the Bible says. i went on to say, that Jesus was prophesied back in the old testament in the Bible to come to earth, and the Jews would crucify Him. the Jews didn't kill Him!! He gave His life up by the will of the Father!! nobody murdered Jesus!! furthermore, there were no accidentals in the Bible!! there were no random, or chance happening's in the Bible!! everything was already planned out by the Father before the foundations of the earth were formed.
i went on to tell him that he needed to get his act together before continuing to spread lies about the Bible. he said that he had his act together, no,............no you don't i replied.
i must have gave him something to think about, because he quickly scampered a cross the street, and disappeared. i've also noticed that every time i'm waiting on a bus at that stop, that he is avoiding me now, and that's probably a good thing. he wont even walk 50 foot towards my direction.
now,.........i am a firm believer in the Bible. i believe every word that it says. i don't understand every word, but i believe it as the truth!! i am a Christian. i know that I'm not a good Christian though. i don't claim to be a good Christian either. Jesus was all about love, and truth. i believe that anyone that goes out witnessing to others about Jesus, should at least tell the truth!!
yep,.................that's right,....................that's my story,............and i'm stickin' to it!!
..........much love
then there are those you simply meet by chance. when i say by chance, i'm talking about they do a different business than you do, at the same place. this had being said, the main character of my blog comes into play.
two or three times a week i have to ride one bus to another bus stop, and wait for another one to reach my projected goal. i always catch the other bus in front of a hospital. one day while i was sitting there waiting on the other bus to arrive, a man approached me.
now, please keep in mind that there are some folks out here crazier than i am!! hard to believe ain't it? the best way that i've learned to deal with them is to act as if everybody i meet, is to just give then the benefit of doubt that they are sane. you might as well, because if they are not shooting with a full clip,..............it don't take long to detect it.
one day i met this old man. he was putting out religious tracks on the bus stop for people to read. he took the time to talk with me. he seemed kinda pushy with his direct line of questioning. this dude was getting down to the nitty gritty with a quickness.,
he asked me, what i did for a living, where i lived, and all kind of personal questions. i was fixing to tell him that i would no longer answer any personal questions, because it was none of his damn business about my life!! then he started talking about church. where do you attend? do you go ever Sunday? and blah, blah, and such in such. this old man was a talker. he must be used to entertaining himself, because you can't get a word in edgewise!!
then he told me that he was a member of the First Baptist church. immediately he got my sympathy, because you know how i feel about that church in particular. i then thought of him as the poor old man out doing the work of our Lord. he's probably being deceived like a lot of their good members.
anyway,...............time is passing, and it seems that almost every time i go to that bus stop the old man walks up. he is becoming a nuisance now. he must have Alzheimer disease, because every time that he meets me he acts like it is his first time. all the same question every time. i've got where i avoid him when i can. after all, he really is an older gentleman, and deserves a certain amount of respect. at least that how i was raised up to act. you always showed respect for your elders.
well the other day i was at that bus stop. i was waiting with several other people that day, and up comes ink-a-bod. that's what i call him, though every time he shows up he tells me his name. i can't remember who is for nothing!!
anyway,.......i felt kind of safe that day, because there were so many that he could talk with. i just assumed that he wouldn't even give me the time of day.
by now y'all ought to know that I'm curious by nature. that's my polite way of saying at times i get nosy as hell!! I'm probably the only one that gets that way at times. i know that none of my readers would ever be that way!!
i started listening to the way the old man approached every person. it was the exact same way that he always talked to me. he simply can't speak to a person without getting personal. maybe some Christians feel like they are justified to approach folks in this manner, and because of his age people allow him to continue.
either way i kept listening to his words. he was inviting people to his church. you know, that's OK, because he believes that people need to attend a good bible believing church. i thank it's a damn shame that he don't attend one like that, but in his mind i think that he does believe that he does.
i can't say what really happened to change the old mans words at that time, but for some reason he started saying very loudly one point: the Jews accidentally killed Jesus!! if they had know who He was, they would never have murdered Him!
now,..........quickly my opinion of him just being and old man out doing the work of our Lord changed, into a heretic,out blaspheming the word of God!! i decided that i would not blow his cover unless he came straight to me with that lie.
well,.........you guess it,..........he did come straight to me, and i had to blast his little boat of lies right out of the water!!
i said, do you really believe what your saying? the old man replies that is what the Bible says. i went on to say, that Jesus was prophesied back in the old testament in the Bible to come to earth, and the Jews would crucify Him. the Jews didn't kill Him!! He gave His life up by the will of the Father!! nobody murdered Jesus!! furthermore, there were no accidentals in the Bible!! there were no random, or chance happening's in the Bible!! everything was already planned out by the Father before the foundations of the earth were formed.
i went on to tell him that he needed to get his act together before continuing to spread lies about the Bible. he said that he had his act together, no,............no you don't i replied.
i must have gave him something to think about, because he quickly scampered a cross the street, and disappeared. i've also noticed that every time i'm waiting on a bus at that stop, that he is avoiding me now, and that's probably a good thing. he wont even walk 50 foot towards my direction.
now,.........i am a firm believer in the Bible. i believe every word that it says. i don't understand every word, but i believe it as the truth!! i am a Christian. i know that I'm not a good Christian though. i don't claim to be a good Christian either. Jesus was all about love, and truth. i believe that anyone that goes out witnessing to others about Jesus, should at least tell the truth!!
yep,.................that's right,....................that's my story,............and i'm stickin' to it!!
..........much love
Thursday, March 17, 2011
is this the beginning of the end?
hey you,...............welcome,..............come on in, and kick your shoes off,...................sit a spell,...............your just in time for another edition of as the world burns!!
i can help but feel for Japan. they don't seem to be able to catch a break. first a massive earthquake hits their country followed by a killer tsunami. as that wasn't bad enough,.........now they have a real threat concerning their nuclear power plants with a threat of radiation leaks. guess what? there is more!! if you can believe that!! now, .......heavy snow is falling a crossed northern Japan slowing the rescue efforts of hunting for missing survivors. there is not but about half-million unaccounted people right now. Geeze Louise..
..............speaking of un-grateful pieces of crapola ..............that madman in Libya, Muammar Gaddafi has stuck his old nasty head up again trying to overrun opponents fighting against his four-decade long rule. i would guess that if any thanks were to be given for sparing the life of this fool...........it should go to the United States. we should have simply killed him back in the 80's.
now I'm not much for capitol punishment, but i do believe there are times when it's best to take the life of a fool such as this one!! any tyrant that causes such havoc in the world,..........should be taken out of this world!! that goes just as well for the cousin of our current President,.......Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden....................Damn,...........i never realized that he had all that name going on, but i still believe that he deserves a early trip to the pits of hell!!! enough of this for now!!
mean-while.........and on the home front...............my personal home front....................it's seems that going through my Paxcil withdrawal's has caused another effect to come on my life.
first let me say this: i am a blessed man. all my needs have been met, and my miserable life has been spared more times that i have fingers to count on. the only thing that i own is a few rags, that i call clothes. all the things in my life that I'm enjoying right now are somebody else's stuff.
let me make this clear........OK? my net worth is less than a hundred dollars!! i really don't think that my clothes are worth that much, but they might be.
i can tell you the last time that i ate fast food. it was in August of last year. i had two burgers at Burger King off the dollar menu with a small order of french fries.
i really don't have anything to complain about, but i have something driving me insane right now. for a couple weeks now, i've been going through, severe at times, with-drawl's from Paxcil. i had no way to get them since i've lost my medical card from Shands Hospital due to the fact that i can't get a new I.D. without a copy of my original birth certificate.
I'm also on a good amount of medication for my blood pressure, and heart. all the heart meds are gone, and I'm on the last of my medicine for my blood. i am between a rock, and a hard place! now that just sucks.
now,.............like i really needed something else to go wrong.............the only way that i found to generate money, which is donating plasma, has been ripped right out from underneath me. my heart rate is running too high now that I'm coming off the Paxcil. i've come from a normal heart-beat of 65-77 up to 104. the Paxcil was what was keeping it lower.
i could tell that it had been creeping up a little each week, but i never did put two, and two together to equal Paxcil. last week it was at 95, and today 104.
so,.............what's next: either i get all these medical problems worked out, and quickly i might add, or i see another stroke in my near future. i've already had two before, and i believe than one more should do one of two things. it's either going to take me out, or leave me sitting in a nursing home, slobbering all over myself!!
if it was my choice..............i would chose death!! the bad thing is that it's not my choice, and i have been spared some many times before. it's in God's hands, and for some reason He seems to like me on the earth!! i should have died many times before. hell,...........by all rights,.........i should have died that night that i tried to kill myself taking all those pills, and washing it down with beer!!
ok,.............i'm finished venting. i knew that i was heading into a storm in my life. i just don't know what it actually is yet. somehow i know that all this is not the real storm,.................but it's getting closer.
i'll leave you with a little redneck wisdom today.......................
He who laughs last probably doesn’t understand the joke
She’s wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister’s
wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
and last..............................
Don’t worry too much about it. Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.
............much love
i can help but feel for Japan. they don't seem to be able to catch a break. first a massive earthquake hits their country followed by a killer tsunami. as that wasn't bad enough,.........now they have a real threat concerning their nuclear power plants with a threat of radiation leaks. guess what? there is more!! if you can believe that!! now, .......heavy snow is falling a crossed northern Japan slowing the rescue efforts of hunting for missing survivors. there is not but about half-million unaccounted people right now. Geeze Louise..
..............speaking of un-grateful pieces of crapola ..............that madman in Libya, Muammar Gaddafi has stuck his old nasty head up again trying to overrun opponents fighting against his four-decade long rule. i would guess that if any thanks were to be given for sparing the life of this fool...........it should go to the United States. we should have simply killed him back in the 80's.
now I'm not much for capitol punishment, but i do believe there are times when it's best to take the life of a fool such as this one!! any tyrant that causes such havoc in the world,..........should be taken out of this world!! that goes just as well for the cousin of our current President,.......Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden....................Damn,...........i never realized that he had all that name going on, but i still believe that he deserves a early trip to the pits of hell!!! enough of this for now!!
mean-while.........and on the home front...............my personal home front....................it's seems that going through my Paxcil withdrawal's has caused another effect to come on my life.
first let me say this: i am a blessed man. all my needs have been met, and my miserable life has been spared more times that i have fingers to count on. the only thing that i own is a few rags, that i call clothes. all the things in my life that I'm enjoying right now are somebody else's stuff.
let me make this clear........OK? my net worth is less than a hundred dollars!! i really don't think that my clothes are worth that much, but they might be.
i can tell you the last time that i ate fast food. it was in August of last year. i had two burgers at Burger King off the dollar menu with a small order of french fries.
i really don't have anything to complain about, but i have something driving me insane right now. for a couple weeks now, i've been going through, severe at times, with-drawl's from Paxcil. i had no way to get them since i've lost my medical card from Shands Hospital due to the fact that i can't get a new I.D. without a copy of my original birth certificate.
I'm also on a good amount of medication for my blood pressure, and heart. all the heart meds are gone, and I'm on the last of my medicine for my blood. i am between a rock, and a hard place! now that just sucks.
now,.............like i really needed something else to go wrong.............the only way that i found to generate money, which is donating plasma, has been ripped right out from underneath me. my heart rate is running too high now that I'm coming off the Paxcil. i've come from a normal heart-beat of 65-77 up to 104. the Paxcil was what was keeping it lower.
i could tell that it had been creeping up a little each week, but i never did put two, and two together to equal Paxcil. last week it was at 95, and today 104.
so,.............what's next: either i get all these medical problems worked out, and quickly i might add, or i see another stroke in my near future. i've already had two before, and i believe than one more should do one of two things. it's either going to take me out, or leave me sitting in a nursing home, slobbering all over myself!!
if it was my choice..............i would chose death!! the bad thing is that it's not my choice, and i have been spared some many times before. it's in God's hands, and for some reason He seems to like me on the earth!! i should have died many times before. hell,...........by all rights,.........i should have died that night that i tried to kill myself taking all those pills, and washing it down with beer!!
ok,.............i'm finished venting. i knew that i was heading into a storm in my life. i just don't know what it actually is yet. somehow i know that all this is not the real storm,.................but it's getting closer.
i'll leave you with a little redneck wisdom today.......................
He who laughs last probably doesn’t understand the joke
She’s wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister’s
wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
and last..............................
Don’t worry too much about it. Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.
............much love
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
solace of shiftin' sands
what happened? why is everything in slow-motion? what the heck is wrong with me? did i step through the looking glass, and not remember doing that? maybe i fell into the looking glass, and this is in my mind. everything is simply a product of my imagination, and none of it is real. i mean,............how could it be real?
how could any man live like,.... i think that i'm living, and not try flying off a mountain top with only arms to flap? can you just picture that in your mind? standing on a mountain top. standing on the edge of a ledge, with a breeze blowing over your entire body. looking all around at the beauty of the world around you. it's spring time, and all creation is in full bloom!!
you take one final look around you, then it's time to concentrate on the task at hand. how should i do this? should i close my eye's, and just step off the edge? naaa...........that would be utter madness!! i need to go out in style. i need a little zip in it, with a side dish of pizazz scooped on top!! after all, a man should make a statement, about his final statement,.........don't you think?
i really think that i need a running start. I'll back up a few feet,............just enough so that i can speed past the lower ledges with out hitting them. i know in my heart of hearts that i don't do pain well. I'm a big baby when it comes to being in pain. i definitely need to clear the lower ledges, so this jump won't hurt me!!
i need to enjoy the last few minutes of my life!! OK,.........got it!!.............i know now what to do!!............I'll get a running start,..............and simply dive off......................once I'm sure that i've cleared the ledges i can spread my body out, and slow down the momentum, and breath a bit easier.
in my mind i can see a replay of my life. all the good, and happy times that i had. i see the faces of all the people that touched my life in a positive way, and then i see the faces that i touched in a good way. i see people that i've not even thought about in a long time.every face has a flashback memory with it.
i guess that i slipped back into reality, and found myself plummeting down to the earth with such great force, that i new that this trip,..............my final trip,...........was coming to an abrupt ending soon.
i began to have great fear shoot through my entire body!! why,.............why,............why, did i take this route out? why did i take any route out? why didn't i just stay in the game, and wait for better days? oh my God!! nnoooooooooooooooooooo..............................
do ya reckon that I'm just a wee bit touched in the head? i know that I'm going completely nuts today, and that's OK. we all have days that we go nuts. please don't hold it against me just because I'm enjoying it. believe it or not, .............it's a whole lot better if you can realize it yourself when your senses have been shot to fragments. i feel for those who can't enjoy the madness within them!!
part of my grief today is this silly computer. i know for a fact,........that it has not been practicing safe sex, and now it getting sick!! darn internet whores!! the really bad thing is that i can't get confirmation from any of these programs on this computer that somethings wrong!! i know when something ain't right. now, i might not know exactly what it is,........................but i can tell when it starts acting funny.
i've ran all different kinds of programs that supposed to detect when something is not right, but they simple cannot recognize what the problem is.....yet!! it would seem that this is just another tragedy set in my mind to push me over the edge, of any last hope of sanity. maybe it's time to slip into my rubber pajamas, and go lie down in the white room,.................. bidding all my sane readers.............goodnight!!
................much love
how could any man live like,.... i think that i'm living, and not try flying off a mountain top with only arms to flap? can you just picture that in your mind? standing on a mountain top. standing on the edge of a ledge, with a breeze blowing over your entire body. looking all around at the beauty of the world around you. it's spring time, and all creation is in full bloom!!
you take one final look around you, then it's time to concentrate on the task at hand. how should i do this? should i close my eye's, and just step off the edge? naaa...........that would be utter madness!! i need to go out in style. i need a little zip in it, with a side dish of pizazz scooped on top!! after all, a man should make a statement, about his final statement,.........don't you think?
i really think that i need a running start. I'll back up a few feet,............just enough so that i can speed past the lower ledges with out hitting them. i know in my heart of hearts that i don't do pain well. I'm a big baby when it comes to being in pain. i definitely need to clear the lower ledges, so this jump won't hurt me!!
i need to enjoy the last few minutes of my life!! OK,.........got it!!.............i know now what to do!!............I'll get a running start,..............and simply dive off......................once I'm sure that i've cleared the ledges i can spread my body out, and slow down the momentum, and breath a bit easier.
in my mind i can see a replay of my life. all the good, and happy times that i had. i see the faces of all the people that touched my life in a positive way, and then i see the faces that i touched in a good way. i see people that i've not even thought about in a long time.every face has a flashback memory with it.
i guess that i slipped back into reality, and found myself plummeting down to the earth with such great force, that i new that this trip,..............my final trip,...........was coming to an abrupt ending soon.
i began to have great fear shoot through my entire body!! why,.............why,............why, did i take this route out? why did i take any route out? why didn't i just stay in the game, and wait for better days? oh my God!! nnoooooooooooooooooooo..............................
do ya reckon that I'm just a wee bit touched in the head? i know that I'm going completely nuts today, and that's OK. we all have days that we go nuts. please don't hold it against me just because I'm enjoying it. believe it or not, .............it's a whole lot better if you can realize it yourself when your senses have been shot to fragments. i feel for those who can't enjoy the madness within them!!
part of my grief today is this silly computer. i know for a fact,........that it has not been practicing safe sex, and now it getting sick!! darn internet whores!! the really bad thing is that i can't get confirmation from any of these programs on this computer that somethings wrong!! i know when something ain't right. now, i might not know exactly what it is,........................but i can tell when it starts acting funny.
i've ran all different kinds of programs that supposed to detect when something is not right, but they simple cannot recognize what the problem is.....yet!! it would seem that this is just another tragedy set in my mind to push me over the edge, of any last hope of sanity. maybe it's time to slip into my rubber pajamas, and go lie down in the white room,.................. bidding all my sane readers.............goodnight!!
................much love
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
just a short note
i had thought that the Paxcil withdrawal's had past, but i was wrong. i woke up this morning in a state of extreme paranoia. i rarely am paranoid about anything, but today i was that way about everything. it seemed that my little world was coming to an end, and for reasons that i can't even explain..............it just did, and i didn't have a clue what was going on.
i don't know if you can relate to this, but it is a miserable shape to be in. it's like a very dark cloud following your every step that you take, filling you mind with complete, and utter doom. it took me a couple hours to even figure out what was wrong with me.
i finally came to the conclusion that the Paxcil, or lack of Paxcil was driving me friggin' nuts!! it's still with me, but just realizing what that it is makes the scales tip into my direction.
I'm not sure how long this will continue with me, because i have no way to control what's happening right now, other than take one of the pills. i will be damn if i take one now, because i know that I'm almost past this, and i really thought that i was past it before.
I'm simply telling you this, because there is no telling what i might post until this passes. if I'm going to offend anybody,.....................i at least want to be in my right mind when i do it!! so please forgive me if offend anybody without meaning to in the next couple days.
..............much love
i don't know if you can relate to this, but it is a miserable shape to be in. it's like a very dark cloud following your every step that you take, filling you mind with complete, and utter doom. it took me a couple hours to even figure out what was wrong with me.
i finally came to the conclusion that the Paxcil, or lack of Paxcil was driving me friggin' nuts!! it's still with me, but just realizing what that it is makes the scales tip into my direction.
I'm not sure how long this will continue with me, because i have no way to control what's happening right now, other than take one of the pills. i will be damn if i take one now, because i know that I'm almost past this, and i really thought that i was past it before.
I'm simply telling you this, because there is no telling what i might post until this passes. if I'm going to offend anybody,.....................i at least want to be in my right mind when i do it!! so please forgive me if offend anybody without meaning to in the next couple days.
..............much love
got it all figured out............yeah right!!
i live in a world where they have most things, pretty much figured out, and yet they have little knowledge of the human race. i mean,.......somebody knows what the atmosphere is like on the farthermost planet from our world, but yet we still fight amongst ourselves. since the beginning of time,............at least one country, or nation has been in a war with another, and we've had two world wars!! now,.............how silly is that?
i hope that you realize that there are people that are always looking for life on another planet outside our solar system. i honestly hope for our own sake that we never make that discovery. were still in the kindergarten area of life as far as getting along with other people. we've not yet learned to get along with our closest neighbors little lone what might be a different species all together.
let's put our thinking caps on, and not the normal one. the one that comes equipped with extra imagination. i think that we might just need that a little more since were talking about something that hasn't even been manifested before our eyes.. for all we know............it just might be a big fantasy, but for now we will act like it is not.
can you just see us if we did find a new culture to pick on? knowing that's exactly what we would do. one day this other culture did something that hurt our tender feelings so bad, that we decided to rage war on them!!
seeing how they can travel across galaxy's and we can't. that would make the earth the battlefield. wait.............no wait a minute...............( i knew that we were gonna need that special hat!!)............ oh yes,.........yes we can take the fight over to their planet, and not mess our world up!! oh yeah baby,.............were gonna kick the living stuffing out of those aliens, and show them that they won't even think about hurting our tender lil' feelings again!!
whew...................whew..................i just made myself tired!! oh,....................oh you don't? yeah,...............i will explain. i simply have laughed so hard from the silliness of what i just wrote, that i've made myself tired. aren't you glad that i don't spell the words like i say them.
you would think by now that we could settle our humanity problems, and to me it's really simple solution. i believe to my own soul that i was taught to have these kind of coping skills since i was six years old. now,...........if i think that i could solve the world problems as they arise, surly........somebody else can see how simple that it is...............somebody.
back in the generation that i grew up in. they had lessons everyday in a coarse that they called manners. i was taught that having manners was the coolest thing that i could do in my life, and just because i had them would guarantee that my life would be better. i was told that i could take these things called manners, with me in life every where that i go, and they would come in handy for problem solving.
you see i think that we complicate simple stuff by making it harder than it really is. if i was to say to you that I'm hungry, what would you do? either you would feed me yourself, or tell me somewhere that i could get fed.........right?
if i said to you, my clothes are worn out. what would you do? i would imagine you would do about the same as before......right?
I'm not sure about the other countries in the world that we share together. I'm not even sure about this newer generation in our country, but i know that in my generation, and those before me were taught manners. some manners were taught at the end of a switch ( a switch is any form of whipping someone hard-headed like me!!) that was the severity of learning manners.
manners are a complex thing with a lot of different parts to it. respect is a part of manners. i was taught to respect everything that i would come in contact with. whether it would be people, animals, or the forest that i walked in.
as far as the respect for people, my elders were to be highly respected. i was taught to address them by either sir or mister, and for the ladies it was either ma'am or misses. when i was coming up we never, ever was allowed to call an adult person by their first names!! you also never ran up during a conversation and butted in. if you had something important to say, you had better say excuse me first, and wait to be addressed.
I'm not sure why I'm going into this in detail. the truth is either you were taught to have manners, or your a damn derelict!! yep,...........that's right,................i said that, and if you don't have manners,.........you'll prove me right every time!!
...............much love
i hope that you realize that there are people that are always looking for life on another planet outside our solar system. i honestly hope for our own sake that we never make that discovery. were still in the kindergarten area of life as far as getting along with other people. we've not yet learned to get along with our closest neighbors little lone what might be a different species all together.
let's put our thinking caps on, and not the normal one. the one that comes equipped with extra imagination. i think that we might just need that a little more since were talking about something that hasn't even been manifested before our eyes.. for all we know............it just might be a big fantasy, but for now we will act like it is not.
can you just see us if we did find a new culture to pick on? knowing that's exactly what we would do. one day this other culture did something that hurt our tender feelings so bad, that we decided to rage war on them!!
seeing how they can travel across galaxy's and we can't. that would make the earth the battlefield. wait.............no wait a minute...............( i knew that we were gonna need that special hat!!)............ oh yes,.........yes we can take the fight over to their planet, and not mess our world up!! oh yeah baby,.............were gonna kick the living stuffing out of those aliens, and show them that they won't even think about hurting our tender lil' feelings again!!
whew...................whew..................i just made myself tired!! oh,....................oh you don't? yeah,...............i will explain. i simply have laughed so hard from the silliness of what i just wrote, that i've made myself tired. aren't you glad that i don't spell the words like i say them.
you would think by now that we could settle our humanity problems, and to me it's really simple solution. i believe to my own soul that i was taught to have these kind of coping skills since i was six years old. now,...........if i think that i could solve the world problems as they arise, surly........somebody else can see how simple that it is...............somebody.
back in the generation that i grew up in. they had lessons everyday in a coarse that they called manners. i was taught that having manners was the coolest thing that i could do in my life, and just because i had them would guarantee that my life would be better. i was told that i could take these things called manners, with me in life every where that i go, and they would come in handy for problem solving.
you see i think that we complicate simple stuff by making it harder than it really is. if i was to say to you that I'm hungry, what would you do? either you would feed me yourself, or tell me somewhere that i could get fed.........right?
if i said to you, my clothes are worn out. what would you do? i would imagine you would do about the same as before......right?
I'm not sure about the other countries in the world that we share together. I'm not even sure about this newer generation in our country, but i know that in my generation, and those before me were taught manners. some manners were taught at the end of a switch ( a switch is any form of whipping someone hard-headed like me!!) that was the severity of learning manners.
manners are a complex thing with a lot of different parts to it. respect is a part of manners. i was taught to respect everything that i would come in contact with. whether it would be people, animals, or the forest that i walked in.
as far as the respect for people, my elders were to be highly respected. i was taught to address them by either sir or mister, and for the ladies it was either ma'am or misses. when i was coming up we never, ever was allowed to call an adult person by their first names!! you also never ran up during a conversation and butted in. if you had something important to say, you had better say excuse me first, and wait to be addressed.
I'm not sure why I'm going into this in detail. the truth is either you were taught to have manners, or your a damn derelict!! yep,...........that's right,................i said that, and if you don't have manners,.........you'll prove me right every time!!
...............much love
Monday, March 14, 2011
update: questions have been answered......
remember the post a couple days ago about the six year old child that got struck by a car crossing the road at ten o' clock on Friday night, all alone? well...........the news story has been updated, and the family is speaking out.
PALATKA, Fla. -- Authorities said a 6-year-old boy died after getting struck by a car in front of his Putnam County Friday night. Family members gathered Saturday afternoon at the scene to offer each other support and remember a boy they called energetic and adventurous.Investigators with the Florida Highway Patrol said Tamarious Matson, 6, was attempting to cross St. Johns Avenue and Wells Avenue about 10 p.m. when he was struck by a car. The boy's family said they were supervising him as he and several friends played in their front yard. They didn't know why the child stepped into the road."I don't really know exactly what happened, all I know is he got hit by a car," said Dexter Fields, the boy's uncle. "I don't know if he was trying to cross the road or whether he was just walking or something." Troopers said Elona Williams, 36, was driving east on St. Johns Avenue when her car hit Matson. FHP said Williams tried to swerve away from Matson, but could not avoid a collision.Troopers said Matson died at the scene.Family members said several people saw the boy get hit by the car, including his own mother."I seen it, it was crazy. Seeing him lying there," said a tearful Jakeisha McCaskill, who was Tomerious' cousin. "I loved him so much, and his momma needed him. But God took him to a better place, he's in Heaven now."
Family members said they didn't know what else to do. They lost another relative a few years earlier on the same road. He, too, was struck and killed by a car on St. Johns Avenue. But Fields told Channel 4 loved ones are trying to remain optimistic and are just asking for everyone's prayers."Regardless of what happened here on Earth, God has some special plan for him somewhere else," said Fields. "And I really do believe that he's in a better place."The crash remains under investigation and charges are pending. According to the FHP report, Williams did not have alcohol in her system at the time of the wreck.
i can agree with them on one point " the child is in a better place!!" i'm wondering if they are just a bunch of inbred characters that have no respect for life. even one of their own.
here is a comment made on this story link:
"i live a few blocks from this family. and yesterday they was having a party there so sad a child just died and they was passing the 40. around like nothing.and playing music"
now,............what do you think?
some folks don't even deserve to have children. i loved the comment that they had lost another child a few years ago to that road. some folks just don't learn!! then again,........they didn't love that little boy. all that they saw in him was just another check from the welfare office.
I'm hoping that the welfare department breaks up their little scam game. i wouldn't even mind if a few of them spent the rest of their lives in prison, and i don't believe that prison is fit for a human being!! fortunately, were talking about people here that are less than human.
you decide.....................i'm pissed!!...............
.............much love
Child Hit, Killed Crossing Street
FHP: Car Struck 6-Year-Old In Putnam County
POSTED: Saturday, March 12, 2011
UPDATED: 12:58 pm EDT March 13, 2011
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Putnam Family Mourns Child's Death
|
i can agree with them on one point " the child is in a better place!!" i'm wondering if they are just a bunch of inbred characters that have no respect for life. even one of their own.
here is a comment made on this story link:
"i live a few blocks from this family. and yesterday they was having a party there so sad a child just died and they was passing the 40. around like nothing.and playing music"
now,............what do you think?
some folks don't even deserve to have children. i loved the comment that they had lost another child a few years ago to that road. some folks just don't learn!! then again,........they didn't love that little boy. all that they saw in him was just another check from the welfare office.
I'm hoping that the welfare department breaks up their little scam game. i wouldn't even mind if a few of them spent the rest of their lives in prison, and i don't believe that prison is fit for a human being!! fortunately, were talking about people here that are less than human.
you decide.....................i'm pissed!!...............
.............much love
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