I am pretty sure that the anti-Christ

I do have people that read this from all over the world. Although, the United states is the country were the most folks read my blog. However, I would like to thank all the people who read this, no matter what country you are from. We are all precious in the eyes of our creator!! I was fairly amazed when I saw all of the countries where my blog is read. Japan, China, Poland, Germany, Denmark, Slovenia, Russia, Ukraine, United Kingdom, France, United Arab Emirates, Australia, Ireland, Sweden, I hope that I didn't leave any country out!!

I never thought that anybody would care to hear anything that I had to say. I guess that all of these countries can't be wrong. Seriously, when I talk about Jesus Christ that changes everything. I know that there are countries out there right now hungry for the Word of God. Places like China where there are Christians that love Jesus, and if they are caught worshiping the Father, there is a good chance that their life will be taken.

We live in a democratic country where we are allowed to worship anything that we choose to, or nothing if that be the case. Still there are those that don't even believe that there is a God of any kind. They think that they are in total control of their own lives. They believe that the world was created by a large solar collision, and that our ancestors were monkeys. Maybe their belief is not totally that way. Maybe it is some other kind, or type of foolishness.

There seems to be a large God movement in the world today. Christians all a crossed the world are getting ready for the return of Jesus Christ. Actually, there have been folks looking for His return since He ascended back into heaven a little over 2000 years ago. However, I do believe that my generation will be the ones that shall be called up, or at least see His return.

There is way too much prophecy been fulfilled that has been spoken about according to the Bible. I am pretty sure that the anti-Christ is about to take his place. The one world order is getting closer to becoming a reality everyday. They already have the chip that will be the mark of the beast. They are currently using them to locate your pets if they get lost. I know that is happening in America right now. I don't know what is really going on in the rest of the world. 

What better thing to do that place a micro chip under our skin to keep track of us. That way they can simply eliminate all currency throughout the world. They will put the dollars amount, or Euro, or what ever currency that is used in your country. Without taking the mark you can't buy, or sell in the market places. If we allow them to place the chip into our bodies, as Christians we are damning ourselves to an eternity in hell.

If we don't let them put it in us, then we have a much shorter life to live on this earth. We wont have a place to live, unless your home is already paid for, and they will probably kick you out of it any way. You wont be able to purchase power, water, or any utilities to use in your home. You will not be able to receive any medical treatment no matter the state of your condition. When you car starts spitting, and sputtering, because it's out of gas you might as well start walking. You can't even sell it if you wanted to.

I wouldn't doubt if there are not laws put in place to discourage anyone from helping us. They will probably be strict consequences if not death, for anybody that is caught helping a person without the chip. It will not be a pretty sight to see what actually will be going on in those times. They probably will be making example out of us for the whole world to see. They want as many to receive the mark as possible.

If I am alive through that madness they might as well go ahead and kill me. I am not going to take the mark. I know that there is a reward waiting on me that will be unreal. There is a real heaven to gain, and a real hell to shun!! It is like I always am saying. We have a choice to make. I choose life!!

…..........Much Love

I'm so glad that we had this time together.

Well,............Have I got some news for you!! After three weeks at number twenty-four. I have dropped all the way down.......Drum Roll Please.................I am currently at number twenty!!!!         Yeah!!               Yeah!!                     I know that it wasn't much of a drop, but right now every number is one step closer to my freedom!!             Now that we have got that lil' bit out of the way I need to write about something more serious.

The truth is that I am standing on faith for my next place to live, and actually the rest of my life. I believe with all my heart that the place to live needs to come first, before the rest can be tackled. When I say that I am standing on faith that is exactly what I am doing. I do have quite a bit of opposition in front of me, and around me.

I probably need to say this first. Sometimes my road looks like it is about to develop a sinkhole right in front of my path that I am walking down. Sometimes I do get discouraged with all the negativity around me. It can even look at times that I am all by myself, and no one else really cares. In the Word in, 2 Corinthians, chapter 5, verse 7 says, (For we walk by faith, not by sight:)

A lot of people have fallen on the wayside since I started this journey that I am on. There is no way that I can give you a reasonable number that would signify even the closeness to the truth. I have seen them leave for all kinds of different reasons., but hardly any truthful reasons. They all tend to tell a lie, because if they told the truth it would make them feel silly. I can tell you when I went over to the McDuff phase there were seven men that went at the same time as I did. I believe that the last one that was left standing fell around six months ago.

Now, I have seen some strange events happen during the last twenty-two months of being here. I have seen things that has happened that I could not understand why, it was left in the process of happening. Things that could have been stopped but, was left to continue happening anyway. I haven't question any of these events. I knew that they couldn't possible be right in any sense of the word. I simply kept on trusting the process that it would be alright.

After all time I do feel like I really have accomplished something on a personal level. I am glad that I took two years of my life to spend in isolation. It was not total isolation, but for the most part it was away from the mainline of the world. I desperately needed this time away, to get my bearings straight on what I was going to do, with the rest of my life.

I needed to get a Spiritual foundation settled once, and for all. Without that Spiritual foundation being intact nothing else would have really mattered. I have never settled down to have a family. I have never devoted my life to any one woman through marriage. I am sick of working for somebody else, and making them more money that I make myself. Now, I have a lot of physical things going wrong with my body. There is no reason to say anything about my mental today, because most of you already know about that all to well!!

What I want to do with the rest of my life is fairly simple. I want to go to work for God. I don't really care what He wants for me to do. I am willing to do what ever it is that He wants. It may not be anything, but continue to write this blog. That will be just fine with me if that is what He wants. I will be stepping it up a notch when I get moved, because I will have more study time. Why not work for God?    His retirement plan is out of this world!! Once I get moved I plan to apply for my disability also. I know that it wont be much, but when you work for Jesus you really don't need a lot of money to live on.

I know that the ministry does take quite a bit of money to run it successfully. I do know also that if God ordained the ministry, that He will also supply the funds, to operate in the way that He wants for it to be run. Have you ever heard of a ministry that has folded under? If the do, it was a bunch of crooks trying to make a quick buck, because nothing of God ever folds under!!

well doogies!! Looks like our time has come and gone. I'm so glad that we had this time together. Just to have some laughs, and sing a song. There is two more lines that I can't remember. At the end though, Carol Burnette tugs on her earlobe. That's her secret way of telling her Grandmother, goodnight.

…........Much Love

I was totally amazed

I should have been prepared for what happened last night. I told y'all what happened Monday night. I guess somebody's best thinking decided that we all needed a drug test last night. As far as I know, we all passed. Unless they are going to hold on to the like them last time, hoping that the results will change. If they want us gone that bad, I don't understand why they don't just say it!!   Oh,....Enough of that madness!!

I really need to get out from under the thumb of those oppressors. I have saw way too much, and I know way too much. If I am not careful I will mess around, and curse myself from my own anger. It really is getting to be a hand full to bear. I would much rather simply be able to leave them in peace. It is taking advantage of the out of sight, our of mind thing. That would work well for me.

I am ready to live by myself again. I am looking forward to waking up in the morning, without looking into the face of whoever is looking at me. I would like to eat a meal without somebody trying to make me feel guilty, because I will not give it to them. It would also be nice to turn the lights off, and go to bed without somebody else turning them back on within ten minutes. Matter of a fact, it would be nice to lay down without answering twenty questions, about why I am laying down.

There is so many other reasons why I want to get out. I am thinking that a major one is so that I won't have to get to this library, as soon as thy open. I have been doing that pretty much everyday since I have been at State Street. Four out of seven days I do. Surely it is because I don't feel like that want me to be there. As far as I can tell they really don't. They just are not bold enough to say it, and probably because of legal repercussions. They wont chance doing anything that might make them look bad in the public eye. After all they say that all their money comes from donation from the public!!

I am so grateful for the program that gave me just enough time to restart my relationship with Jesus. As far as I can tell that was all that they done for me. That is enough. That is all I needed to change my heart, and get on with a new direction in my life. You know, I have always said that this is a five star mission. That was only judging it by the first half that I saw. I can tell y'all the the other half in my opinion would float from a four to five star at all times.

If anybody has been with me from the beginning, I wrote about this mission a long time before I actually came into the program. I could see the love of Jesus every where that I could look. That might be because He was dealing with me hard at the time. I don't really thank so, because the same stuff is in play today. What it might be is if God is dealing with a person, they might pick up on what is going on a little better. I am not sure.

That first time that I stayed here pretty much sold me. The first thing that they did was give us a chance to clean up. The showers had plenty of pressure, and hot water. Then they fed us a meal that was huge to me. They offered meat, and vegetables, all the bread that I wanted, and a desert. The plate was full of food, but there was more also. I could have a salad, and a bowl of fruit. I was surely impressed with the dinner, but what came next actually sealed the deal for me.

The next thing that they did was lead us upstairs to our beds, so that we could rest before chapel time. When I walked through the door I was totally amazed. The room was clean. Not just a little clean, it was very clean. Everything inside the room was in order. Even the beds were made up with decent linen. It didn't look like it had been used for the last twenty years, and covered with different kinds of stains. It was clean linen that even smelled like it was clean. When I laid down on my bed it was not crunchy hard, or jello soft either. It was like a mattress that people would use at home!!

I had rather leave this place in peace. I would like to remember these memories instead of putting my focus on the negative that I have saw, and experienced. I would like to tell others to give it a chance, and it will change their lives. Maybe it was just an experience for myself, because looking around it hasn't done too much for the rest of those fellows. I don't know what the real ratio is for those that really have a life changing experience. I do know that the number is low. Maybe every group has one or two, but I am the last one standing out of the seven that came to McDuff. I do know a few that have done very well, and changed their lives. I hope everybody realizes that none of us change our own lives. If we want our life to be changed there is not but one way to do it with success. One must humble ourselves before our Lord Jesus, and submit to His will for our lives to successfully change. Their is no real change, if change doesn't start in the heart first. Jesus is the only One that can do that successfully!!

….........Much Love

Stranger things have happened

I am not sure why, but last night it was about 11:30, and I woke up just as the R.A. (Resident Assistant) was walking into the room. I always sleep with a blind fold on, and ear plugs buried, so deep that they are hard to get out. I don't know what I was thinking, because this happened every night. Part of their job is to check on us, and this is normal behavior.

I removed my blind fold, and watched him, as he strolled through the Room. When he got to the other end he walked back up, and started to go out the door. I heard a noise coming from the first room with my ear plugs buried deep. I watched the R.A. stop walking out the door, and he headed straight toward the noise that we both heard.

I can be nosy at times, so I took my ear plugs out quickly. I had a feeling that I needed to hear what was about to go down. It didn't take but about two minutes when the R.A. came out of the room with three of my buddies following after him. As they headed out the door together I knew that somebody had been caught doing something that they didn't supposed to be doing. I knew that they were going to take either a drug, or alcohol test.

Within five minutes the lights came on, and one of my buddies started packing up his stuff. Actually, two of the had been caught drinking. They told the third one that had not been drinking, that he was as guilty as the others since he didn't tell on them.

As of this morning the two that were guilty have been put out for seven days. They will come back at that time there case will be reviewed. That is standard procedure for any serious violation. I don't know what they are going to do with the guy who knew what they were doing. I surely hope that nothing happens, because I know what happens when you do tell them things. I did it once, and they made me out to feel like a fool. I will never tell them anything again!!

I really can't imagine it going in my two friends favor seeing how they are trying to clear us all out to begin with. However, stranger things have happened. I know that part of the reason of why that they started drinking was attributed to the behavior that they receive from the mission. I personally don't receive that well, as an excuse.

Although, if we were playing the blame game that would be a wonderful excuse. I simply can't see why you would dedicated eighteen plus months of your life to following Jesus Christ and then blow it. However, I do know what happened. The same thing can happen to any of us, at any given time, if we let it.

Somewhere in the past they took their focus off of Jesus, and put it on something else. The same thing Peter did when walking on the water toward Jesus. His focus went on to the wind blowing, and the waves crashing. Then he began to sink.

Maybe these two took their eyes off Jesus when the mission started messing with them about leaving. Maybe they took their eyes off over some other reason. The truth is that something became more powerful to them, than Jesus was. Whether it was a fear factor, or some other unrelated issue that took precedence in the lives of those men I do know.

I do know this; Satan is behind every evil decision that we make. He hates us, and wants to kill us!! He is the one that sets the distractions up in our lives to get our focus off of Jesus. He doesn't want to see us doing well, and growing in the Grace of Father. It is up to us to go to war against Satan every chance that we get, but only if we want a Spiritual life according to Jesus. Sometimes we have to take our walk by force!!

Do you realize that the only people that have any Spiritual trouble are the ones that follow Christ? Satan don't mess with his own crowd. They have made their choice, and he is happy with the way that they are. If we are to follow Christ it is very important that we stay prayed up at all times. If we happen to take our eyes off of Jesus there is no telling what horror awaits around the corner with our name on it.

…..........Much Love

Squirrel verses Snake

I just sit here while ago, and watched something on You Tube that I have never thought about.     Actually, I watched several video's of the same thing, with different participants of course.      I grew up in the country, and spent roughly a good thirty years in the woods.     During all that time I never saw squirrel and a snake fighting.

I just ran crossed the video that said, Snake verses Squirrel.       Who do you think is faster? Actually, I thought that it would be nothing more than a video of a snake eating a squirrel.   I never thought that the squirrel would have a chance.          Man, was I wrong!!           In all the video's that I saw, the squirrel always got the best of the snake.            The squirrel never actually ate the snake. He was always simply biting on the snake.

Where ever the squirrel would bite the snake would have a bloody bruised looking area.     It didn't even seem that the squirrel wanted to eat the snake.        It seemed like he just enjoyed biting the snake for some reason     . Maybe squirrels use snakes as teething rings!!      I never saw anything like that going on in the woods of Sand Mountain!!

Here's the link if you want to see this kind of madness!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCPIPVSbywA

I just had to know if snake was a part of a squirrels normal diet. I surfed the internet, and this is what i found out.      Squirrels don't normally eat meat.     They are pretty much vegetarians. Although, they will eat bugs, and small snakes when they can find any other food.

….........Much Love

The Secret Sin

Our Father is a Holy God, and to approach His presence we need the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross.    We accept the offer that Jesus made to us of His guiltless, sinless , atoning blood, as the only sacrifice for our sins.     That was the only blood that Father would accept as payment for our condition.      Even though, that covered all the past, present, and future sins that we do commit, as far as my belief goes.        We still need to confess our current sins in our prayer time.    But why is that so?

Because the best definition of what sin is that I like to use is this.     Sin is anything that is contrary to the way God thinks,or acts, as stated in His Word.       Sin separates us from the blessings that God wants to bestow on us.      In all reality, when we sin we are actually rebelling against God, and doing what we want to do.      Even though our relationship is still intact with Father, our fellowship is broken.

When we confess our sins to Him.      We are agreeing with Father in saying that we know that we have sinned.      We still claim the blood of Jesus, as our only sacrifice for our sin.     Our fellowship with Father is restored from the point of our confession, followed by the act of repentance.   We have to come with a true sorrowful heart for sinning, not just because we were caught.

I have noticed as I get closer with Father that Holy Spirit will start revealing sins that I don't know about.     These are usually simple to take care of, and everything is back to normal once again.  Then there are the ones that I am full aware of, and think that I am the only one that knows about these sins.      You know what I am saying?          The ones that for some reason that I am just not ready to give up yet.       The ones that are called the secret sins.

I believe that most of us Christians have at least one.     I can't say that we all do, simply because I am not hear to judge anyone.     However, I can say that I have more than I would care to admit to the entire world, at this point in time.      I am so far from being perfect in any one's sight, let alone in the sight of Jesus.      Actually, the only time that I ever came close was at the time that my Salvation took place.       Honestly, that moment of purity probably lasted about that long....A moment.

I have stood in the presence of Father, for a brief amount of time, and only a few times in my life. The joy of His presence is unspeakable.     Nothing that I have ever experience on this planet has even come close to that feeling.      I can tell you this also, I have had some pretty great feelings, from time to time in my life.       Nothing, absolutely nothing even comes close!!

I can't explain why then that I would want to hold on to some secret sin.      Knowing, that it hampers the presence of God in my life.       The only thing that I can even come close to explain why I would want to hold on to something, that is corrupting my Spiritual walk, is what Paul said.    In the seventh chapter of the book of Romans Paul goes through this long spill that describes the same kind of problem.      The bottom line is that it's the sin nature that is inside of us is keeping us from doing what we know is right.

If we ever hope that God will bless us, in the way that He wants for us to be blessed.   We must find a way to repent of these secret sins that are holding us back.      I for one know how hard some of them are to turn loose of, and take the hand of Jesus.       It is impossible to have both in your hand at the same time.       You must let go of one, to grab a hold of the other.

I would like to take the time to mention just a few of the more popular secret sins.     They will not be listed in any particular order, since I don't really know of all them, or what order that they fall in. However, I would guess that pretty close to the top of the list is pornography.    I used to have a major problem with this, and I will admit it.     I used to stay up all hours of the night doing what I thought was enjoying something that was natural.      I didn't realize for a long time that pornography is not natural, and in God's eyes is perverted.  It also cased me to think of women, as nothing but play things.

Gossip, gambling, fornication, drinking, doing drugs excessively, prescription or not, smoking, anything that is harmful to your body, telling lies, stealing, any kind of fraud ,etc....

   Anything you wouldn't feel comfortable doing if Jesus was standing right beside you qualifies. Just to let you know I am not perfect either.            Even though I am not going to admit my secret sins to the world, I do have more than a few.

…............Much Love

False Prophets?

I am amazed at how quick folks read my post after I post them. It is almost like somebody is stalking me. I made a mistake while ago, and I realized it immediately after I posted it. Believe it or not somebody was already reading it!! Well, all I can say to that, who ever you are, is thank you for reading. Now I need to figure out what I am writing about today. Nothing is pressing on me hard yet. I know that it will before long.

What do y'all think about the exposure of the false prophets?    I tell you what.   All the main preachers that I used to listen to have just about been exposed as false prophets, or at least accused as such. I used to watch all the preacher that came on television in the early morning hours. I had even supported some of those with my hard earned money.            Am I mad about sending my money to them?                Nope, not a bit.              I was sending my money to continue the word of God. They will held accountable for misusing the funds if they did in fact have any corruption among themselves.

I know that I sent a lot of money to three of those that have been accused; Kenneth Copeland, Jesse Duplantis, and Joyce Meyer. I send my tithe when I wasn't involved with a local church. Plus I ordered a lot of the materials that they sell also.

I was so into Kenneth Copeland that I partnered with his ministry. He would call the house, and leave prayers of protection when a hurricane was approaching the coast. I bought a bunch of his stuff also. I know that I sent his ministry the most money of all. He even sent me a form at the end of the year, so I could claim it on my taxes. I forget how much that it was, but it was a lot for me.

I even took a day off of work to go see Joyce when she came to town. I never thought twice about when I dropped twenty dollars in the bucket. When I say bucket, it was like a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket, except it was white. Maybe that should have been my first clue? I bought her “Battlefield of the Mind” book. I didn't read it all. I loaned it to a friend of mine, and when he finished reading the book he shot himself dead!! This is not a joke. He really did commit suicide after reading the book.

I bought a lot of Jessie's stuff also, C. D’s, DVD s, and books. I bought one that he wrote, because the Good Lord took him up into heaven. It was more than less a fantasy story that might be (WRONG) I am sorry, it wouldn't even be fit to read to a child as a bed time story. It was a load of bull, as far as I could tell.

Now, I have always had my doubts about Paula White. She was so fake from jump street. I saw her one time asking for 316 dollars, for a piece of a sheet, and one ounce of oil. She claim it was because of John 3:16. Don't that scripture say, For God so love the world? Then why was she acting like God preferred Paula?

I remember when Joel Osteen took over his daddy's ministry. I thought that surely he would pick up the pace, and preach the Word. Instead he was a people pleasing prophet. What ever you do is alright with him. He don't care if you are gay, a thief, or a heretic. There is room in his gods heaven for you.

Speaking of heretics. I believe that Harold Camping gets the biggest heretic award for the year 2012!! I stopped listening to that man years ago on the radio. I wasn't sure what his problem was, but I knew that he warped, and twisted the Word to say what suited him.

Is all the preachers on television just using God as a prop to get rich? I would be scared to do that for any amount of money. I guess if they are, then they are the reason the Bible speaks of being aware of wolves dressed in sheep's clothing. They would certainly fit that bill.

It took me a while to get over that madness. It almost cost me my relationship with God. It was part of the fact that I was doubting His existence a couple years ago. I am glad that I took the time to seek out the one true God.          Now, I know without any shadow of a doubt, that He is real, and anything that I need to know about Him can be found in His Word.            If there is anything more that I require, Holy Spirit will reveal it to me.

….......Much Love

Bill's caricatures?

Good morning to my wonderful readers!! I am currently located at the Landing watching the St. John's River flow backwards.           Yes, that is right.             It is one of the two rivers that flow from south to north. The other river is the Nile river located in the country of Egypt. The Nile has a history that is told in the Bible. I think the St. John's flowing backwards combined with the effects of the moon when it is full has a bearing on the craziness that goes on a round this area.

Oh,.....I forgot to mention there is a 90% chance of rain today, and 80% tomorrow. Of course it is raining right now, but I have a three foot shelter that I am sitting under right now. I guess that I forgot to say that it will be a couple hours before they actually open for business. Sometimes I forget to clue my readers in on the facts of the conditions that I am writing under.

I think that the fact that I was born under the sign of Pisces cause my natural attraction to water. I love it when it rains. I love to be near great bodies of water like rivers, creeks, oceans, and I love to ride in boats. When I was a kid I couldn't pass by a mud puddle without taking a splash in it. That used to drive my mother crazy!! Especially, when she was walking with me.

I just learned a new word while sitting here writing this blog. There is a sign that changes what it is saying every minute or so. It flash a funny picture of Jack Nicholson in an advertisement for Bill's caricatures. I had no idea what that word means, so I looked it up in the dictionary, and everything made sense then. The meaning of the word caricatures for those that are not familiar with it like me is: A representation of a person that is exaggerated for a comic effect. That is the reason ole Jack is looking so crazy!!      I get it now.       The dude makes carttons out of folks!!

I took the time to look this guy up, and his work is nothing less than awesome. I am going to post his internet link here:  ( These are active links. they just don't look like it. Just run your curser over them, and they will come to life.)  http://www.billscaricatures.com/AirBrush.aspx If you want to see his video of his work I will save you the trouble of having to download it. It is also on you tube.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQfRM5bwGtY

It is totally amazing what you can learn on the internet. You actually have the whole world at your finger tips. Any business owner has a web site now, and if they don't they are missing out. There is a lot going on 24/7 in the world, and most of it winds up on the internet somewhere.

I just wanted to get out of the mission this morning, and basically enjoy the rain. What most people would call a miserable day....I call a wonderful day!! I don't wish that it would rain enough to cause any damage, but I sure love it. I love writing this little bit everyday. I love to tell my readers about the love of our Creator also. That is my main objective. If it wasn't for Him, then none of this would be possible!! I am bound by the law of love to share with the world, how good Jesus really is to us that love Him back. He is also pretty good to those that deny that He exist, but one day that will change.

I guess that I need to pack my stuff up, and head out to the library. It will be open by the time that I get there. Between these old bones, and all this metal in my body the weather really has an effect on me. My walking ain't as smooth as it used to be. I haven't learned to manipulate using an umbrella, and a cane at the same time yet, because I need two hands on the umbrella most of the time. It rarely just rain down here. Most of the time it is accompanied by a great wind. My plan is to spend the rest of this day there simply writing, and surfing the internet.

….............Much Love

That is a price that I am willing to pay!!

Just in case you might not have known this, or maybe for some reason you might have not quite picked up on it,...Yet. There is absolutely no way, that there is anything inside of myself, that can even come close to lead you to believe, that there is a chance in my life of anything being normal.

I am sure that a few of y'all need to pick yourselves up from the floor right now.    It is OK to stop reading, and catch your breath.    I will give you a few minutes to gather yourselves, and get over the initial shock.   v I know that is a lot to comprehend, especially the way I just blurted it out.  I need to apologize, because I should have used some kind of buffer.

I can't measure by anything other that what the kids told me in school, and what I saw going on in my neighborhood, of my childhood. I don't think that even that was normal.     I think when I saw my daddy pointing a pistol at me when I was only eighteen months old.    I might be wrong, but that pretty much sealed the deal, as far as any normalcy goes.     It is possible that could have set the pace for the rest of my life.    I am thinking that maybe mother's issues may have lent a helping hand to this deal also. I was kept in isolation most of the time. I don't understand why, but I think that it would be safe to say it was because of daddy.   That was an entire different issue in itself. I found out later in my life that there was real bad blood between them both. I might have found something normal in my life after all.    Whenever there is a feud going on between the parents the kids always reaps the benefits of being in the line of fire.    Gee Whiz!!     Is that as normal as i can get? 

In elementary school they would give grades on various things. It was more than just the scholastic

values. It was also graded on relational values. Basic people skills is what I am saying here. I never got above average marks, and most of the time they were seriously low. All that isolation was sure paying off. I didn't know how to deal with people, and I really didn't care to learn either. I had a serious attitude problem for most of my life. I was really smart, and could excel in anything that I put my mind to do. The real problem was that I really didn't care about much enough to ever even consider excelling.

I don't think that mom, or my sisters every really knew that I was capable of doing much. I never can recall any reward when I did well with my grades. I believe that I did maintain a c average up to an b average. It wasn't until my senior year that I got my first F. I had straight given up on that English class. I guess that was my coming out effort where I finally said, “I am not doing this any more!!”

I remember my favorite step-Father was trying to bring me back in line. i say my favorite, because mother was married five times that i know about. I think that he went one step in the wrong direction. Him and mother was on the same page with the very short leash deal. I was not allowed to ride my bike over four houses from ours, and you know that I did. Well, he really shocked me when he walked down there, and pulled of his belt. The next thing that I felt all over my body, was him giving me what he called a good ole strappin'!!

I knew that I deserved to get a whipping for simply being disobedient. The only thing different about that one, and the ones that I was used to getting was the location. You know that location is everything with anything that you do. This one came with an added case of humiliation. It just happened that all my friends were outside that day for a free first hand, ringside seat to see the sight unveil right before their eyes.

That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Nothing was the same from that point forward. I barely would say anything to him, after all I could no longer trust him. I didn't know when he might fly off the handle, and cause me more needless humiliation. I tried to talk with mom about what had happened, and the best that I ever got from her was the fact that I should have known better. Gee,..........Thanks mom,.....Thanks for being so understanding!!

By the way, …...What should I known better?           Should I have known better than be a psychotic kid that started before I was two years old?       Should I have known better than been born to begin with?     Maybe I should have known better than to let any of my family live past my sixth birthday!!      Maybe I should have known better than to watch all those killing movies that would make me think such a thing!!

I must admit something to you.            I have a wild imagination!!     I am sitting here laughing so hard at that group of statements that I just made.    I don't have any desire to hurt anybody, let lone take their lives.     Although, I can get highly frustrated at times when I think back at the way the things in my life have gone.

I even though that maybe my life would become normal living as a Christian. So far it has not even come close to anything normal, and I am glad. I love, and serve a God that is anything but normal. I was made in His image.     It all makes sense now.    My life today is an extreme test of my faith in Jesus Christ.     How could anything be even close to what is considered as normal?

I don't believe that I could serve a radical being such as Jesus Christ.    Holy Spirit is the most radical of the whole Trinity!!    When He moves in any way, shape, or fashion somebody will always be affected, and honestly, I pray that it is me!!    If the price that I have to pay to have Holy Spirits involvement in my life is living a life far from normal.....Them bring it on, because that is a price that I am willing to pay!!           Thank you Jesus!!

…..........Much love

Pentecostal? Not me.....Never!!

I know for sure that you will not be reading this until Monday, and there is no telling when I will post it then. I really need to get my own internet connection. Maybe when I move into my own place that will happen for me. I really like writing this little bit, and I will probably be writing a lot more when I get moved. I was hopping the first week of March, but it could be as late as April. Whenever it actually is it will be at the most perfect time, because I laid it in the hands of the Lord.

What I wanted to talk about today is the denominational preference that I have chosen. All the time I was growing up I attended a Baptist church. Other than going to vacation Bible school at a Methodist church a couple times it was always a Baptist church. I always made so much fun of the Pentecostal folks on various different levels. Actually, on every level that I could think of.

Back home in Alabama we had a group of the Pentecostal’s that like to handle snakes. Not just any kind of snakes. They would handle the poisonous ones. The old mean rattlesnakes, and the cottonmouth variety. They always said that the Lord gave them power to tread over these snakes. You know that I have read that scripture, but there was one that also says thou shall not tempt thy Lord thy God also. To me that was nothing but a strict violation of tempting.

One of the pastor's wives got bit, and almost died one night. The State brought the pastor up on charges of attempted murder. I though that was hilarious at the time!!    I felt bad for her, but wouldn't you think that she should have known better?    I know for a fact that if I had of been in that church the moment that the first snake came out of it's cage I would have been out the door!!   I have a pact with snakes.   As long as I can get away from them, they can live!!

Besides the snake thing the pentecostal folks done other weird things. They talked in a gibberish language that I could not understand. I was never sure if they could understand it themselves. The would take some kind of oil, and put it on other members of the church. I knew that the Bible talked about anointing people with oil, and pray for their healing when they were sick.

There was another thing that they did that I couldn’t understand either. A person would walk up to the preacher, and he would slap them in the forehead. The next thing they were laying out in the floor shaking. This made no sense to me at all. They called it being slain in the Spirit. I though that it was nothing more than faking a move, but I didn't know why they would even do that, unless it was to fill the plate when they passed it around. 

I was a Baptist, and I was a good Baptist. A baptist among baptist!! I had never seen any of this going on in my church. We just sang traditional hymns from the book. The only person that ever got excited was the preacher. Most of the time he didn't get that carried away either. I had heard talk of the Holy Spirit, but I don't think that He ever came to this Baptist church, or any that I ever attended.

Thirty years later a friend ask me if I would go to church with him. The first thing that I ask was what kind of a church it is. When he said that it was a pentecostal church I just laughed in his face. There ain't no way that I am going to be in the same room with a bunch of snakes. Then my buddy laughed, and assured me that there would be no snakes in the service. I really was closed minded. I though all the Pentecostal’s were the same. I really thought that all them was guilty of playing with snakes.

I went with him, and I was amazed at what I saw. Now keep in mind that I was nervous that first time. I was intrigued enough that I went back the following Sunday. I saw all kinds of people talking, and praying in tongues. The good thing was the fact that I was motivated by the language. I though that I would be scared, but I wasn't. I was actually drawn to them. I saw them break out the oil, and start anointing people, and praying for them. The strange thing was the same, as the language. I was very intrigued, and wanted to share the same expeirence.

Within three months I had joined that church. I have not felt out of place yet. I love being the thing that I have made the most fun of any of the religious groups. You can find me sitting on the sixth row right in front of the pulpit. I love to raise my hands towards the heavens, while I worship my Almighty God. I don't speak in tongues yet, but I am looking forward to the day that I can. Actually, i just want to be able to pray in tongues. I can recognize when Holy Spirit is present, and now I know that He is real!!

I have been slain in the Spirit once, and I fell in Love with Jesus all over again. I love to be anointed with oil, and prayed over. The truth of the matter is that I love being a Pentecostal!! I fit right in like a well made glove. I never in my life thought that this would happen to me.

 God is good!!              Ain't He?

…..........Much Love

But wait there is more, and more....

Once again, I would love to thank all of my beautiful readers of this blog!! May you be blessed every time you take a moment to read, and if you happen to gain something be sure to pass it along. Today is Sunday, and the church service was awesome as usual. It wasn't the best that I’ve been to here lately. Although, Brother Wiggins brought forth a mighty word from God. I am looking forward to sharing parts of it with you, because I think that America needs a word from God like we received this morning.    Actually, the entire word needs to not only hear that word, but let it settle in our hearts.

The basis of the message is found in the book of Hosea, chapter 10, ans verse 12. Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the Lord, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.

This is a mighty verse found in Hosea. The prophet Hosea was talking to the Israelite people who were mainly farmers. They understood the concept of sowing and reaping. They knew that what ever seed that you placed in the ground it would produce a harvest of the kind of seed that was planted. They also knew if they wanted a crop of corn, that it would never happen by planting watermelon seeds.

The first part of the verse says to sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy. How in the world do we sow anything to ourselves, and what is righteousness?

When we sow to ourselves it means to make a habit of the way we act and treat others. Change our thinking process, and allow it to change our actions. Actually, we are sowing righteousness, and that simply put is doing the things that are pleasing in the sight of God. In Websters dictionary, the 1828 version, I really like what he said about righteousness. I am only going to include a short version of all that he said, "It includes all we call justice, honesty and virtue, with holy affections; in short, it is true religion."

Sowing righteousness to ourselves not only will make us better acting, well behaved people, it will also boost our self esteem greatly. You will know that Father is well pleased with you, and it will make you want to please Him all the more because of it.

Part two is the reaping benefit. We sow in righteousness, and we reap in mercy.    HOLD ON NOW!!     Let me get this straight.     Are you telling me that we change the way that we act and think. Doing this will make us more favorable with our friends, family, and the people that we meet, and make Father happier with us, and we get another benefit of mercy added to our lives?    Now that is simply unreal!!

Once again I think that Mr. Webster has a great definition of the word mercy. 1. "That benevolence, mildness or tenderness of heart which disposes a person to overlook injuries, or to treat an offender better than he deserves; the disposition that tempers justice, and induces an injured person to forgive trespasses and injuries, and to forbear punishment, or inflict less than law or justice will warrant. In this sense, there is perhaps no word in our language precisely synonymous with mercy. That which comes nearest to it is grace. It implies benevolence, tenderness, mildness, pity or compassion, and clemency, but exercised only towards offenders. Mercy is a distinguishing attribute of the Supreme Being."

It is kind of long, but Mr. Webster could get long winded when the need was called for. I personally think that he did a wonderful job. I also know that I need a lot of mercy in my life, because I am very prone to get off track, and do something that is not pleasing to Father.

Breaking up the fallow ground is the dirt clods that remain in the field after it is plowed. (As kids we loved to get into a freshly plowed field, and break up the clods that were left. Except we dis it by doing what we called having a dirt clod battle.)  They need to be broken up so the seed that is planted can take root to grow. This is a representation of your heart.

It is important to have you heart clean of anything that is inside of it, that Jesus can't recognize as His. We all have things inside of our heart that place limitation of the blessing of Father in our lives. It is a good thing that every time that we come before the Lord to honor him with our praise and prayers, that we ask  this of Him . Search my heart Lord Jesus, and expose anything that you find that is not of you. Confession is a great way to break up the fallow ground also. The Word says that we should confess our faults to one another.

I have only got through half of the verse, and I am running out of room to share with you. The second half is really very simple. It is time to seek the Lord!!     It is always time to seek the Lord, because He is so good.      It should be our mission everyday to do just that, seek Him, and enter into His presence.       Being in the presence of Jesus is the most wonderful thing that we will ever experience, but wait there is more, and more, and more, and even more..........

…........Much Love

Don't half step a bit

Some people that have had an experience with God write stories about what happened. I am an extremist. I pretty much have been most of my life. I also am a man full of passion. There is a fire inside of me burning with a passion for the things that I love. No matter what it is that I fall in love with I am truly dedicated to it's cause.

If I had been living back in the day of Jesus I would have made a great, and I mean great Pharisee. I would have probably been in contention with Saul. I like rules. I don't know how to act without rules. Those jokers took ten commandments, and turned them into over six hundred laws. I know that was a bit extreme, but hey, I am an extremist at heart.

I am so grateful for the Bible, because it keeps me right on track. Jesus said that everything that we need to know breaks down on one main principle. That is the principal of love. Love the Father with everything that you have in you. All you heart, mind, and soul. Don't half step a bit, simply love with every fiber of your being.

There is a second part to that that I have really had a hard time with. It goes like this; Love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus said that all of the law, and the prophets rested on these two actions. If we can just love in the manner that this says to love. Everything else will take care of itself. Now, that really sounds just too good to be true.                        Don't it?

If you would just take a few minutes to think about it. It will start to make more, and more sense to you. First off Father is nothing more than the purest essence of love. Everything that He does is based on love. There is nothing that He does, or has done, that is not motivated by love. He even sent His son Jesus to redeem us back to Father out of love for us. Jesus came, because of His love for Father.

Now, if we would love the Father with everything that is in us thing would be much different. Actually, if we could act like He is always with us, and He is. We would be totally different folks in general.             I know that I would!!            There wouldn't be all this getting angry, and cussing up a storm. We would not hold the things in at work, and bring it home, and take it out on those that we actually love the most.

Just a thought: I wonder if Jesus was sitting on the city bus if these parents with little children would act the way that some of them act? I get as mad as an old wet kitty sometimes, at the way that they treat those children. I just hold my tongue so far, but I fear the day when I can't hold it any longer!! If the parents wouldn't yell, and scream the way that they do most of the time, the children would not be that bad. Most adults know that children make a certain amount of noise anyway. I love to hear children when they are happy, and playing. I understand that they cry when something is wrong also.

While I am at it; If you are one of those that I am talking about. Please act like you love your kids in public. If you teach them at home they would act better. It is OK to turn off the Jerry Springer show, and play with, and teach your kids. If you really don't want them,then they would be much better off with someone that does.

OK.......The second part is the one that has given me the most trouble. Love you neighbor as yourself. Loving myself was a real challenge for a long time, and still is to certain degrees. Most of my life I thought that I loved myself, but how could I have been trying to kill myself at the same time. I was drinking plenty of alcohol, and doing all kinds of different drugs. It was only by the grace of God that I didn't get aids with all that unprotected sex that I was having. I smoked cigarettes, pot, crack, and anything else that I thought might give me a buzz.

If you have been reading this on a regular basis then you know what kind of addiction problems that I had with tobacco. I knew that it wasn't good for me, and had the chance to kill me, but I could not quit. I had to put it into the hands of the Lord. I have not smoked in twenty one months!! Jesus was my solution to a severe problem.

I am out of room to write anymore. I give myself a certain amount to write in. I took too much space about the parents on the buses with their kids. Some do the same way in public stores also. I know that I supposed to love them also, and I do.                  I surely hate the way that they act though!!

…..........Much Love

Wouldn't that be ludicrous to think ?

I don't think most people want to die. The only reason that I even tried to commit suicide was the fact that I saw no way other than death. I really didn't want to die. I was blinded to the other options. I took enough pills that it should have taken my life. Although, there was just one problem. My life was not my own to take.

I even prayed, and ask God to let me die. I have been a firm believer that if you wanted to die, that God would have to give us His permission to do so. Other wise, we would have more power that God. If God was the one that created us, and then breathed the breath of life in us. Wouldn't that be ludicrous to think that we could be in control of ending our life?

There are way too many stories of blotched suicide attempts each year. Where there were plenty of drugs taken, and plenty of ammo that could have been used. The buildings that people used to jump from were plenty high enough. The real deal is that they were left alive. Some of them were really bonged up. Some will never walk again. And some will never have the capacity to think like they once did, and reason themselves through life. The fact is that even some of them will be paralyzed from the neck down, and be in pitiful shape for the rest of their time on this planet.

I don't even know what I was thinking when I tried to kill myself. I knew that I was totally defeated, and that my life was over. I didn't think that I had anything left to live for, because all that I held as dear to me had vanished before my eyes. That is a really pitiful state to be in. I don't know how many of you have experienced this in your life, but it is a sad situation.

I thought that I had a relationship with God, even though I knew that I had caused some real damage within our relationship. I had chosen to be with a woman that was never my choice to make. She was already another man's, but I thought that I could work her into my life somehow. I was a blind fool!!

I was hard core trying to keep her though. I starting seeing everything in my life slip away a little at a time. God gave me plenty of time to repent, and I knew that He was allowing me that time of repentance. Instead of taking that opportunity to heart, and restoring my life, or at least stopping my things from vanishing. I decided to curse at God, and blame Him for my problems.

He kept true to the form that I knew of Him, and simply backed away from me. I knew the instant that He moved back. I was too hard hardhearted, and stubborn to make the move that I needed to make right then. I had to suffer greatly to get my attention, and that is what I did. I slowly watched as everything disappeared from my life including my health.

The last day that I was in my house I packed two backpacks of what that I thought that I need. Mostly clothes, and general stuff to clean up with. Then I climbed on my bicycle, and road off to live nowhere. With in two days my bike had been stolen, and I was down to carrying around one bag. That was when I knew that my life was over, and I swallowed enough pills, and beer that my life should have ended that very night.

I woke up the next morning, and I was very angry with everything that moved!! I could tell you the events that got me to where I am today, but even though they are very comical, I am going to choose not to right now. The real deal is that I am still here today, and loving life like I never have before. You can plainly see that I did not consider what death would bring me. I just wanted out, or at least something to really live for.

I didn't take into consideration......Nothing!!             In my Bible that I live by the best that I can. We were created by an Eternal God to be Eternal beings. We too are going to live on after we leave the presence of this world. The only reason that I think that we are on this earth is to mostly make a choice. We are to choose between two places with totally different environments. The good thing is that it is totally going to be our choice. Our Creator even made sure that we had an owners manual of how to conduct our lives while making the choice of where that we want to spend eternity.

Now, I am not going to try to explain how some folks can commit suicide, while others like me don't have any success with that process. I am sure glad that I didn't, because I have a live worth living now!!

…................Much love

The victory is ours!!

I did something today that I am not very proud of doing. I shot my mouth off when I really didn't have to say a thing. The problem is what I said it is not very Christian like. I said that I am getting to the point of hating these people. I was talking about a certain group of people. There was a lot going on, and it was happening really fast when I said it.

This sweet Christian woman said to me, “ Don't you mean that you hate the way that they act sometimes?” This was my out if I had chosen to take it. I guess by now that you know that I didn't. However, I did chose to bury myself a little deeper. I said that I meant what I said, and I used to hate the way that they acted. It is getting to the point now that I hate them. She left it alone, and I can see why.

Now, I know that I have hate in my heart, because that is what it say's in Luke 6:45. From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. How did I let these folks get that under my skin to be hating them? I think that she was right when she said that I hate what they do. I was the one that took it to another level though.

I know that I am at the point where I am chomping at the bits to get into my place to live. I haven't moved on the list for the last three weeks either. I have put this in God's hands. Not only now is there hate in my heart, I am also failing in my trust of Father to know the right timing. I know that I don't know better than He does.                  I think I am about to fall apart!!

I am a man that makes a lot of mistakes. I use the word mistakes instead of calling it what it really is, and that is sin. I would really like to be sin free, but that is not going to happen. I guess that I am freaking out over the hate issue, because of one reason. I used to have a lot of hate in my heart, and I know the devastation that it causes. Father can not bless a man with issues of hate binding his heart up.

I had to work very hard on getting the hate out of my life, my thought, and out of my heart. I really was thinking that this was all cleared up, but I know now that some has crept back in. All I need to do now is repent of the words that I chose to use, and ask the Lord to search my heart, and expose anything that He finds that is not of Him. Then we can deal with what the He finds together.

There is no sense in continuing to wallow in sin once it has been exposed. It is totally nasty to leave unresolved sin in our lives. It just slams the breaks on the growth that we are experiencing. Once we know of a sin problem it is up to us to deal with the issue. We don't never have to feel the need to be over-whelmed with it, because it is pointless to try to tackle the issue alone. That is what Jesus lives for. He is the one that we should run right to with our issues and problems.

Once we that these problems to the foot of the cross, we can walk away as free, and clean as we ever was to begin with. Now, we can have fellowship with Father, and now He can continue to bless us in the way that He desires to bless us. Father is good!! He don't want us to be defeated by anything, or any situation. He wants us to walk around with our heads held up. We are the ambassador’s of Jesus Christ, and, we are no good if we are walking around defeated!!

The victory is ours!! We are to be living victorious Christian lives, on every level, everyday of our lives here on this earth. I personally know how hard that can be to pull off, day in, and day out. I know all to well, what it means to walk around defeated, on all levels. I am here to testify today that life is really worth the living when a person has the right motivation. I have tried all things, and if not, most things to satisfy this hole in the middle of my being. They left me with a breeze still blowing through me.

One thing, and only one thing was a perfect fit. Once I put Jesus Christ in that hole He was a perfect fit!! That breeze stopped blowing, and my mind starting to calm down. My life is so much better, and that minor problem that I had with hate. It is nothing now. I just have one more thing to do now, and I will be totally free once again.

…...........Much Love

I have no food and I am hungry

Little Old Lady and the Atheist

There was a little old lady who would come out every morning on the steps of her front porch, raise her arms to the sky and shout, "Praise the Lord!"

Well, one day an atheist moved into the house next door. Over time, he became irritated at the little old lady. So every morning he would step out onto his front porch and yell after her, "There is no God!"

Time passes with the two of them carrying on this way every day. Then one morning in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted, "Praise the Lord! Lord, I have no food and I am hungry. Please provide for me, oh Lord!"

The next morning she stepped onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there. "Praise the Lord!" she cried out. "He has provided groceries for me!" The atheist jumped out of the hedges and shouted, "There is no Lord. I bought those groceries!" The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted, "Praise the Lord! He has provided me with groceries and He made the devil pay for them!"

That should be enough to humble us

Well, here we go again. I decided to stay in a part of this day. Although, it is kinda hot in this room. I do have my fan running, and pointed in my general direction. I want to bust a myth, or just a common belief about a man named Jesus. A lot of people still picture Him as a baby in a manger. Lying there helpless saying sweet little goo-goo’s, and gaga's.

Another group see Him as buried after hanging on a cross. In their eyes He is still dead. They never have seen anybody that was raised from the dead. Therefore, the whole story of Jesus is nothing more than a myth. I know how hard it is to believe in something that you can't see, little lone something that happened a little over 2000 years ago. I will be the first to admit that the entire story of the Bible seems a little fairy tale-ish, but our Creator is not from this world. He created this world for His people, and if it wasn't for our Creator we wouldn't even be here. We would be nowhere. Absolutely non-existent.

Our problem with our belief system is that it is based upon what we see, and the things that we have been told from others. We think that we are so smart, but we are trying to live in a way that will never bring true happiness. The reason is still because of our belief system we simply refuse to believe what our Creator says about us. Who we are, and why we are here. Who that He is, and what that means to us. Father even sent His son down here to make a sacrifice for our sins.

When Jesus left heaven to come to the earth was only made possible, because of His love for the Father. Father was a Holy God, and wanted to have a relationship with us, but could not because of our sin problem. Jesus came to this earth to give a blood sacrifice for the atonement of our sins, because no one else could do it. Nobody else had pure, sinless blood.

Now Jesus was just as Holy as Father was, so you know that all of heaven was in an uproar about the way that He was treated. You need to realize that heaven is a real place where the occupants can see what is going on down here, at least for now. Somehow we think that this is all about us. When in the greatest form of reality it is all about the One that created us. It is all about Him, and we are His creation.

When Jesus was receiving stripes from a cat of nine tails don't you realize that all of heaven was livid!! They had known that Jesus was nothing short of royalty. He was well loved, and had been a complete blessing to all those that lived with Him. Can you even imagine the horror when they saw a mere mortal man laying hands on their king? Michael could have set Jesus free by himself, little lone the havoc that an entire legion of Angels could have produced.

I want to say this one more time. The only reason that Jesus bore the cross for us was the fact that Jesus loved the Father so much is the only reason He even tolerated a man laying hands on Him. Plus the fact that Jesus really loved us as much as the Father.

The Holy Bible is called Holy because it has the words of life contained therein. It is the story all about our Creator. How He formed the worlds that make up the universe that we live in. That alone should mystify us enough to give reverence, and greatly deserved honor to our Creator. Just being able to create all that we have seen in our world, and how massive that the size of that creation is should simply make us tremble. Tremble at the fact that a being could create all these great things, and turn around and create us. Now when that is put in perspective that should be enough to humble us, and give us a grateful spirit.

Sadly we are confused because we still think that it is all about us. I never did get to the story about Jesus being a full size , all grown up King of Kings, and Lord of Lord's. There really ain't no telling how large that He really is, or can be. I do know that He is the largest force that will blow our minds if we were to see a show of power from Him. Just think about what has been said here today. It might just change your life. It sure has changed mine, and is continuing to change my life.

….........Much Love

we can't enjoy the bountiful fruits of our labor.

It is the weekend again. Y'all need to enjoy yourselves this weekend. Actually, you need to be enjoying every day of your lives if possible. I know sometimes things happen that can pretty much wreck a day. God wants us to enjoy our time here on earth. We are the ones that get so competitive with the things that we do. Sometimes we simply work way to much that we can't enjoy the bountiful fruits of our labor.

We think that we need to live in the best gated community. We certainly need to drive a car at least as fine as out nearest neighbor. All 3.67% of our children really needs to be decked out in Nike gear.              Who can afford to live this way?                 Why do people feel the need to keep up with their neighbors and friends?

I really liked the way my grandparents lived their life. They had a business at home. Grandpa sold gas, and ground corn meal. He also tended fields of whatever that he planted. Probably corn, and I know that they grew a garden. Grandma was in a wheelchair all her life, but she stayed a home and worked. She canned food that they would eat all throughout the year, and sewed the clothes that they wore.

I think that they had six children. I am not sure, because I never was allowed to get to know them well. I know that the big deal at Christmas time was the peppermint stick candy, and bananas. That was the only time of the year they got either one of those. My grandparents were thrifty, and not cheap. They gave all the kids a thousand dollars each year for Christmas. That was a good deal of money back in the fifty's and 60's.

The done a lot of work back in those days, but the lifestyle was much simpler. The only thing that I know of that I didn't really care for was their eating habits. Breakfast was the normal stuff, bacon, eggs,etc. Lunch was a big meal. They ate their dinner meal at lunch. Now dinner is the meal that I really didn't care for at all. It consisted of cornbread, and a glass of buttermilk.

For those that don't have a clue, what you did was put the cornbread inside the glass of buttermilk. I don't know if that was some north Alabama tradition. It may have been a southern tradition. I do know that it was a tradition at my grandparents home. It last way past the death of my grandfather. Actually, grandmother lived to be 104. I believe that she would have lived longer, but she out lived her baby boy. That was my father who died when he was 70.

I know that I don't write very often about my father, and his parents. I really didn't get a chance to know any of them. I had been kept away from them, because of an on going feud between my parents. It wasn't a pretty battle, and I saw some things that I never should have seen. I guess the question is did it mess me up? The answer to that question would be, well,.....I really can't see how that it could not have done some damage.

The good thing is that it never caused me to be a mass murderer. It didn't even cause me to do crimes to hurt other people. That doesn't include those that were silly enough to love me. I think that those I probably did the most damage to, although it was never intentional. They simply got caught in the fallout.

The best that I can do to make up for the pain that I have caused those that love me. Really, it is nothing. I can't do a darn thing to make up for that pain. To tell you the truth I am sick and tired of apologizing for my actions. The best thing that I can do is simply stay away from them, and have nothing else to do with them. That is …......i think it would be safe to say it like this. That is our plan, collectively, we agree that this is fine, on both sides.

Well, I really didn't plan to write all this stuff today. It just worked out this way. I didn't really mean to drop a tear on my keyboard either, and so far I haven't. There ain't nothing better than a plan that comes together. Most folks don't read this blog on the weekends, and that is good. You ought to be out with your families, and friends enjoying yourselves. If you don't read it on the weekends,......I ain't gonna be mad att-cha....

…................. Much Love

She had to have the all time lowest self esteem

I try to go to the library everyday to write something for this blog. I go here so often, because it is quiet most of the time. Someday I have a lot of trouble writing things mainly, because I am real particular about the things that I say. Not everything that I say, just the scriptural things. They must be correct to the best of my knowledge. The Bible says that anyone teaching will be held double accountable for the things that they teach. In an essence that is what I am doing. I am teaching from the Word of God.

I never have thought of myself as a teacher, but I myself have many teachers. I learn from everyone around me, if I am teachable. A lot of folks teach me what I shouldn't do, and how I should not act. Then some people give me fresh ideas about doing the same old thing in different ways. I just love sitting down with older folks hearing what they have to say about life. I often think if I had done a little more of this that my life would have turned out different.

I am really not that disappointed in the way that my life did turn out. Especially, since it is not over yet. I know that I will die without leaving behind me a legacy. That was my choice that I made, because of my past life up until this point. I really didn't see the need to bring children into this world in the shape that it is in now. I don't know for sure, but it really doesn't seem like it will be all that long until the return of Jesus.

There seems to be a lot of indecision whether or not that Christians will go through the times of tribulation. I sure hope not, but then again it is really not my call. It has never been about me, or any other human being on this planet. I know that whether we do or not, our reward is going to be worth whatever we go through.

That is what I was talking about earlier. I started to say something that I wasn't sure or not if it was right. I was even going to say that I didn't know, but why would I want to say it at all. Truthfully, I have got that way in living my life. I don't want to known as a man that tells lies. I would much rather be known as a teller of the truth. With that being said, I have a truth to tell.

I don't know if there is some fancy word that is supposed to give me relief for what is ailing me right now. Maybe I just need to mind my own business, or stay in my own lane, as they say today. There is something that really ticks me off today that I haven't learn to deal with properly. I see these people that have been through the same program that I am in that are going back into the world, and living like nothing has changed.

The first thing that they started all over again is cussing like they might not get a chance to cuss tomorrow. Then after they have stopped smoking for close to two years they start again. Then they start drinking, and doing the same ole drugs that they did before. Some of them are really hard to recognize because they have fallen hard and fast. When they spot me they always start the same old spill, that ends with, you got a couple bucks

I feel sorry for them, but they made that choice to go back down that road again. Whenever they took that first swallow, or toke, or drag, or drug, or whatever it was. They had been clean for a long time. The same thing if I went out today, and drank a cold beer. I made that choice having a fairly sound mind!!

Another thing that ticks me off till no tomorrow is why when one of them does that, and comes back into the program. Why don't they hold them at a higher accountability than the rest? They almost always come back playing games. They leave saying the God has called them to preach. Then when they come back they are a real mess.

I will not call any names, but this one example I have to use. One guy did this not too long ago. He came back in totally defeated. He was grumpy all the time, and stayed at the hospital much of the time. Something was always wrong with him. During the time that he was doing this somehow, and I can't tell you how he did it. He attracted a married woman to himself. She had to have the all time lowest self esteem to have anything to do with his pitiful behind.

I can't write anymore details, because it would cause me more trouble than it would be worth. Any trouble is too much from this guy. Can y'all see what I am talking about? I know that I have been here a bit too long, but the time is not right to go just yet.

If anybody reads this I would appreciate a prayer.....

…........Much Love