I was totally amazed

I should have been prepared for what happened last night. I told y'all what happened Monday night. I guess somebody's best thinking decided that we all needed a drug test last night. As far as I know, we all passed. Unless they are going to hold on to the like them last time, hoping that the results will change. If they want us gone that bad, I don't understand why they don't just say it!!   Oh,....Enough of that madness!!

I really need to get out from under the thumb of those oppressors. I have saw way too much, and I know way too much. If I am not careful I will mess around, and curse myself from my own anger. It really is getting to be a hand full to bear. I would much rather simply be able to leave them in peace. It is taking advantage of the out of sight, our of mind thing. That would work well for me.

I am ready to live by myself again. I am looking forward to waking up in the morning, without looking into the face of whoever is looking at me. I would like to eat a meal without somebody trying to make me feel guilty, because I will not give it to them. It would also be nice to turn the lights off, and go to bed without somebody else turning them back on within ten minutes. Matter of a fact, it would be nice to lay down without answering twenty questions, about why I am laying down.

There is so many other reasons why I want to get out. I am thinking that a major one is so that I won't have to get to this library, as soon as thy open. I have been doing that pretty much everyday since I have been at State Street. Four out of seven days I do. Surely it is because I don't feel like that want me to be there. As far as I can tell they really don't. They just are not bold enough to say it, and probably because of legal repercussions. They wont chance doing anything that might make them look bad in the public eye. After all they say that all their money comes from donation from the public!!

I am so grateful for the program that gave me just enough time to restart my relationship with Jesus. As far as I can tell that was all that they done for me. That is enough. That is all I needed to change my heart, and get on with a new direction in my life. You know, I have always said that this is a five star mission. That was only judging it by the first half that I saw. I can tell y'all the the other half in my opinion would float from a four to five star at all times.

If anybody has been with me from the beginning, I wrote about this mission a long time before I actually came into the program. I could see the love of Jesus every where that I could look. That might be because He was dealing with me hard at the time. I don't really thank so, because the same stuff is in play today. What it might be is if God is dealing with a person, they might pick up on what is going on a little better. I am not sure.

That first time that I stayed here pretty much sold me. The first thing that they did was give us a chance to clean up. The showers had plenty of pressure, and hot water. Then they fed us a meal that was huge to me. They offered meat, and vegetables, all the bread that I wanted, and a desert. The plate was full of food, but there was more also. I could have a salad, and a bowl of fruit. I was surely impressed with the dinner, but what came next actually sealed the deal for me.

The next thing that they did was lead us upstairs to our beds, so that we could rest before chapel time. When I walked through the door I was totally amazed. The room was clean. Not just a little clean, it was very clean. Everything inside the room was in order. Even the beds were made up with decent linen. It didn't look like it had been used for the last twenty years, and covered with different kinds of stains. It was clean linen that even smelled like it was clean. When I laid down on my bed it was not crunchy hard, or jello soft either. It was like a mattress that people would use at home!!

I had rather leave this place in peace. I would like to remember these memories instead of putting my focus on the negative that I have saw, and experienced. I would like to tell others to give it a chance, and it will change their lives. Maybe it was just an experience for myself, because looking around it hasn't done too much for the rest of those fellows. I don't know what the real ratio is for those that really have a life changing experience. I do know that the number is low. Maybe every group has one or two, but I am the last one standing out of the seven that came to McDuff. I do know a few that have done very well, and changed their lives. I hope everybody realizes that none of us change our own lives. If we want our life to be changed there is not but one way to do it with success. One must humble ourselves before our Lord Jesus, and submit to His will for our lives to successfully change. Their is no real change, if change doesn't start in the heart first. Jesus is the only One that can do that successfully!!

….........Much Love