Man,................I’m telling you that coming clean with myself
can be a painful event. Little lone coming clean in front of the
entire world. I reckon now is as good a time as any, and right now I
really have no fear of being honest. Now,.........it has been said
that the truth will set me free, and this is nothing but the truth.
Downward
Spiral....
Do y'all know what a downward spiral is? It's kinda like
the snowball effect except this takes place in the toilet. All it
takes to push the proverbial handle is any act of dishonesty, and if
not stopped it builds up speed going down until it reaches the sewer.
The really sad part is that it doesn't end when you reach the sewer.
Some of us has grown fond of the sewer life, and adapted to it quite
well,...............or think we have!! Anyway this is where I have
been, and I got there by deceiving myself, or rather allowing myself
to be deceived. Actually, both fit well. Either way that you look at
it doesn’t change the smell one bit. It stinks, and is rotten to
the core!
The most amazing thing about my story is that it started
a few years ago. The deeper I got into it, the more rebellious I
became, and tried to enjoy my sewer life. I can't give you expletive
details, because it would cause harm to others. I do not, and will
not ever have the right to share when I know that others will be
affected by my choice.
The ugly truth is that I had an adulterous affair with a
friend. I have no excuse for doing it. I knew better to begin with.
You know that little voice in your head that cautions you when your
about to do wrong......................i heard it loud and clear, and
as it was getting louder..................i yelled out, “ I got
this!!”
Everything
got Silent........
This feeling that came upon me was like one I have never
felt before. It seemed like a dark cloud was hovering above my head.
There was utter silence in my head where the chaotic chatter was just
seconds ago. I knew that I had really screwed up to the point that my
heart was just breaking, but my pride had me so that I couldn't do
the right thing.....................I was in
trouble,.............real trouble!!
That was just the beginning of sorrows. Before long my
back became unbearably painful when I moved. I lost my job, because I
couldn't work. After I had begged every agency in town to pay my rent
I ran out of options, and became homeless again.
I packed two bags, and left riding on my bicycle. I
walked out leaving everything else behind. With in a few
days,...............all I had left were a few clothes.
I
saw the bright white light........
Then my failed attempt to commit suicide was
over-whelming for me. I was very angry when I woke up the next
morning. I had gone as far as seeing the bright white light that so
many have claimed to have seen at the point of death. I knew what had
went wrong the second that I woke up..............my creator would
not release His grip on me, and I was furious!!
to be
continued...................
…...........much love
No comments:
Post a Comment