Something is missing..

I guess for the next couple of post I will be doing a lot of think out loud. I don't know how many of you really realize this, but I am in a world of trouble right now. In am dealing with things in ways that I am not used to dealing. I can't fail at this point of my life, and I don't know what to do. My entire life has been one shipwreck after the next. I simply can't take another loss!! That is not even the truth. The fact is that I don't have another xxxxx xxxxxx. I don't know what I don't have another of, because something is missing.

I am not not sure if I think that I need to be in control of something. I am not sure of a lot of thing right now. This one thing that I am sure of in the presence of my life right now is my Creator. I need Him in the center, because I can't do it alone. There is a strange feeling that I have at the same time. I keep thinking that I have to be perfect in my choices for it to all work out.

That is ludicrous thinking to begin with, because that moves me up into the front seat. I don't need to be in the place. I have been there before, and it never works out good for me. I fail every time with the best of my thinking at work. I have a whole life time of madness to prove that issue with if needed. I know this that there is something rising up in my Spirit that I don't understand.

I know that this makes no sense. That is alright though. I don't make any sense at times, and this can be one of those. I just had a thought as I was walking about, adding stress to my mind. Could it be that I am experiencing some form of Christian growing pangs? Is that possible, or could that even be a reality? Maybe I am simply seeping deeper into another form of madness.

What ever is going on in my life right now is taking precedence over this blog. I no longer sharing my experience's about Jesus with the world. It has reverted to all about me, and how I am feeling. Maybe that is a part of my experience that I should be sharing. I wonder how the co-authors of the Bible dealt with their feelings? I know that they had them, because it was a part of the human makeup.

I know one thing that I am doing that needs to stop. I am doing a tiptoe dance around egg shell with Jesus. I need to treat Him in a manner as He really is. I am a tough straight forward person in life. I don't allow folks just to stomp all over me however that they want to. I have learned to stop this madness without being rude.

My problem with relations with Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit is that I act like I am scared to mess up. The reason that is this way is because that I am. I am scared if I make a mistake that all of a sudden They will realize that I am no good, and not be worth Their time any longer.

The sad reality is that I am not any good to begin with. Jesus knew that when He came to this earth to make a sacrificial atonement for my sins and yours. The only reason that Father can look at me is because of that great sacrifice that Jesus made. I wonder how many of my readers realize that anything that comes in the presence of Father is subject to the fire of purification?

It is a sad fact when you realize that all, and everything that we have been taught in life only applies to this life. We have no understanding of the things to come after all this is over. We have been given a book of how to pass through this life correctly. Most of us can't even get that much down, because we can't get over ourselves. We think that it is all about us!!

Not having been taught any concept higher than what we know. We remain ignorant of the fact that the power of creation lies within our speech. That entire galaxies can be formed by a word of faith, and fragile frail human bodies can be cured of death. There is a lot that we don't know, nor will we ever understand. We are too busy worshiping the creation, to ever see the Creator standing, and calling us to Himself.

I know that we have a set time frame to make this decision. I am not talking about an end of time crisis although, that is another true fact. If we can grasp a hold of the reality that it is not all about us, and there is a greater force at work here. I really don't think that we need to base any decision on the end of times event. I think that there is enough proof right now before our eyes to make that rational decision.

….......Much Love